Bar Mitzvah Gift

[KATHINOWA]

We've been invited to a bar mitzvah for the son of my husband's college roommate. We've been friends with them for 15 years. We used to be very close (talk every day) but now we talk 2-3 times a year. We live about 30 minutes from eachother but we see eachother maybe 1X a year. We invite them to bbqs and parties (which they don't attend) but rarely get invited to their house. We have never been to a bar mitzvah before. I don't know what to give as a gift. The entire family has been invited. I'm assuming cash is the usual gift, right?

Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Cash is a very popular gift. Often it's given in multiples of 18 (Chai = life). Not sure of the "going rate" for gifts in your area, but many families gave my kids around $100, some gave more. It's a big occasion and to me more than a wedding since so much work goes into preparing for it. I wasn't raised Jewish and was so in awe when our oldest child had her Bat Mitzvah. Really incredible. Another idea is a savings bond...I liked our children receiving those since it increased in value and it gave the child something to remember the event by years later.

 

[aprilgail2]

Cash is a very popular gift. Often it's given in multiples of 18 (Chai = life). Not sure of the "going rate" for gifts in your area, but many families gave my kids around $100, some gave more.

Around here (long island) the gift for a Bar Mitzvah is the same as a wedding!

 

[KATHINOWA]

"Cash is a very popular gift. Often it's given in multiples of 18 (Chai = life)."

Would I give $118 or $108 (18X6)?

Thanks.

 

[goofy4tink]

My dd, almost 14, has gone to about 6 Bat Mitzvah's in the past 8 months. Each time we gave the young lady a check for $54. These girls are not close family friends but classmates..some closer to dd than others. When I have asked my Jewish friends what is acceptable, every single one of them told me the $54 was quite generous. From what I understand, it's the actual family members that usually give in the $100+ range. But, in the Boston area, we may have different expectations.

 

[java]

How many people are going? 18 and I think 24?or is it 26? are the significant numbers(if they are orthodox) If not probably won't matter.
But I would think a LI Bar Mitzvah gift would be a higher amount than $100.(I was thinking $300 but I suppose even $180 would hit the significant number)
Oh and according to my orthodox friend it would be $118 not $108

 

[debbi801]

When my son had his Bar Mitzvah in 2006, most of his individual friends that were invited gave checks for $36.00 (18X2). When whole familes were invited, generally the gift was around $100.00. He didn't get any actual gifts (which kinda surprised me--when I was a teen, it seemed common to get about 10-20 cross pen sets. LOL), just checks and bonds.

 

[KATHINOWA]

Thanks to everyone for your advice and suggestions.

$300?? There's no way I would give that much!

 

[sunlver]

My son just had his Bar Mitzvah this past August. All his gifts were money, except he received one gift card as well(Which in my book, is also acceptable )...Since ALL the people we know are NOT Jewish(Well except my family),. he received several "$20" gifts. My family members gave more. When it comes to giving money, I do not believe there is a right or wrong. I believe you should give what you can afford.

 

[goofy4tink]

When my dd was getting ready to go to Bat Mitzvah number 3, one of her best friends, she told me that Thera had begged her (my dd) to get her a gift card from the area mall. It seems that her mom had told her that any money, checks, etc. were going right into her college savings acct! We did get her a gift card and she was thrilled. But, I don't think I would have done that if I hadn't known the family a bit.

 

[java]

Thanks to everyone for your advice and suggestions.

$300?? There's no way I would give that much!

Have you been to a party on LI yet?
We have since moved but I was blown away at the parties thrown at Catering halls. There was a sweet 16 held at a hall that I thought was too expensive for my wedding!
Whatever you give I am sure will be appreciated. I tend to overdue(there are 6 of us and Hey I'm from LI- you can the girl out of LI but you can't take the LI out of the girl!)

 

[LBAK]

I am also from LI and I agree that LI and the surrounding areas do a party a bit different. If my DD goes to a friends Bat Mitzvah a few girls will go in and get something from Tiffany's. If it's a Bar Mitzvah they will give cash. If my whole family is going we treat it like a wedding.

 

[Deb in IA]

Have you been to a party on LI yet?

There used to be a poster here who regularly told us about the party customs of Lawn Guyland'ers.

 

[KATHINOWA]

I am a life-long Long Islander. I know that parties here are excessive but I am not giving $300 to a 13 year old son of a college roommate. That's just me. If it was a relative or a closer friend I would definitely give more than I am planning to give in this situation.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I'd give $180

 

[Bearvet]

I'm so happy to find this thread! My cousin's son's Bar Mitzvah is Oct 20 and I'm trying to figure out how much to give. They live in Cohasset, MA (right on the ocean) and are very well-off (we are not!). They gave DS $200 for his graduation in June, so I think $180 is the perfect amount!

BTW we are not Jewish - my cousin's wife is - so this is fairly new to us. Myself, DH, DS14 and DS12 will be attending and my cousin said it's jacket and ties. The guys are all set, now I need to decide what to wear.

Thanks for the info!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm so happy to find this thread! My cousin's son's Bar Mitzvah is Oct 20 and I'm trying to figure out how much to give. They live in Cohasset, MA (right on the ocean) and are very well-off (we are not!). They gave DS $200 for his graduation in June, so I think $180 is the perfect amount!

BTW we are not Jewish - my cousin's wife is - so this is fairly new to us. Myself, DH, DS14 and DS12 will be attending and my cousin said it's jacket and ties. The guys are all set, now I need to decide what to wear.

Thanks for the info!

Have a great time! My DD's Bat Mitzvah was the first one I ever attended and it's so neat to watch and realize the work and commitment that goes into it.