Be careful who you put on your ownership!

[Twende]

What a mess! I am so disgusted with my "family".

Backline is my father and mother loved Disney. Myself or my children took them at least once a year and often up to four times a year. Dad decided that it would be smarted to buy into DVC and have the nicer rooms for the family to share.

He bought a resale of 250 points at the Beach Club almost 4 years ago now. When they purchased, my dad was in his 90's with my mom close behind them but they were very active for their age. They still rode almost every attraction, well except RNR and my mom wanted to ride it but we would not let her. TOT was her favorite and my dad loved Splash! My husband and our adult children have taken my parents on every trip.

One tripand only one trip, my oldest brother and his adult children came. They did not really do the parks with us but they did come to dinners.

Dad added 2 of my brothers and myself to the ownership in anticipation that we could all share and enjoy Disney with our families for years to come. They all agreed to this plan.


I have been the keeper of the points and reservations since it began. Dad paid the dues and we all paid for our share of points as we used them.

All was fine until this March when my father passed away. Things are now a mess. My brothers want no part of DVC ownership and do not want me to use any of the already made reservations. They cancel every time I try to remake them! Yes they can do this as they are on the ownership!

I have offered to buy their shares but instead of cooperating with me they use it over my head to threaten me. Just today it was "Well if you do not do what we want then we will not sell you our shares." I am so sick of the whole thing,

Please be very careful who is on your ownership and have rules written down so that everyone agrees in writing!

 

[n2mm]

I'm sorry to hear your dilemma. I would suggest you sell because I don't see a good outcome at all. I took care of my contracts for the future, both in ownership and my will. At least your dad bought at a resort that still holds some value (BCV). Good luck!

 

[Kidanifan08]

So sorry that you are going through this with your family. Does your mother have any say in the matter?

Maybe you should all agree to sell the contract and you can take your proceeds to buy your own contract. Resales are a bargain currently, although if you want BCV, it does sell higher than most resorts, other than BLT right now.

Good luck with everything!

 

[Twende]

I'm sorry to hear your dilemma. I would suggest you sell because I don't see a good outcome at all. I took care of my contracts for the future, both in ownership and my will. At least your dad bought at a resort that still holds some value (BCV). Good luck!

We thought we had this all handled in my dad's will as he had willed his portion to another party to share with us all. But it turned out that what he wanted and what was legal were two very different things.

I forget what it is called but the type of deed my dad held could not be transferred to another owner upon is death. They shares were deeded back to surviving owners and no one else could be added or inherit my dad's shares. It does not go through probate which is a good thing but it is still a mess and not at all the way my dad wanted it to go down!

My parents loved BCV and just thinking of them there will always put a smile on my face and sadly a tear in my eye!

 

[Sandisw]

Thanks for sharing what must be a very difficult time. I agree with others who have said that the best thing is to get out of the contract all together.

At this point, remaining owners with others who don't get it, or don't want to, would just be more stress for you.

Good luck and I hope things work out for you in the end.

 

[Twende]

So sorry that you are going through this with your family. Does your mother have any say in the matter?

Maybe you should all agree to sell the contract and you can take your proceeds to buy your own contract. Resales are a bargain currently, although if you want BCV, it does sell higher than most resorts, other than BLT right now.

Good luck with everything!

Sadly my mother has Dementia and up to the point of my father's death, I was usually her primary caretaker. She was never listed on the DVC ownership, as it was my father, myself and two of my brothers.

My brothers deemed that my mom is worth more to them dead than alive (my opinion) and 4 days after my father passed they forcefully removed her from her home and my care and institutionalized her. They have emptied her home in FL and have have it up for sale. During the reading of the will they openly stated that my mom's money is not for her care but their inheritance. I disagreed with them and pointed out what my father's Will stated.

Alas the Will was my father's intentions for my mother's care and just that, his intent. It is not legally binding! My one brother found a way to get my mother to sign over financial power of attorney to him. I do not think my father knew about this although it was signed well before his death and also well after my mother was diagnosed with dementia. My father's will states that she is to remain in my care and in her own home. We had a family meeting years ago and all of my siblings agreed to this but now all they want is the money. It is beyond inhuman.

So all in all the DVC part of this is just a tiny fraction of the grief. In a matter of days I lost my very vibrant father and lost what was left of my dear mother to an institution. I have not yet even been allowed to have any contact with her. I assume my brothers are afraid that I would do what they did and have her sign a new POA so she could get her life back. We, my DH and I, have tried to hire an attorney to fight for my mom's rights but the hundreds of thousands of dollars that it would take upfront make it an impossibility for us.

My mom was very sane in the days and nights right after my dad's passing. She somehow knew that her sons were going to take her life from her. She begged me to stop them and help her escape from their clutches. I very unwisely trusted my brothers and took them for their word to my father. I trusted they would do the right thing. They did not.

My mom had also told me that if they came and took her away that she did not want to put me through having to see her in an institution. or her having to see me leave after visiting. I had taken care of my mom's mom when she had Alzheimer's. My mother was out of the country for my fathers work and the responsibility fell on me. It was difficult and she knew that and did not want either of us to suffer that way. She made me agree that I would never put her or myself though that. At least I am keeping my word to my mom, although it breaks my heart not to at least talk to her.

 

[a742246]

Sorry for your situation, its very sad. The only thing I can say is to speak to a lawyer.
Good luck!

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

You need a lawyer ASAP. Forget about the DVC, that's not the big issue.
You need to also involve the Elder care authorities in the state your mother is currently being housed. . What they are doing is potentially illegal.

Failure to use your mother's assets to care for her is "theft"
Having your mother, who has dementia, sign ANYTHING is fraud. To sign something like that the person must be of "sound mind" She cannot sign a POA if the statement that "she has dementia" is correct. Moments of "clarity" do not mean the person understands legal documents. if your mother has dementila only a court can sigh the POA.

I would call the institution where she is staying and ask some POINTED questions. Question #1 WHO is paying the bills. if they have claimed she has no assets and have her on Medicaid you have even more issues! Ask them if they have the POA? Ask them if they have visiting hours. Without a court order I don't think they can deny you a visit.

Get a lawyer and protect your mother IMHO then worry about DVC!

 

[diding]

I agree with everybody, you must get a lawyer to help you out in this matter. The DVC issue is just a small portion of the bigger picture. So sorry to hear that these kinds of things happen in families.

 

[bgraham34]

I feel really bad for you and pray that things will improve with you and your family quickly. Right now Disney is not the priority but your mom is.

 

[skoi]

So sorry to hear of your troubles. (And I'm not a huggy-over-the-internet type usually).

I had a similar issue (no DVC involvement) when my father was dying, and then afterwards with my siblings. It's not pleasant. Hope things will get better.

Also agree if you can sell it and buy resale in your name, do that.

 

[HannaBelle]

http://www.disboards.com/member.php?u=64284 Twende I am so sorry for your loss and everything you have to deal with! It sounds awful!!!

I would definitely try to hire an attorney to help, it sounds like you are in a real pickle since your brother has power of attorney of your mother’s estate.

 

[Twende]

I agree and we have been trying to protect my mother since this all went down in March of this year,

I believe that the signature on the POA was obtained illegally as it was done in 2007 and my mother was in the same mental state then that she is now. She is now 92 years old.

The brother who has the POA also has the first right POA for medical. I have the second right.

As far as I know he is paying her institutional care out of the large sum of money that my dad set aside for her expenses to live until she also died. There is plenty left to keep her in her own home and pay all her bills including any private nursing care she might need in the future, and have money left for things she enjoyed like trips to Disney.

I have helped care for my mother for almost 15 years, moving in when necessary and being close but in my own home when her health was good. I lived with them one time for 8 months full time 24/7. I have never charged or been paid a penny for my care of her. One time I had to be gone for 30 days when she needed round the clock care. The cost for 1 month of 24/7 nursing care in her own home was over $30,000. My father paid it up front.

The way my brothers see it, they can sell her home and put that money in investments and make more money on it than what it would cost to keep her in her own home with me providing free full time care. I obviously disagree and say it is costing them more to pay for the institutional care. Plus now is not the time to be selling her home. They are going to loose money through their impatience. They have also broken their promise to my father that they all made. They agreed that I would care for my mother in her own home and allow her to live the same manner to which she was accustomed.

I have contacted some of the best attorneys in the state on this matter and they inform me that it is a long expensive road. They want hundreds of thousands of dollars up front to just start the battle to have the courts decide who should be my mothers guardian and who would get financial and health POA's. The first step is a competency hearing and then we would go from there. I do not have those kind of resources although my brothers do.

Even if I could win guardianship and try to return to her home, it would be a disaster emotionally for her. Her home has been emptied to the bare walls and is now on the market. Everything she knew and loved is gone. And this is basing everything on the mental health she was in in March when I last saw her. She was physically strong and mentally fairly clear. She was walking almost 3/4 of a mile every day although she did need a arm to help her keep good balance at times. I have been told by other relatives that within one week she had stopped walking altogether and was also not speaking. I can only assume she is heavily drugged to keep her manageable.

I have tried repeatedly to speak to the director of this institution. I am only guessing which one she is in because they have not told me where she is. His response is the family does not want me to speak to him about her nor can I speak to her or any of her nurses. I have asked to speak with a social worker and have been told that this place does not have one. Outrageous but legal.

It is the biggest mess of a family that I have ever seen or heard of. It is unreal to me that anyone would act like this toward family members and especially their own mother.

I have tried to do everything I can think of and everything that is in my power to do. I console myself by saying that at least her basic needs are probably being met but there is no way she is living the same life style that she was before. She was in her own home, with her own things, her own pets and her own daughter to care for her. She was comfortable in her everyday schedule and did what she could to help. She still loved to set the table, make beds, fold laundry and she loved to iron clothes with supervision of course.

The night my dad died she asked if we would take her to the beach the next day as my dad's legs had wounds on them that make him stay out of the sand. She loved the beach and did not go because he could not go but she now wanted to get into the ocean. We took her. She looked so peaceful just walking arm in arm with us through the water.

Life with loved ones is very precious. Hug those in your life and savor every second with them!

 

[Disney Spaz]

I feel your pain. Money can tear a family apart. I have witnessed this in my own family multiple times. Then they wonder why I don't rush to family reunions. I have had family members on their death bed while family fought over "things" right over their dying bodies. DH had family members go through all of his mother's things and take stuff while the rest of the family was burying her. It is crazy.

As for the lawyer thing I know how expensive they can be so I understand your delima. I say put your faith in what ever higher power you believe in and I will pray for your family and your mother.

 

[Twende]

I feel your pain. Money can tear a family apart. I have witnessed this in my own family multiple times. Then they wonder why I don't rush to family reunions. I have had family members on their death bed while family fought over "things" right over their dying bodies. DH had family members go through all of his mother's things and take stuff while the rest of the family was burying her. It is crazy.

As for the lawyer thing I know how expensive they can be so I understand your delima. I say put your faith in what ever higher power you believe in and I will pray for your family and your mother.

Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated. Living things in the hands of my Lord has been about the only way I have been able to survive the past few months. DH and I have dealt with horrid loss before when we lost our son. In many ways that experience prepared us for this one.

There has been so much paper work and so many other things to work out that I have not really had much time to even grieve for either of my parents. I am a co-executor of my father's will and that alone burdens me with a heavy load.

I expect when things settle a bit the whole event will come crashing down on me and I will then fully grieve. Right now it is strictly survival and trying to deal with each day as it hits.

Thank you all for your advise and understanding. When this all began I seriously thought of coming to DisBoards to vent and get advise but at that time trying to put in all in words was just too much.

 

[disneypoor]

I am so, so sorry you are having to go thru all of this. I don't know if this would help or not, but I was POA for two of my relatives, and one of them eventually became so mentally ill that we had to take it steps further to get him help. The POA shouldn't really give your brothers the right to make her go to an institution. Guardianship could do that. I had to file for both conservatorship (to handle financial affairs) and guardianship (to make decisions for my relative) with a lawyer. It cost us about $500 to get both of these granted in court. Of course, I didn't have anyone fighting me over it because I had taken care of this relative for several years prior, but it would be worth looking in to. To my knowledge, the POA really isn't what is keeping you from helping your mother. Check on guardianship. Also, just so you know, when my relative had to be placed in a mental institution at one point, they wouldn't even honor the POA. They said it means nothing to them. However, guardianship does. Hope this can help in some small way. I'll say some prayers for you.

We just bought into DVC, but our agent told us it is better to buy our DVC in chunks so we can sell easier if needed or add our children to their own contracts at a later time. For example, we started with 220 points. When we do eventually add again, we'll likely do it with approximately 220 points again so that each of our two children will have a contract with the same number of points when we pass away. Just something to think about if you do end up buying your own contract.

Susan

 

[hbehrman]

You need a lawyer ASAP. Forget about the DVC, that's not the big issue.
You need to also involve the Elder care authorities in the state your mother is currently being housed. . What they are doing is potentially illegal.

Failure to use your mother's assets to care for her is "theft"
Having your mother, who has dementia, sign ANYTHING is fraud. To sign something like that the person must be of "sound mind" She cannot sign a POA if the statement that "she has dementia" is correct. Moments of "clarity" do not mean the person understands legal documents. if your mother has dementila only a court can sigh the POA.

I would call the institution where she is staying and ask some POINTED questions. Question #1 WHO is paying the bills. if they have claimed she has no assets and have her on Medicaid you have even more issues! Ask them if they have the POA? Ask them if they have visiting hours. Without a court order I don't think they can deny you a visit.

Get a lawyer and protect your mother IMHO then worry about DVC!

Lawyer up is right and get a court appointed guardian for your mom.

 

[bobbiwoz]

Bless you! I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.
Bobbi

 

[moredisneyplease]

oh soooo sorry!!!!! i hope you guys work it out without coming to the point of never speaking again. and each time i purchased my contracts (one 6 years ago and one 3 years ag0) i didnt even put my husband on the title!!! though we've been married nearly 9 years and still going strong, he is not a Disney fan and i knew that if it came to a nasty divorce he would play games with the contracts because I'm such a fan!!! Needless to say, I'm the sole owner!!!

 

[3 Hobbits 2 Disney]

Please contact AARP or the county/state social service office where your mother lives. There are elder care/abuse specialists who can help you either at reduced cost or pro bono.
Having said that, at the end of the day, you will live with yourself, with your head held high...your brothers will face Karma.
Good luck.