Bat Mitzvah Gift - HELP!

[lowie]

I appreciate that you found it funny and had to point it out after it was beat to death. I am beginning to wish i never asked this question to begin with here.

It's a shame that ridicule and humilation are such a fun part of some people's lives.

i'm sorry you are taking this so strongly. and i'm sorry that i felt it amusing. i didn't mean any disrespect, remember that often people are confused about a type written response when they cannot see the person and the manner in which the comment was typed. please accept my apology.

 

[AKLRULZ]

please accept my apology.

Absolutely, please accept mine too.

 

[VioltePrincess]

Thanks for the suggestions - and again my sincere apologies for calling temple church, it wasn't meant as an insult or to slight anyone.

I knew that, I was just trying to be useful and helpful.

 

[VioltePrincess]

I appreciate that you found it funny and had to point it out after it was beat to death. I am beginning to wish i never asked this question to begin with here.

It's a shame that ridicule and humilation are such a fun part of some people's lives.

I hope you didn't think that I was[poking fun at you.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Just bumping because I need info similar to Bicker, but for an aunt and uncle. My niece is having a bat mitzvah in June in NC. We will miss the ceremony because it is at 10AM the day after my girls' recital and it is 10 hours from where we are. We will be there in time for the celebration later.
I have never attended these because I am Methodist, the rest of DH's family is Catholic, and we don't have any close Jewish friends (by coincidence, not choice). My standard gift for relatives having first communion or confirmation is $20. For the bat mitzvah, I need to know what is proper for a relative--keeping in mind, however, that the relatives also have to drive 10 hours each way and pay for 2 nights in a hotel.
Robin M.

 

[VioltePrincess]

Just bumping because I need info similar to Bicker, but for an aunt and uncle. My niece is having a bat mitzvah in June in NC. We will miss the ceremony because it is at 10AM the day after my girls' recital and it is 10 hours from where we are. We will be there in time for the celebration later.
I have never attended these because I am Methodist, the rest of DH's family is Catholic, and we don't have any close Jewish friends (by coincidence, not choice). My standard gift for relatives having first communion or confirmation is $20. For the bat mitzvah, I need to know what is proper for a relative--keeping in mind, however, that the relatives also have to drive 10 hours each way and pay for 2 nights in a hotel.
Robin M.

$20 seems a bit low. I don't know the gong rate in NC, but here in NY ...well, relatives who came to the reception usually gave $100 or more. think closer to "wedding" than communion.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

When we've traveled to relatives Bar/Bat Mitzvahs we have given $100. Of course we have travel expenses, but they have all kinds of expenses, too. Normally a Friday night dinner, events on Saturday, including the reception/party on Saturday afternoon or evening and sometimes something Sunday morning. Of course you won't be around for all of that.

Having said that, when there is a money issue, I consider someones presence the best present of all. My brother and his wife are flying here from California for my son's November Bar Mitzvah, and I wouldn't expect any present, even though I'm sure they will give him something. My nephew, who isn't Jewish (well, none of my family is, for that matter, but most will be here) is coming, along with his wife. They are poor college students and I most certainly don't expect any present from them--I am overjoyed that they are coming. We'll have a packed house since almost everyone is staying with us.

 

[princess pooh]

Just bumping because I need info similar to Bicker, but for an aunt and uncle. My niece is having a bat mitzvah in June in NC. We will miss the ceremony because it is at 10AM the day after my girls' recital and it is 10 hours from where we are. We will be there in time for the celebration later.
I have never attended these because I am Methodist, the rest of DH's family is Catholic, and we don't have any close Jewish friends (by coincidence, not choice). My standard gift for relatives having first communion or confirmation is $20. For the bat mitzvah, I need to know what is proper for a relative--keeping in mind, however, that the relatives also have to drive 10 hours each way and pay for 2 nights in a hotel.
Robin M.

My cousin's bar mitzvah is next month and we'll also have to travel and spend 2 nights in a hotel. I asked my dad and he's giving $118 to his nephew. I'll probably end up giving the same amount. I hope this information helps

 

[mickeyfan2]

I believe the #18 has significance so $18, $36, $54 etc. cash gift are usually fiven.

 

[bicker]

Just bumping because I need info similar to Bicker, but for an aunt and uncle.

I'm sorry for my earlier vague-ness -- we're, of course, aunt and uncle, as well. We will be traveling to New Jersey (from Boston) for the Bat Mitzvah, and staying overnight, actually, in the hotel that the reception will be in the next day, in case someone has a good idea of how to use that to our advantage in this regard. But still, we're wondering what is the "going rate" these days for aunt and uncle, attending the service and the reception, just giving cash.

 

[bicker]

I believe the #18 has significance so $18, $36, $54 etc. cash gift are usually fiven.

Okay, so the benchmark is perhaps either $108 (Chai * 6) or $118 (100 + Chai?). Do those numbers resonate with others?

 

[aprilgail2]

My cousin's bar mitzvah is next month and we'll also have to travel and spend 2 nights in a hotel. I asked my dad and he's giving $118 to his nephew. I'll probably end up giving the same amount. I hope this information helps

Thats about the rate here in the northeast...it is closer to a wedding type gift than a communion or confirmation.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Okay, so the benchmark is perhaps either $108 (Chai * 6) or $118 (100 + Chai?). Do those numbers resonate with others?

I know that $108 would work. I have only know of it to be a multiple, but the $118 seems an option too.

 

[Tiffer]

$20 seems a bit low. I don't know the gong rate in NC, but here in NY ...well, relatives who came to the reception usually gave $100 or more. think closer to "wedding" than communion.

I agree comepletely. $20 or $36 is rather low. THey are spending more to have you as a guest than you are giving.

 

[Tiffer]

Okay, so the benchmark is perhaps either $108 (Chai * 6) or $118 (100 + Chai?). Do those numbers resonate with others?

For 2 people, Aunt & Uncle, it should be closer to $200 than $100

 

[Tigger&Belle]

For 2 people, Aunt & Uncle, it should be closer to $200 than $100

Please PM your address--you are invited to my son's Bar Mitzvah!

 

[bicker]

So I take it you disagree with Tiffer's numbers, eh? Hmmm... Need. More. Data.

 

[lewdyan1]

FWIW. I am down in Miami and for my niece and newphew I gave $150 and a keepsake gift. (sorry it wasn't a multiple of 18). I know my brother, who is a little more comfortable than me gave $250. For everyday friends when a child is only invited we do $36 (or sometimes a piece of jewelry for a girl) and when the family is invited, no less than $100. They did get a lot of savings bonds, I guess because they cost half the price of the face value.

 

[robinb]

Here in the cheap-skate midwest we only give $50.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

So I take it you disagree with Tiffer's numbers, eh? Hmmm... Need. More. Data.

No, I just have cheap people who come to ours. Seriously, I think it's fine if that's what a person can afford, but nobody has given that much who has come to ours. In general, though, there is a minimum for a family attending and I would think that would be at least $75 for a simple affair. I think that's what we gave when part of our family went this summer (might have been $100) and to say that they were overjoyed would be an understatement. For family or closer friends we've giving $100.

I think that savings bond are a great idea. They cost less to give and they force the child to wait to spend them. I like it when my kids get them. It drives them a little batty, but it doesn't really matter because they save most of their $ until college, anyway. And they like cashing the savings bonds in later.