Breaking UP a LTR ** UPDATE Pg3 #43 (REALLY!!)

[Handbag Lady]

It was totally spineless of him to break up over the phone.

Knowing of that previous relationship, here is what I would do.

Take the five hours to calm down.

Arrange in a few days to go over to his house to get your stuff and tell him there will be a conversation. In this conversation, tell him exactly what you told us. It was shocking to hear of a break-up over the phone and how odd of it to come the day after a supposedly proposal. Then hear what he has to say for himself.

He might WANT to marry you but is having cold feet. Maybe he wanted you to say NO! right away to get himself off the hook. Maybe he was disappointed that you didn't jump on the YES! bangwagon fast enough. You'll not know until you ask him.

I would imagine, though, that talking about marriage and your response to be of an educated nature yet full of giggles might tell a fellow that you are the right person to marry.

 

[AndreaDM]

Even worse than breaking up with you by phone the kicker for me is that you were at WORK when he did it! That's just crappy! After a 3 year relationship you can't be expected to just keep your composure at work and to be able to concentrate for the rest of the day. What a tool!!

 

[dislaney]

What a jerk! I would get my stuff and move on. I'd make sure I got the Aerosmith tickets!

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm so sorry he did that to you. Breaking up with someone can be painful enough, especially when you are under the impression that everything is fine, but to do it in the manner he did just adds insult to injury.

What a pathetic and spineless excuse for a man. I don't care if you don't want confrontation or not. You DO NOT call a person, that you have been dating for three years, at work, and break up with them. What kind of person does that? It shows such a lack of respect for the other person.

Get your stuff from his place, give him back the key and count yourself lucky that you are now freed up to find a man who will cherish you and treat you right and not cancel your relationship like it was a subscription to a magazine.

I agree with this.
I'd call and say "When can I come and get my stuff?" and I'd be there at the appointed time, collect my things, and go. And I wouldn't get in to any long-winded conversation with him...all business...

You may not want to hear this now, but be thankful that he showed you who he was before you wasted any more time on him.

 

[bumbershoot]

I still think that was a spineless move, if it was the case. Throwing away a 3 year relationship because you wanted to think about marriage? WTH?

I definitely agree with that.

He might have been playing a little game, being cute, wanting you to fall on the floor in happiness at the *thought* of marrying him...if so, that nonsense is rotten and I hate when people have expectations on how others are going to act then get annoyed when expectations aren't met. But even if you have expectations, you then respond in an adult fashion and TALK about them, ask why things went differently, and go from there. You don't just take your ball (or your ring) and go home... Especially when talking about marriage! Especially in the context of a 3 year relationship where marriage has obviously never been discussed before! (which he should know is mightily unusual in the first place)

To me, any way you look at it, it's not cool. He's either messing with your head with the question yesterday, or he wanted a different answer or or or or...but the end result is that today he's changed his mind, apparently, and that's just rotten.

I'm really really sorry that this happened AND that it happened this way.

 

[chexie]

definitely get your stuff and move on.
you deserve to be happy in your life

 

[tlmdisney]

I have a friend who was in a great relationship, But her boyfriend was going through some financial issues, and his dad had just died so he tried to break up with her. She just told him to put on his big boy pants and stop whining. The problems they were having were external to their relationship. He just felt overwhelmed, when she told him that it brought him back to reality and even though not all of his troubles are gone he know she is on his side.

 

[Kae]

He can keep my personal stuff but I left our Aerosmith tickets - I'll be darned if he will sit in row 14 of Fenway!!!!!!!!!!!

Get those tickets back, girl. Let's say your reaction to "the Marriage topic" upset him, if it never was brought up before then you did say the right thing you said what was on your mind.

Kae

 

[of the seas]

OP, did you get to go talk to him tonight?

 

[happyhaunts]

I talked to him on the phone. I am getting my things Saturday and returning his.

No he does not want to marry me - he actually said tonight that he "cares" for me alot but has never been in love with me. He has been thinking about this for awhile.

So let me get this straight - we have slept together, traveled together, beeen to each others family outings, for 3 years and you couldn't mention this once!!!

I have to say I am beyond devastated, feel like I have lived a lie for 3 years and now had my heart slammed in a door.

I also told him if his kids ask(they are 20 & 22) I will tell them just what he told me. If our friends ask I will tell them so he could make up any thing he wanted but as far as I am concerned he is a coward, liar and a loser.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I talked to him on the phone. I am getting my things Saturday and returning his.

No he does not want to marry me - he actually said tonight that he "cares" for me alot but has never been in love with me. He has been thinking about this for awhile.
So let me get this straight - we have slept together, traveled together, beeen to each others family outings, for 3 years and you couldn't mention this once!!!

I have to say I am beyond devastated, feel like I have lived a lie for 3 years and now had my heart slammed in a door.

I also told him if his kids ask(they are 20 & 22) I will tell them just what he told me. If our friends ask I will tell them so he could make up any thing he wanted but as far as I am concerned he is a coward, liar and a loser.

I am sorry to say this but- that sounds like a classic line of a man who is newly interested in someone else. Move forward, dont look back and take care of you.

 

[qtwns]

He can keep my personal stuff but I left our Aerosmith tickets - I'll be darned if he will sit in row 14 of Fenway!!!!!!!!!!!

'Atta girl!!!

 

[redlight]

By phone? He broke up with you on the phone? I'm so sorry. That's really cowardly of him.

 

[Imzadi]

My answer - I never thought about it, we never discussed marriage. We'd have to see.

I was happy to just let things flow as they would.

he actually said tonight that he "cares" for me alot but has never been in love with me.

Sounds to me like you both were in about the same place about the relationship.

Time for both of you to move on.

 

[MouseJunkie]

I am sorry to say this but- that sounds like a classic line of a man who is newly interested in someone else. Move forward, dont look back and take care of you.

"he actually said tonight that he "cares" for me alot but has never been in love with me. He has been thinking about this for awhile."


I have to agree with this. I heard these exact words verbatim when my then boyfriend's ex girlfriend walked back into the picture.

 

[happyhaunts]

Sounds to me like you both were in about the same place about the relationship.

No I was being the patient GF of a person who had been through the wringer. I wanted him to know that I was not pushing him that things would happen as the should.

Who knew I was such an idiot.

I am willing to bet he moves on by Labor Day, I think you guys may be right. Maybe someone is waiting in the wings, I hope she has tougher skin than me.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm SO very sorry.

What a coward.

I know how very tough it is especially the way it was done. I just hope you can recover quickly and move on and find someone who really loves, respects and appreciates you for all that you are.

Good luck and take care.

 

[redlight]

No I was being the patient GF of a person who had been through the wringer. I wanted him to know that I was not pushing him that things would happen as the should.

Who knew I was such an idiot.

I am willing to bet he moves on by Labor Day, I think you guys may be right. Maybe someone is waiting in the wings, I hope she has tougher skin than me.

You weren't being an idiot. Don't cast blame on yourself. He's the one who you should be angry at.

 

[beattyfamily]

No I was being the patient GF of a person who had been through the wringer. I wanted him to know that I was not pushing him that things would happen as the should.

Who knew I was such an idiot.

I am willing to bet he moves on by Labor Day, I think you guys may be right. Maybe someone is waiting in the wings, I hope she has tougher skin than me.

Hey, did you ever get the concert tickets? Isn't that tonight? I sure hope you did!!!

 

[happyhaunts]

Yep I did get the tickets. I actually had one of the guys I work with swing buy his house and pick them up. Thanks for asking.


I had to work the overnight so I spent my down time writing him a letter just trying to get out all my feelings. I will probably never mail it but it felt good.

It is tomorrow I am excited but I know it will be hard to be there and know this was soemthing we planned and looked forward to. I am mad at him that I have to endure that. He had to ruin this too, I will try to put on a no worries face but I know it will be hard.