Breaking UP a LTR ** UPDATE Pg3 #43 (REALLY!!)

[Heidict]

I would be interested in hearing the other two sides of the story. It is easy to judge when we are only hearing one side of the story which will always be somewhat different then the unbiased truth (the 3rd side of every story).

No offense OP but on every thread like this I wonder what is being left out because something always is. I know if I read a thread like this posted by my mom in regards to my parents divorce it would not be the whole story so it is nothing personal against you OP.

Regardless of the other side of the story, NOTHING warrants what he did. If he wanted to break up with her, for what ever reason, fine. She is a big girl and can handle that. But you don't call someone at work and end a 3 year relationship over the phone.

What could she have possibly left out that would justify what he did?

 

[happyhaunts]

Frank - SERIOUSLY!!!! So it is the break up you worry about - REALLY!!!!
It did not "play out" - I will put it in very simple linguistics - him phone call - me work!!

BTW this is not an event - going to WDW or the Circus is an event - this was a real person with real feelings being decimated at work by a man she loves.

I don't care if I chucked his favorite galoshes in the dump. threw his
playboys in the washer, fed his cat ex-lax.

DO YOU NOT GET IT!!!!

HE CALLED ME AT WORK - I REPEAT FOR THE SLOW AT WORK ON THE PHONE - AGAIN FOR THE SLOW - ON THE PHONE AND LEFT ME SITTING AT MY DESK IN TEARS!!!

Just what do you think warranted that. He couldn't wait 6 hours and call me at home - or email me at night or even sent a telegram, left me a post it on my door, a plane banner or hired a singing telegram. It is not about the what or the why it is about the how - THE HOW!!!!!!!


Think of it this way your father is killed in a vehicle crash, the doctors says can I speak to the widow Brown. It is not the news it is the delivery.

AGAIN FOR THE SLOW IN THE ROOM - HE CALLED ME AT WORK ON THE PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO AGAIN FOR THE SLOW TO PICK UP!!!!!!!!!! WORK - PHONE - WORK - PHONE.

I have to say and I know I have already scored points and will probably be banned but my veracity is very important please don't question it. I have no agenda, I am not trashing his choice, I am trashing his delivery.

I am sorry if your parents divorce was bitter, was nasty and you don't like your mother but please don't bring your prejudice to my situation. I did nothing to warrant be left in tears in front of people I work with and in front of the public with whom I need maintain an air of authority.


I also find it interesting that the only one concentrating on why not how is a man - I beleive your misogyny is showing.


AND LET ME JUST SAY IT AS SNL DID FOR THE HARD OF HEARING

THEY HOW - NOT THE WHY!!!!!!! PHONE - WORK , PHONE WORK

I get it guys when I see people who block others. Look only took me 15 posts to find one.

 

[FireDancer]

What could she have possibly left out that would justify what he did?

Who knows. I imagine it is most likely that he is a chicken and spineless just as the OP described.

It could be that she is a drama queen and he just didn't feel like dealing with it. It could be that she has a temper and he didn't feel like dealing with it. Calling someone at work, where they couldn't be either of those things, could be an indicator. I really have no idea what the thought process was but neither do any of us.

ETA in regards to the above post: And it is my father I don't like, not my mother. I mentioned that because even though I agree with her I know she wouldn't be fair in the situation. If this is an indication of what you consider a rational response I am starting to see why he did what he did.

 

[handinpocket]

Who knows. I imagine it is most likely that he is a chicken and spineless just as the OP described.

It could be that she is a drama queen and he just didn't feel like dealing with it. It could be that she has a temper and he didn't feel like dealing with it. Calling someone at work, where they couldn't be either of those things, could be an indicator. I really have no idea what the thought process was but neither do any of us.

You could use that reason on 100% of the personal posts here. Why you keep harping on it is beyond me, unless, you want some pot stirring drama.

 

[FireDancer]

You could use that reason on 100% of the personal posts here. Why you keep harping on it is beyond me, unless, you want some pot stirring drama.

I do think that on very many threads (note I said "on every thread like this I wonder what is being left out"), especially some of the rants:

My neighbor is horrible because ...

My spouse is inconsiderate because ...

My boss is mean because ...

All the other mom's at my kids school are bad parents because ...

None of my friends are as caring as me because I ...

While many times that very well may be true I always think to myself "I wonder what they would be posting if they were on a message board posting about the same situation".

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Frank - SERIOUSLY!!!! So it is the break up you worry about - REALLY!!!!
It did not "play out" - I will put it in very simple linguistics - him phone call - me work!!

BTW this is not an event - going to WDW or the Circus is an event - this was a real person with real feelings being decimated at work by a man she loves.

I don't care if I chucked his favorite galoshes in the dump. threw his
playboys in the washer, fed his cat ex-lax.

DO YOU NOT GET IT!!!!

HE CALLED ME AT WORK - I REPEAT FOR THE SLOW AT WORK ON THE PHONE - AGAIN FOR THE SLOW - ON THE PHONE AND LEFT ME SITTING AT MY DESK IN TEARS!!!

Just what do you think warranted that. He couldn't wait 6 hours and call me at home - or email me at night or even sent a telegram, left me a post it on my door, a plane banner or hired a singing telegram. It is not about the what or the why it is about the how - THE HOW!!!!!!!


Think of it this way your father is killed in a vehicle crash, the doctors says can I speak to the widow Brown. It is not the news it is the delivery.

AGAIN FOR THE SLOW IN THE ROOM - HE CALLED ME AT WORK ON THE PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO AGAIN FOR THE SLOW TO PICK UP!!!!!!!!!! WORK - PHONE - WORK - PHONE.

I have to say and I know I have already scored points and will probably be banned but my veracity is very important please don't question it. I have no agenda, I am not trashing his choice, I am trashing his delivery.

I am sorry if your parents divorce was bitter, was nasty and you don't like your mother but please don't bring your prejudice to my situation. I did nothing to warrant be left in tears in front of people I work with and in front of the public with whom I need maintain an air of authority.


I also find it interesting that the only one concentrating on why not how is a man - I beleive your misogyny is showing.


AND LET ME JUST SAY IT AS SNL DID FOR THE HARD OF HEARING

THEY HOW - NOT THE WHY!!!!!!! PHONE - WORK , PHONE WORK

I get it guys when I see people who block others. Look only took me 15 posts to find one.

After going through emotional abuse in one relationship he probably didn't want to give you the ability to freak out on him, and after this post I can't say I blame him.

If this is how you react on a discussion board to someone who said something you don't like, I would hate to see what you would do in person.

 

[Jennasis]

I do think that on very many threads, especially some of the rants:

My neighbor is horrible because ...

My spouse is horrible because ...

My boss is mean because ...

All the other mom's at my kids school are bad parents because ...

None of my friends are as caring as me because I ...

While many times that very well may be true I always think to myself "I wonder what they would be posting if they were on a message board".

A little compassion dude. Come on.

There is a time and a place for playing the "wonder what the other side of the story is". This is not that time, the day after the break-up. A simple "so sorry". Would suffice. Give the lady a little time to compose herself and to start reflecting on where this all might've come from.

Really.

 

[Heidict]

Who knows. I imagine it is most likely that he is a chicken and spineless just as the OP described.

It could be that she is a drama queen and he just didn't feel like dealing with it. It could be that she has a temper and he didn't feel like dealing with it. Calling someone at work, where they couldn't be either of those things, could be an indicator. I really have no idea what the thought process was but neither do any of us.

ETA: And it is my father I don't like, not my mother. I mentioned that because even though I agree with her I know she wouldn't be fair in the situation. If this is an indication of what you consider a rational response I am starting to see why he did what he did.

Why does it not surprise me that you would come to his defense and try to scrape up a reason to justify this.

 

[JerseyJanice]

We all know there are three sides to every story--yours, theirs and the truth. There is no need to drone on about that fact of life in a thread where someone is venting about the pain and humiliation caused them by someone they love.

I'm sorry, OP that your heart was broken. I hope you can pull yourself together enough to prove to this dirt-bag that he hasn't hurt you--even though he did. Don't give him the satisfaction! You are better than that.

 

[FireDancer]

Why does it not surprise me that you would come to his defense and try to scrape up a reason to justify this.

It had nothing to do with defending him (up until that post that makes me understand his probably reasons) it had to do with looking at the situation rationally which I saw a lack of in this thread.

The biggest red flag to me was the call at work. It seemed to me like a way to mitigate what could be an emotional response which couldn't be done face to face.

In a normal situation I do find it spineless to do over the phone but I wasn't sure if we were dealing with a normal situation and I am beginning to think my suspicions were justified.

 

[Jennasis]

It had nothing to do with defending him (up until that post that makes me understand his probably reasons) it had to do with looking at the situation rationally which I saw a lack of in this thread.

The biggest red flag to me was the call at work. It seemed to me like a way to mitigate what could be an emotional response which couldn't be done face to face.

In a normal situation I do find it spineless to do over the phone but I wasn't sure if we were dealing with a normal situation and I am beginning to think my suspicions were justified.

She just lost someone with whom she'd had a 3 year long relationship. It's not far off from having someone die...the feeling of loss. I'd be a little off my nut if I were in her place too, and I am a very calm rational person.

Judging an entire relationship demise from one angry post (which you caused)?? Not fair at all and you should probably back away slowly before you get eaten alive by the ladies in here. Muwahahahahaha!!

 

[MICKEY88]

1.It had nothing to do with defending him (up until that post that makes me understand his probably reasons) it had to do with looking at the situation rationally which I saw a lack of in this thread.

2.The biggest red flag to me was the call at work. It seemed to me like a way to mitigate what could be an emotional response which couldn't be done face to face.

3.In a normal situation I do find it spineless to do over the phone but I wasn't sure if we were dealing with a normal situation and I am beginning to think my suspicions were justified.

1. all the posts telling her to get her stuff without confrontation, and move on with her life, were irrational ???

2. even if you are remotely correct on this, a phone call after work would have showed more class and compassion, while still avoidng a face to face confrontation.

3. the OP, posted about an event that hurt her deeply, why kick her when she is down, what purpose does it serve to come in playing devils advocate, when you do such a thing, you should be prepared for an emotional reply from the most level of people...

2.

 

[happyhaunts]

First I don't love Frank so really could care less how I treat him.

Again don't judge me by your prejudices. I sincerely hope you are in a profession that does not need compassion or deals with women. If you mother has a problem discerning fact from fiction I am truly sorry, maybe you should work on that with her.


Second let me see he attacks me repeatedly, calls me a liar and does not have the intellectual prowess to undestand the reason for the post so I was trying to be emphatic. If you like being attacked maybe you & Frank can get together.

After going through emotional abuse in one relationship he probably didn't want to give you the ability to freak out on him, and after this post I can't say I blame him.

If this is how you react on a discussion board to someone who said something you don't like, I would hate to see what you would do in person.

It ws not emotional abuse that did his marriage in honey, it was drug abuse. Or maybe showing up to your custody hearing in an orange jumpsuit, shackles and MCI on your back is cool in your world but she did bring a really cute guy in uniform with her.

Again don't care about you either you want to attack me and not expect a response - wrong chick babycakes. I can trade barbs with the best. However I get the feeling you guys are abit more physical, I believe in compassion and non-violence.


BTW Frank I never said he was horrible so please do not put words in my mouth. I called him sweet/kind/caring and a man I love. He has no reason to be afraid of me mainly because except for this we have had 1 arguement in our 3 years. I do however pity both your spouses it must be interesting being judge, jury and executioner in the dear Frank & Sparrow households.


I on the other hand love Eddie so him I do care. I have never been abusive to anyone, anything in my life. As a matter of fact I do the exact opposite in my life.

Oh and BTW I am the one who suggested he call his ex and mend fences - they have children and it is never good to have battling parents.

With that said I am done. You guys can chat about me all you want - Frank & Sparrow that is, you seem to get off on it, but then that is a different chat room altogether.

I thank everyone who got it - again for emphasis PHONE-WORK-TEARS

 

[FireDancer]

Judging an entire relationship demise from one angry post (which you caused)?? Not fair at all

The same could be said about judging a person based on another person's description of a single action in life which there was a whole lot of on this thread up until now.

Besides, if a rather benign post by a complete stranger was enough to warrant that tirade (COMPETE WITH BOLD CAPS AND ALL) I could only image what hearing something much more hurtful from someone you are about would warrant, don't you?

 

[JerseyJanice]

I swear I hear the theme song to the Twilight Zone on this thread.

Really. A couple of you need to step away from your computers.

 

[Jennasis]

The same could be said about judging a person based on another person's description of a single action in life which there was a whole lot of on this thread up until now.

Besides, if a rather benign post by a complete stranger was enough to warrant that tirade (COMPETE WITH BOLD CAPS AND ALL) I could only image what hearing something much more hurtful from someone you are about would warrant, don't you?

The OP is here. Her ex is not. I don't need to show him compassion or look for "his side" because he isn't here and unlike posts asking for advice (which she did not), this seemed to be a post looking for a good shoulder to cry on.

There was nothing benign (as usual) about your post. It was accusatory, unhelpful and down right mean.

You just don't get it. But you're a guy. Guys always need to analyze, or to fix. This is simply a matter of someone who was hurt and needed some hugs.

 

[FireDancer]

If you mother has a problem discerning fact from fiction I am truly sorry, maybe you should work on that with her.

This shows a complete lack of understanding what I said pretty clearly. Not that anyone can't discern fact from fiction, that no one (including me) is completely fair when telling only their side of any story.

Second let me see he attacks me repeatedly, calls me a liar and does not have the intellectual prowess to undestand the reason for the post so I was trying to be emphatic.

I didn't attack anyone or call you a liar. Relaying the situation from only your point of view is not lying, it is just the way things happen. Your response to my generalized statement was a bit over the top. It was a general comment about situations like the one you are in. I said over and over again that it is likely that he was spineless but that doesn't equal certainty.

BTW Frank I never said he was horrible so please do not put words in my mouth. I called him sweet/kind/caring and a man I love.

I was speaking of other threads on this board in the post I believe you are referring to, not you. It was in response to the post I quoted that specifically mentioned other threads on the board.

 

[dislaney]

After 3 years, I think he could have had the decency to at least wait until you were home from work and then take the cowardly way out and phone you and break your relationship off. At least then you would have been crying at home instead of work. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's never easy to be blindsided no matter how he tells you.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Sounds to me like you both were in about the same place about the relationship.

Time for both of you to move on.

I agree. Maybe he felt if he didn't cut it off, neither one would have and at least one of them would have been miserable for the next three years.

I am more mourning the idea of him I guess, not what I am now seeing. I don't know this man I knew the kind, sweet, thoughtful, the walk 3 blocks to warm up my car in a blizzard guy - this man I don't know.

I suspect you liked the idea of being able to tell everyone that you were part of a 'couple' more than anything else. Like it takes a man to complete you.

I would be interested in hearing the other two sides of the story. It is easy to judge when we are only hearing one side of the story which will always be somewhat different then the unbiased truth (the 3rd side of every story).

No offense OP but on every thread like this I wonder what is being left out because something always is. I know if I read a thread like this posted by my mom in regards to my parents divorce it would not be the whole story so it is nothing personal against you OP.

I agree.

Don't worry he is in MA - you are safe.

FireDancer - here is the other side of the story. I cooked for him, cleaned for him, since I make way more money I even took him on 3 trips to Bermuda and the Bahamas. I took days off from work so I wouldn't inconvenience him. He lives 90 minutes from me, in the 3 years we were together he came to my home 10 times - really 10 times.

He was wonderful, sweet and did lots for me. He would walk blocks to get my car when it snowed, he would warm it up. He would get out of bed and drive me to my car every time I stayed at his place.

We both did nice things for each other, gladly. No dark secrets, no abuse, no cheating, so if you are thinking that no. Just a normal or so I thought relationship.

the week's preceding events - My DS & his DW came up to his area. We went to dinner, went dancing then karaoke. The bext day we all toured around his hometown which is famous for being gothic. We took a harbor cruise. My DS & his DW went home. My xBF & I went back to his place relaxed and I cooked dinner.

We both worked Monday, I went back to his place Tuesday. We went to the movies had dinner at the food court. Wednesday we drove his car to the mechanic, picked up his Mom and went to lunch in Essex. When she was away from the table he said what I relayed about a diamond.

We dropped her off - picked his car and went to his place. We chilled at the pool. I cooked dinner, filets, rice & corn on the cob. We watched TV and went to bed. I woke up at 530 went to work.

He then called me at 8 on his way to work and dumped me by phone, at work, no warning - I mean no warning. The night before well - none of your business.

So that is the sisnister secret I withheld - the other side. So sometimes when you hear hooves it is horses not zebras. Sometimes things are as stated, sometimes you get blindsided. I love him, still do that is what hurts.

Make no bones I may seem light here but I am not. I sit at work and have to leave to cry several times already.

So if you are looking for a sinister other side buried within like I beat him or kicked his cat - not this thread.

I was dumped on the phone at work by a man who I love after 3 years who changed his mind somewhere, somehow, sometime between laying in bed with me and leaving for work.

THE END

I suspect he was testing the waters. It's likely he has been wanting to break up with you but wasn't sure how you'd handle it.

Between your hemming and hawing about marriage (indicating that you weren't really that into him even though it had been three years, therefore it would be easier to break off the relationship) and your "girlish" giggling and swooning (indicating a potential emotional outburst - apparently he was dead-on there) he probably decided it would be best to cut the cord from afar rather than having to deal with a four-alarm, tantrum-throwing, screaming-match melt-down in person.

If that's the case, I can't say that I'd blame him. I wouldn't want to deal with it coming from a 47 y/o either.

Oh and this is less about what he did - people break up. I am divorced so BTDT. I am a big girl, you don't want to be with me I can move on, I can even be friends, I am with my DxH.

But he did it - ON THE PHONE - AT WORK !!!! He left me sitting in front of my coworkers tears streaming down my face, heartbroken and numb!!!!!

I couldn't go home, we have minimum manning, I couldn't hide, I had to sit there and choke back tears while I talked to the general public and my fellow workers.

I believe this is the dramatic, teen-aged, over-the-top reaction from someone who says they can handle break-ups but can't really handle them that he was probably trying to avoid.

I was speaking more of the totality of the 3 years, not the other side of this single event. What led up to making the decision, not how the results of the decision played out. That is something we just don't know without the other side of the story. It just is what it is.

Again, I agree. There have been at least 15 posts from this "new" person on an internet BB since the event happened yesterday morning and I suspect there will probably be many more. All talking about what a bad guy this guy is and how the new woman or women will be skanks, etc, etc, etc.

And all because he broke up with her over the phone. Not because he was a jerk or a mean guy or slept around, but because he did it over the phone. To which I have to give him credit: at least he did it BEFORE he started dating someone else.

OP, I think you two are well-rid of each other. I say invite one of your friends to the Aerosmith concert and start a new chapter in your life right now.

 

[happyhaunts]

I want to thank you Frank, you have been a much better outlet for the hostility you baited than taking it out on a good guy who made a terrible terrible choice

He is gonna why I appreciate someone who dumped me in a horrid way - my answer at least you are not Frank