Because of my job... I'm afraid to have a baby

[loveshak22]

I understand being worried about your job and balancing a child but it sounds like you have some options with your husband being able to leave to take care of emergencies. And with FMLA, like others mentioned, you get 12 weeks of unpaid leave so you if you can afford it take 1/2 paid and 1/2 unpaid then save some leave for when you get back to use in emergencies - I would think you could do that. They can't keep you from using your leave as long as it's within company policy. Also, as someone else mentioned, disability insurance might cover any time off needed for pregnancy complications. I don't know a lot about that though to be honest.

Hopefully the routine will fall into place when the baby is born. Talk to other mothers in your office...it sounds like there are a lot in your office so they are probably learning how to balance the very concerns you are worried about and will be a great resource.

Out of curiosity, are you in a union? It sounds like there needs to be some serious negotiating for state workers to have some more family friendly policies implemented - even as simple as clean and usable lactation rooms! And, I'd be interested to see if that policy about leaving early more than 3 times in a 6 month period means you can't get a promotion leads to unequal promotional opportunities for working parents - especially women in your office. Stepping off my soapbox now..

Good luck with everything!!!

 

[MomiTo2SwtGuys]

Nothing in this world can replace being a mother. That will stick with you for the rest of your life. I say if you want a baby and your time is limited, start your family. Best of luck and prayers to you and your husband.

 

[DiannaVM]

*hugs* I am sure things will find their way to work out. I wish you all the best of luck to you.

 

[danny1649]

I'm sorry I can't give you a good answer to your question . I can say you posted to right Board on the Dis. Plus if you need to post again with another question , you go ahead and ask. We have many wonderful Board Members who will try and help you . Danny

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I apologize for reviving a thread that is almost 5 months old, but I just found it and I'm curious about what the OP decided to do?

OP, I can sort of relate to some of your situation--I was diagnosed with HPV cervical cancer when I was 19. This is back when HPV related cancers were still a relatively new thing and it was scary and there wasn't much known about it, I'm pretty sure Web MD didn't exist back then, there was no way for me to do much research on the subject and I had to trust that my GYN knew what he was talking about. Anyway, after what seemed like a lot of dilly-dallying to determine how bad the cancer was and to get a diagnosis my doctor finally decided to just remove the cancer. This unfortunately involved cutting away a large chunk of my cervix and I was warned that this would likely cause fertility issues, and/or make it difficult to sustain a pregnancy, depending on how much scar tissue developed. This was heartbreaking but it forced me to examine my priorities.

My doctor gave me a time limit too, he told me that if I decided that I wanted to have kids I shouldn't wait until I was 30 to start trying, as I was almost guaranteed to have fertility issues. He strongly suggested that I try getting pregnant by my mid-20s, at the very latest. I knew that meant that grad school wasn't going to happen on the timeline that I had thought it would. It might even mean changing my chosen career path. I was sad and stressed and upset at the world for screwing with me--I was halfway through my undergrad degree, a degree that was somewhat useless without grad school. But once I got past those feelings, I realized that the thing that I wanted most in my life, the one dream that remained constant from some of my earliest memories, wasn't that particular career path, it was the dream of being a mother.

So my husband and I decided there was no reason to wait, we started trying as soon as we got the all-clear from the doctor, 6 months after my surgery. I ended taking a year off of college for the pregnancy and "maternity leave", and unfortunately I never was able to go to grad school, but I'm sure I don't regret that as much as I would have regretted missing my chance to have kids. My kids are the best thing in my life.

As others have said: you'll always have job opportunities, but if you truly want kids then you shouldn't let the opportunity to have them pass you by without trying because that is definitely something that you will come to regret later in life. I have friends who put career before kids in their 20s and now that we are all in our 30s they've been struggling with dwindling fertility and regretting not trying to have kids sooner.

I hope everything's going well for you, op.

 

[TeamH5]

Also reviving old post, but I didn't see anyone mention that you're allowed to pump/breastfeed. I work for the gov't too, and they are required to give us time to pump (sufficient, not 2 10 min breaks) and a sufficient area TO pump, which should include access to running water to clean your pumps out.. Does that always work? No. One job I had to pump in the Computer room because it was the only private space that could be locked. This job we literally had a janitors closet, but they cleared it out, put 2 table/desks in it so 2 women at a time could pump(and a curtain so there was SOME privacy). We also had to sign up for time slots, but it wasn't limited to 10 min. Some women had an entire hour reserved 2-3 times/day. No they didn't pump for that long, but it gave them flexibility to get in there when they could get away from their job. The 'running water' was in the restroom right next to the closet. But it worked, and they did a good job finding us something that could work without compromising to much office space from other people.
Another job I had at a hotel, I had an entire room set aside for me. I'd leave all my pieces in the room, store my milk in the fridge... Lol we just blocked that room every day so no one could use it or stay in it.
But you are ENTITLED to A)have a space to pump and B)the time TO pump. By law.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This just came up as one of those threads you see along the bottom of the page, so I began reading, then surprised myself to see that I'd already responded, lol.

This time I wanted to say this as I was reading. Baby aside - at 25, I think you should ask yourself if this is really how you want to spend the next 30 years. In a place like this, which is so inflexible and rigid? I was stressed out just reading it. As someone who's been in my same job almost 30 years, I don't think your work environment is the type of place I'd like to spend it. And this, from someone with a super-stressful job. I get that it probably has good benefits and decent pay, a good retirement plan, etc., and I'm all for that. But it comes at a very high price if you're not treated well. If you know you want to start a family, then my advice would be to start also looking for a different place to work, which is more family friendly. Good luck.

 

[Karin1984]

According to her profile the OP didn't return to the Dis after her last post in this thread on May 9th 2015. So I doubt if she has read everything written after this date.

 

[danygirl]

about pumping - your breasts naturally adjust to the amount of feeding your baby does. When I worked, I nursed my babies right before I left and again as soon as I got home. I used powdered formula at the sitters. Never had any problems nursed two of the three for close to 18 months each. Just keep an extra shirt in your drawer just in case of leaks!

 

[North of Mouse]

Just wondering OP, what did you decide to do? JMO, but if you truly want a baby as much as I did, your career would take a back seat.
We were willing to pinch pennies big time because a baby was a #1 priority, and we did fine, were happy, are doing great now, and the rest is history
The best to you, wherever you are!

 

[MomTo3PrincessesInNJ]

Also reviving old post, but I didn't see anyone mention that you're allowed to pump/breastfeed. I work for the gov't too, and they are required to give us time to pump (sufficient, not 2 10 min breaks) and a sufficient area TO pump, which should include access to running water to clean your pumps out.. Does that always work? No. One job I had to pump in the Computer room because it was the only private space that could be locked. This job we literally had a janitors closet, but they cleared it out, put 2 table/desks in it so 2 women at a time could pump(and a curtain so there was SOME privacy). We also had to sign up for time slots, but it wasn't limited to 10 min. Some women had an entire hour reserved 2-3 times/day. No they didn't pump for that long, but it gave them flexibility to get in there when they could get away from their job. The 'running water' was in the restroom right next to the closet. But it worked, and they did a good job finding us something that could work without compromising to much office space from other people.
Another job I had at a hotel, I had an entire room set aside for me. I'd leave all my pieces in the room, store my milk in the fridge... Lol we just blocked that room every day so no one could use it or stay in it.
But you are ENTITLED to A)have a space to pump and B)the time TO pump. By law.

Yes, they have to give you time during the work day to pump -- but it doesn't have to be PAID. I work for the federal gov't and we were told to use our 2-15 min breaks and our 45 min lunch to pump. If we needed more than that we had to use vacation time in 15 min increments.

 

[TeamH5]

Yes, they have to give you time during the work day to pump -- but it doesn't have to be PAID. I work for the federal gov't and we were told to use our 2-15 min breaks and our 45 min lunch to pump. If we needed more than that we had to use vacation time in 15 min increments.

Oh wow. I'm on the Active duty military side, so we obviously are not paid by the hour. I've never been held down to THAT strict of a standard. Personally I would rather have had an office I could lock and pump/work at the same time. I had that in 1 of my jobs, and used it wisely.. Another job I'd take my work with me while I pumped. No problems. If I was being charged leave/vacation/lunch time though... Oh hell no, no working for me! That's ridiculous.