Bad parenting...

[Shannone1]

So I was at 7th grade orientation today with my 12 year old dd. We had to wait in lines for her schedule, paperwork, ordering yearbook, etc. It's a long, frustrating process but I've been through it enough to know now that this is just how it is, you know ??

We had been to all of those "stations" and were waiting in the longest line yet, this one for school ID and pictures. It was confusing as there were two lines wrapping around each other in the library. I had all 3 of my kids with me and one of my friends was in line ahead of me with her 2 kids. We were catching up on each other's summers and the kids were chatting. Trying to make the best of the long wait.

So this woman starts arguing with her daughter (around 12) about the way everything was set up. Her daughter was trying to tell her that she didn't know where she was supposed to go next. The mom snaps at her says something sarcastic about it being the daughters responsiblity to know where she needed to be. Then she hauls off and SLAPS her across the face. My friend and I were stunned. It's not as if the girl said something that she deserved to be slapped for They were standing right next to us and we heard the whole thing. My kids looked at me for an explanation and I didn't know what to tell them. The girl started crying and hid her face, probably mortified about this happening in front of all of her classmates.

I just kept thinking that if this mom so easily slapped her in front of 300 strangers, what does she do to her in private ?? My girls both leaned in and gave me a little hug. Realizing I guess that although they may get mad at me from time to time...they don't have anything to complain about !!

Now that I'm at home I'm wondering if I should have done something. It was none of my business, but I can't get that poor girl's face out of my mind.

 

[Born 2 Fish]

This is where a taser would have come in handy.
(kidding)

 

[BRDof3]

I have been known to write down the child protective services hotline on a piece of paper and hand it to the parent, letting them know that this is just the type of thing that causes parents a lot of trouble. Don't even need to say anything, just let them think about it.

Even taking into account the arguments about spanking vs. non-spanking, such a slap (also taking into account that I didn't see it, just read about it) is NOT within the acceptable bounds of parenting behavior. Bad enough in private, worse in public.

That being said, there is little you could have done, except to reassure your own kids, which you did. What you do depends on what level of reaction you are prepared to get. Sounds like you handled it pretty well. A lousy situation for everyone involved.

 

[seabee]

Wow! I don't know what I would have done. Rob is right, who knows how that parent would have reacted to you, and your kids were there. If I was alone maybe I might have done something, but what. If she halled off so easily, anything you said probably wouldn't have mattered. Sometimes I wonder why certain people even have children. At least your children feel safe with you, and know that they don't have to worry about that happening to them.

 

[Gatordad]

In the words of the baloney brothers, don't get involved.

 

[PolynesianPixie]

It breaks my heart when I see that. It seems like I witness this type of thing every time I go to the grocery store. Shannone, despite maybe wanting to, I'm sure I wouldn't have reacted any differently. I think I would have been too shocked. I think you should tell the principle about it though so they can keep an eye on the situation. Teachers are trained to recognize signs of abuse.

Rob, I like your idea....but as a woman of small stature, I don't think I'd be brave enough to interject in that way. I'd be too afraid I'd be slapped next! Distraction may work...like say to the parent something about their adorable, strong-willed child! Having them see that it's not all bad and maybe giving them a second to calm down and realize that there are witnesses.

Another "hand-out" may be this, though.....

http://www.preventchildabuse.org/publications/parents/downloads/twelve_alternatives.pdf

 

[YodaGirl]

Wow. That's a rough situation that you had to experience.

I agree that if she would do that in public, what would she do behind closed doors?

I don't think that there was much you could do. People these days can be crazy. If she didn't care about slapping her child, who knows what she woulda done to you?

 

[ibm2010]

If you will allow me to play devils advocate for a moment. We all agree it was odd for a parent to slap a child in the face. Could it have been possible that the child called the mom a b**** under their breath? How about something worse? It was obvious that the situation was getting heated between the mother and the daughter. I was popped in the mouth many times for smarting off to my parents. I learned quickly I should refrain from disrespecting my parents. Kids are not always right. Whose way to discipline a child is correct? Is any one way right?

Just looking at the situation from a different angle.

 

[ntsammy5]

This is an example of why teachers should be able to carry concealed weapons!

 

[Born 2 Fish]

If you will allow me to play devils advocate for a moment. We all agree it was odd for a parent to slap a child in the face. Could it have been possible that the child called the mom a b**** under their breath? How about something worse? It was obvious that the situation was getting heated between the mother and the daughter. I was popped in the mouth many times for smarting off to my parents. I learned quickly I should refrain from disrespecting my parents. Kids are not always right. Whose way to discipline a child is correct? Is any one way right?

Just looking at the situation from a different angle.

This is where a taser would have come in handy.
(kidding)

Either way !
(kidding)

 

[Brer Bear]

This is an example of why teachers should be able to carry concealed weapons!

Flash the mom a glimpse of your 44 and tell "I dare you to do that again!"

By the time kids are that old, I don't think spanking works anymore...just drives the kids to rebel more. Take away her cell phone...THAT would hurt her! My Mom has been a Special Ed teacher (explains a lot don't it!) and 1st grade teacher for over 30 years and she would have walked right up to a parent like that anytime anywhere and told her what she thought! Yes, I am scarred for life.

 

[AuburnJen92]

I know y'all are going to flame the hell out of me, but here it goes...

No, she was not right to slap her in public across the face. However, she hit her with an open hand, which in most states is permissible under child abuse laws. Teachers are bound by law to report suspected abuses whether seen in school or outside. As long as the parent does not leave a lasting mark on the minor, it is considered acceptable under the law (at least in the two states I have had a license in).

Now, be that as it may. I don't think I could go that far with my kid. I swat his butt when he gets way out of line, but taking things he loves away from him works better. He is starting to age out of swatting faster than I would like at 4!

OK, flame away!

 

[RvUsa]

Pffft, Pffft, Pffft, bang bang bang, Pfft, Pffft..... dangit, the lighter won't work....

 

[AuburnJen92]

Pffft, Pffft, Pffft, bang bang bang, Pfft, Pffft..... dangit, the lighter won't work....

I should have known!

 

[BRDof3]

We're enjoying the fire pit in the backyard, Jen. I'll try to blow some of the smoke your way!

 

[tellnotails]

No, she was not right to slap her in public across the face.

Had it been done in private make it right?????

 

[Shannone1]

I know y'all are going to flame the hell out of me, but here it goes...

No, she was not right to slap her in public across the face. However, she hit her with an open hand, which in most states is permissible under child abuse laws. Teachers are bound by law to report suspected abuses whether seen in school or outside. As long as the parent does not leave a lasting mark on the minor, it is considered acceptable under the law (at least in the two states I have had a license in).

Now, be that as it may. I don't think I could go that far with my kid. I swat his butt when he gets way out of line, but taking things he loves away from him works better. He is starting to age out of swatting faster than I would like at 4!

OK, flame away!

No flames here. There are some circumstances where a slap could be warranted with an older child. An open handed slap does not necessarily mean she is being abused. But she was right next to me and I saw what happened. Her daughter was not backtalking her or being disrespectful. She was just confused about where she was supposed to be. She did not say/do anything that deserved that very public slap in the face. And in front of all of her classmates and their parents too. My heart just broke for her.

 

[des1954]

Man... I know my temper when it comes to seeing a child mistreated & this would be one instance my big mouth would have landed me in big trouble!

A 12 year old girl amongst all her friends getting slapped across the face? Oh, no, no, no!! I do believe in a well applied paddle on the butt - but never in the face!! That was a pure anger response and had nothing to do with correction. No matter what the girl may have said - it did not warrant that kind of reaction from her mom. There are other ways it could have been handled.

That poor girl was probably damaged more by the embarassment of her friends witnessing what her mom did, than the actual slap. I'm hoping a teacher caught a glimpse of this "mom" in action and either called CPS or keeps an eye on the girl for signs of abuse.

My DH has to reign me in sometimes when I see people being butt-heads with their kids. I get right in their faces - given the opportunity.

I'm very intolerant of abuse to kids, animals, and elderly people - and what this mom did to her kid was out & out abuse - IMHO.

Not flaming you Jen cause I know you didn't write the laws - but just because something is legal, doesn't make it right.

 

[Born 2 Fish]

Good morn'n Deb. Gotcha an early morning, huh ? Well here's to making it a good one! And I hope it's as good'a day as we are spose to have in TN.

 

[mirmartinez]

We had two wonderful parents around here that made the paper today.

They did not find the need to slap their 9 and 11 yr old.

They just tasered them.

http://timesonline.com/articles/2008/08/19/news/doc48ab77798cf15165664121.txt