Please bear with me for this post. Not your typical post, but instead selfish therapeutic venting on my part.
It is 11:00 pm. I just got off the phone with my dad. He called from his cell phone while sitting outside his room at CSR. He, my mother, brother and 2 sisters (all of us grown) just arrived and he had to gloat about the wonderful rooms they got. They are in the Cabanas, 9A, right in front of the quiet pool, with a terrific view of the lake and lights at the resort. The flight and transfer to the hotel went great. I joke: make sure you get them to give us a great room too! His voice is strong and enthusiastic. I hang up the phone and start sobbing. I am torn apart inside. Half of me is so grateful that he made it to Disney, the other is in anguish, hanging on to his every word, trying to imprint the sound of his voice upon my memory. You see, my dad is dying and we only just found out 2 weeks ago.
The date is crystal clear in all our minds. We became true Disney nuts in March, 1998. We had recently adopted our first child. My husband had tons of frequent flyer miles; we could fly both my parents and ourselves for free. Hey, let's check out Disney! So off we went on our adventure. My brother and baby sister joined us as well. The trip was far from perfect: we lost a whole day due to a canceled flight, the weather was bitter cold, but all in all we loved it. At the time we had no idea that Disney would get in our blood. Since then we have scrimped and saved so that we could make numerous trips, sometimes more than one a year! We have traveled in various extended family combinations.
We started planning this trip months ago. My mom, sister and I all surf these boards. We all did the typical planning activities, i.e. biting our nails waiting for discount codes. It was to the wire this year but what luck- given the great discounts we were able to achieve our goal of spending half our trip at AKL! CSR is our favorite resort hands down, but after I took my parents over to visit AKL in December my mom was hooked and we were eagerly anticipating our first stay there. My dad is leery, but agrees, though he loves CSR. Clothes were washed, with piles placed near the suitcases in eager anticipation of the upcoming trip. And boy was it eager after the horrible winter we had here in central NY.
Yes, it was a tough winter, both weather and health wise. Here in the northeast is not unusual to feel tired and run down in Feb/March. So when my dad was fatigued and had some GI distress we chalked it up to the nuisance viruses that had plagued many of us. When it continued he went to the doctor, they did an upper GI series and said he had GERD so we didn't worry. My sister and I live in Syracuse, my parents/handicapped baby sister live in Rochester. Did not get to see each other much due to the constant snow. Then comes April. My sister visits and reports that she is worried. Dad is very thin, doesn't look good, is. We check in to find out what tests the doctors are ordering. Then it is Easter. My parents arrive in town. We take one look at my dad and panic. He is bright yellow. The next couple of weeks are h***. His liver is obstructed and lymph nodes are enlarged. The shocking news- he probably has cancer. But even after CTs, MRIs, ultrasounds, colonoscopy they are not sure where or what. His condition deteriorates daily. He is so thin, weak, cannot eat. We are so focused on him that we block the trip out of our minds. I gently break the news to my daughters. Due to Pappa's being sick we will probably have to postpone our trip until fall. They are so stoic for 4 and 7 year olds.
Now instead of nail biting waiting for Disney codes we are waiting to hear test results. Why can't they find out what is wrong with him?? I go into nurse gear, find another doctor, push them further. They decide to try and place a stent in his bile duct to relieve the obstruction while they continue the diagnostic workup. We are stunned when the doctor doing the procedure tells us that he found a tumor in the esophagus. Then specialized lab work results are in. Appears he has pancreatic cancer as well. It gets worse. By this point we have no hope of a cure, but my dad is hopeful that surgery, chemotherapy, something will extend his life. After all he in only 69 years old and has a lot of life he still wants to live. But no, he can't even hold on to that hope. His liver is too stressed to tolerate chemo. It appears there is nothing they can do.
How long? Likely just a few months. We are stunned, shocked. So fast, no time to prepare, he went from healthy to sick almost overnight. He is very sick, but we watch and notice that he's hanging in there. Stubborn and obstinate can be great traits. My mom, sister and I whisper. What should we do? Five days to cancel (thank goodness ressies are through CRO!), Might as well just go ahead and get it over with. But, wait; is there any way he could make it to Disney? He needs it. It is his last trip. We need it as a family. Can we dare to hope? Five days ago they are at the doctor hearing more grim news. My sister is hesitant. She raises the question. Hmm, doctor, we have a trip planned next week, what are your thoughts? Bless his heart he gave us the answer my dad needed to hear. Go. The next steps can wait. The outcome will not change by waiting a week or two.
Oh my, panic. Are we doing the right thing? How will he make it? Quick, check out the disabilities board. Scooter, handicapped accessibility, we study up. Direct flight, good, not too taxing. We will take it slow. Saturday my brother calls from Maryland. He wants to go join us Wed-Sun. Great, but uh oh, need another room. Oh my rack rate is expensive! My sister tests Disney. Calls them Monday, shares her story. We already have AP rate on one room, could you please see what you can do. The CM checks and checks. First she asks for Wed-Sun. Nope, computer showing no availability. My sister is a pro. Break it down, check day-by-day. Lo and behold they can give her Wed- Friday and at the AP rate! CSR is booked solid on weekend though. Oh well, we will take what we can get and figure out what to do about the weekend once we are there. The old Disney comes through! Last minute panic planning. My parents, sisters and brother are leaving today, my husband and our girls on Friday.
My dad gets to go to Disney one last time. We get to be together as a family. It will be a slow trip, we will meet his pace. What is most important is that we are all together and maybe can block that horrible news out of our brains for a moment here and there. I am a realistic prayer: just let him have some joyful moments and not suffer in pain. Someone has been listening.
My dad just called. I am so thrilled that he tolerated the flight. Everything worked out as planned. He got wheelchairs at the airports and one when arriving at CSR. He is sitting in it now by the pool. The scooter is arriving tomorrow. The pool is right outside his room- he will be able to dip in whenever he wants. He says, I have to keep my shirt on though as I look like someone from a third world country. Are you still losing weight? Yes, but I trying real hard to eat. His stomach and legs are swollen with fluid and he is still jaundiced. He continues. The doctors called with the biopsy results today. We know the type of cancer. Your mom, sister and brother are at the food court. I wanted to let you know about the best room in the resort. We have it! They upgraded us to waterview! What time do you leave Friday? I will call you tomorrow, there are a few things I need to get at the grocery store when you stop, Gatorade and a few other things I thought of. No problem dad. Enjoy yourself, cant wait till we get there. Talk to you tomorrow.
His voice sounded strong. He seems happy. I start sobbing. I need to vent before I explode. Thanks for listening.
It is 11:00 pm. I just got off the phone with my dad. He called from his cell phone while sitting outside his room at CSR. He, my mother, brother and 2 sisters (all of us grown) just arrived and he had to gloat about the wonderful rooms they got. They are in the Cabanas, 9A, right in front of the quiet pool, with a terrific view of the lake and lights at the resort. The flight and transfer to the hotel went great. I joke: make sure you get them to give us a great room too! His voice is strong and enthusiastic. I hang up the phone and start sobbing. I am torn apart inside. Half of me is so grateful that he made it to Disney, the other is in anguish, hanging on to his every word, trying to imprint the sound of his voice upon my memory. You see, my dad is dying and we only just found out 2 weeks ago.
The date is crystal clear in all our minds. We became true Disney nuts in March, 1998. We had recently adopted our first child. My husband had tons of frequent flyer miles; we could fly both my parents and ourselves for free. Hey, let's check out Disney! So off we went on our adventure. My brother and baby sister joined us as well. The trip was far from perfect: we lost a whole day due to a canceled flight, the weather was bitter cold, but all in all we loved it. At the time we had no idea that Disney would get in our blood. Since then we have scrimped and saved so that we could make numerous trips, sometimes more than one a year! We have traveled in various extended family combinations.
We started planning this trip months ago. My mom, sister and I all surf these boards. We all did the typical planning activities, i.e. biting our nails waiting for discount codes. It was to the wire this year but what luck- given the great discounts we were able to achieve our goal of spending half our trip at AKL! CSR is our favorite resort hands down, but after I took my parents over to visit AKL in December my mom was hooked and we were eagerly anticipating our first stay there. My dad is leery, but agrees, though he loves CSR. Clothes were washed, with piles placed near the suitcases in eager anticipation of the upcoming trip. And boy was it eager after the horrible winter we had here in central NY.
Yes, it was a tough winter, both weather and health wise. Here in the northeast is not unusual to feel tired and run down in Feb/March. So when my dad was fatigued and had some GI distress we chalked it up to the nuisance viruses that had plagued many of us. When it continued he went to the doctor, they did an upper GI series and said he had GERD so we didn't worry. My sister and I live in Syracuse, my parents/handicapped baby sister live in Rochester. Did not get to see each other much due to the constant snow. Then comes April. My sister visits and reports that she is worried. Dad is very thin, doesn't look good, is. We check in to find out what tests the doctors are ordering. Then it is Easter. My parents arrive in town. We take one look at my dad and panic. He is bright yellow. The next couple of weeks are h***. His liver is obstructed and lymph nodes are enlarged. The shocking news- he probably has cancer. But even after CTs, MRIs, ultrasounds, colonoscopy they are not sure where or what. His condition deteriorates daily. He is so thin, weak, cannot eat. We are so focused on him that we block the trip out of our minds. I gently break the news to my daughters. Due to Pappa's being sick we will probably have to postpone our trip until fall. They are so stoic for 4 and 7 year olds.
Now instead of nail biting waiting for Disney codes we are waiting to hear test results. Why can't they find out what is wrong with him?? I go into nurse gear, find another doctor, push them further. They decide to try and place a stent in his bile duct to relieve the obstruction while they continue the diagnostic workup. We are stunned when the doctor doing the procedure tells us that he found a tumor in the esophagus. Then specialized lab work results are in. Appears he has pancreatic cancer as well. It gets worse. By this point we have no hope of a cure, but my dad is hopeful that surgery, chemotherapy, something will extend his life. After all he in only 69 years old and has a lot of life he still wants to live. But no, he can't even hold on to that hope. His liver is too stressed to tolerate chemo. It appears there is nothing they can do.
How long? Likely just a few months. We are stunned, shocked. So fast, no time to prepare, he went from healthy to sick almost overnight. He is very sick, but we watch and notice that he's hanging in there. Stubborn and obstinate can be great traits. My mom, sister and I whisper. What should we do? Five days to cancel (thank goodness ressies are through CRO!), Might as well just go ahead and get it over with. But, wait; is there any way he could make it to Disney? He needs it. It is his last trip. We need it as a family. Can we dare to hope? Five days ago they are at the doctor hearing more grim news. My sister is hesitant. She raises the question. Hmm, doctor, we have a trip planned next week, what are your thoughts? Bless his heart he gave us the answer my dad needed to hear. Go. The next steps can wait. The outcome will not change by waiting a week or two.
Oh my, panic. Are we doing the right thing? How will he make it? Quick, check out the disabilities board. Scooter, handicapped accessibility, we study up. Direct flight, good, not too taxing. We will take it slow. Saturday my brother calls from Maryland. He wants to go join us Wed-Sun. Great, but uh oh, need another room. Oh my rack rate is expensive! My sister tests Disney. Calls them Monday, shares her story. We already have AP rate on one room, could you please see what you can do. The CM checks and checks. First she asks for Wed-Sun. Nope, computer showing no availability. My sister is a pro. Break it down, check day-by-day. Lo and behold they can give her Wed- Friday and at the AP rate! CSR is booked solid on weekend though. Oh well, we will take what we can get and figure out what to do about the weekend once we are there. The old Disney comes through! Last minute panic planning. My parents, sisters and brother are leaving today, my husband and our girls on Friday.
My dad gets to go to Disney one last time. We get to be together as a family. It will be a slow trip, we will meet his pace. What is most important is that we are all together and maybe can block that horrible news out of our brains for a moment here and there. I am a realistic prayer: just let him have some joyful moments and not suffer in pain. Someone has been listening.
My dad just called. I am so thrilled that he tolerated the flight. Everything worked out as planned. He got wheelchairs at the airports and one when arriving at CSR. He is sitting in it now by the pool. The scooter is arriving tomorrow. The pool is right outside his room- he will be able to dip in whenever he wants. He says, I have to keep my shirt on though as I look like someone from a third world country. Are you still losing weight? Yes, but I trying real hard to eat. His stomach and legs are swollen with fluid and he is still jaundiced. He continues. The doctors called with the biopsy results today. We know the type of cancer. Your mom, sister and brother are at the food court. I wanted to let you know about the best room in the resort. We have it! They upgraded us to waterview! What time do you leave Friday? I will call you tomorrow, there are a few things I need to get at the grocery store when you stop, Gatorade and a few other things I thought of. No problem dad. Enjoy yourself, cant wait till we get there. Talk to you tomorrow.
His voice sounded strong. He seems happy. I start sobbing. I need to vent before I explode. Thanks for listening.
