Bat Mitzvah Gift - HELP!

[Rock'n Robin]

I'm sorry if I came off as cheap. I like to be equal to all my nieces. (my only nephew is also in NC and his ceremony will be in 2010). I don't think it is fair that because the other nieces are Catholic or Methodist they get so much less than these two. But since I'm not about to up the ante to $100 for everyone, I'll just hope that my NC niece never brings it up with her Ohio cousins!
Robin M.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, there's really no comparison in the ceremonies. The amount of work that goes into a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is incredible. At our congregation the kids start in preK religious school and Hebrew in 4th grade (this varies at different places and my DD didn't start until 6th grade). The kids can start religious school later--we didn't start our youngest in religious school until Kindergarten and a lot start in 1st grade, but most start by around then. Anyway, the preparation takes years. It kicks into high gear when they are older with tutoring and daily practice, which my son is in the middle of. My kids have had it real easy and catch on without a problem, but some kids struggle. At our congregation (reform) they lead the service and the Rabbi plays second fiddle that day. It's not that way at all places and at some it's even more involved (my DH went to his nephew's Orthodox service and it was hours of an all Hebrew service, with his nephew leading it).

My point is that the kids really work for it and the larger gift really is a reward that they have earned. Not being raised Jewish I had never gone to one until my DD had hers and I was amazed. Of course I'm not downplaying other religions, just trying to explain the work and preparation that goes into this.

 

[VioltePrincess]

that's the way it is in our Conservative synagogue. we have Hebrew school from Kindergarten through 7th grade -- though most kids wait until 3rd grade to start. the kids have to go twice a week after school and must attend a certain number of junior congrregations sessions on saturday mornings. at various times throughout the year one of the Hebrew school classes will elad Friday night, Saturday morning or Saturday evening services. the kids learn religion, how to read a prayer book in Hebrew, Jewish history and culture, and all about Israel.

the bar or bat mitzvah candidate has to attend all those Hebrew school classes, and then in the year before the bar/bat mitzvah they are tutored in the prayer service they will lead (in Hebrew and English) including the portion of the Bible they will read in Hebrew before the entire congregation. the bar/bat mitzvah student also has to prpeare a speech which serves as a "teaching moment", i.e., they explain the Bible portion and how it relates to their lives. and the speech is also used to thank parents and teachers and etc. for helping the student reach this moment, which significes that he or she is now ready to assume adult responsibilities within the Jewish community.

it's also customary for the bar/bat mitzvah student to perform community service and/or to make a donation to charity.