Behavior Challenge Thread

[bookwormde]

Great everyone had a great time, I am not sure I could handle a drum set even with it being music.

It is really nice to have friends and family that see past the difficulties and realy apriciate what is special about out children.

bookwormde

 

[bookwormde]

For those of you who are “readers” there is an interesting review of a new biography of Paul Dirac called the strangest man in the NYT book review section on 9/13 page 14. DW spotted it and though it in front of me (not a chance that I am going typically be anywhere new this section).

bookwormde

 

[KirstenB]

Grace, I like the excerpt of your letter. You are so intuitive, and honed right in on exactly what you need the school to do to provide support for your daughter. You were very specific, and I think that's really smart.

DisDreaminMom--drums!!! ackkkk!!! I'd be trying to figure out how to add another outbuilding on our property!!!! I'm glad your ds had such a great birthday.

 

[bookwormde]

Today was a good day, found out that Michelle Garcia is going to be presenting at the UP campus above Exton Pa (about 25 miles from me) in November. I will post the information when the formal notice comes out in case anyone in the region wants to go.

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

Hello,

Just checking in to say Hi(I should be sorting socks and getting ready for work, and I will.

DDM, glad the part was a success. How cool that he got all those instruments, even the drum set. Sounds like music is a place he likes to channel his energy.

The jury is still out on the school year. This is only their first full week so we'll give it time (we're just a tad impatient). DD loves school. DS, it's really hard to tell. We go for our intake next week for the behavior group.

OT - we caved in (to ourselves) and are going to WDW in December. We took advantage of the "free" dining. We booked POP and paid the extra to get the DDP vs the counter service. My SIL and possibly my brother (her husband) are coming with us. My SIL is the greatest and is just a big kid at hearts. Their DIL and grandchildren may or may not join us. They do things pretty last minute. This is what gets me through my busy season (now, which you can't tell since I'm sitting here) at work.

Have a good day all.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

C&G, woo-hoo, nothing gets my mind off my probelms like an upcoming Disney trip! That's my THERAPY.

An update on us:

They are moving my dd to 1st grde on Monday. After a follow up meeting with the principal they are now being very accommodating to my dd. My dd will go to the counselor's office each Friday for assembly and the counselor will work with her on getting her to a point where she can handle the assemblies.

Now my current dillemma (sorry there's always something!) is that I am supposed to pick a teacher for my dd. There's 2 classes and I sat in on them this morning. I'm supposed to give them an answer ASAP.

Teacher #1/Class #1-The stereotypical 1st grade teacher from your past. Grandmotherly, kind, very organized and her class was amazing! They were all at desks, interacting as civilized people, raising their hands, and sitting nicely on the floor for "circle" time. Mild redirection to students but really none of the students seemed anything other than kind, smart, and respectful. She stated "If we have 20 students and one student is sick, how many are here today?". All the kids raised their hands.

Teacher #2/Class #2-A former Sp Ed teacher who has only been teacher Reg Ed for 2 years. Very young woman, perhaps 6 years teaching altogether. Her class was a mess! Kids laying on the floor, laying across the tables, looking all directions, constant redirection. There's an aide in that class due to a vision impaired student and the aide was in the corner reading a book! The class was more free-form discussion, with many students talking out of turn.

Here's my take: Putting her in class #1 would probably be best for her long term (Am I dreaming here?) with the structure, the calmness, etc. but I don't see that teacher allowing any misbehavior (and that's a good thing-most of the time). Class #2 would possibly be less anxiety prone for her because it's not as strict so she would have a teacher who understands children who might have neuro differences. And I keep thinking: I only saw 20 minutes in each class what if I have the wrong impression? I was sold on Class #2 before I went to observe now I a second guessing.

Any opinions?

 

[bookwormde]

GraceLuvsWDW

Glad to hear the school is getting serious again about meeting your daughter’s needs (at least for this week)

Well here is my take on it for what it is worth.

Class #1 will be much easier form a sensory sensitivity point of view that from your description of your daughter is where the majority of your daughter’s most serious challenges are derived from. A family (grandmotherly) demeanor can be very helpful if they bond.

Class #2 The teacher may be inherently more flexible, however the environment seams a little chaotic for your daughter to be comfortable in.

My instincts say class #1 with this caveat. Call and talk to the teacher of #1 and see if she is willing to “get up to speed” with the needs of an Aspersers student (by reading some of the basic texts on it such as Attwood), and will she have the flexibility to adjust her classroom for some of the characteristic and manifestations that come along with an Aspergers child. I am thinking particularly of the EF limitations and the tactile/movement needs. Will she be able to adapt the curriculum to a more visual format with limited social complexities and to the higher level of cognitive abilities your daughter has keep her engaged and not bored If she is willing to “go back to school” to be able to “get it” and is willing to work with you and your child then I think your daughter might have a great year. If she is “set in her ways” then that is a recipe for disaster. Do not be shy about letting the teacher know about your daughters intelligence (if you have the IQ scores share them, as I am assuming he is in the 98+ percentile if they were administered correctly).

The fact that teacher #2 lets the para do “nothing” when her primary charge’s needs are met really would concern me. Remember that as you get the classification and if your daughter needs it a para for her it is certainly in the things to consider as part of the IEP and it sound like with the nature of the either class that it is a very good possibility. (if one of the classes was a co-teaching class or had a good “ranging” para already then maybe less so).

If it turns out that the classroom that you choose does not meet your daughter’s need’s (and cannot be easily adapted) once the IEP team is in place they can always specify accommodations that would be better met in the other class (actually probably easier to make the change from classroom #1 to #2). Making these types of choices is always a bit of a gamble or leap of faith.

bookwormde

 

[KirstenB]

Grace, I vote for class 1. It sounds very orderly, and as if the teacher has spent time defining expectations, etc. With very young children, I think that's ideal. No distractions, nothing to take the attention off of learning. Also, I think almost all young kids like boundaries, and guidelines, again, it sounds like this teacher has established these.

 

[BeckyScott]

yeah, I'm voting for #1.

We've had both of these situations with oldest DS, although his needs aren't the same as your daughters-- at the time, he didn't even have an IEP but he was showing the ADHD signs and some learning problems.

The SpEd-turned-regular-teacher was nice and helpful. And she was very aware of newer research, blah blah blah. She wasn't as free-form as the teacher you're looking at though. But she was easily able to "think outside the box" and often approached regular school lessons in an untraditional way.

The Grandma-teacher was the best teacher DS has ever had. I always thought, if she's been doing it for 20 years, she's seen about everything. Which was true. She was teaching back in the day when IDEA wasn't there, and when ADHD kids were just Hyperactive, and she figured out how to do it then. DS ended the year on the A-B Honor Roll and with a great sense of self-esteem.

If your daughter gets a para, the Grandma-teacher will expect a certain level of professionalism from her.

If your school is small enough to only have two classrooms per grade level, that's about the same size as our kid's school. The teachers all know each other well, if Grandma gets stuck on how to deal with your DD, she will likely turn to the other teacher for ideas.

It would also be a good idea if possible to actually speak with the teachers ahead of time just to get a vibe. You're going to want open communication, and the personality of the teacher is going to be more important then their papers.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Check in?? How's everyone doing? I should be sleeping but can't so thought I'd check in with everyone.

We are in the 2nd full week of school. DS threw a fit over the weekend when we asked him to write in his journal for school. The teacher gives the kids a question over the weekend for them to answer. This week's was "what do you want to learn about in 1st grade". Well after quite awhile of screaming we finally got out of him "There is no answer I know everything". When we "drilled down" it boils down to he feels like all the work he gets is stuff he already knows. We requested a meeting with the teacher which we were going to wait on. She ended up asking us to wait but assuring us they were getting a plan in place. It sounds like they are on the right track but we will monitor the situation. She also said they were working on other things like social skills. Light bulb went on that we don't have all of the information from school and they don't have all or the information from us. We let her know we were going for intake to get him into a social skills group.

We really like this teacher and think it will be okay. But we also want to be sure that his academics aren't neglected even if he is ahead of the curve. We've asked him if he'd like to do "mommy school" year round and he says "no". So, we'll see.

 

[bookwormde]

Things are moving along OK for us also; DS has acquired sinus allergies (me to) for the past few days so that is causing some issues. We a working on selection of a book for a book report (always a project), it is supposed to be a historical fiction (antithesis of anything DS is interested in), of course he ask if it had to have “people” in it. Any suggestions would be welcome!

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

Things are moving along OK for us also; DS has acquired sinus allergies (me to) for the past few days so that is causing some issues. We a working on selection of a book for a book report (always a project), it is supposed to be a historical fiction (antithesis of anything DS is interested in), of course he ask if it have to have “people” in it. Any suggestions would be welcome!

bookwormde

The "people" part is funny. I'm sure true, but funny none the less. Is there any particular time period, science, trains anything that he likes. Try to find that and then work around any people that may pop up in the book.

Teacher took DS to the library yesterday. He is going to read a couple of autobiographies. One he picked out is on Hershey (I don't know the guy's first name). I'm guessing he picked it out because he associates it with Chocolate (he gets that from me)

 

[koolaidmoms]

Bookwormde- Maybe finding a book from another point of view. I seem to remember a book about Paul Revere from the point of view of the horse (sorry for the life of me I can not remember the name).

There was also a chapter book called I think - Alternate Presidents. What if the other person had won instead of the person who did what would the US be like. Each chapter was written by a different sci-fi writer and there was one chapter on a robot winning. Maybe that would qualify?

Just some ideas. Hope this helps some.

C&G's Mama - It is Milton Hershey.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Sounds like we're all dealing with school issues here.

My dd was moved up to first grade and yesterday was her first day in the new classroom. I was a little peeved they didn't take her to show her the class or meet the teacher last week, they just had me bring her in to the new situation on Monday and drop her like any other day. I had to pick her up early for OT and they went on and on about how great she did. So after OT, the OT came and told me my dd did worse than she ever has and what's going on? I mentioned the new class.

We get home and my dd has homework. A math worksheet which she did effortlessly in a few minutes and then complained it was too easy. Then a writing assignment where she had to write about her favorite farm animal and draw a picture. OMG, this was so horrible! She didn't understand the concept of creative writing (she's very fact based) and went into a full blown meltdown-writhing on the floor, crying, wailing. Each time I redirected her to think of a story that I could help her write she became even more agitated and upset. This went on for two hours even long after I had given up on the homework she kept judging herself and being very self critical that she felt she was "stupid" and "couldn't do it". This led to "First grade is too hard!" It was a torcherous afternoon/evening which made every little thing for the rest of the night so difficult.

I realize there is a crtain amount of acclimation that must occur. It is so apparent to me that she keeps herself together at school and then, when safely at home, she falls apart under the stress that has accummulated all day. So very sad for me to see and so difficult to be the one to deal with all the backlash.

I have been very depressed lately. I think all of the diagnosis and dealings with school has just built up to a large toll on my outlook. Here I am, back to square one, with people still saying everything's so wonderful only leaving me feeling like a lunatic. We're going to WDW tomorrow (I didn't cancel the trip) and I have been going back and forth on whether to cancel. I just need to get out of here, away from all of this for now. Go somewhere where my dd and I can be happy. I read Temple Grandin's book on Emergence:Labeled Autistic and one part of it was a real eye opener for me. So much of her life had been about struggling against the extreme anxiety she felt (so much like my dd). She wrote about going to the county fair and riding a ride that pushed her against the walls while the floor dropped. It was a moment where, when she exited the ride, she did not feel anxious but felt that the extra sensory stimulation calmed her overreactive sensory processing. AHA! That's why WDW is so calming/soothing to my dd!!! That explains why, in an environment which most find chaotic and overstimulating, my dd has LESS anxiety. The extra input regulates her. Now, can I write off trips to WDW as therapeutic expense?

I am going to an Autism Support Group tonight. It's the first meeting of a new group that formed. Hopefully I won't breakdown and make a blubbering fool of myself!

Tomorrow at this time I'll be at the Poly and life will be wonderful!

Historical Fiction book report? Can he do it on a book about dinosaurs or Wooly Mammoths or something like that? Like Clan of the Cave Bear but more his age level? Just a thought.

 

[bookwormde]

Have fun with the WDW trip.

Your daughter, is sounding more and more like my son. Math and sciences are logical so they are easy, reading and writing things, which involve social content, is always a struggle and a “social skills class”. For things like this give it 2 tries and move on to something else before the anxiety level gets to high. One thing to remember is that “favorite” is a social fabrication and for my DS had to be a taught this social skill since he is so nondiscriminatory and “favorite” is the antithesis of this particularly if he has nto had 1st hand experiance. Everything new or challenging that we attempt is weighed against the “anxiety” accumulation that it generates and have learned after a day with challenges just to “set aside” homework like you described for the weekend.

We ended up doing ELA pullout for the writing portion where they worked on these types of assignment (and got the feel for the challenges which caused them to be assigned more judiciously).

Have fun at the group; if it is a broad-spectrum group there can be in one sense a lot of disconnection but in another lots of commonality.

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions on the book, we are still working on it (of course it does not help that my interest in historical fiction is about 0 and DW is overloaded with taking 2 classes in top of full time work and family “duties”

bookwormde

 

[alizesmom]

I am at my wit's end here and don't know what to do. Ciara (4.5yrs) has melt-downs as a reaction to any type of discomfort which usually can't be predicted. Tonight's meltdown was probably related to stomach distress. She screamed, kicked, thrashed and kept trying to punch herself in the face for over 4 hours. There is no calming her at these times and I believe we have tried everything. There is also no "build up" to the meltdown, it just starts out of the blue. She continues to be undiagnosed, continues to have multiple physical issues and still unable to communicate. HELP! Karen

 

[C&G'sMama]

I am at my wit's end here and don't know what to do. Ciara (4.5yrs) has melt-downs as a reaction to any type of discomfort which usually can't be predicted. Tonight's meltdown was probably related to stomach distress. She screamed, kicked, thrashed and kept trying to punch herself in the face for over 4 hours. There is no calming her at these times and I believe we have tried everything. There is also no "build up" to the meltdown, it just starts out of the blue. She continues to be undiagnosed, continues to have multiple physical issues and still unable to communicate. HELP! Karen

No advice but .

And lots of prayers.

 

[bookwormde]

Alizasmom,

There is nothing easy, either for the child or the parent when there is little or no communication ability. This is especially true when sensory sensitivities are compounded with other medical issues, which manifest into these sensitivities

I would think if there has not been a diagnosis to this point that it is time to change clinicians.

Have you tried using the floor time model to help build connections? It is one of the most effective systems for children with limited communication abilities. Here is a link

http://www.icdl.com/dirFloortime/overview/index.shtml

What sort of support and resources have you been able to get from your local Autism society?

Any local Autism support groups? Often they have more “practical” ideas than most clinicians.

Wishing you and your family the best.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

We had a similar problem with DS last year when he had to write a fiction book report. (this was before we found Twilight, which for some reason he loves even though it's fiction)

He ended up with a book about monsters. Ones that are folk stories or whatever, but a lot of people think are real, like Yeti or Chupacabra. Technically it was a non-fiction book, according to the library, but after some discussion with him I over-rode the library (what does the Library of Congress know, anyway?) and we decided that since those monsters aren't real, the book was fiction. It was called the Monster Hunters Guide To North America.

(okay, peeps, no banter over whether Yeti is real, I can see this coming!)

 

[bookwormde]

Well we decided to utilize his heightened sense of social justice to keep him interested. The book we picked is Girl of Kosovo by Alice Mead. It is more than a little dark, but is am reasonable sure will keep him engaged, although probably more than a little “angry” at the damage our social structures (particularly the clan/tribe innate structure) do in the world.

BeckyScott,

I guess in a way we followed the same path as you, a “fiction" booked with a strong “real world” connection about “monsters”

bookwormde


It will definitely be interesting.

bookwormde