Betrayal

[tomthebarncat]

Start planning your future and protect yourself financially. I hate to say this but generally men who like prostitutes have had this issue for a while and it will probably continue to go on, regardless of who he is with. I also have been involved with someone who had a taste for hookers before he met me. Thankfully, this is in Europe where this is somewhat regulated, etc. I stopped dating him after he told me about, as I was disgusted and would always know that he likes that kind of sex! Personally, I find the whole thing, seedy and sleazy. Also, what healthcare professional would knowingly expose themselves to this kind of health risk? So not only has he betrayed you but he has also proven that he is an idiot!! Move on and take him for all you can get!!

 

[shortbun]

Can't get him checked out... he's not speaking to ME because I found out!!! What nerve! This guy's a DOCTOR!

Wow, I'd say you should do whatever you need to do to protect yourself financially. Contact an attorney right away and move on. If he's so arrogant as to put the blame of his buying sex on you then it's time to go. Get everything you can. Do not have sex with him again, you would be at risk for life threatening disease. I'm so very sorry. I know you are in horrible emotional pain but you HAVE to take care of yourself.

 

[Pugdog007]

Thank you so much for all the support. I need it desperately. He is/was my fiance, so there's nothing to get financially. That doesn't matter. It's my heart that's broken.

We just returned from the UK, and he'd asked me to download all the pics from his camera from our trip. I downloaded "all." There were some pics on there he did not intend for me to see.

 

[Jewel1310]

I am so sorry to hear that is how you found out Pug. That makes it such a shock. If he would do this to you now it will most likely happen again. This is a him issue and not a you issue.

I think it is too early for you to be grateful you found out before you were married but one day you will reflect on that. Right now you are probably in that awful stage of shock while you still have strong feelings for the person. That is the hardest part. This will get easier. You won't always feel this way. Until then please feel free to pm or continue posting.

Lots of

 

[kellyg403]

OP many many coming your way. What a terrible way to learn of what he did. It almost sounds like he wanted you to know...he had to know those pics were there.

While I know that your heart is broken and that you are upset, this is probably one of those times when you should look at the positives. There aren't any children involved (I hope) so you can pretty much make a decision based soley on what is best for you. Which I am assuming at this point would be to send him on his way. If he isn't talking to you, well good for him. Not only has he abused your trust, now that you know he is abusing you further by making you feel all the guilt and shame. More good news is that he can't handle it that is why he is making you the bad guy. Must mean you are one tuff cookie, heartbreak and all.

If it were me, I would take the high road and not speak to him back...move onward and upward and just be done with it. Unless he is willing to seek help and figure out why he has a need to visit prostitutes while on vacation with you..well I think you are in between a rock and hard place. And I would still check myself out. One thing I learned when dealing with my ex..he would tell me what I wanted to hear..not the truth. So even if he says he was using protection, get to a dr and make sure you are safe. Unfortunately, he does not sound like a nice guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That kind of worry you need to leave behind.

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I love that you had that discussion. I mean, it's kind of sick, but also not.

I only wish I had had that same discussion with my ex..I probably would have felt better sooner..

Kelly

 

[Pugdog007]

OP many many coming your way. What a terrible way to learn of what he did. It almost sounds like he wanted you to know...he had to know those pics were there.

While I know that your heart is broken and that you are upset, this is probably one of those times when you should look at the positives. There aren't any children involved (I hope) so you can pretty much make a decision based soley on what is best for you. Which I am assuming at this point would be to send him on his way. If he isn't talking to you, well good for him. Not only has he abused your trust, now that you know he is abusing you further by making you feel all the guilt and shame. More good news is that he can't handle it that is why he is making you the bad guy. Must mean you are one tuff cookie, heartbreak and all.

If it were me, I would take the high road and not speak to him back...move onward and upward and just be done with it. Unless he is willing to seek help and figure out why he has a need to visit prostitutes while on vacation with you..well I think you are in between a rock and hard place. And I would still check myself out. One thing I learned when dealing with my ex..he would tell me what I wanted to hear..not the truth. So even if he says he was using protection, get to a dr and make sure you are safe. Unfortunately, he does not sound like a nice guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That kind of worry you need to leave behind.

Kelly

To clarify, the prostitutes did not happen on the trip. The pics were date stamped Aug of 2008, one year into our relationship. And he did use protection. That part is very clear.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm sorry, pugdog. Here's wishing you strength to move on with your life.

 

[kellyg403]

I am so sorry..he must have definitely thought they were gone then. I guess I never thought about WHAT the pictures showed. Still get checked, its really important to do that. Things are not always 100%.

Kelly

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Unfortunately, this happens quite often in the hospitals. Usually, male doctors and female nurses (or at least around here)...
Most doctors I know are egotistical explicits that think they can do whatever they want.

Just a comment on this...

I know you said "around here"...

Wanted to say that in 25 years of working in hospitals with many, many overnight shifts under my belt, I've never even once seen this happen.

Not to say that it's never happened, but IME it's mainly a myth that's perpetuated on TV.

 

[tomthebarncat]

To clarify, the prostitutes did not happen on the trip. The pics were date stamped Aug of 2008, one year into our relationship. And he did use protection. That part is very clear.

Is he wearing a condom in the photos?? if not, you really have no proof other than what he says, and he is already proven himself to be untrustworthy. You are better off without him. Back in the day,my mom told me "men are like buses, if you miss one, there is always another one coming" at least in Chicago. You will live through this and come out a better person for it!

 

[Pugdog007]

Is he wearing a condom in the photos?? if not, you really have no proof other than what he says, and he is already proven himself to be untrustworthy. You are better off without him. Back in the day,my mom told me "men are like buses, if you miss one, there is always another one coming" at least in Chicago. You will live through this and come out a better person for it!

Yes the condom is clear in the photos.

 

[tomthebarncat]

Yes the condom is clear in the photos.

I am soooo sorry that this happened to you!! as a 47 year old woman who has seen it all, I really do feel your pain. I wish you all the best during this incredibly difficult time. What does your mama have to say about this?

 

[Rafiki31]

Ok I am calling on Oprah here for a favorite quote of mine:


" When people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM"


YOU have nothing to be embarrased about! HE should be embarrased not you!

My advice= call a lawyer.

IMO cheating is unforgivable, but in YOUR situation, how he is handling it is even MORE telling. He is not speaking to you because you found out? I think you should kick him out and tell EVERYONE why after the divorce is settled. Sounds like an arrogant jerk.

Kick him out!!!!! DO you have children?

 

[Pugdog007]

I am soooo sorry that this happened to you!! as a 47 year old woman who has seen it all, I really do feel your pain. I wish you all the best during this incredibly difficult time. What does your mama have to say about this?

I'm 40yo myself. He is 49. I haven't told my parents. They love him.

 

[N&B'smom]

I haven't told my parents. They love him.

They won't after you tell them.

 

[Carly_Roach]

My advice= call a lawyer.

Call a lawyer for what? They're not married.

My advice to the OP is to decide for yourself if you want to spend a significant amount of your life with this man. It is your decision and your decision only. You are in a fortunate place where you haven't made any firm commitments that are legal and binding.

If being married to a doctor and the financial stability and bragging rights is more important to you than his infidelities, then marry him. If the infidelities are going to be an emotional issue with you that will tear you apart, then don't marry him. If you do marry him and there are children, know that you will be tied to this man for the rest of your or your children's lives no matter what.

I know it's difficult dealing with betrayal, but you must find a way and decide how you're going to live your life. That's the best advice I can give you at this moment.

Actually, I have more advice: ask the moderators to delete this thread. If you wind up marrying this man after making an admission of this kind, the people who've read this thread will be hounding you mercilessly for years, bringing up his infidelity and their low opinions of you for staying with him over and over again until you finally slink off from the DIS in shame. I've seen this happen too many times with other posters.

 

[rie'smom]

Doctor, ditch digger, spaceman, doesn't matter. He cheated on you and now you have to protect yourself.

I think she meant that he's a doctor and should know better because of HIV, STDs, etc.

Just a comment on this...

I know you said "around here"...

Wanted to say that in 25 years of working in hospitals with many, many overnight shifts under my belt, I've never even once seen this happen.

Not to say that it's never happened, but IME it's mainly a myth that's perpetuated on TV.

Wow, lucky you. At the hospitals here and the next town over, they play revolving beds. In that other town, I don't know how the kids keep up with their step parents. It really is a mess.
OP, I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[johnsontrio]

Just a comment on this...

I know you said "around here"...

Wanted to say that in 25 years of working in hospitals with many, many overnight shifts under my belt, I've never even once seen this happen.

Not to say that it's never happened, but IME it's mainly a myth that's perpetuated on TV.

Have to disagree on this one. I have worked in hospitals since 1981. At every hospital I have ever worked in, there has been cheating going on. Some has been just casual s*x while others have been breaking up two marriages, dumping the exs and kicking the kids to the curb, just so the two cheaters can be together.

Almost every place I've worked has also had some skanky girl who sleeps around for sport, not caring if her latest conquest has a wife and family. Typically, the cheater guys know who she is and want in on the action. Over the years there have been multiple babies that actually were fathered by some other guy but the husband has no clue. That's my experience in more than 6 hospitals in two different states.

 

[aristocatz]

Can't get him checked out... he's not speaking to ME because I found out!!! What nerve! This guy's a DOCTOR!

Just wanted to agree that this is so typical of a cheater getting caught-he is likely mortified that he got caught and embarrassed about what he did.

One of my BFF's was married to a college professor for 20 years-she was also a professor in the same program. She caught him having an affair with one of their students AND another faculty member Even though he was clearly the *&%$ in that situation, he responded by immediately getting angry, packing his stuff, and storming out of the house. He refused to talk to her or even deal with it for months