Behavior Challenge Thread

[C&G'sMama]

Thanks Bookwormde,

We just get so frustrated sometimes and we worry about him. Other kids don't want to play with him because of this. We keep trying logic, but even though intellectually we know this, we still get frustrated. We did have a "family meeting" yesterday and wrote down the house rules and the consequences and put it on the refrigerator. And the rules are fairly simple. such as "no" means "no". If your sister asks you to "please stop touching me", then stop. If another child asks you to please move because he's right up next to them, he needs to move. He is very visual. He even made his own "card" with green, yellow, orange and red circles like they do at school so that he has visual reminders. The screaming and tantrums are when we ask him to pick something up, when his sister has a show on he doesn't want to watch, when he drops something, when the other kids don't want to play what he wants to play etc. We try to explain what is appropriat and what isn't appropriate. He'll say the other kids hate me and no one wants to play with me. We try to use logic, first noone hates you. They don't want to play with you because they get frustrated that you cry and scream when you don't get your way. Or if someone asks you to stop doing something, you keep doing it.

I know sometimes it's the same theme for us over and over but once in awhile we just need to vent and get some reinforcement.

Thank you.

 

[Schmeck]

C&G'sMama, what kind of response is he getting from the kids? Can they be coached to tell him how they feel about an issue? For example, when he has a meltdown while they are playing, can they be coached to say things like 'your screaming hurts my ears', etc? I know a meltdown isn't the easiest time to get a message across, so it would have to happen after he has calmed down, but are the kids willing to have some input? It would have to be very clear cut and simple and 'logical'.

About picking stuff up and putting it away - if he doesn't pick it up, would it work if you pick it up and put it someplace he can't get to? Is this just socks/clothing, or favorite toys too? The consequence of not putting something away is that it is not available for use anymore. It would have to be an object that was cared about though.

Could also be that the temper tantrums are a useful avoidance technique.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Uh, ditto my DS with all the problems that C & G's Mama just said. She just saved me a lot of typing.

We had a party last night and then went to family's house for lunch today and when DS is around his cousins, he does this screechy-scream. I just want to choke him when he makes that sound. He can be home with us for weeks and not make that sound and then he gets the least bit socially excited and he does this INSANELY horrible sound. And the banging, and the touching. I HATE IT!!!!

Plus he's a hug slut. I hate it when people say, "Come give me a hug!" because then every time he walks by them, he has to hug them. In his defense, they told him to, but still....

Must nap. I'm just tired from all the activity. And screeching.

Now I'm gonna take a nap.

 

[bookwormde]

Oh yes banging and touching, the good old days, we are in investigating and disassembling mode (the only good thing is that most things he can put back together). And ask why, “but dad I was curious”. Oh yes we still get lots of screeches of “delight”, but we have learned to enjoy them (even if not everyone else does).

bookwormde

 

[pudge the fish]

I'm around.. Just been so darn busy
been reading - not time to sit and post..

Update on Layoff- hubby will have a job till the end of December and has signed up for the dismantle crew, which could take him till June of 2010
we live major below our means and have been mac & cheese /ramen noodles for a week before, so we will survive-
Hubby is the kind who will do whatever it takes to provide for us.
We do not want to relocate as we have family who we help in this area-and DD goes to an awesome school here - he will commute to Orlando if needed.
Plus who is to say we relocate to new state for a job at the new plant and they don't have layoffs there?

Normally I would be running around in a panic and stressing and not calm what so ever- but nothing I can do -so we get by and are thankful he has a job for now.


I would check into food allergies/intolerances as my DD drinks milk/ has a dairy product and we can tell a BIG difference in her behavior -
Same with me on certain sweetners-I can go from sweet to nasty -mean in 0.2 seconds

to all dealing with summer, heat, rain and kids
I keep saying when does school start again??

 

[DisDreaminMom]

I am torn with the whole return to school thing. All the driving, the meetings, not to mention how over stressed DS gets from being in school.I'm not looking forward to this 2nd grade year for him. I forecast lots of headaches. I hope I'm wrong in a big way.

Pudge- you have a VERY healthy attitude. Very Pioneer Spirit of you. Keep it up and you'll be fine. I agree with you about the moving part. Stay where you are. Grass is always greener, but you're so close to WDW, and that has its advantages. Not in a practical way, but just from a mental health standpoint.

Have a good day, guys.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I have been careful with my dd with foods that are stereotypically bad like chocolate, refined sugars, and of course caffeine. Absolutely no sodas, ever until her Pedi (can you believe this) said to try soda to see if the stimulant "calmed" her down. Wow! Was he ever wrong!
Anyway, also with dairy she has always gotten stomach aches and I thought it was dairy so she gets very little except that she does love yogurt. No drinking milk or having cheese and that makes me worry about Vit D, Calcium, etc. I tried giving her multivitamin gummies but she is very particular about smells and tastes (so am I) and she can smell the "vitaminy" smell long before it gets near her mouth. I've given up on trying to force non critical issues that she can just lose it with.

The HOT, HOT weather here still persists. And no rain. The corn fields around here are dead stalks, fire hazards. Only fireworks permitted were city.
My dd is gradually acclimating to the new school schedule although they call me to pick her up when they don't really know how to calm her. I've been putting chewy necklaces on her every day and she comes home with those chewed up and in pieces and the neckline of her shirt ruined. The leader of her camp spoke to me about having experience with my daughter because she has a camper who is diabetic. Huh? I don't quite get it? Does she think my dd is imbalanced?

One positive thing I can brag on here is that I'm feeling much stronger and firmer in my resolve for getting help-the right help-for my dd. Our second neuropsych appt is day after tomorrow. I also know someone who wants to connect me with a friend of his who had a similar experience with her dd who is now 16. I really hope that happens, it would be nice to talk to someone who has been here and has come through alive.

My dd has had some new behaviors lately and I am wondering what they are about. She has times of being very "babyish" not using words just grunts or whines , being extremely innapropriate (she exposed herself in the Dr waiting area) and acting especially 2 year oldish. I have a nagging suspicion that she kind of "knows" what she's doing and is playing babyish. I am trying to figure out for what reason?

Hope all is well.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Grace, my DS will often play Baby, and usually he thinks does it in social situations. I don't know why, but it's annoying. I think it's easier for them to channel baby behavior than try to act like something they are not fully able to "act"- i.e. a kid their age. My son is almost 7 and has the social behavior of a 4 or 5 year old. So Baby acting just distracts from his awkwardness and can be interpreted as a comic routine by strangers.

As DS gets older, I see him resorting to comic relief as a social tool. He has a whole fan club of people who think he's the cutest thing in the world. I give them 5 minutes at home with me. On a good day...

On the plus side, we went to the park yesterday and DS didn't shriek. It was a huge playground and he mainly played by himself. But quietly.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Grace, my DS will often play Baby, and usually he thinks does it in social situations. I don't know why, but it's annoying. I think it's easier for them to channel baby behavior than try to act like something they are not fully able to "act"- i.e. a kid their age. My son is almost 7 and has the social behavior of a 4 or 5 year old. So Baby acting just distracts from his awkwardness and can be interpreted as a comic routine by strangers.

As DS gets older, I see him resorting to comic relief as a social tool. He has a whole fan club of people who think he's the cutest thing in the world. I give them 5 minutes at home with me. On a good day...

On the plus side, we went to the park yesterday and DS didn't shriek. It was a huge playground and he mainly played by himself. But quietly.

I'm back to that whole thing of our boys being twins separated at birth.

He does the baby thing and the comic relief thing. We just had to ban him from being a bird. Sounds harmless and cute enough but as repetition is king, a 49" tall 85 lb. crow was getting to be a little much.

Thank you to everyone for your suggestions. We keep trying and appreciate everyone's support.

He's lost TV and computer time every day this week. On the plus side it's forced him to ride his bike and read books.

Oh well, off to bed to getter ready for yet another day.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Hi guys! Just back from the second appt with the neuropsych. Very interesting and very confusing! My dd did very well in most of the IQ testing. Very, very well on the performance of the blocks and abstract portion. A little less well on the verbal portion. During the verbal portion instead of pointing to the right answer my dd insisted on licking the correct pictures (but they were right!). When she was matching pictures she became very sidetracked with stacking them nicely and neatly after using them (but she matched them mostly correctly). She was also repeatedly tapping the answers in a pattern and would get upset about moving on to the next picture. But at one point in the blocks testing the neuropsych said to me "we are now at the age 13 test". My dd is 6. I am confused about her obvious differences in IQ and EF. I did find a section in the Asperger's book that addresses this and that it is more common among those with ADHD. But ADHD doesn't explain her oddities. Our next session next week will have the attentional tests. My dd did display the strange behaviors during the testing so I am very interested to find out what her assessment outcome will be. Are the oddities not NV related? Can you be NV and still perform exceptionally well on an IQ test? Her answers were mostly remarkably accurate and quick. This is very confusing! To me, it seems impossible to have neuro variancies and perform so well on these tests, the functioning is frontal lobe in origin, isn't it?

C&G'sMama and DisdreaminMom, my daughter can also be the "clown". Falling down, etc. I know ya'll are having the same struggles with the behaviors as I am. But on a good note, the last 2 nights my dd has gone to sleep with minimal resistance. It's good when you can celebrate these little victories.
Your post about the 49" tall crow had me cracking up....because you know we totally understand! My dd was scripting an obvious joke she heard the counselors at camp saying. She obviously didn't understand the meaning but I had to cringe everytime she was scripting the part about "blue balls" (can I say that here?).

 

[C&G'sMama]

But at one point in the blocks testing the neuropsych said to me "we are now at the age 13 test". My dd is 6.

Oh yeah. Definitely. When DS was first tested at 5 he had the emotional maturity of a 3 yo, fine motor of a 2 or 3 yo and an IQ of something over 150.

He is still very academically advanced but also emotionally and socially behind his peers. My understanding is this is fairly common with our kids.

Bookwormde?




As far as "blue balls" comment. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard.

 

[bookwormde]

Yes typically our children who do not have other cognitive challenges have High IQ but not level across all areas so often sections are almost of the charts. Socially they are typically at lest 2 years behind so the apparent difference between intellectual and social age of often 4+ years, which is why they are so “out of sync”. Also motor skills and strength they are often significantly behind also. Also remember that IQ test are designed for NT children who do things because of innate social programming, our kids have to be interested and motivated and are likely to be “creative” if it is “boring” or "shut down" if it is stressful. There a reports that on multichoice test our children sometimes get a zero which statistically is very unlikely unless the person knows all the correct answers and decides it is funny just to answer them wrong.

As for some of the older books talking about ADHD and our children for the most part it is understood now that it is really EF differentials and our children can focus better than average children when it is something in coming in their native visual form and is an area of interest. It is actually quite rare for our children to be classic ADHD although it does happen upon occasion.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

Sorry guys, I have been totally MIA. I'll try better. When it rains it pours, you know. My ulcerative colitis kicked up bad. Then DH got strep. In the middle of that, of course, the realtor is calling wanting to show the house. The kids are stir-crazy. DH now needs to start getting cortisone shots in his shoulder because of bursitis. I started going to the chiro that I've been taking the kids to (recently went thru DAN conference), not anything specifically wrong except for a bunch of little things. It is pouring rain this morning and I woke up and was on the toilet when I heard something that sounded like a small waterfall in our hallway. Always something you want to hear when your house is for sale and you already told them the roof didn't leak, which of course it never has until this very morning. At work, our cheese got moved, and I mean moved big time. And there's only really a core group of 5 of us, all 5 have had big personal issues in the past month or so, plus the state moved our cheese as of the new fiscal. We're all delirious so it's all right but I've been pretty busy there and it's not going to get better any time soon. (knowing the state, the cheese will get moved again soon enough) Blah blah blah, you get the idea.

I just wanted to comment on the food/dietary thing. I took Justin gf/cf but he also had allergy testing done. And those things and much more popped on the allergy test, too. So I started doing it as an autism thing, but kept it because of the allergy testing. To be honest, it didn't do much, if anything, for the autism. What it did help was the asthma and the eczema. In case you haven't pieced it together, it appears our whole family has "inflammatory issues" (we're all a freakin' mess, LOL). I never tolerated dairy well myself, so I've cut it out too. Um, except for milk chocolate, can't quite get rid of that, I'm pretty addicted to Milk Duds.

Richard has some specific food intolerances that I don't have any "proof" except for personal observation. And it's the stuff you'd expect, red food coloring is a biggie. I steer clear of processed when I can. Try to steer clear of HFCS.

Richard's big eval appointment is this coming Wednesday. I'm very curious to see what happens. Will definately be back to report on that. It's been a long time coming, and I hope to leave with some answers.

We were supposed to go on vacation this past week and ended up cancelling the whole thing, between us being sick, and DH's workplace went into shut-down so he had to file unemployment for the two weeks. So time off, but no funds. I feel bad for the kids, we haven't done much of anything and it seems like the summer is half over already.

Oh man. It is pouring down rain, the kind where even an umbrella isn't going to help. I have a meeting to be at in a little over an hour. The back yard looks like a swamp. I'm going over to the freebie board now and see if there's any goodies anywhere.

 

[KirstenB]

Becky, no wonder you haven't been around! Are you staying in your same town? Or are you guys moving away? I didn't even know you were selling your house? My dh's company did 2 weeks of furlough for everybody too, ugghh!! Fortunately he picked up some odd jobs to help offset it. I hope you and your dh are feeling better by the time you read this. Take care.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I just wanted to comment on the food/dietary thing. I took Justin gf/cf but he also had allergy testing done. And those things and much more popped on the allergy test, too. So I started doing it as an autism thing, but kept it because of the allergy testing. To be honest, it didn't do much, if anything, for the autism. What it did help was the asthma and the eczema. In case you haven't pieced it together, it appears our whole family has "inflammatory issues" (we're all a freakin' mess, LOL). I never tolerated dairy well myself, so I've cut it out too. Um, except for milk chocolate, can't quite get rid of that, I'm pretty addicted to Milk Duds.

Richard has some specific food intolerances that I don't have any "proof" except for personal observation. And it's the stuff you'd expect, red food coloring is a biggie. I steer clear of processed when I can. Try to steer clear of HFCS.

Did you have the standard allergy testing done or did you go to a DAN Dr?
I was wondering if a food panel by a regular allergist would pick up all the sensitivities? My dd has the dark circles under her eyes and I've been told this is sign of food issues. I done GF with no change. Maybe I didn't stay on it long enough? My dd also has pretty back eczema and I've heard this can be food related as well.

Good luck on the big eval!

 

[BeckyScott]

It was a DAN, sort of. Not exactly. I used Great Plains Lab, which is the one lots of DAN's use. But the one we were seeing didn't use it, he did his own, which cost like twice as much. So. You can go to the GPL website yourself and order whatever kits you want. You then have to find a dr to sign off and a lab to do the blood draw, and then you yourself box it up (they send you everything, it's easy) run it all over to FedEx.

Our regular ped was willing to sign off on the labs. She told me (your mileage may vary) that the GPL wanted a lot less blood than a regular lab would have asked for, so she was cool with them doing it. They test for lots and lots of different foods, but only need one vial, or two, we did both food allergy tests. Which I guess is a lot less than usual. And since we knew we were going into full-blown hysterics to do a blood draw, we got the most bang for the hassle. GPL is also the place that does the urine test to check yeast, if you're interested in that (I personally would, as DS's yeast was crazy-high and I think that relates to the eczema, and it's a pee test so easy enough to get a sample). They'll send you the kits for free, they charge when they run them, so you could order the kits and see what you can come up with for help.

Then they send back results in a couple weeks, and they'll do a phone consult with you. Although it's pretty obvious line-graph. Obvious enough that I just showed it to DS, he's a smart boy with that sort of thing, and he could see what foods were over into the red line and understood that those were bad, and that the yellow ones were sort-of bad.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

BeckyScott, do you mind me asking how much you paid for the GPL allergy testing?

Also, what did you do to treat the yeast overgrowth that was leading to the eczema?

Thanks!

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Oh, thanks for asking what I was wondering....Anyone care to comment if they've done this, too?

We just got back from a short say in the Land Between the Lakes, in Southern KY. It was really beautiful there. I am not into camping. I like nature, but with DS having panic attacks at most bugs and serious heat intolerance, I have long ago scaled back on my outdoor activity. (Which, as you may remember, includes my long time ex-profession and pasttime of horseback riding- totally gave it up until DS could be alone at the house. It's just not worth the fight.)

DH decides he would like to go canoeing. DS thinks that looks like FUN! We walk about 1/2 mile in the woods to get to canoe launch site. It's about 90 degrees and 100% humidity. I was given a vote of "no confidence" by the rest of the family and so I stayed on shore while DH, DD and DS went out on canoe. DH told canoe attendant that they would be gone "at least 2 hours".

As I was walking away, I chuckled to myself and thought, "Oh, no you won't. Try about 10 minutes-max". I didn't want to say anything out loud, because I get knocked by DH for being "negative".

I make it back up to the car. I get about 10 pages into my book (Dredd Scott's Revenge by Judge Nepolitano- incredible! I highly recommend it...) and here they all come. DS's red face gives it all away. DH says, "Well, canoe ride was over before it began!" and that as soon as canoe started moving, DS was unhappy, hot, sick, etc.

Hate to say, "I told you so", but I told you so. I told DH that he can take DD camping and DS and I will stay in Disney World Comfort Zone.

We did go to Patton Museum at Fort Knox and DS really liked the place. He's starting a fascination with guns. Part of me freaks out, and the other part of me knows he's one of the few kids that takes every single rule and memorizes it and has such a horrible fear of death and pain that he'd be the safest person around a gun. (I'm not getting him one, it's just that my relatives won't even let their kids have toy guns in the house and we used to be like that, too). The more I think about it, DS would be a great fit for the military. He likes rules, routine, order, a big sense of social justice, travel, flying, and guns. It may be one of the only ways he can see the world the way he wants to. Just thinking out loud. I hope by the time he's older, going into the military won't be like it currently is right now. God, I hope it's not...

I wonder what the percentage of Aspies in the military is, roughly?

 

[Schmeck]

If there is any kind of disability that requires regular medication, and application of ADA, then I don't think you can enlist, can you? Isn't the military exempt from ADA?

 

[Piper]

I wonder what the percentage of Aspies in the military is, roughly?

I don't know, but my sister's husband and his 2 brothers are "undiagnosed" aspies (their parents realized this when my BIL's son was diagnosed and suddenly the last 50 years of their life made sense to them .) Anyway, his oldest brother has been in the military for 25+ years and has thrived in the situation. (BTW-one of his--BIL's brother's-- boys has since been diagnosed as aspie and one with HFA.)


My nephew has always been interested in cooking and at the age of 23 is the deli manager for their local Target. He has worked hard to overcome the communication challenges he faces at his job and loves the organization and routines it involves. We had a long conversation at my other nephew's wedding where he told me every detail of that routine!!!! (sound familiar)