boys in women's bathrooms?

[asmit4]

I have been reading posts here and there about how people find it ok, not ok, funny, odd, kinda scary, that a "boy" is in the women's bathroom with their mother.

I was wondering if you have a son, at what age did he absolutely have to either go in with dad, or go alone to the men's bathroom? As in, at what age did you stop the "son goes in with mom" routine?

Someone posted a joke about how at Primetime the boys looked like they could shave in the women's bathroom!

 

[Hannathy]

I'll bite before it gets too hot. 7 by the time my son was 7 he wanted absolutely no part of coming in with Mom. I will say I have seen some ridiculously old boys in the bathrooms.....

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

I'm wondering this as well. 1) at Disney I noticed...and DD noticed....a lot of older boys in the ladies room. 2) DD takes swimming lessons and after the lessons there are 10-12 year old boys in the ladies room...which is connected to the changing area. These are not boys with (noticable) delays which would require them to be with mom. IMO...a little too old to be in a girls' changing area. But I don't have a son and am not sure what it appropriate.

 

[tiggerUK]

well, for me it's slightly different. my boy is 10 but also has autism and learning difficulties so functioning at about a 3-4 year old level.....well of course nobody would send a 3 year old into the mens toilets on their own, so it's not possible for us to do that either.

we try and use companion toilets where possible but sometimes they are not near enough and joe is desperate for the toilet. but i also would say that joe is probably not that 'aware' of the differences between men and women and probably doesn't really notice....i know my brother would no way have gone into the ladies toilets with mum by the time he was that age!!!

oh and, i am a gay woman, so my partner is also female which means that there is no man able to take him into the mensroom, obviously if that was possible we would go down that route.

 

[XYSRUS]

Heck, my 3 yo will not go into the bathroom with " the picture of that lady" on it. I just wait outside and keep talking to him. Also, I'll walk in if I feel he needs help. BTW, he's the last of 4 boys. Boys don't want to be caught dead in the ladies' room....at least that's the way mine are.

 

[TMB1203]

Ugh, my 3 YO just started doing this (he turns 4 next week).
Good! That will get me out of taking him and now he can go with dad!
Now if I can just get him to agree to that!

 

[brymolmom]

Personally, I don't think it's a big deal to bring boys into the ladies room. I can't remember a time seeing any 'sensitive' part of a woman's body being exposed publicly in there (of course that YMCA changing room example from a pp is different - in my YMCA they have a strict policy that any child over the age of 1 needs to go into their gender's locker room OR use the family locker room). But for a restroom in a park - all the 'confidential' stuff goes on behind closed doors anyway. Not a big deal. That being said - I'm sure my son will have issues with coming with me to the restroom likely before I'm ready to let him go by himself. He is 5 right now.

Now, a girl going into a Men's restroom is slightly more sensitive an issue IMO, because many men's public restrooms have public urinals that are right out there in the open. That might make other guys feel uncomfortable if 5 year old little girl goes pointing to his privates. Of course, this soemtimes cannot be avoided and it is far better than having a little girl go into a restroom by herself until a reasonable age (7?? 8?? - depends on the child and the place, I'm thinking).

 

[dsanner106]

I have seen girls in the mens room twice this week, actually, and it is more of an issue. I understand it is unavoidable sometimes, but definately more of a problem than boys in the womens room. At least there are walls blocking views in there.

Drew

 

[LauraV]

My son started protesting using the woments room around 6 years old. I will let him use the mens room alone if I think it is safe, otherwise I make him go with me.

 

[squirrlygirl]

My husband would find a store worker or grandma-looking lady before taking my 5-yr. old girl into the bathroom, or go into the women's with her if it was empty. But no girl in the men's room. He has taken babies in to change diapers, though. If they're out of diapers, they're out of the men's room.

But back to boys. My 6-yr. old goes with me if we're at the outlet mall or somewhere there's lot of strangers in-and-out. That's if Dad isn't available. Always goes with dad if dad is there. If we're somewhere better known to us (like the Big Boy in town) he goes by himself. That started about a year ago. Sometime in the next year I think he'll be ready to hit the men's room himself (with me on guard outside!)

Where he takes swim lessons, no opposite-gender over the age of 3 allowed in either room, and no family changing area, either. Not a very good set-up since the kids come out 5 feet from the pool's edge. So Dad takes him.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

I am amazed.........I do not know how to respond to this thread, even though I really want to. How about this....for everyone who is uncomfortable with sending their older sons to the mens room alone, for everyone who thinks boys shouldn't go into the ladies rooms ever, for everyone who thinks that 'standing guard' outside the mens room is a good idea....why not, as a society, start requesting that stores, walmart or wherever, provide FAMILY RESTROOMS? That way everyone is happy....does anyone actually think a woman wants to take her older son into the ladies room?? Get real, of course they don't. The reason is because there are parents who are trying to protect their sons from predators, not to be an inconvience to others.
BTW~ the family restrooms at WDW never ever have lines. We've never stood in line to use the restroom there not in any park, EVER

 

[DisBound08]

I live up in the Northeast and there was just a news report of a sex offender arrested after attempting to molest little boys in a McDonald's bathroom. I'm not sure how old the boys were, but they went into the bathroom by themselves and he was in there waiting on two different occations. I have a 3 year old little boy and there is NO way I would let him go into the bathroom by himself. If dad is available, dad always takes him to the bathroom, but if he is out and about with me, he will come into the woman's room. Not sure when I'm going to be comfortable with him going in by himself. I guess it will depend on him and how ready I think he would be if faced with that situation.

I really hope more stores, amusment parks, malls, etc. start implementing family bathrooms.

 

[Buzz & Woody]

my boys are 5 & 7 and have never complained about coming in the washroom with me. I would not let them (at this age) go into a men's washroom alone. I'll be the first to say that I want to keep them safe. Washrooms in amusement parks can be very large and a child could get disoriented and walk out a wrong door and get lost, and who knows what person is watching for a child to go in alone. I want to protect my child from others, so as long as I am with my sons and untill I deem them old enough to go in alone they will come in with me. When DH is with me and the boys then they can go in with him.

 

[Alex&Evan'sMom]

I have two boys age 3 and 6 and I frequently have to take them into the rest room with me if my husband is not around. Their safety is more important to me than other people's opinions. That being said I usually take them into ladies rooms that aren't crowded. Also more and more places are building family bathrooms. We have one in our local Walmart and mall and smaller places have unisex/single stall(we live in a small town)

 

[NemoMOm]

I think it is a safety issue. If your DH can take him great but if he is alone I don't think it has to do with age but where are you and how safe is it?

When we lived on the West coast an adult exposed himself to an 11 yr old alone in the men's room. So, I could care less what other women thought, I'm keeping my DS safe.

Besides what are they going to see? Women washing their hands?

 

[jenjersnap]

My oldest is 7 and accompanied me into the airport and a couple Disney restrooms during our trip last month. He is oblivious by nature and has never complained. I do try to have DH take him or find a family restroom but he's going with me before letting him go in big places like that by himself. OTOH, we are trying to prepare him cos the day is coming ...

I don't understand the discomfort of adult women. I am not invalidating their feelings but I just don't get it because I'd rather see a herd of boys in a women's public bathroom rather than having them be potential prey. Besides, we're just trying to do our business quickly and move on.

 

[Gillian]

I'm wondering this as well. 1) at Disney I noticed...and DD noticed....a lot of older boys in the ladies room. 2) DD takes swimming lessons and after the lessons there are 10-12 year old boys in the ladies room...which is connected to the changing area. These are not boys with (noticable) delays which would require them to be with mom. IMO...a little too old to be in a girls' changing area. But I don't have a son and am not sure what it appropriate.

I would be uncomfortable with this situation. Our YMCA does not allow opposite sex children in the locker rooms after age 2 or 3. There are some family changing stalls near the pool, not that many. There are separate rest rooms elsewhere.

 

[asmit4]

As the OP, I figure I shouldn't skid away without giving my opinion

IMO, if a boy has no delays or physical issues that would make it impossible for him to go alone, then by age 8 or 9 they should be going into the men's bathroom. Granted, each kid is different and each place is different.

I'm all about being safe, but at some point parents have to let their kids grow up. Have they been taught about abuse, like "this is private talk", can they reach the soap and wash correctly? Do they know how to scream if something happens- if the above holds true by 8 they should be good to go

I just know that if I saw an 11yo in the women's bathroom I might be a little shocked.

 

[abolanwoski]

I have seen girls in the mens room twice this week, actually, and it is more of an issue. I understand it is unavoidable sometimes, but definately more of a problem than boys in the womens room. At least there are walls blocking views in there.

Drew

I'm trying to figure out who the "problem" pertains to. Is it the adults who are uncomfortable having a child of a different gender see them not fully clothed? Or is it the child who will somehow be scarred by seeing an adult in the toilet? I guess maybe I'm not typical (wouldn't be the first time!) but DD3 has always been around both of us nude on an almost daily basis. She doesn't know that people are supposed to cover stuff up and I'm not in any hurry to teach her "shame " and "embarrasment" just yet. She often goes into the "daddy potty" because they are alone together a lot. I'm sure by the time she's 6 or so, we'll be ok with letting her go in to the ladies by herself, but with a son, I'd be much more hesitant. You don't hear about grade school aged girls getting molested by women in the ladies room.

 

[NemoMOm]

As the OP, I figure I shouldn't skid away without giving my opinion

IMO, if a boy has no delays or physical issues that would make it impossible for him to go alone, then by age 8 or 9 they should be going into the men's bathroom. Granted, each kid is different and each place is different.

I'm all about being safe, but at some point parents have to let their kids grow up. Have they been taught about abuse, like "this is private talk", can they reach the soap and wash correctly? Do they know how to scream if something happens- if the above holds true by 8 they should be good to go

I just know that if I saw an 11yo in the women's bathroom I might be a little shocked.

So how would you tell your 11 yr old to react when a grown man exposes himself (you know what I mean) to your DS when no one else is in the room? Not being snotty but honestly curious because as a grown woman that would freak me out.