boys in women's bathrooms?

[asmit4]

Nemo, I think that would FREAK anyone out. I am one that really believes in teaching sexual abuse awareness to kids EARLY.

In fact! I just tought a class on it LAST NIGHT! I was teaching 9th graders, BUT our Religious education program (Catholic) teaches (age appropriate) information on it as the first class of ANY rel. ed. program and they start at age 5.

I haven't had to have that convo. with my kids yet but I can 100% say that I will have that conversation about what to do, who to tell, how to handle things when they are VERY young.

We had a girl at age 3 that was molested by a family member in the kindgergarten class, and her mom specifically called the school to make sure we were discussing this issue b/c she had no idea how to handle it with her child. (The child had all but forgotten about it) but her mom was happy that the school was going to address the issue with her and the entire class to try and help prevent a further occurence with someone else.

In this crazy world, it's important (Though sad) that we have to discuss these issues with our kids so young.

I don't have the sheets on me, but I could get a copy of the material tought to the young ones.

Of course, NO amount of training is going to prepare you for that, but at the same time, does that mean that at age 13, 14, 17 they should be going to the bathroom with you for fear of abuse? Fear breeds fear and at some point I think everyone has to let go.

I figured this post might become heated, and like I said, EVERYONE has to do what they feel is comfortable. I, by no means, am flaming, just stating my thoughts on the topic.

 

[NemoMOm]

OK, but at age 14, 17 they would know how to react or even have a better chances of fighting off an adult male. Where as an 11 yr would not.

That being said we believe in teaching about abuse early as well as my mother was abused by a family member and was not believed. She taught us early and we tell DS (2.5) that if someone scares him and or touches him he is to come get us asap. Although we are always with him but still he gets it.

I still don't get why this is always a debate though The rooms always have stalls so what really are they going to see? Hopefully that the women are clean and wash their hands after going.... although I've seen alot whom don't.

I'm just really confused as to why if it is safer for a boy to go in to the womens room why it is such a big deal They see nothing and you peeing in the stall can not see him so why the big deal? Not trying to be a jerk but honestly confused.

I'm really big on what is proper so if that is the reason I still can't get it, cause I tell you what is not proper, putting my little boy at risk to some sicko!

If you think that it does not happen that often you should check to see how many pedophiles you have in your area. I live in a good area and there are still 15 w/in 2 mile radius which means that when I go shopping they are too. When I lived on the West Coast there were even more

So, sorry to say my DS will be one of those boys whom will see you washing your hands. I'm not letting my son being preyed upon. You can do as wish but I have to live with my decision. So, if I feel it is in unsafe area my boys are coming in with me.

If you do some research it is not the 4 and 5 yr olds that they like to prey upon it is the 7-12, right before they hit puberty.

 

[dogluva]

OK, but at age 14, 17 they would know how to react or even have a better chances of fighting off an adult male. Where as an 11 yr would not.

That being said we believe in teaching about abuse early as well as my mother was abused by a family member and was not believed. She taught us early and we tell DS (2.5) that if someone scares him and or touches him he is to come get us asap. Although we are always with him but still he gets it.

I still don't get why this is always a debate though The rooms always have stalls so what really are they going to see? Hopefully that the women are clean and wash their hands after going.... although I've seen alot whom don't.

I'm just really confused as to why if it is safer for a boy to go in to the womens room why it is such a big deal They see nothing and you peeing in the stall can not see him so why the big deal? Not trying to be a jerk but honestly confused.

I'm really big on what is proper so if that is the reason I still can't get it, cause I tell you what is not proper, putting my little boy at risk to some sicko!

If you think that it does not happen that often you should check to see how many pedophiles you have in your area. I live in a good area and there are still 15 w/in 2 mile radius which means that when I go shopping they are too. When I lived on the West Coast there were even more

So, sorry to say my DS will be one of those boys whom will see you washing your hands. I'm not letting my son being preyed upon. You can do as wish but I have to live with my decision. So, if I feel it is in unsafe area my boys are coming in with me.

If you do some research it is not the 4 and 5 yr olds that they like to prey upon it is the 7-12, right before they hit puberty.

How old will he be before he doesn't go to the womens room with you. I am confused. Please don't tell me 12. My 7 and 8 year old boy do not feel comfortable going into the ladies room and I don't want to put them in that situation. I know they don't "See" anything but there are little girls in there as well as ladies and they don't like this.

So I stand outside and talk to them, send my 19 year old son in or my husband (which is usually the case!).

THe world is a scarey place but I will not raise paranoid children who think predators are lurking behind every corner.

 

[NemoMOm]

If I feel that it is a safe place (as I've written) then he can go at 7 or 8 and I'll wait out side if not then he goes with me.

Ever seen what that kind of abuse does to a person? I have it scars them for life and nothing fixes it not even therapy. And it touches every one around them. How is that I'm teaching fear by keeping him safe. Does a seat belt scare your child of a crash? Of course not because it is a safety feature.

Maybe it is because I lived in Seattle where this kind of abuse happens all the time so I'm aware of it or cause I've been personally touched by it.

 

[Davidsmommy]

I have a 7 year old son and he and I took a trip to the world alone (without dh and my 2 year old daughter) in August.

He went in every single woman's room with me throughout the trip. I did let him go to the men's room alone once in the airport, and I was a nervous wreck the whole time (standing right outside).

No-one gave us even a second look. Honestly. I saw LOTS of little boys in the restroom.

Had I gotten a strange look, I wouldn't have cared. Not my problem. My 7 year old does not care about you sexually - believe me, he just wants to get out to TOT as quickly as possible.

He would rather go into the men's room alone, but I am sorry, that isn't an option for him right now. I can't say how I will feel when he is 9 or 10 or 11 - he will be an older child then, and maybe I will feel ok with it. Right now, I know without a doubt that he is easily convinced and easily bamboozled - no matter how much I teach him about stranger danger. I know my child. And, that means I take him with me to the restroom when there is no male around to take him to the men's room.

As a parent, the best thing I can do for my child is listen to my gut. And, my gut says he isn't going to the men's room alone in a busy theme park yet.

 

[abcboys]

I am the mother of 3 boys ages 2,5,8. The 8 year old can go in the men's room. I don't think he'd be caught dead in the ladies room. The 5 year old can also go in the mens' room alone at certain places or with his brother. I just stand by the door and wait for them. I will stick my head in if they are taking a long time. I will not make my preteen go in the ladies room with me for fear of a molester. Sure it could happen but I'm not scared about stuff like that. I think a radar would go off if something was happening.

 

[Talking Hands]

I do have a problem with male teens being taken into the ladies room. I was on my way to Disney on the Florida Turnpike and at 2 rest stops the same woman brought her son into the ladies room with her. I realize he had special needs but there was a family restroom available which could have been used. This boy was in his late teens or possibly early twenties. Up to about 7 or 8 I think it is ok to bring your boys into the ladies room but after that no way. My brother was 5 or 6 when he started using the men's room alone but that was a different age. Btw I don't think there are anymore perverts now than when I grew up in the 50s and 60s, just more reported in the media.
Edited to say my daughters stopped going with Daddy at age 4. And that was the oldest. Younger one never went in with Dad. We went places as a family or not at all.

 

[lclark0621]

IMO, if a boy has no delays or physical issues that would make it impossible for him to go alone, then by age 8 or 9 they should be going into the men's bathroom. Granted, each kid is different and each place is different.

I'm all about being safe, but at some point parents have to let their kids grow up. Have they been taught about abuse, like "this is private talk", can they reach the soap and wash correctly? Do they know how to scream if something happens- if the above holds true by 8 they should be good to go

Have you ever seen an 8 year old try to fight off an adult who is actively trying to hurt them? A full grown adult could take down an 8 year old child in no time flat. And if the bathroom was near empty, no one would know until it was to late.

I personally dont understand what "letting a child grow up" has to do with keeping them safe.

I will let my son grow up. But I also will not put him in unsafe situations for someone elses' comfort.

I dont know what age I will let my DS go to the bathroom alone. But I gotta tell you, it will be when DH & I decide to. Not some magic number. My son's safety is way more important to me, then someone else's idea of the "right age".

And while most adults certainly dont want anything to happen to any child, the reality is, my son's safety is MY top priority, not yours (a general "yours"). So yes, I will decide when my son is the "right age" & when the situations are safe enough. I wont put my son's life at risk for someone's "comfort".

 

[autumnbaby9]

As long as they are not peaking under the stall, making lude comments or being a disturbance I don't care how old they are.

Of course I have no problem with unisex bathrooms, so that might have something to do with it.

 

[NemoMOm]

Have you ever seen an 8 year old try to fight off an adult who is actively trying to hurt them? A full grown adult could take down an 8 year old child in no time flat. And if the bathroom was near empty, no one would know until it was to late.

I personally dont understand what "letting a child grow up" has to do with keeping them safe.

I will let my son grow up. But I also will not put him in unsafe situations for someone elses' comfort.

I dont know what age I will let my DS go to the bathroom alone. But I gotta tell you, it will be when DH & I decide to. Not some magic number. My son's safety is way more important to me, then someone else's idea of the "right age".

And while most adults certainly dont want anything to happen to any child, the reality is, my son's safety is MY top priority, not yours (a general "yours"). So yes, I will decide when my son is the "right age" & when the situations are safe enough. I wont put my son's life at risk for someone's "comfort".

So you said it a lot better than I did.

 

[dwaddict]

I am going to put my 2 cents in here. My son just turned 9. We travel alot just me, him and his 2 yr old sister. He has absolutely no choice. He will go in with us. I will look for a family restroom when possible. If one is not close by or available, well hunker down ladies he is coming in. As the PP said, my childs safety is my main concern. Not how anyone else feels about it. He is an innocent child in a restroom. That is all. Not a pervert peeking under the stalls.
If he is the only one that needs to go, he can run in and go by himself, otherwise we all go. I will not risk my child just to stop a look, of which I have never seen in my 17 years of raising boys.

 

[livndisney]

As long as they are not peaking under the stall, making lude comments or being a disturbance .

I agree with the above. I don't think ANYONE peeking under the door (or peering thru the door crack is "cute". I would also like to add the ladies room is NOT the place for your son (or daughter) to roll around on "heelys" while they are waiting for you.

 

[abcboys]

I figure if I wait till my son can "fight off a grown man" that would be at least the age of 16. I'm sure a grown man could take ME down if he really wanted to, but I don't go to the bathroom with my mommy.

 

[DisneyLover75]

I figure if I wait till my son can "fight off a grown man" that would be at least the age of 16. I'm sure a grown man could take ME down if he really wanted to, but I don't go to the bathroom with my mommy.

*snort*

Sorry. That just cracked me up.

I'm with the people who said as long as they're not peeking under the stalls or making lude remarks, I'm good. It doesn't matter to me if a boy sees me washing my hands. If it makes their mother feel better, it doesn't hurt me, so why not?

I am single and I have an autistic son, who is almost 4, and I can see myself bringing him in the bathroom for the foreseeable future. No one would know by looking at him that he's a special needs child. He looks "normal" and I could see where someday, someone might think he's way too old to be in there with me, but in truth, he may not be ready at that age to wait alone while I'm in the bathroom, or go in the men's by himself.

I guess just because of that, I'm hoping that people will not instantly judge that he's too old to be in there with me. Believe me, I'd love to send him in by himself, or have a nice DH who'll take him for me, but I married a TOTAL JERK and as a result, I was a victim of domestic abuse.

Sorry, I digress.

Anyway, I guess I don't mind the boys in the ladies' loo. We all wash our hands the same.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

You know what I found strange was when my boys were taking swimming lessons, my husband would take them into the men's locker room and there would be a grown woman in there helping her son get dressed - who my hubby said looked to be at least 9 years old. Not sure if the son had special needs or not, but if he did I think it would make more sense for the mother to go into the women's locker room rather than the men's. Don't you agree??

 

[britincanada]

I have a DS6 & a DS8. In SELECT places they can go to the mens room together - but they have to use a stall & stay together.

Otherwise, they go with me or DH. They LOVE aerolpanes as I let them go alone!!!!

If they don't need to use the facilities they still come with me...they stand outside my cubicle with their feet showing under the door so I know where they are & what they are up to!

On our upcoming Disney trip, they will only go into washrooms with one of us.

I believe that their safety is my job - and will do everything I can to keep them safe!

Up here in Montreal we have a organisation called The Missing Childrens Network & they provide safety workshops for parents & kids. They are great (my play area hosts the seminars annually), and it's worth seeing if you have a local organisation that does this kind of thing.

 

[TheDizMom]

Well I'll put my 2 cents worth in . I have a almost 11 year old boy who uses the bathroom on his own and has since he was about 7 or 8. I was not real comfortable with it at that age but he flat out refused to go into the ladies room and I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for me to take him in anymore . I have always sat outside the door and if he is taking to long for my liking I yell in to him to make sure he is alright. Trust me if I didn't hear a loud and clear I am fine from him, I would be storming the men's room in a heartbeat . It's hard because you don't know who else is in there, but you have to let them grow up and assert their independence sometime .

Things aren't so easy with my DD either. She gets really mad if I try to go with her to the bathroom . Depending on where we are I will let her because I feel like it would be a little hard for at least a male pedophile to hang out in the ladies room, and I watch the door like a hawk. Again I go in if she is taking too long, like it or not. If we were someplace like WDW though forget it, she's only going in with an adult period.

 

[**pixie**]

At this moment there are 37 registered child sex offenders in my zip code (and I live in a great neighborhood here in Florida). One of these men I frequently see at the grocery store. He was convicted of sexual assault on a 12 year old boy. Another is a person that I went to high school with. My DS9 always goes with me into the ladies room. If he has to use the facilities, he goes into a stall next to me. If myself or DD4 have to use the bathroom, he waits just inside the outer door to the ladies room until we are done. There is no way I'm leaving him outside in the store by himself or letting him use the men's room without DH. He would never think of protesting because where we live we always see boys his age in the ladies room with their moms.

I am haunted by this tragic story from a few years ago - an aunt took her nephew to the bathroom at a park (??) and waited outside the door. While inside, within a matter of minutes, a man lurking inside killed the boy. I know that the probability of this occuring is slim, but to the family of the slain boy, it doesn't matter how unlikely the scenerio was.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I am haunted by this tragic story from a few years ago - an aunt took her nephew to the bathroom at a park (??) and waited outside the door. While inside, within a matter of minutes, a man lurking inside killed the boy. I know that the probability of this occuring is slim, but to the family of the slain boy, it doesn't matter how unlikely the scenerio was.

OMG, I remember when that happened and that was one of the reasons it was so hard for me to let my son (now 13) go to the mens' room alone.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this dilemma. We all do what we think is best for our kids, whom we know better than anyone. Each situation is different, with the kids, the facilities etc. I never really criticize anyone for the decison they make in this area and if I see a boy in the ladies room it never bothers me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So how would you tell your 11 yr old to react when a grown man exposes himself (you know what I mean) to your DS when no one else is in the room? Not being snotty but honestly curious because as a grown woman that would freak me out.

You know this is a great point. Here is my little story. Take it for what it's worth. When I was 16 I went into the city for a concert. My friend and I were walking after the concert to go somewhere else. There was a man standing in a doorway with his pants around his ankles looking at us while we were walking doing his thing (if you know what I mean ). To be honest I remember looking at him completely perplexed because it just didn't register what he was doing! Now I was and am far from a sheltered person but here I was at 16 seeing a grown man perform an act that is not appropriate on a city street and I never said a word! I just kept walking. So you can tell your kids to scream etc. but you never know what they might do if they find themselves in a situation.