Bat Mitzvah Gift - HELP!

[VioltePrincess]

I believe the OP was extremely intimidated...

sorry my opinion

No need to jump all ove her because she called the place of worship a church rather than a temple

she was just asking and if in quite a politelful way.

Although I am not jewish, I would never be offended if someone asked me if my children were making there confirmation in a temple rather than a church.

We are all one people...most of us who believe in one God...where we worship is all our own choice

In this day and age people are to over sensitive....

I'll remember that the next time I am in a Catholic synagoge or a Protestant mosque.

 

[simpilotswife]

I believe the OP was extremely intimidated...

sorry my opinion

No need to jump all ove her because she called the place of worship a church rather than a temple

she was just asking and if in quite a politelful way.

Although I am not jewish, I would never be offended if someone asked me if my children were making there confirmation in a temple rather than a church.

We are all one people...most of us who believe in one God...where we worship is all our own choice

In this day and age people are to over sensitive....

They seem to be especially oversensitive when it comes to reading into how other posters are feeling.

It's pretty interesting that you read into how the OP was feeling but didn't care to read far enough to note that the OP is male.


To the OP, sadly new dresses for these occasions seems to be de rigeur.

 

[AKLRULZ]

Thanks for the suggestions - and again my sincere apologies for calling temple church, it wasn't meant as an insult or to slight anyone.

 

[lowie]

I went to my first Bat Mitzvah last year.

The girl did not receive hugly lavish gifts from her friends. (Seems like the average was a $36 or $18 check... there was a reason for those amounts) She also got some things like ITunes gift cards that she liked. I recall a Barnes & Noble gift card and some small coutume type jewerly being in the loot also LOL!

From adults it was a whole different matter LOL! (I am a Southern girl and just could NOT do the cash so she got a Star of David from Tiffany and she and her sister got a week at my DVC resort. Her sister will get the same Star of David this spring!)

ummm, hey carol... wanna come to my bat mitzvah???

 

[lowie]

We're not super close friends w/ the family (although my daughter is with their daughter) and just my daughter is invited. They have a church celebration/reception Friday evening and a church celebration/hotel reception Saturday at 10:00 am. We're from the South (Virginia).

Love the ideas thus far and would be grateful for others.

oh, this is awesome!!!

 

[AKLRULZ]

oh, this is awesome!!!

I appreciate that you found it funny and had to point it out after it was beat to death. I am beginning to wish i never asked this question to begin with here.

It's a shame that ridicule and humilation are such a fun part of some people's lives.

 

[Barb D]

Here's another recent thread on the same topic:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1123037&referrerid=&highlight=

And here, copied from that thread, is what my DD gave her friend. Her friend liked it.

"We're doing the $36 thing, but instead of a check in an envelope, we've gotten 3 rolls of quarters and 3 $2 bills. I folded each bill in half, and then rolled it around the roll of quarters and tied it on with ribbons. Then I alternated the quarter rolls with rolls of Lifesavers (Chaim, Life, get it?) in a basket, and put the whole thing in a gift bag. All of the colors (ribbon, tissue paper, gift bag, Lifesavers) are bright/neon."

 

[DVC-Don]

I'll ask DD when she gets out of bed. She went to one this summer.

 

[claudia]

We're not super close friends w/ the family (although my daughter is with their daughter) and just my daughter is invited. They have a church celebration/reception Friday evening and a church celebration/hotel reception Saturday at 10:00 am. We're from the South (Virginia).

Love the ideas thus far and would be grateful for others.

we had the identical situation (except boys)...there was the temple and then a big extravagant party at a hotel on the water (we are on the North Shore of Long Island). We gave the child $100.00.

 

[claudia]

I appreciate that you found it funny and had to point it out after it was beat to death. I am beginning to wish i never asked this question to begin with here.

It's a shame that ridicule and humilation are such a fun part of some people's lives.

This is a big part of why I don't post here often. I have been at the Dis since the beginning, but as you can see from my count I RARELY post for the exact reasons that you have just found out.

 

[bicker]

Trying to bring this thread back on topic, at least a little bit. $36 sounds like the right amount for friends of the Bat Mitzvah... What's the right amount (these days) for an uncle? Last time I went to a Bat Mitzvah, Jimmy Carter was President, and so I'm a bit out of touch with the impact of inflation.

 

[goofy4tink]

Thank-you for asking this question. Here's our situation. Dd, now 13, was best friends with a girl that subsequently moved to Utah several years ago. This other girl is Jewish, we are not. The girls were bff for about 4 years. The girls have stayed in touch, the friend has visited here on occasion when visiting other family members in the area.
So....this other girl has been talking to my dd about her bat mitzvah for about a year. I figure nothing will come of it, since we don't really want to travel to Utah. Then, my dd gets cast in a show that goes up the same weekend of the bat mitzvah. Well, don't you know that the other girls mom calls here about 10 days ago (2 weeks tops) and says she was concerned about my dd because she hadn't thought we had even considered coming. She said they never even sent out invitations to people, that it was just word of mouth so to speak. I told her not to worry because our dd couldn't go anyway, even if she was invited due to her show. The other mom seemed relieved. We, dd and myself, had already decided to get the gf something nice and send it to her. Well.....yesterday, dd got a very formal invitation in the mail, with the reply card, directions to the swanky hotel...all that stuff. Meanwhile another Jewish friend, who I had asked what was an acceptable gift, had told me that she found it very strange that the other mom had said she hadn't sent out formal invites..that that just was really unusual. So, now we have one, have to reply that we can't go...the invite was just to my dd, not to us as the parents. I just found the whole thing strange to say the least. I guess there are some very close family friends going from our town...you have to understand that we are in Mass, and it's not an inexpensive thing to fly to Utah for a weekend.

So....a check for $36 plus a piece of jewelry is okay?

 

[Barb D]

Well.....yesterday, dd got a very formal invitation in the mail, with the reply card, directions to the swanky hotel...all that stuff. ...

They probably just wanted your DD to feel welcome even though they knew she couldn't go.

 

[robinb]

I appreciate that you found it funny and had to point it out after it was beat to death. I am beginning to wish i never asked this question to begin with here.

I am glad that you asked the question here . Others are learning about Bar/Bar Mitzvahs because of it.

In lowie's defense, many people read a thread and respond to it serially (one post at a time). They see something they want to comment on, especially when it is something provocative, they will comment on it immediately and won't think to read ahead. It looks like that's what happened here when lowie first responded to Carol's post and then she responded to yours.

I *know* that you meant no harm when you used the word "church" but I too had the same internal reaction as others on this thread. I have been around long enough to know to read ahead and see if someone else pointed it out and they did. It was an honest, albeit thoughtless, mistake. You apologized and everything is good .

No one wants to be beaten up again and again when you have already made your mea culpa. There is another little trick I have learned for those few times when I am the one who finds my foot in my mouth . I make my apology/explanation as a separate post in the thread for those people who are reading along. I then edit my original inflammatory post and add the apology/explanation to that post for those people who come to the thread later. That stops the serial flaming right in it's tracks.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I appreciate that you found it funny and had to point it out after it was beat to death. I am beginning to wish i never asked this question to begin with here.

It's a shame that ridicule and humilation are such a fun part of some people's lives.

Do not feel bad about asking the question! You did nothing wrong and I think it's silly for someone to be offended. To tell you the correct wording is one thing, but I think that's as far as it should go. I believe in a situation like this it should be more about education and acceptance, than ridicule and making someone feel bad. And for anyone Jewish, do you forget what day today is? (BTW, I'm home today and not in services because I have a barfing 6yo who has kept me awake since 3AM ). OK, off my soapbox. I just hate if when people are turned off to any religion or scared off to ask a question for fear of using the wrong word. It's not as if he used an ethnic slur--that would be one thing. He's trying! OK, really off the soapbox now!


Barb D, I never heard an update as to whether or not your DD had a good time.

 

[goofy4tink]

They probably just wanted your DD to feel welcome even though they knew she couldn't go.

That's how I chose to take it. I'm sure the other mom never thought for a minute that my dd would want, or be able, to go. It's nice that they have tried to include her.

Have to say that I love these 'religious' threads. I always learn something new on them. Someone had suggested that whole '18's' thing but had no idea as to the reasons for it. Now I know. We can all learn from these threads. We just need to be able to step back and try to realize that those of us who are uninformed aren't really trying to be insensitive, we are just ignorant. Teach us!! But nicely please.

 

[AKLRULZ]

No one wants to be beaten up again and again when you have already made your mea culpa. There is another little trick I have learned for those few times when I am the one who finds my foot in my mouth . I make my apology/explanation as a separate post in the thread for those people who are reading along. I then edit my original inflammatory post and add the apology/explanation to that post for those people who come to the thread later. That stops the serial flaming right in it's tracks.

Thanks for the tip - I've done just that with the edit in addition to the apology I posted last night.

 

[rigs32]

Thanks for the suggestions - and again my sincere apologies for calling temple church, it wasn't meant as an insult or to slight anyone.

I understand where you're coming from, but try to understand why many Jews could be upset or frustrated by your choice of words. Most people know Muslims worship in a mosque, so by casually referring to a Jewish church, it's placing a wholly different faith into the framework of Christianity.

While Judaism and Christianity both utilize the Old Testament, there are so many more differences - spiritually, culturally, and politically - that, as a Jew, I feel the faiths are much more separate that many Christians do.

Here's a quick illustrative story. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. Our dining table was all honeymooners. We would chat at dinner and attend the shows together. We ran into one of the couples in Cozumel and the woman - who I had previously been pretty friendly with - started talking about a shopkeeper trying to "Jew her down". If I have ever looked like a plastic manequin, it was then. I was shocked that the phrase was still being used by people. And that she would use it by knowing nothing about us. To her, it was "harmless", but to me it was highly offensive.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

I went to my best friend's Bat Mitzvah last May. I was really freaking out because I didn't know what to get her. (I'm Catholic.) So, I e-mailed her, asking her what gifts are appropriate. She said that usually money is a good gift. I ended up giving her $50. My best guess is to give a small amount of money.

 

[Barb D]

Barb D, I never heard an update as to whether or not your DD had a good time.

I ended up not going; DH wasn't available to stay with DD6. (I wasn't invited to the reception. I would have just gone to the ceremony anyway.)

DD13 went and sat with friends. She was interested in the service, but since it was for 2 kids it was LONG. She was glad they had a brochure explaining at least part of what was going on. They had the reception at a local ballroom, and DD had a great time. The decorations and party favors were all neon, so our gift bag theme fit right in. DD said most of the gifts were in envelopes.

Oh, and it turned out she was a little under-dressed in her guazy skirt and dressy t-shirt. Most of the girls were in dressier dresses.