My knee is so extraordinarily painful and weak. Any kind of uneven ground causes it to buckle and it is swollen and ugly all the time. It is just so hard to cope with. I should be grateful I can walk, right? I understand that I am 47 years old and what's the big deal, right? I keep hoping that there will be a sudden "surge" in improvement but it is getting worse instead of better. I just cannot cope right now. And I really, truly feel like no one understands. So, I am wallowing. Ignore me. I'll get over this. I promise. And then I'll be a positive, contributing loser again. Thank you for letting me vent. You guys are truly wonderful.
Cam, I do truly, 100% understand. When I had to have my leg/ankle rebuilt, bone grafts, etc, I was on crutches with no weight from July to Nov. In Nov, I had 2 months of crutches and walking book, Jan, I got to walk in the boot, and Feb, I finally went to an aircast. This was my entire senior year of high school. I had spent the previous 4 years working my TAIL off academically and physically, just to get accepted to Virginia Tech to cheer for them. I was in the best shape, up to now, of my life. I was on track to make both those goals. When they had their tryouts, I couldn't walk without a limp. Plus, I gained about 20 pounds in that time frame. I was devastated. I ended up going to a smaller college that had cheer tryouts at the beginning of summer, and made the squad. Well, one month into school, my ankle still couldn't hold up to the conditioning and tumbling required. So, I had to quit. I feel like I made a horrible decision, as I didn't like my college, and my heart was at VT. Looking back, I should have just given up on cheering, and gone on to VT anyway, but I was "out to prove something." Yes, I met DH in that time frame, which I wouldn't have if I had been at VT, b/c I wouldn't have been coming home every weekend. I graduated in 3.5 years, b/c I couldn't wait to be out of there, which wouldn't have happened at VT. Got a leg up on jobs, and got my "dream job" at the time of teaching K at the school I went to. I still want to quit life, and go live at VT for a while occasionally, and wallow in all that happened. My leg/ankle is killing me this am, b/c it's cold. I tell you this just to let you know that I understand. You are NOT alone. I was told I would have a 60% chance of resuming activity, assuming I didn't push recovery, and a 80% chance of walking normally. It's a sad, lonely, troublesome place. It's all encompassing. I get it.
And sometimes, even knowing there are those worse off than you, doesn't make it easier to accept what's been handed to you. You've overcome so much, and are truly in my top 5 BEST people I've ever "met", I can't help but think that such rewards are waiting for you. You may not see them on Earth, but there are stars waiting for your crown. You are on my "pour blessings abundant" list.
Wed the boss calls him in his office to tell him not to worry, nothing is really changing, everything is great, BUT he is retructuring his organization and is going to hire someone new for Mike and one other guy to report to (along with Mike's team.) So Mike came home so upset, basically feeling demoralized. He got into see the HR person today and she said, yep she can understand why he's upset, but she didn't think it was a demotion either, this guy just doesn't play well with others. She also told him she would back him up in looking for a new position either here or with another division in another state (which is where we were in January) but to make sure he knew what he wanted because it would burn some bridges. So, now we need to figure out what we want to do. I don't think he wants to work for this guy anymore, and really I don't want him to. So is this one of those pivotal moments in your life? And once he starts looking there are going to be some unhappy people--whether the position is here or in another state, and there is a good possibility that all he will succeed in doing is ticking people off and having his transfer blocked.
Rose, I understand this, too. DH's boss has some sort of mental disorder, at least he thinks so. He is very hard to work for, and every day, our conversation begins with "did you get written up today?" "Can you go back tomorrow?" We are constantly on pins and needles with this guy. He tells Brad one thing in the morning, and by lunch is yelling and has him in his office for doing it. Brad wants to leave the company, but jobs are scarce at his level ANYWHERE right now. We know if he leaves, he would be the low man on the totem pole when it comes to layoffs, which are happening daily in our area. The same situation happened to him, the boss put one of his croonies in over 2 depts, essentially creating a job. (Brad is over one dept. Everyone else that is supervisor over 1 dept. is salaried. When he created the "over 2 depts. job, that took over the salaried job Brad was supposed to have). So now, we're stuck in the "how many hours/days will he get to work this week", and living week to week. His "advancement" is limited due to this man. He deserves so much more than the crap he gets/takes.
I think this is a pivotal moment for you guys. You are in a great place, from what I can tell, to make that move. You have no family ties to keep you where you are. We've thought A LOT about moving to Blacksburg, (home of the Hokies) because it's in a much better place fiscally than our small town. My county is in the lowest (only 2 lower in the state) of teacher salaries. After 14 years of teaching, I have finally hit the avg. starting teacher salary in VA. But I can't leave my mom, and Brad's parents are here, too. For us, having our kids close to family is winning right now. Does Thomas want to stay South? I know you mentioned moving closer to him, but that is a temporary place for him. The "I'm dissatisfied with life" part of me says GO FOR IT! But I'll send some PPD your way for the best decision for you!
Hi everyone. I have been working on my project all day, every day, for the past couple of days. I even dream about it every night
Thats how much it is on my mind. Its funny because even in my dreams, I am working on my project. I got a call this morning from the organization who is sponsoring the conference. They told me that the other speaker will not be able to present, therefore would I mind speaking 45 minutes instead of 15. Additionally, they would like to invite the author of the study I am basing my research on to the presentation so that they can discuss my findings. So now I have all this added pressure to make my research perfect and now I have to talk for a longer period of time! So thats where Im at. I am leaving for the conference next Wednesday giving me a couple of days to get things right.
That's tough! I totally get the dreams, I dreamed the night before my first Pampered Chef show that I had to hit the brakes going to the show, and all the knives came flying at me! Good luck with the presentation!
Uggh. On the news they just said it's sleeting. But it's supposed to be 70 next week. Crazy weather! I found a pair of jeans. I debated and debated getting a bigger size, because honestly I can't gain an ounce with this pair. But I need to stop worrying about that. I'm not going to gain.
And I'd much rather have this size than another baggy pair.
We're in the same crazy weather pattern!!!! Congrats on the new size jeans!
I have to study for my tests. They are 2 weeks from tomorrow and I have so much more material to study.
Today, I bought 5 more workbooks. 4 were inexpensive and have extremely useful info in them, so they were some nice finds. The 5th is on grammar/editing. It was more expensive, but since it is a good percentage of the test, I justified it.
Good luck with those. I am SO not a test taker! You are going to be so prepared!!!!!
Yahoo, we got a check this week too. We had to pay about $1,800 at closing, but got back $2,200, so it was like a bonus. We were quite surprised!
That's great! We got a letter saying our payment needed to go up $50 a month.
Hoping your bp stays down!
1. Wt loss 34lbs.
2. ran 7 miles.
3. got my 5K time faster by 12 minutes.
4. Fit into clothes that I havent worn in years.
5. fit into my kids tiny recliners they got.
I know this is silly but I feel good being able to sit in them without worry of breaking it.
6. I dont feel so tired and sick to my stomach all the time.
Wow I have had quite an exhausting day. Ryans party went really well and I was so busy talking and hosting that I realized at the end I didnt even eat anything.
So I had one tiny slice of chicken bruschetta pizza I made and a cupcake. The kids ended up not even watching the movie...they just wanted to play.
Not sure why I thought a group of 5-7 year olds...mostly boys would sit for the movie anyway.
He got some nice clothes, a toy story puzzle, the trio block batman cave, and a few batman action figures. He was a very happy camper. Tomorrow is our family party......round two.
He will be on
tomorrow because he finally is getting his Nintendo DS that he has been asking for since june. I have to unfortunatly start the day at work with another flu clinic. Then everyone will be here by 3pm. Mostly likely I will get back on in the late evening so have a great saturday!
YAY!!!! Sorry you have to have a clinic today! Great list of accomplishments!
Got home around 4:30, made dinner, started laundry. At about 6:30 went to check on laundry and the downstairs was flooded with sewage...AGAIN! Only this time spread a bit further because there was no carpet/pad to soak it up. God really has a sense of humor. On my 'to do' list for the year was to paint/carpet one room of the house. Due to the 'flood' all but kitchen, 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms are being redone. Even the molding/woodwork. Not how I planned to accomplish it, but God thought this was best.
What a nightmare! I can't even imagine that! Sometimes I think "be careful what you wish/pray for". That's all I thought when AK quit gymnastics, like it was my fault for praying "Lord, help us to get out of this financial rut"
Not sure what we are doing today. We don't have a planned run this weekend--the first time since late April. We might go to the Y, we might not. It's kind of nice to not feel any pressure, since my next scheduled race is in February!
Enjoy the break!
Can you all tell I needed to feel useful this am? I need to feel like I am on helping instead of receiving help end for a while! Plus, I need a break from life. Hosting mom's pampered chef show here today, and I am bummed b/c it looks like another really low show. I can't let that get me down, and just focus on what I can do to make my magic sales quota. It won't be like this every month, with pressure for a high number, but I won't get my rebate on the start up kit, plus a lot of extra "perks" (free products to do shows with, free supplies like receipts and books) if I don't make a magic number this month. So I am feeling the stress. I know that in this ecomony, especially in our area, it's tough. So I completely understand low sales. I just keep running numbers in my head, what I need to do to get this number. I do have some shows lined up for Dec. that will help w/ bills and Christmas, so I feel positive about what I am doing in general, but I am stressing this 30 day mark.
QOTD: FOR THIS Challenge alone: Despite not running in 2 weeks, not being active on the thread, not journaling or counting a thing, I am maintaining right now. I have had 6 people this week tell me not to loose any more weight, that I am starting to look too thin in the face. Well, tell it to my belly.
I think the stress of life is showing on my face, but people are attributing it to weight loss. Mom told me I need to start curling my hair instead of straightening it, that I look "gaunt" with it straight. There's a word that's never been applied to me before.
But, I FEEL SO FAT! I look in the mirror, and HATE what I see. I used to feel good about it, but I guess I am having a hard time feeling good about anything.
AK is adjusting okay to being off team, but I cried for hours at her "farewell". It was AWFUL. Crying now thinking about it. Then last night, she told me she shaved her pits the night before, and her ****s hurt. I am not ready for that. She's not ready for that. Brad told me 2 weeks ago to make her start carrying a pad with her, b/c she had major PMS symptoms going on. She's only 11, I was hoping she would put off starting TOM for a few more years. I wonder if lowering her activity level had something to do with it. Her body is changing, her emotions/attitude are changing.
You knew I would get back on with a mega novel eventually! I have to go now. MAJOR lots to do today! We shampooed the carpets last night, they look so much better, but the house is a WRECK, and people are coming at 3.
I think about you guys often.
Thanks for all the support!
Taryn
You have inspired me to really set my goal at a reasonable weight, but not settle. Can you tell I really like that word? 
I feel like I need to wrap my brain around all of this before Mike and I start trying to figure out what to do.
I hope this is the end of it and your black cloud goes away...you are definitely overdue for some calm in your life!
Maybe have a glass of wine. I know what it's from...we are trying to work with our lender to adjust our mortgage - this has been going on since July - and they have filed foreclosure on us. We have a settlement meeting with them in court on 11/19 to reach our new agreement, so there will not actually be a foreclosure, but it's still out there. Anyway - today while DH and I were at the urgent care some realtors actually knocked on our door. DD was here with a friend and the realtors saw them through the window so they ran and hid in dd's bedroom while the dogs barked (good girls and dogs). DD said they sat there in our driveway about 15 minutes then they stuck a generic letter on our porch saying they have someone who wants to buy our house to help us out of our "financial situation." I'm angry and insulted and I think they need to be pretty glad I wasn't home! Am I overreacting? Perhaps. But this is my home and stay away from it and us! They crossed a line. 
We'll see how that goes!
