Behavior Challenge Thread

[KirstenB]

Ok guys, bear with me here...I'm thinking out loud (in writing )...

I wrote a whole letter about how slanted the addendum is. It REALLY IS! They focused on every single splinter skill my dd has and IGNORED any mention of any issues. Ok, but then I started thinking (I'm not one to play games but maybe I'm being forced into it)....

WHAT IF...I didn't say ANYTHING about the assessment or the addendum at all. Then, when (or if) things go haywire at school I'll be able to point to this assessment and say "She WAS doing this, She WAS doing that, now she can't or isn't doing ANY of this". What if I use THEIR report to prove or "justify" regression of skills???? What if I can point to the report and say "She was fine THEN. What happened?"

Am I way out in left field here?

That popped into my head as I was about to send it, I thought maybe I should think about this.....


Any opinions???

It may well come to that. I'm not up on special ed law beyond a very basic understanding. When I read your update, I thought, shoot, this kid may well have to really sink for them to do something. I can't remember if your dd sees an OT outside of school. If she doesn't, it might be worth finding one, to help her manage sensory issues, and teach her coping skills, etc while you guys are figuring out your next move. My heart really goes out to you.

So much depends on what school district you're in, as to what kind of services you'll receive, or what state you're in. I can remember wishing we lived in NJ when our dd was dx'd with ASD, since there seemed to be a consensus on Autism Speaks that NJ was a "good" state.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Happy halloween everyone!!! Enjoy the day!!!

 

[bookwormde]

BeckyScott, congratulations on a great thread (1000 posts, who would have thought).

GraceLuvsWDW.

One thing I forgot to ask, was this the formal evaluation IEP meeting? (Stated as such in the meeting notice agenda, all participants listed on the notice, procedural safeguards etc.)

If so adding anything post meeting is a violation and you should formally notify them (I never let anything go unanswered just for the “record” even if I know it will make no difference immediately). Also if it was the “formal meeting” there is a time limit for filling under due process (I am thinking it is 60 days but you should look it up to be sure).

If this was not the formal IEP evaluation meeting the clock is still ticking on thire compliance with the time limitations.

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

It was the formal meeting.

I noticed I signed but did not select a box "agree" or "disagree".

Also, the Appendix was added AFTER the meeting. I never saw it at the meeting! Is the appendix supposed to list all the strengths and none of the weaknesses? What is their motivation for painting a "better" picture than what is actually true? To avoid ANY question of eligibility?

I know I am a wimp, but I really don't want to drag this out forever. There are cases such as these that drag for YEARS with everyone hating everyone at the end. That just WON'T be good for dd (and it really wouldn't be good for my mental health either). I have to find a more amicable way to solve this. I agree with you Bookwormde, I cannot live with myself unless I contest that highly inaccurate letter. Can I post my rebuttal letter here and see what you think?

BeckyScott, I echo the thanks on this thread! Without it I would be much less informed, feel much less supported, and have nowhere to vent!
Thank you!

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Wow, can you believe it? Our lil' ol' thread is such a THING! Grace, should Becky, Bookwormde, C&G's Mama and Koolaid Mom and I come to town and stage a sit-in or something? Cause I'm getting tired of these people pushing you around. You seem perfectly informed and rational, and that's making me even more mad. Adding an Appendix after the fact? Are they kidding? I could wear my best menacing look. I bet Becky has one, too.

I get your drift about the twisting the "evidence" back against them. I thought the same thing myself. Hell, why not hop the poor child up on Red dye#40, sugar, and whatever else she's allergic to and then get her good and sleep deprived for a few days, take away a couple of her soothers, and THEN see how fast they sign her little butt up for services. I agree that's a giant step into bass-ackwards to wait for her to fail before helping her. My school has the opposite philosophy for the most part and it's worked out well.

C&G's Mama, wanna start a ASD football team with our giant sons? My kid is the one standing on the field waving at me, pretending to be pink poodle, and apologizing every time some other dude bumps into him. Thankfully we have not had a "violent" outbreak in a while, but my car seat backs have permanent hollows from DS being mad about stuff. One day, his foot might end up someplace I can't dislodge it very easily from. Can you imagine that 911 call,"Officer, could you bring the Jaws of Life? Someone needs to extricate my giant son's foot from my a@#!".

At the Disney Store the other day, this very sweet woman came it looking for something for her two 5 year old twins. We didn't have what she needed and she said she felt bad for them because her husband was leaving her that day (as in divorce). She said her boys were both autistic, not potty trained yet, and her husband had had enough, gotten a "squeeze" on the side, and was moving out. She didn't even have an attorney yet. The entire time she was so calm and rational. I talked to her for a while about ASD, and told her it gets better. I got the impression her husband was trying to use the kids against her. I felt so bad for her, and yet she seemed almost relieved he was possibly leaving. I ended up giving her my number, which I know is a highly risky thing to do, but sometimes I think Baby Jesus sends people your way for a reason, IYKWIM. She said she was so busy with her boys, she didn't even have a friend in this town, and her family wanted her to do anything in the world to stay with this SOB. She said her husband felt that kids were ASD because of her.

Can you imagine? Well, yeah, most of you can. Breaks my heart.

DS had a Percussion Instrument lesson the other day. Found a place that has teachers who are in the local university orchestra. The guy that teaches his also does piano and thought it would be great to use a bunch of different instruments with DS to teach him music theory. DD had a violin lesson, too. Super nice young adults there. Fingers crossed!

Do you think I'd be nuts to try to find other people in my area to make a Special Needs 501 (c) 3 that would be a "Safe Place" where the kids can play, have social groups, and parents can meet? No therapy for adults or anything like that, just a place where we can go to feel "normal" and do brainstorming like we do on this thread? It's been something I've been thinking about for a while now, but I keep meeting people like us who just want to help their kids and not get THE LOOK. I know I've talked about this before (and Becky is going to design the clothes, remember?). But what good is all the talk without any ACTION?

 

[carrie6466]

It was the formal meeting.

I noticed I signed but did not select a box "agree" or "disagree".

Also, the Appendix was added AFTER the meeting. I never saw it at the meeting! Is the appendix supposed to list all the strengths and none of the weaknesses? What is their motivation for painting a "better" picture than what is actually true? To avoid ANY question of eligibility?

I know I am a wimp, but I really don't want to drag this out forever. There are cases such as these that drag for YEARS with everyone hating everyone at the end. That just WON'T be good for dd (and it really wouldn't be good for my mental health either). I have to find a more amicable way to solve this. I agree with you Bookwormde, I cannot live with myself unless I contest that highly inaccurate letter. Can I post my rebuttal letter here and see what you think?

BeckyScott, I echo the thanks on this thread! Without it I would be much less informed, feel much less supported, and have nowhere to vent!
Thank you!

I had that happen to me earlier this year. We had a school-level meeting that was just myself and dh. For 'them" it was her sp ed teacher, speech therapist and the school psych. After we signed off at the meeting, what was on the written IEP in the mail, was totally different and contained things never even discussed.

After spending literally my whole summer from May 1 - Aug 22 arguing with them and getting nowhere, I hired a special education advocate. The first thing the advocate did was have the IEP thrown out because what they sent me was NOT what I had signed. The next thing he did was get dd's classification changed to Autism rather than multiple disabilities, as we had the medical dx for over a year and the district wasn't even looking at it. No one ever looked at it until he made them. Then they got on it and sent dd for a neuropsych eval. They found exactly the same as my doctor found. Their dr. actually came up with more than my dr., due to the executive function tests he performed. DD had never had them with our doctor.

I definitely would not let them get away with adding anything after you signed off. Make it known, in writing, to everyone involved that this was not what you agreed to. I wish I could be more help, but I do think you are doing an amazing job for your DD

I also worried that I was going to start out dd in first grade with everyone hating me and her having to do the next 12 years in the district. They all know who I am now but, everything is going fine. I don't think there are any ill feelings. They are doing their job, trying to save the district a buck. I am doing mine, trying to get my dd what she needs.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Grace, should Becky, Bookwormde, C&G's Mama and Koolaid Mom and I come to town and stage a sit-in or something?
I could just see the 2 moms from New York coming to Texas, maybe if we just threaten to come down it would be enough to get them to do their job

I get your drift about the twisting the "evidence" back against them. I thought the same thing myself. Hell, why not hop the poor child up on Red dye#40, sugar, and whatever else she's allergic to and then get her good and sleep deprived for a few days, take away a couple of her soothers, and THEN see how fast they sign her little butt up for services. I agree that's a giant step into bass-ackwards to wait for her to fail before helping her. My school has the opposite philosophy for the most part and it's worked out well.

Isn't that awful. There have been times I've thought the same thing to get DS to act out when we were in our intake for services. If I just say such and such I can get him into a good tantrum


C&G's Mama, wanna start a ASD football team with our giant sons? My kid is the one standing on the field waving at me, pretending to be pink poodle, and apologizing every time some other dude bumps into him. Thankfully we have not had a "violent" outbreak in a while, but my car seat backs have permanent hollows from DS being mad about stuff. One day, his foot might end up someplace I can't dislodge it very easily from. Can you imagine that 911 call,"Officer, could you bring the Jaws of Life? Someone needs to extricate my giant son's foot from my a@#!".
It's always nice to hear we're not alone. And as for football my DS would be the one saying(okay yelling at the top of his lungs) It's not fair I NEVER get to carry the ball. Why does Jimmy always get the ball I HATE this game... but then he'll want to go back the next week and still not understand why no one wants to give him the ball

At the Disney Store the other day, this very sweet woman came it looking for something for her two 5 year old twins. We didn't have what she needed and she said she felt bad for them because her husband was leaving her that day (as in divorce). She said her boys were both autistic, not potty trained yet, and her husband had had enough, gotten a "squeeze" on the side, and was moving out. She didn't even have an attorney yet. The entire time she was so calm and rational. I talked to her for a while about ASD, and told her it gets better. I got the impression her husband was trying to use the kids against her. I felt so bad for her, and yet she seemed almost relieved he was possibly leaving. I ended up giving her my number, which I know is a highly risky thing to do, but sometimes I think Baby Jesus sends people your way for a reason, IYKWIM. She said she was so busy with her boys, she didn't even have a friend in this town, and her family wanted her to do anything in the world to stay with this SOB. She said her husband felt that kids were ASD because of her.

I absolutely believe God puts people in your path. If it felt right to give her your number than it was God telling you to do it, don't 2nd guess your gut (cause that's God talking and you can't say no to Him) (of course that is why we just brought in a cat and are adopting a 7 YO St. Bernard but that's another story...

Can you imagine? Well, yeah, most of you can. Breaks my heart.

DS had a Percussion Instrument lesson the other day. Found a place that has teachers who are in the local university orchestra. The guy that teaches his also does piano and thought it would be great to use a bunch of different instruments with DS to teach him music theory. DD had a violin lesson, too. Super nice young adults there. Fingers crossed!
Cool

Do you think I'd be nuts to try to find other people in my area to make a Special Needs 501 (c) 3 that would be a "Safe Place" where the kids can play, have social groups, and parents can meet? No therapy for adults or anything like that, just a place where we can go to feel "normal" and do brainstorming like we do on this thread? It's been something I've been thinking about for a while now, but I keep meeting people like us who just want to help their kids and not get THE LOOK. I know I've talked about this before (and Becky is going to design the clothes, remember?). But what good is all the talk without any ACTION?

No you're not nuts and I think it's a great idea. You have already done so much for your DS maybe you're being called to help other families and your own kid at the same time.


Good Luck and keep us posted.
-A

 

[bookwormde]

DisDreamMom.

What a great thing reaching a hand out to this mother who is a time of need (one “friend” can make all the difference in her life and that of her 2 children), some risks are worth it, I am a firm believer that we exist to make a difference, otherwise what is the point. If she is computer savvy have her join us on DIS.

GraceLuvsWDW,

I forgot that it is important to exert your rights to have independent evaluations done by non-school selected personnel , paid for by the district. There are also time limits on initiating this so formally notifying the distinct of your intent is important.

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

GraceLuvsWDW,

I forgot that it is important to exert your rights to have independent evaluations done by non-school selected personnel , paid for by the district. There are also time limits on initiating this so formally notifying the distinct of your intent is important.

bookwormde

They told me specifically I could not do this (select the IEE Dr myself). THEY pick the IEE Dr. So technically, that could just be more testing on dd with their skewed interpretation. Or, they told me, if she again has highs and lows they still won't classify her. So the problem is not in the testing, it's in the INTERPRETATION of the results. They argue that her strengths compensate for her weaknesses (on paper). That they are not "obligated" to educate to a level that meets her intellectual capabilities or "address the deficits" as long as the overall output/production from her is average or better. Do you think another MD classifying as AS would trump their "interpretation"? They said they don't have to align with DSM.

My belief is that there is just NO WAY I am going to get a classification or IEP from them until they see, for their own eyes, her issues in an extreme manner. This will not be long. There was a substitute teacher on Friday and I KNOW there were problems in the classroom. DD is ramping up the mornings, she is getting "used" to the environment and soon the meltdowns, defiance, and aggressive behavior surely will rear it's head in class. I won't even need to help it (as was mentioned with sugar and sleep deprivation although I did have a when reading that!) because it WILL happen. They've known dd for 3 months, I've known her for 6.5 years. These issues are not ones that spontaneously resolve with the right teacher. This teacher (for whatever reason) is either choosing or being "encouraged" to only see the strengths and downplay the weaknesses. Perhaps she has faith it will resolve over time (as is what happens with NT children) so when she sees the worsening (as is what happens with dd as a school year progresses) my guess is she's going to be standing up and saying something. She already emphatically mentioned dd "needs more attention that the other children" and they interpreted that in the Appendix as "she seeks adult interaction".

I think I am going to fire off my letter questioning and disputing the Appendix, but sorry to let ya'll down I don't really want to go to DP or stretch this out forever. I am going to inform the advocate (my advocate wasn't as good as others the Austin advocates I talked to said to go to DP, this one said NOT to because it will make enemies at school) about the "bait and switch" they pulled with the new Appendix. Can I request MY OWN Appendix be attached????

On another note, I sure wish just ONE of these educational diagnosticians and administrators spent Halloween at my house. This difficult day of the year really makes her differences stand out. She had a complete meltdown when a neighbor (who she's known all her life!) came over dressed as Grim Reaper. Black face, robe. DD lost it. She began wailing and hitting at him and herself and me. I don't know if she couldn't reconcile that she knew him or that it was just too scary to deal with (it wasn't really scary, just spooky). That blew the WHOLE NIGHT. She wouldn't go up to any doors, only the ones of our neighbors that she knew. We walked with friends of hers and they would go to the doors, but she would not, not even if I went with her. She wanted the candy but could not overcome her fears that had been activated by the neighbor earlier, and had not come down from that "fear" even at bedtime. Others wonder "what's wrong" with her when even the littlest kids can warm up to the neighbors dressed up scary after a while. I thought perhaps, this was the year we would be over that, as it happens every year, but no such luck. The only bright side is that she didn't get a bunch of candy "junk". She did get a finger cuff toy which further provoked issues in the night when she paniced and couldn't get them off. I'm a bad mom because I snapped a picture at that moment (which made her mad) but I thought it was kindof "cute" she didn't know how to get them off. My dd DOES NOT stand for anything that she can remotely construe as mockery, she mistakenly construes mockery if anyone laughs in her vicinity.

Hope everyone had a good Halloween and enjoyed an extra hour sleep!

 

[carrie6466]

They told me specifically I could not do this (select the IEE Dr myself). THEY pick the IEE Dr.

Then it is not an IEE.

So technically, that could just be more testing on dd with their skewed interpretation. Or, they told me, if she again has highs and lows they still won't classify her. So the problem is not in the testing, it's in the INTERPRETATION of the results. They argue that her strengths compensate for her weaknesses (on paper). That they are not "obligated" to educate to a level that meets her intellectual capabilities or "address the deficits" as long as the overall output/production from her is average or better. Do you think another MD classifying as AS would trump their "interpretation"? They said they don't have to align with DSM.

My belief is that there is just NO WAY I am going to get a classification or IEP from them until they see, for their own eyes, her issues in an extreme manner. This will not be long. There was a substitute teacher on Friday and I KNOW there were problems in the classroom. DD is ramping up the mornings, she is getting "used" to the environment and soon the meltdowns, defiance, and aggressive behavior surely will rear it's head in class. I won't even need to help it (as was mentioned with sugar and sleep deprivation although I did have a when reading that!) because it WILL happen. They've known dd for 3 months, I've known her for 6.5 years. These issues are not ones that spontaneously resolve with the right teacher. This teacher (for whatever reason) is either choosing or being "encouraged" to only see the strengths and downplay the weaknesses. Perhaps she has faith it will resolve over time (as is what happens with NT children) so when she sees the worsening (as is what happens with dd as a school year progresses) my guess is she's going to be standing up and saying something. She already emphatically mentioned dd "needs more attention that the other children" and they interpreted that in the Appendix as "she seeks adult interaction".

I think I am going to fire off my letter questioning and disputing the Appendix, but sorry to let ya'll down I don't really want to go to DP or stretch this out forever. I am going to inform the advocate (my advocate wasn't as good as others the Austin advocates I talked to said to go to DP, this one said NOT to because it will make enemies at school) about the "bait and switch" they pulled with the new Appendix. Can I request MY OWN Appendix be attached????

I wiil just say this: if you let them get away with their bait and switch, they will continue doing it for the next however many years you have to deal with them. I only say this because that is what I went through with my son. I am not a 'wave maker' most of the time.

Hope everyone had a good Halloween and enjoyed an extra hour sleep!

I copied this direct from the Wrightslaw website, hope it helps:
What is an IEE?

Federal law defines an IEE broadly as "an evaluation conducted by a qualified examiner who is not employed by the public agency responsible for the education of the child in question." 34 C.F.R. 300.503.

Thus, an IEE is not limited to evaluating only a child's academic or cognitive skills, but may include the evaluation of any skill related to the child's educational needs. Evaluations of neurological functioning, adapted physical education, sensory needs, even music therapy, are but a few examples of the types of IEEs covered under the IDEA. Parents may obtain an IEE, for virtually any purpose if it impacts the child's education

When Parents & School Staff Disagree

When parents and the school district disagree about the need for an independent educational evaluation (IEE), there are certain conditions in which a school district may be forced to pay for the evaluation. If the parents present an evaluation that the school district previously refused to conduct, the school district may be required to reimburse the parents for the costs of this evaluation - if it is determined that the evaluation provided information which impacted the child's education, services or placement.

Additionally, if the parents disagree with a school district evaluation and request an IEE at public expense, the school district must obtain the IEE and pay for it unless the school district requests a due process hearing and the hearing officer rules that the IEE is not needed. 34 C.F.R. 300.503.

In other words, the school district cannot simply refuse the parents' request for an independent evaluation. The district must consent to the IEE at public expense, or request a due process hearing and prove to a hearing officer that the school evaluation was sufficient. Finally, if a hearing officer orders an IEE during the course of a due process hearing, it will be conducted at public expense. Id.

http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/test.iee.steedman.htm

this is just in case you want to read further.

The way I am reading it they can't simply refuse to do an IEE. Maybe I am wrong, but that is how I interpret this. I apologize for the length of this post.

 

[bookwormde]

The district can not limit you to just a set of clinicians of their choosing, what they should do is supply you with a list of those they have used for you to determine if they are qualified and if so you can use them otherwise you get your own qualified clinicians and send them the bill (the cost has to be reasonable and customary).

If parents could only use clinicians specified by the district (and typically under contract with the district) it would not meet the independent qualifier in the standard (this is not to say the you may not have to fight to get reimbursed but if none of their clinicians were qualified in Aspergers then winning should not be a problem.

The other way to get around this issue is once you have the list of clinicians if you find any that are questionable; you have every right (as all patients do) to ask for formal documentation as to the qualification and experience with Aspergers children. And if you want to up front, let them know that you intend to have the results reviewed your clinicians and if they find inconsistencies you will filing a complaint and will have them formally reviewed by the professional standards board for their profession (this will scare off most “unqualified” clinicians).

I also recommend that parents ask what organization each person performing the initial evaluation has their license and their experience with Aspergers, and when you get to the point of playing hardball you ask for their license number the regulatory body that covers their license.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

I could wear my best menacing look. I bet Becky has one, too.

I don't do the menacing look. You know the "silly Mommy" look? The one that "they" give you, teachers and doctors, when they think that you're saying something stupid? It's sort of a wide-eyed stare with optional eye-roll. That's what I do. I give it back to them. They have it perfected, so they should recognize it when they see it.

Oh my, there is way too much I want to comment on here and I am being ding-dong-ed by The Sugar Boys who are going thru some sort of computer withdrawl.

We had oldest DS's b-day party last night. Oh, never do that. I mean, it went fine, you know, but our house is small and even 6 boys it was a little much. I did decide, though, that once a boy hits a certain age (like around 11 or 12) that birthday parties should consist of gathering every play system and controller you can, shoving them all in your living room, and throwing a bag of Doritos into the middle of the mob about every half hour. That's all they really want and they'll think it's the greatest party ever. No need for cute paper plates or for cleaning your toilet.

The funniest thing was a couple of the boys, later in the evening, thought it would be funny to hide in our front yard and scare trick-or-treaters. They didn't know my DH very well. Full camo, snuck out the back door and around... Don't mess with the Master.

 

[BeckyScott]

Okay, they're leaving me alone for a little bit longer.

Grace, you just need to decide what you want to do. They're going to fight you every step of the way, including (apparantly) lying to you to get you to go away. They will skew the file the way they want. And they will keep messing with you every year and not quit.

This is just my not-a-professional advice: You either need to find someone that will help you that knows the law really well (either a good advocate or a lawyer) who is someone scary enough that they'll take notice. Or you need to get the *heck* out of there.

Walking away doesn't mean they won. It just means that you *choose* to not waste your energy on them. That you have more important things to deal with.

Fighting it means also that you will be dropping her off every morning at a place where you don't trust the people there.

They've lied to you for months now, and the lies are getting more and more outrageous. They know they're lying. They have about a bazillion cards up their sleeve and they're teaming up on you. "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." Ghandi. Just thought I'd throw in a good quote. Unfortunately, IDEA is pretty complicated and it's near impossible to take a crash course in it. What you could do, is get a copy of the WrightsLaw IDEA book and take it with you, and the next time they tell you something obviously stupid, is say "Would you please show me that in IDEA?" You do not want to walk into due process without a lawyer, not with the history you've got.

Having said that, I do know a woman here that had to do that whole thing, you know, and in the end she really doesn't know if it was worth it or not. Did she win? Yeah. Did it end up such a mess, stress, distrust, was it worth it? Not sure.

IDEA is still sort of messed up that way. It was put in place just fine, but there are enough loopholes in it, plus it is complicated enough, that most school districts have figured out how to twist it to their advantage.

edited to add: I am sort of going thru the same stuff with oldest DS. The problem is, you see, that his IEP is for OHI for ADHD. Therefore, the school regards him as just a nuisance child with ADHD. On top of that, he's not medicated and they know it. I explained why, but I'm sure they don't care. What they see is this unmotivated lazy ADHD kid whose mom won't drug. They aren't bothering to look at anything else, any testing that was done on him, because his IEP is for OHI. They have put all the ADHD kids in this tidy box of unmanageable unmotivated problem children, and that's how they view him. I don't know what to do either, I'm much better at giving advice than knowing what to do myself.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Becky, I am loving your description of the party. Too funny. Yeah, at a certain point, I think I'm the only one who really cares if the toilet is clean anyway. Also love the story about your DS and the camo. It's like Dwight on the Office.

Grace, I am also reading your latest posts and thinking to myself, "Does she really just need 'permission' or the blessing to go back to private school?" Becky is right: sometimes you win the war, but the fallout is toxic. Is there a better option that you trust and will work with you and is financially viable? In Fl, I remember that if the school could not help you, then they had to pay for private school tuition. Is this something that is true in your district and they are stonewalling you to avoid you using the "nuclear option"?

Becky, I much prefer the Patronizing Look to the Menacing one. Nothing creates more tension in a room of condescending people trying to tag team little old me than sitting calmly and taking it, then being more patronizing than they are. Learned it from my mom, the master. Oh, the gifts we give our children...

 

[BeckyScott]

Ah, DisDreamin, the passive-agressive gene.

My passive-agressive gene causes me to play nice in meetings, then afterwards whip out a 3-page letter that I cc to everyone one even remotely involved. Because I perform much better in writing, and when I have time to edit.

I have also noticed a trend lately- and Grace you're part of this I think- where schools are providing the standard-issue-stuff and regardless if your child is IEP'ed or not, they provide the minimum. If it is not enough, then you're going to have to pay for something better. Grace, in your case, that would be a private school. In my case with oldest DS, that would be a math tutor. Or the issue with his handwriting, it's cheaper and easier for them to throw him an AlphaSmart (since they already owned it) than to give him OT. Basically, they'll give you the minimum and if you have a different idea of "minimum" then you're going to have to start writing checks. Which stinks, because I don't know a one of us who has extra money laying around in the bank. I don't know how they can expect a parent- at a school where way over half the kids are on free or reduced lunch- why they think you'd have enough money to pay a private tutor. But that's your decision, so it's turned back on you, it's your fault if you decided to buy groceries instead of paying some friend of theirs $20 an hour.

Grace, they've showed you what they're going to offer, and if you don't like it, apparantly your choice is to severly downsize your budget and probably get a second job, so that you can afford to give her the education she needs. Or you fight it and end up with an ulcer and on anxiety meds which of course will also cost you money, but that's your decision, it's not their fault.

Oooh, sorry, ranting again.

Grace, DisDreamin is right. Especially when she agreed with me. If you need permission to pull her out, you've got it right here, from all of us. Or if you decide to Due Process it all the way to the Supreme Court, we'll stand by you. Trust your instinct because it will lead you the right way.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I sent the email stating that I DO NOT agree with the Appendix. Sent that to the general and the principal. I edited out all my opinions and emotion and just the fact based statements. Received an email reply stating they would respond to my email and that response (from the general) copied the Director of Sp Ed for the District. GOOD!

You guys are so right about giving up on this school and going to private. This is probably where this is all heading anyway. I'm just trying not to make snap decisions that might disrupt dd.

Has anyone done a qEEG on their child? Is it worthwhile? Anyone know anything about whether or not the info received from that test is useful?

Thanks!

 

[BeckyScott]

I am not familiar with a qEEG.

However. While it may be beneficial to you, as a parent, to have the information, it probably won't do a bit of good at the school.

The medical diagnosis and educational diagnosis do not have to be the same. Okay, yes usually they are, but they don't have to be. Even if you find out something with that test, the school can still claim that it doesn't qualify as an educational diagnosis, and you're still out of luck.

A child can have a medical diagnosis of Asperger's and not qualify for an IEP. They probably should, yes, but if they're coping okay without one then they won't have one. A child can have an ADHD diagnosis and not have an IEP, that happens quite a bit, around here it's more usual for them not to have one. Youngest DS doesn't have a Behavior Plan as part of his IEP because he hasn't needed one, they won't do one until it becomes an issue. You have to prove that the condition warrants the IEP, that the child can't go without it. They're already saying that's not true. In your case, I doubt another medical test is going to get them to change their minds.

So it depends on why you want it. If it's for your own information, go for it. If you're wanting another piece of paper to drag back to The General and The Mob to prove Grace's need, it isn't going to do you any good. If you are planning to take it to due process and bring in a lawyer, it may or may not be useful. IMHO, you'd be better off saving the money and using it for tuition.

I'm just trying not to make snap decisions that might disrupt dd.

Read that again.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I didn't mean to get the qEEG for the school. The school tests are confusing to me. There's super low areas in memory and expressive language that have made me wonder. Also, the school obviously questioned the AS dx, I wanted another diagnostic opinion.

However, I spoke at length with dd's OT today. I really trust her opinion, she has been the one that had led me mostly in discovering dd's issues and pointing me in the direction that I need to go. I questioned her about the school's opinion about the test results and she said she absolutely believes the AS dx is accurate and to not get "hung up" on the school's take. She believes dd will present in a way that will make them believe very soon and to not shield that from happening. Kind of like what others here were saying, not to make her suffer through the handwriting, etc and just write a note saying "we tried to do this but she refused." She thinks the behaviors will "ramp up" as time goes by. She said not to get too bent out of shape over all that's happened and just to be very polite and matter of fact when I disagree with anything at the school. In other words, don't make waves, but don't "fall" for what they're trying to do either. Just be consistent and firm but not disagreeable, just always act in the best interest of dd. I think that's good advice. We may end up at private school. We probably will.

Right now I'm taking it day by day. DD is not harmed by the school not "recognizing" her differences. She may not be learning at her full potential right now but I am just going to take it day by day.

We had an especially good evening tonight! At bath time she actually opened up to me and spoke about how she feels at school. This was a rare occurrence! She talked about why she doesn't play with anyone at recess and how she thinks 1st grade is too easy. She says the teachers don't listen to her. I talked to her about how to express herself to the teachers. She didn't fight me or have the usual negative, shut down reaction. We went to her calm down corner together and played a game. She was just a kid and we laughed and had a good time. It was a good bonding time. She resisted bedtime but no major fight and I laid down with her and told her everything was gonna be ok and that I loved her. She was so snuggly and sweet! Ahhhh, what a nice evening!

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is wrong I forget to look at what is right. A child that is so curious and smart. While it can be emotionally turbulent, it can also be sugary sweet!

Hope everyone's night was as good as ours!

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

edited to add: I am sort of going thru the same stuff with oldest DS. The problem is, you see, that his IEP is for OHI for ADHD. Therefore, the school regards him as just a nuisance child with ADHD. On top of that, he's not medicated and they know it. I explained why, but I'm sure they don't care. What they see is this unmotivated lazy ADHD kid whose mom won't drug. They aren't bothering to look at anything else, any testing that was done on him, because his IEP is for OHI. They have put all the ADHD kids in this tidy box of unmanageable unmotivated problem children, and that's how they view him. I don't know what to do either, I'm much better at giving advice than knowing what to do myself.

That's my take on public schools: they refuse to help you when it can do some good, then when the kids are REALLY struggling they blame the parents. How CONVENIENT for them! They're never responsible!

 

[KirstenB]

Grace,
That sounds like a fabulous evening with your dd!! I'm so glad. Sometimes when you're in the midst of something so big, those moments are extra special. I'm glad your dd was able to talk about her feelings----that is a huge step----hugs to you both!!!