Behavior Challenge Thread

[C&G'sMama]

Becky,

Sending warm thoughts and pixie dust your way. You sound like you are usually the caretaker. It's hard to be the "caretakee". Do your best to line people up to help. If anyone offers help, don't turn it down because of pride.

Good luck.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

How you feeling Becky and Churchlady? I was wondering about you!

Hey, you all might get a kick out of this:

I am making ADR's for our June WDW trip. My Aunt and Uncle want to got to Poly Luau show, so I ask my kids if they want to go, too.

DD (8) says, "Hey, Toby, want to go see the luau? There are dancers and singers and they throw fire!!!"

DS (6, Aspie) looks like he's going to faint- totally bugeyes

DD says, "Well, not AT you!!!"

DS looks very relieved.

 

[bookwormde]

Oh that is very funny, sounds like DD really “gets it” and is a very effective “translator” for DS

bookwormde

 

[koolaidmoms]

Hoping you are doing well Becky.

Just listening to my DS and not knowing what to do to help him. I understand he is 5 and has Asp. so impulse control is a serious issue. Most of the time I can work with it but for some reason we just can not reach him tonight.

For a child who is so concrete in his logic and thought patterns why can't he see the logical conclusion if he screams at me and throws a temper tantrum?

He had been out of control in the car so I ask him to do something very simple and logical like go upstairs quietly get yourself together and put on your pajamas so we can all watch Horton Hears a Who together. I will call to you when you can come down. He started screaming at the top of his lungs, making faces, stamping his feet. I asked him to please go upstairs. Still the screaming temper tantrum. Now he is not able to watch the movie. This is a regular occurance with so many different things.

I am frustrated because I just don't know what to do. I try to talk him through it when things are okay, he seems to understand but then something sets him off and he starts a screaming tantrum. To me (I know I don't think like he does) but if he puts everything in these blocks why can't he see where this is going to end up if it is always the same?

 

[bookwormde]

Once the anxiety level goes up significantly the ability for logical thought goes down (sometimes exponentially), and multistep directions are out of the question. The best I can offer is to let him decompress in his own place and own way (as long as it is safe). The good news is that typically with maturity it does get better.

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

Thank you BookWormde (from Koolaidmoms other half (me)).
He's asleep now. We didn't let him watch the movie but we did each go upstairs and sit with him and talk to him. We had a discussion of how we can still love him even though we are mad at him. He doesn't get that. So DP (koolaidmoms) explained that anger and hurt come and go but loves is always in our hearts. He may not understand that at an emotional level but hopefully he'll get that at an intellectual level.

 

[bookwormde]

We have the exact same range of emotions as NTs with the same depth of feelings. It is just in the expressive ability and the ability to pick up on the more subtle expression of these by others, along with not needing the constant social “reassurance” that is required by NTs, that there is a differential and these differentials are increased when anxiety and the expressions of frustration that come out as anger occurs.

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

We have the exact same range of emotions as NTs with the same depth of feelings. It is just in the expressive ability and the ability to pick up on the more subtle expression of these by others, along with not needing the constant social “reassurance” that is required by NTs, that there is a differential and these differentials are increased when anxiety and the expressions of frustration that come out as anger occurs.

bookwormde

OK,

That makes sense.

Thanks

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Koolaidmom and C&G's Mama, I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but Bookwormde is right. Age does help and these "storms" will dissipate in a while. My DS, now 6 1/2, had a terrible 4th and 5th year. By the time he turned 6 it got better.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Koolaidmom and C&G's Mama, I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but Bookwormde is right. Age does help and these "storms" will dissipate in a while. My DS, now 6 1/2, had a terrible 4th and 5th year. By the time he turned 6 it got better.

Thank you. It absolutely does help. I can't express again how much we appreciate this board. The advice and support are invaluable. We are all from different places and may have different opinions on various things. But we all share this common bond. To be able to have this forum to come to where everyone "gets it" is very comforting and from a practical standpoint helpful. Because of advice we've gotten here, we've backed off on homework and it seems to be helping.

As an aside, he went to his first "big" chess tournament yesterday. He was one of 2 kindergartners so he got a medal for coming in 2nd place among the kindergartners. They group the kids by K-2, 3-5 and 6-8. But then they award by grade level and other things. Every kid gets a prize whether or not they get a medal or a trophy. DS chose noise putty (it makes "passing gas" noises). I think he wore the medal to bed. He won 1 of 4 games (which is good for him he doesn't usually win any). But the positive here is he didn't throw a tantrum each time he lost. We don't care if he loses every game, that's not why he's there. The biggest piece to me is he remembers to look at his opponent when they shake hands. That he is not wandering all over. And when the older NT kids were running around and out of control he knew enough to stay away and come over by me and tell me they were being inappropriate.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

G& G's Mama, Good for him. That's a lot of stress and excitement- a chess tournament. I agree that you should be over the moon about the details of the day. Those would be celebrated at our house. Yay you!

We had a majorly good milestone today. DS has been fixated on musical instruments, notably the French Horn (say it all together, "Cause it's French!"), which is fine. He does get it naturally, I suppose. Anyway, i had gone Friday to the local music shop to inquire about trumpet lessons and I told him about it. Big Mistake. I had to listen to him beg for a trip to this Heaven of a thing called a Music Store. Would I buy him a thousand instruments?, etc. Substitute your own kid's nagging here:

So today his dad and I take him to the Music Store and he was high- I mean like meth was pumped into his little system by narcotic faeries. Lunch was torture and so was the car ride over there. Uncontrollable glee and fear and anticipation over the Music Store.

I made him repeat over and over again,"I am not buying anything. I am looking with my eyes. I am not playing instruments. I am looking with my eyes". As we we walking in, his sister says, "I'll walk with him and make sure he follows the rules!"

TO my surprise, both DS and I say "NO!" at the same time. Then DS says, "I can do this myself! I know the rules!"

And by God, the little bugger only looked with his eyes and never pestered the sales people and was totally cool (though still very excited). When it was time to go, he left without incident. We then took him to the book store and bought him a huge book on Orchestra music with a nifty CD to listen to all the instruments, which he played with for 4 hours today. Now he's passed out on the sofa taking a nap from all the excitement.

So, see, it will get better. We've gone from "storms" over the light switches and fans to "I know the rules!" and I am thanking all the effort and all the people beside me who helped make this evolution possible, especially my son.

I'm all for enjoying the little stuff. Baby steps.

 

[C&G'sMama]

:

I'm all for enjoying the little stuff. Baby steps.

Very Cool

 

[mechurchlady]

PLOP

I am back from 4 days at DLR all day and a tiny wheat reaction. Mom was pretty good this weekend during the even and even ordered ham.

So what is the latest baby steps? How is everyone doing? Does anyone want Calvin who did the hallway, where are my snacks, instead of the kitchen.

Remember it is microscopic steps and it is hard to let them go but you need to let the bird fly even as you are yelling WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE and are running after the birdy with a catcher's mitt waiting to catch the birdy who astounds you with its graceful winged moves..

For Becky
Hugs and chocolates for everyone
Laurie

 

[saveaquarter]

I just read through this entire thread and all I can say is WOW. My husband has Asperger's, which I've mentioned in other threads, and even though the traits have always been there (though less pronounced than recently) the official diagnosis didn't come until very recently. The insight you've all offered in this thread, as well as the shared experiences I've seen have been pretty amazing.

One of our current battles is getting him to drink more water. He's had some serious dehydration issues and is almost constantly running a fever due to some other complications (a whole mess of things boiled down to one word: lupus) and burns off water very fast, but he honestly just wont be bothered to drink it. One idea we're going to try is having him create a pattern with the number of bottles of water he needs to drink each day, and mark it out on the countertop. As he finishes a bottle, it goes in one of the marked circles, and the pattern needs to be completed before the end of the day.

 

[mechurchlady]

I met someone at the Dis Divas event who did not know that bookwormde was a guy but I can say that bookworm really has impacted her life. Thank you bookworm for changing our lives.

I spoke too soon about mom who was soo good. She started screaming for me then dinner. It is hot dogs and the side dishes are all fast except rice which sets on the stove and the whole meal takes about 20 minutes. Full out screaming for me and not waiting for me for two minutes. This time I finally was prepared. I just told her no and that she was making things worse. To start seeing her flaws and not mine. She did not eat much for dinner which means she was in a meltdown/shutdown as she quits eating when she is upset. Any stress or anxiety and she is set off.

Insert cuss worses. I hate being a neurovariant when my life is ruined and it was a ahrd day with mom because I know what is wrong with her but cannot get her to grasp that anything is wrong with her. I know she was hungry and panicked over starving to death and low sugars. That snowballed into the screaming and fights that were stopped mostly.

I am sostressed out that I am going to eat as many candies and chips until I pass out from allergies and then I will be happy. I have my own neurovariations and do nto need stress. I miss peanut butter cups and that egg was so burning rich and decadents. I do nto care if I get sick as I cannot take it any more. I feel for my mother but she needs to work and fight the neurovariations and hypersensitivity instead of letting it ruin our lives.

Oooh almond roca or sweet tarts or mini mr. goodbar? All of them. See you in the morning, hugs and dole whips, laurie

Waves to new person and glad to see you join us.

 

[BeckyScott]

Okay, I am here, minus one gall bladder.

Went to the surgeon Thursday and he scheduled me for surgery Friday morning. Everything went fine.

I am going to play catch-up online for a bit, I'll be back shortly.

 

[bookwormde]

Glad to hear everything went OK, my DW had hers out about 10 years ago (lap), be sure to rest, take care of yourself first and do not push to much for the next few weeks.

bookwormde

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Yay! Everyone is back!

Saveaquarter, nice to meet you. I learned something a while ago- one of the Aspie characteristics is that they are very thirsty for some reason. This has only been anecdotal, but I find it to be true. My son is constantly thirsty and if he tunes it out, he is miserable. Work hard on that water thing. It's very important. And I feel bad for him with the lupus. I had a friend with it and it's not easy. Don't lupus patients have hydration issues, too? One of my son's things is that he hates plain old water, so I try to mix it with juice or a little Tang so he gets enough. He says regular old water is too "hard" in his mouth. I know they did a study that any liquid counts in the actual hydration department, so I guess anything he likes to drink is good, even watery fruits or soups. I give my son tons of soup for the water in it.

We're good cheerleaders here, so stop in when you need to.

Mechurchlady, the post before your mom got upset was super sweet. I like the bird analogy, especially the tree part!

Becky, I still like you minus the gallbladder. I can't tell at all. Still the same old Becky.

My son must be going through some kind of wiring problem again. I thought he was excited about the whole music thing, but he's been been really "high" and got in trouble for touching people at school. I think the time change is a hard thing for him, plus the weather is nuts here and I wonder if the fluctuating barometric pressure affects him. Bookwormde? Any thoughts?

 

[saveaquarter]

Saveaquarter, nice to meet you. I learned something a while ago- one of the Aspie characteristics is that they are very thirsty for some reason. This has only been anecdotal, but I find it to be true. My son is constantly thirsty and if he tunes it out, he is miserable. Work hard on that water thing. It's very important. And I feel bad for him with the lupus. I had a friend with it and it's not easy. Don't lupus patients have hydration issues, too? One of my son's things is that he hates plain old water, so I try to mix it with juice or a little Tang so he gets enough. He says regular old water is too "hard" in his mouth. I know they did a study that any liquid counts in the actual hydration department, so I guess anything he likes to drink is good, even watery fruits or soups. I give my son tons of soup for the water in it.

We're good cheerleaders here, so stop in when you need to.

J eats a ton of soup as well! He doesn't drink much of anything in general, and usually nurses one bottle of water all day. He also says anything but the nestle bottled water tastes funny. I may see if he'll like those crystal light pouches made for individual bottles to make things a bit more interesting. The change in color and flavor would be appealing to him, I think.

Some lupus patients have serious kidney problems, and the biggest and easiest way to avoid that is by keeping very well hydrated. We've dodged a huge bullet, and J hasn't had any trouble there. He had protein in his urine at his last doctors visit, though, and they think it's largely a dehydration issue, so we really need to work on that.

I drink a gallon or two of water a day, the idea that people don't do the same just baffles me!

Thank you!

 

[koolaidmoms]

J eats a ton of soup as well! He doesn't drink much of anything in general, and usually nurses one bottle of water all day. He also says anything but the nestle bottled water tastes funny. I may see if he'll like those crystal light pouches made for individual bottles to make things a bit more interesting. The change in color and flavor would be appealing to him, I think.

Some lupus patients have serious kidney problems, and the biggest and easiest way to avoid that is by keeping very well hydrated. We've dodged a huge bullet, and J hasn't had any trouble there. He had protein in his urine at his last doctors visit, though, and they think it's largely a dehydration issue, so we really need to work on that.

I drink a gallon or two of water a day, the idea that people don't do the same just baffles me!

Thank you!

Be careful of the sodium contents in the soup though especially if you are using canned condensed soups. I learned the hard way the EXTREMELY high sodium contents more than cancel out any liquid benefit they offer.

I am not a great water drinker but I found if I set out two half gallons of water on the counter and after breakfast I had to drink one half gallon int he time between then and before I could eat my lunch and the second one between lunch and before I had my dinner over the course of the morning and the afternoon I would do it.

Hope this helps some.