Behavior of some children in the parks

[dolphindan1]

I think as parents a bad day should not determine how we discipline our children...I was brought up like a couple other posters with belts and switches....not abusive type stuff but if you were bad you got a spanking....I knew it too....I knew if I was bad my daddy was gonna spank me.....So yes I spank my children too....I spank them in public, on the church pew, in a resturant and they will get spanked in line.....If someone has to discipline my kids cause I didnt see the incident or something(it happens)...I will thank the parent....discipline my child and tell them to apologize....I was told by a friend who works for social services that a child will never get taken from its parents for being spanked but if it gets carried away or abusive leaving bad marks and stuff all the time then there will be problems....I am the daddy of 2 wonderful boys but they are boys and they do act up especially when they are together...the little one starts most of it too....I also have bad days, headaches etc but I try to be firm and consistent no matter how I feel or my day is going....I see parents sometimes who you can tell have had bad days and are just screaming at there kids....I dont believe that is apprpriate and is not teaching kids a good lesson....I know people have there on ideas on spanking and timeouts etc....but I think there is not exact science to it and as long as the child is getting the point then its all good.....I have leaned more with my oldest about to turn 9 to grounding....take that Playstation away for a day or 2 and wow the results....LOL

I love some of these responses....especially the target philosophy....will that be taught in College???

 

[Marseeya]

From early on I established "the look." That's all it took. (I got that from my mom, and she still gives it to me.)

As a young mom of then a 2 yr. old, and infant twins, I never had the need to lock cabinets, cover outlets, etc. They knew what "no" meant. I would take all three shopping and if someone started something we left immediately. We would take them to very nice restaurants at young ages without incident.

I don't understand today when I go out and they have these huge carts (with the little cars on them) for kids. They are annoying. Kids just need to learn how to behave without entertainment.

I have never been able to master "the look," unfortunately But I agree with the rest of what you've said. One of my kids has a behavior disorder & bipolar, so I learned very early on to nip things in the bud well before he got out of hand. If that meant walking out of a restaurant or store before I was finished, then so be it. I wasn't about to allow my child to ruin it for everybody else.

Regarding the entertainment, I know someone who has one of those TV/nintendo/VCR things in her van and she has to have it on for the kids just for a quick trip to the grocery store. Yikes! We were pretty poor when the kids were real little, so we didn't have one, but they were really well behaved on a long car trip.

 

[noopy]

I agee this is very disturbing and that physical harm should not be tolerated. I did have to laugh when reading your post (in a pathetic way) because all I could picture for the "stop" and "be nice" is all the times in Willy Wonka when Gene Wilder would tell the "naughty" children, "No, stop, don't" -- without an ounce of emotion or conviction -- before they were about to do something bad and possibly harm themselves!

Of course, what's funny in a movie is not funny in real life Sad, but not surprising.

And do you know I read that book to my 4th graders at the beginning of every school year? I love discussing the characters with my students, and they love criticizing the parents in the story for how they allow their kids to behave! They don't often have the opportunity to diss grown-ups in school! You can always tell which students begin to realize that their parents are like the ones in the book, and that they share some of the character traits with one or more of the "nasty" little kids! Not that I encourage their thinking, of course...I call all of them my "Charlies"...
Willy Wonka is the man!!!

 

[Poohgirl]

I was going to say out of this... I am a parent that sees the stares, and hears the the murmurs, "not my kid" reflected at me. I will let my child have a meltdown and peacefuly ignore him until he calms down (I will draw the line in a restaurant, though). My son hits his brother even after the 20,000th time of "no, hitting is not allowed". My son is a beautiful 7 year old who looks and speaks normally but...my son is autistic. If you have never been around an autistic child, even a high functioning one like my son, you do not know that they can not be "made" to do much of anything they don't want to do. Most of the time he is a great kid. However, His entire life I have gotten the stares and comments that he is a spoiled unbehaved child for having a meltdown, that I should discipline, spank him or control him better. Only once was I mad enough to say something about him being autistic to one of these people. I am just happy that my son continues to show improvement. So I appologize in advance to all of you who no doubt will see my son, this normal looking boy having meltdowns due to overstimulation, or him acting inappropriately in some way on our upcoming trip. If it seems like his mom is ignoring you when you stare in amazement at how awful parents are nowadays, I am. Just remember how lucky you are to not have to deal with it.

 

[Aidensmom]

We have received compliments on DS3's behavior many times, but there are times when for whatever reason he just behaves really terribly, especially if he is overstimulated. I normally do discipline him, and have no qualms about doing it in public places. When he is behaving badly, however, I can speak to him in a "firm" voice all day long and he appears to never hear me, so after telling him the same thing calmly 5 times or so and getting no reaction, I yell, and I mean YELL, in order to get his attention. Then everyone looks at me like I am the worst mother in the entire world, same thing they would think if I did nothing about his behavior. And yes, this has happened at Disney, and I have heard the "whispers" about me that were not very flattering. My point is that sometimes the parent may feel like they can't win either way because someone is going to judge them for whatever they do. Incidentally, I am also one of those mother's who "ignores" temper tantrums - on the advice of my pediatrician whose opinion is more important to me than a bunch of people I will never see again.

 

[noopy]

I was going to say out of this... I am a parent that sees the stares, and hears the the murmurs, "not my kid" reflected at me. I will let my child have a meltdown and peacefuly ignore him until he calms down (I will draw the line in a restaurant, though). My son hits his brother even after the 20,000th time of "no, hitting is not allowed". My son is a beautiful 7 year old who looks and speaks normally but...my son is autistic. If you have never been around an autistic child, even a high functioning one like my son, you do not know that they can not be "made" to do much of anything they don't want to do. Most of the time he is a great kid. However, His entire life I have gotten the stares and comments that he is a spoiled unbehaved child for having a meltdown, that I should discipline, spank him or control him better. Only once was I mad enough to say something about him being autistic to one of these people. I am just happy that my son continues to show improvement. So I appologize in advance to all of you who no doubt will see my son, this normal looking boy having meltdowns due to overstimulation, or him acting inappropriately in some way on our upcoming trip. If it seems like his mom is ignoring you when you stare in amazement at how awful parents are nowadays, I am. Just remember how lucky you are to not have to deal with it.

I can understand well. I have taught autistic children and those with Asperger's, as well as emotionally disturbed students. Training to work with these children was an eye opening experience which most people will never have. I currently work with ADD and ADHD students who are mainstreamed.
My first post was influenced by witnessing a number of incidents each day we were in a park or at our hotel. Any number of things could have been going on with those children, but there were too many incidents of physical harm for me to believe that every one had a special circumstance behind it. In general, I think many of us agree that parenting has changed in both positive and negative ways, and one of the negative changes involves discipline and parental responsibility. I see it as a teacher, too, unfortunately. However, there will always be parents who have challenges that go beyond what most of us have to face as we raise our kids. You have my admiration and my prayers.

 

[lsteadman]

Since they are letting their kids act like this, who is to blame, the kids or the parents? I blame the parents, I really don't care if the parents are tired from the parks or not, they should not let their kids act in such a manner. (Waiting for the flames)

[/QUOTE]


The parents are too blame! I totally agree no flames from me!

You must lead by example!

Well said! If you think its bad in the parks - avoid the Disney Cruise. I have some video tape that will make you cringe. Nanny 911 has nothing on these kids on the video tape. The sad thing is there parents were right there!

That is the way of the world...ignore you kids...give the video and cable to babysit them.

Geeesh!

 

[Poohgirl]

Any number of things could have been going on with those children, but there were too many incidents of physical harm for me to believe that every one had a special circumstance behind it. In general, I think many of us agree that parenting has changed in both positive and negative ways, and one of the negative changes involves discipline and parental responsibility. I see it as a teacher, too, unfortunately.

Noopy, agreed. And thanks, my older son is mainstreamed ADHD as well, (didn't I hit the parenting lottery) so I am sure you do understand the difficulties.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

My children are normally reasonably well-behaved, but when I do discipline them in public I get attitude from other adults! A few weeks ago I was at the grocery store with DD 10 and DS 7. They were in the middle of a "buy me this, mom" phase and were both driving me nuts asking for different fruits and veggies - since their requests were for healthy food, I gave in. However, they then started demanding other items and picking at each other for the remainder of our time in the store (in case you're wondering, I did not give in to the later requests!). By the time I reached the self-checkout, I had spoken to both and they knew my fuse was about to run out. They began arguing over who could run the items over the scanner and, as I started to say I'd scan everything, DS lunged for the scanner and dropped a package of baby carrots, which came open and scattered into the cart and onto the floor. I informed DS that "he broke it, he bought it," and would have to pick up the carrots and wash them when we got home. I didn't yell, but the tone of my voice clearly indicated that I had had enough. Both children put the carrots back into the container and sat quietly while I finished scanning. To my amazement, the clerk supervising the self checkout area glared at me, slammed the receipt on the counter rather than hand it to me, and snorted and turned her back on me when I offered the signed receipt back. Sheesh!

Darned if we do, darned if we don't...

 

[crazymomof4]

In general, I think many of us agree that parenting has changed in both positive and negative ways, and one of the negative changes involves discipline and parental responsibility. I see it as a teacher, too, unfortunately. .

Voicing the observations of another teacher:

Just wanted to add that the teacher of my DS8 (he is the only one of my children currently in Public school) have discussed this at length. She has been teaching for over 30 years and she also feels that there has been a change toward the negative involving discipline and parental responsibility. She told me recently that often at the end of the day she feels that she spent way too much time disciplining the unruley children and not enough time teaching. She said feels that she is shortchanging the children who are well behaved. This frustrates her. I feel badly for her. We love her...she's a sweetheart!

 

[Lizzybee]

Now THAT is child abuse! ------- Just kidding!

I love it! That would work in a number of situations. It allows kids to realize how their behavior affects you and others. LOL -When I do something like this, I think it jolts my kids bc. they think, "We've done it now, she's going off the deep end!"

Just wondering......did you notice any funny looks from other shoppers in the Target?

Yes I did get funny looks and giggles but it seemed that they understood what I was doing. If not...so what, I used my "go to a Target further away so people don't know you" trick as well

 

[lucyanna girl]

When my now 13 year old daughter was small and not in the best of moods while out in public I would tell her if she mis-behaved we would go to the ladies room and Discuss It. She has always been a wonderfully easy child to deal with and the mere idea was enough to end any problem. One day while in the ladies room for the usual reasons we could overhear a mother and child in the next stall. The mother was really chewing the little girl out about something in a very loud and commanding tone of voice. My little Sarah turned to me and whispered " Mama, are they cussin it?"

 

[disneyaggie]

A bit off the subject, but here's what my parents did when my younger sister and I were much smaller. During Christmas, my sister and I would start arguing and my Mom and Dad were at their wits end.

So whenever we started to argue, one of my parents would say, "Go and get a gift from under the tree and bring it to me". Well, knowing that we were to lose a gift was bad enough, but now knowing what we were giving up was even worse! This certainly did the trick though! We did not argue much anyway, but especially during Christmas.

Oh, and by the way, when we went to bed at night, my parents would hide the gifts we thought we gave up back under the tree, hidden under others. Sneaky, but it worked!

 

[micksterlee]

I worked retail for many years and the thing that used to frost my pineapple was when the kidswould practically destroy the store leaving merchandise every where and the mother would respond with "just leave that these people get paid to clean up messes".The other jaw dropper was when a kid would be doing something malicious or maybe even dangerous and you politely told them to stop they might get hurt and the mother would reply with "you know I don t have to shop here if my children bother you".

 

[Stacey2grls]

One of my DD's 4, has mild PDD and sensory/behavioral issues. Even though she is generally very sweet and easygoing, she does have her moments. When we are in public I give her "the look", and I explain that we will leave if her behavior doesn't change. This generally works. Especially if we are in a restaraunt. I would never ruin someones meal that they are enjoying because I simply cannot remove my child. I never understood this practice of letting your child cry/tantrum in a place like a restaraunt. I do understood that some children especially autistic children, that explaining simply doesn't work. But, this is a different' story. I can only imagine how hard it can be sometimes. But for all the other parents with their "well their just kids", save it, and reprimand your children!

 

[Martha7]

We were at Les Chefs for a noon lunch last Sunday afternoon. There was a husband and wife and their young (maybe 2 or 3 year-old) daughter sitting at the table next to us. The child really raised a ruckus, and it was clearly disturbing everyone in the area. The manager came over to them, and was trying to help, but must have suggested that they take the child outside, because the mother actually responded with, "She's just trying to get us to do what she wants." The manager replied, "It's working..."
By that time, the little girl was screaming bloody murder, presumably because she was bored and wanted to go somewhere else. My back was to them, but my DH reported that at the beginning of the meal, the girl was coloring directly onto a plate, and that the mother had her feet up on an empty chair next to her. That was the only shocking display we saw over the course of the week. People seemed to be in a great mood with the terrific weather, and everyone was very polite and considerate in general. I told my family, "I can't wait to get home and post this on the DIS!"

 

[DisneyGirl2005]

Tink&SquirtsMom - Your situation is exactly why I said we don't always know what people are going through. I am so sorry about your friends baby. I just can't imagine the pain. I do want to ask you though even in your distressed state, do you think you would have let your children hurt each other or someone else? Would you have let them destroy products in the store? Would you have let them remain in a dangerous situation. From what you have said you do not sound like that kind of parent. Kids who are just fussing, picking at each other, or having a tantrum, are not the children I am referring to. These are just part of life when you have more than one child. Except for the tantrum - it doesn't matter how many children you have, but it is still part of life. Just have to hope they grow out of it. The only time I feel it is wrong to let a child have a tantrum is in a restaurant. In that situation it just seems rude to not take the child outside or into the bathroom to deal with it. The other diners have nowhere to go. My DS13 had one when he was about 3 and my DS7 has never had one. I don't think their lack of tantrums had anything to do with me, I just got lucky.

Poohgirl - I honestly do not know much about children with special needs, whether it be autistic, ADD, ADHD, etc. I still contend though that parents should keep their children (special needs or not) out of danger and dangerous situations. Also if a child (special needs or not) is in someone else's personal space doing something wrong, I think the child should be corrected and/or removed from the situation. As far as a special needs child throwing a tantrum, read my response to Tink&SquirtsMom. I think people in general need to get over giving parents dirty looks when a child is having a tantrum. Again I do not know much about autism and I certainly do not want to offend. I hope I didn't.

I hope I have explained myself well. I speak better than I write, but hopefully this will come across correctly.

 

[eeyore kelly]

you know I don t have to shop here if my children bother you".

I would have replied with, "Thank you, I'd appreciate it."

 

[mimif1]

Must have been my niece and nephew the OP saw! As much as I love my family, I don't get my DS and BIL's. Their kids are the out of control ones at the restaurant (under other people's tables, etc ). Even my kids are embarrassed to go places with them. We went to Dollywood with them, and my niece was climbing all over the rocks at a pond area (right under the sign that says DO NOT CLIMB ON ROCKS). I told her to get down and told my sis and she said "She's not hurting anything" Well, surprise, she fell in and cut her leg. Of course, they also didn't like Disney. Too crowded (during spring break). Maybe she was adopted!

My daughters have also discovered that the better behaved they are, the more grown-ups like them. I think of it as positive manipulation! They figured out early on that they got special attention from grown-ups when they behaved nicely. As their cousins get wild, they start behaving better and better. The contrast is hilarious to see. Not to say that they don't have their moments, but they tend to save them for me at home.

What drives me crazy is the fact that because my kids behave, they are seated next to the trouble makers at school. Don't get me wrong, I understand why teachers do this, but it drives my poor DD9 insane. It would be nice if she got a seat mate that was a hard worker and quiet, but so far, she never has.

 

[Baloo]

This thread has run it's course .Remember folks this is a trip planning board not a debate board.