BAD/ABSENT Wedding Reception Food

[sha_lyn]

Wow, weddings sure are different here in the Deep South! No matter what the budget, there is always LOTS of food! Usually served buffet style and lots of appetizers! On a smaller budget a local hall would be rented/borrowed & family would cook all of the food. On bigger budgets you'd probalbly still have food served buffet style even in the nicest downtown hotels. Again lots of appetizers with carving stations, pasta stations etc.
Several types of alcohol are always included. Even if it's a help yourself bar and beer in a ice-chest! You will have liquor! I have never attended a wedding with a Cash Bar.

Born and raised in the deep south, and as I already said, most of the time around here you won't find alcohol or meal type food. Never seen a pasta or carving station at any wedding reception.

 

[Hixski]

This is so interesting all the different ways parts of the country do receptions. I have been to the cake and punch types and also to the big sit down dinners. All were fine. Now if we want to talk about how people act at receptions.......I have some really good ones there. Like the bride running across the dance floor grabbing her bridesmaid yelling "Help me, I need to go pee now" Ok, back to the bad/absent food talk.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have never in my life been to a "cake and punch" reception and would be shocked.
Shoot even the funerals I have been to have had food.

If you are just serving appetizers/cash bar then let the guests know so they can plan accordingly....ie eat beforehand and/or bring $$$.

Some people don't realize it.

 

[mytwotinks]

I have never in my life been to a "cake and punch" reception and would be shocked.
Shoot even the funerals I have been to have had food.

If you are just serving appetizers/cash bar then let the guests know so they can plan accordingly....ie eat beforehand and/or bring $$$.

Some people don't realize it.

It would really depend on the religious beliefs of the social crowd you hang out with. I was an adult before I knew people had dinners at a wedding reception. A cousin of mine got married and had a sit down meal at her wedding. I was shocked. Until then every wedding I had been to had been at my church (Church of Christ) and every reception was in the fellowship hall directly after the wedding for cake and punch.

I eloped so I am not sure what I would have done (the death of my mother in law caused us to cancel plans for a reception), but I would have felt very uncomfortable inviting the families that I had grown up with in my church to a reception that served alcohol. I probably would have gone with cake and punch.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It would really depend on the religious beliefs of the social crowd you hang out with. I was an adult before I knew people had dinners at a wedding reception.

Well I am in my 40's and finding it out here on the DIS!

 

[sha_lyn]

It would really depend on the religious beliefs of the social crowd you hang out with. I was an adult before I knew people had dinners at a wedding reception. A cousin of mine got married and had a sit down meal at her wedding. I was shocked. Until then every wedding I had been to had been at my church (Church of Christ) and every reception was in the fellowship hall directly after the wedding for cake and punch.

ITA
I've only been to 3 weddings in my life that had "real" food, and 2 of those are the only 2 that had alcohol.

 

[aprilgail2]

I have never in my life been to a "cake and punch" reception and would be shocked.
Shoot even the funerals I have been to have had food.

That is how it is with me too, funerals here have more than cake and punch LOL...my dads was in a restaurant party room and my godsons was at the firehouse with catered food.

 

[ZPT1022]

Weddings run from small to large here. Punch and cake to full service. I have been to both and have seen equally lovely full service dinners and buffet type made by family food.
My Niece and Nephew were married about 4 years ago and family made all the food. I thought it was lovely. Didn't hear anyone complain either- MIL is a great cook and she made most of it! LOL.
I guess if folks don't appreciate the diy weddings, they can stay home
Some of the people don't have 50k budgets to cater receptions so they make it themselves.
DS is getting married in May. They are having a reception at the local 'good' hall. (aka "THE PLACE" to have your reception). Planning on sandwiches of some sort and relish trays and maybe fruit trays. They are on a budget. I sure hope nobody slams them on a message board

Not everyone has $50K budgets, sure, but there is no reason why you can't let people know somehow that it is a cake and punch reception, or that only light finger foods will be served, or a "light luncheon" in your son's case. Or have it at an off time, when people will not be expecting a meal. People would expect a lot less food wise from a 2 pm wedding than from a 5 pm wedding. Either find a way to gracefully tell people, tell people just by the scheduled time, or yes, people will be expecting a full meal and upset when there's not one there. I know for myself personally, I have blood sugar problems and need to make sure I eat at reasonable times. If I am invited to a party of some sort and it is made to seem that a meal will be provided and then one isn't, I'm in trouble. If I have travelled to a place that I am not familiar with, I'm in even bigger trouble when I need to find somewhere else to eat. If people come expecting a meal and one isn't served, then you really can't fault them when they leave to go get one. As long as expectations are set forth appropriately from the start, these things can be avoided, and I think a lot of people who've posted here would agree to that. Good luck with your son's wedding, I am sure it will be lovely.

 

[sha_lyn]

Not everyone has $50K budgets, sure, but there is no reason why you can't let people know somehow that it is a cake and punch reception, or that only light finger foods will be served, or a "light luncheon" in your son's case. Or have it at an off time, when people will not be expecting a meal. People would expect a lot less food wise from a 2 pm wedding than from a 5 pm wedding. Either find a way to gracefully tell people, tell people just by the scheduled time, or yes, people will be expecting a full meal and upset when there's not one there

Around here a meal would not be expected. Maybe people should put if they are serving a meal, so people should plan accordingly. Then you can't fault them when they don't eat the meal that was paid for.

 

[C.Ann]

Around here a meal would not be expected. Maybe people should put if they are serving a meal, so people should plan accordingly. Then you can't fault them when they don't eat the meal that was paid for.

-------------------------------------

In this area - if a meal is to be served, normally there will be a card inside the wedding invitation asking you to check off one of two entrees that are being offered and that card basically serves as your RSVP when you mail it back..

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I have never in my life been to a "cake and punch" reception and would be shocked.
Shoot even the funerals I have been to have had food.

If you are just serving appetizers/cash bar then let the guests know so they can plan accordingly....ie eat beforehand and/or bring $$$.

Some people don't realize it.

there is always a TON of food at funerals.

I've been to many cake and punch wedding receptions. I've also been to my fair share of pot luck wedding receptions. Seems to be the way things are done in the Baptist church in the more rural areas.

 

[ZPT1022]

can't recall how long ago someone posted it-but i recall a thread awhile back where someone went to a wedding reception where the bar was set up such that only CERTAIN guests the b/g had indicated to the bartenders were 'hosted'-the remaining guests had to pay. now that seems like the ultimate in 'reception bar tacky'.

Oh man, that sounds like what my FIL wanted to do at my wedding. My father died when I was 11 so my Mom was left to raise us three kids, which sure was away from her and dad's plan of her being homemaker. I think she did a good job, but we certainly weren't rolling in the money either. Come time for my wedding, mom could not afford an open bar, so we provided all the non alcoholic drinks, plus champagne for the toast, but if anyone wanted alcohol besides that it was up to them. Did I feel bad? Yes, but we couldn't afford it and neither could my mom. FIL wanted to get special drink tokens made up so that he could hand them out to who he wanted to get comped drinks. I'm still not clear if he expected my mom to pay for this or if he was going to pay for this (but only for HIS friends/relatives), but I put my foot down. How tacky is that? You're special enough to warrant me buying you a drink but not the rest of you. Ugh. We told him if he felt that way he could foot the bill for open bar for the entire event, or he could take his friends up individually and purchase their drinks for them. We didn't end up with the open bar FWIW the inlaws are much more well to do than my mom and SIL's wedding a few years later was ridiculously lavish, so they could have helped if they wanted to. SIL's dress cost more than my whole wedding.

 

[ZPT1022]

---------------------------

Wow! Sounds like some serious drinking going on down there in your neck of the woods.. LOL

Somehow I think your house is the "exception to the rule" though..

It's fairly common where I am from to have a well stocked bar. Growing up my parents did as did all my friend's parents. We don't have one but we don't entertain on the level that our parents did, not yet at least. If we had a party in our home though, there are certain things that would just seem normal to have there, perhaps a bigger selection than others would find necessary but normal in these parts.

 

[Costumesaremylife]

I have never been to a wedding that didn't have food. I am from Boston and am used to cash bars, but I do hate when they charge for soda. The way my relatives drink I don't feel that the bride or groom should have to shoulder that burden of a bill.

I have a funny story though. I went to my Cousins wedding in texas. Disclaimer I am not saying this is a texas thing, a southern thing or an anything thing this is about these particular events. There were three different days of family meetings, a get together, a shower and a rehearsal dinner, before the actual wedding. At the get together it was a restaurant so we ordered our own food. At the shower my three year old cousin was in the car on the way and she did not want to attend. So my mom and I did what we always do, bribe her with the thought of cake. We were sure there would be pastry, or cake as we are used to it at all other functions. So we go, there is a brunch but no dessert. Now the three year old is mad. So we said well tonight at the rehearsal dinner there will be dessert. We didn't go to the rehearsal dinner, but apparently someone was late and it didn't happen until 8:00 which is too late for a three year old and there wasn't any cake or cookies there either. I said Ainsley tomorrow there will be cake I promise. She said (with the cutest pout) "I don't beweve you!!" So next day during the wedding (First time I ever saw a grooms cake it was tasty chocolate) the time to cut the cake comes, she takes a bread plate from the table walks up to the bride and groom holds out the plate and said, I want cake! So they cut themselves a piece and her a piece.

BTW what is the deal with paying to dance with people at the wedding?

 

[nannerbadnanner]

Deep South here....we had a 2pm wedding with cake, punch, and several appetizers such as fruit trays, veggie trays, and a few hot items. The ceremony and reception together lasted about 2 hours so I thought that was reasonable. There was food left over so hopefully everyone had enough. DH is a Southern Baptist minister so there was defiitely no alcohol served.

A few weeks later a friend of mine had her wedding at noon. Cake and punch only. I was annoyed because I was honestly about to starve, and I couldn't believe she would have a noon wedding and provide no food. We also had a two hour drive to the wedding and didn't have time to get something beforehand. It's hard to enjoy yourself and be happy for the couple when your stomach is gnawing on itself.

 

[ZPT1022]

Around here a meal would not be expected. Maybe people should put if they are serving a meal, so people should plan accordingly. Then you can't fault them when they don't eat the meal that was paid for.

Where you live do you have the reception in a separate place or will it say on the invitation something along the lines of "reception to follow in church hall" or "cake and punch to be served afterwards"? I live in CT and the only weddings I've been to that I remember have all been in the northeast and NJ. All the invitations say something about where the reception will be held. To be honest, I've never been to a wedding that didn't include a meal, and never realized people had those kinds of weddings until tonight on the DIS. DH and I originally wanted to have our wedding in a butterfly conservatory and serve tons of appetizers and a dessert buffet instead of a dinner but basically got laughed out of doing that. And when we said apps & desserts instead, we meant enough to fill people up, not just a little something, our thought was just that it would be much easier that way for the location. We ended up having it at a country club with a full buffet lunch, which is more the norm. I guess a lot of it boils down to expectations in your area or in your family or social circle. I do think though, that if there is a gray area or any chance of confusion that it certainly can't hurt to make it known what will be going on so as to avoid any hard feelings on anyone's end.

 

[ZPT1022]

BTW what is the deal with paying to dance with people at the wedding?

I don't know but my uncle initiated it at my wedding. I don't know if it is an Italian thing or a CT thing or what but I will be honest. I was horrified at first but DH and I were broke and VERY happy to have that $$ on our honeymoon. Funny side note- DH's dad got in line to dance with him and offered him $1 and DH being a smart aleck said "It'll cost you more than that!" so DFIL gave him $20. LOL!!

 

[akhenaten]

I don't know but my uncle initiated it at my wedding. I don't know if it is an Italian thing or a CT thing or what but I will be honest. I was horrified at first but DH and I were broke and VERY happy to have that $$ on our honeymoon. Funny side note- DH's dad got in line to dance with him and offered him $1 and DH being a smart aleck said "It'll cost you more than that!" so DFIL gave him $20. LOL!!

My family used to do this dance at Polish weddings in Pa. They called it the bride dance.....they would take off the brides veil and have her put on a kerchief and the MOH would sit in a chair holding the veil in her lap ....we would line up to dance with the bride and place $$ in the veil ....
I was about 12 the last time I was at a wedding that did this ( I am 44 now) I thought it was great and that it was an honor to dance with the bride I think at a couple of weddings the last one to dance with the bride was the groom and the folks would circle them and he would pick sweep her off her feet and try and break through the circle ...to leave for the honeymoon....

I did not do this at my wedding ...although part of me wanted to..just because of my childhood memories.....

 

[Costumesaremylife]

I don't know but my uncle initiated it at my wedding. I don't know if it is an Italian thing or a CT thing or what but I will be honest. I was horrified at first but DH and I were broke and VERY happy to have that $$ on our honeymoon. Funny side note- DH's dad got in line to dance with him and offered him $1 and DH being a smart aleck said "It'll cost you more than that!" so DFIL gave him $20. LOL!!

Funny my friend from CT was the one who told me it was a normal occurence to her I'd never seen it before. How funny! I thought you would just take the money from the cards on the honeymoon.

 

[staley7580]

I got married in Vegas, and we had our reception at the buffet. Tacky? Maybe, but it was cheaper than a reception, and everone got full, and ate what they liked. They also made us a cake, and gave us champagne and cider. It was a blast!