BAD/ABSENT Wedding Reception Food

[ducklite]

not sure what the current etiquate books say, but i think a good rule of thumb may be for reception invites to simply say 'cake and punch reception to follow' if they are being held during traditional meal hours and no or very minimal food will be served (gives the guests a heads up to plan ahead).

I couldn't agree more. I've been to severeal Baptist weddings where the "reception" was a cake and punch in the church hall affair that lasted an hour or so. If it's a 2:00 pm wedding with 3:00 pm punch and cake, then that's just fine with me! I can't imagine anyone being offended about a cake and punch reception as long as you knew in advance.

Anne

 

[MScott1851]

Maybe where you are, but around here a meal isn't expected.

Neither is alcohol. Even if the reception isn't in the church basement, most preachers (Baptist, Holliness, Church of God, Church of Christ) will not perform the ceremony if alcohol will be served at the reception.

Yep. Most of the weddings I attended while growing up in the rural south did not have any appreciable food served. The ceremony lasts 10 minutes, and everyone heads down to the fellowship hall or the church basement. I call them the "cake, nuts, mints, punch" receptions, and they are still quite popular, especially among these denominations. A lot of my friends had these type of weddings, too. Every now and then you'll get the rogue church reception that they have spinach dip and a fruit tray at....but not very many.

I know I was the first person in my family to have REAL FOOD at my reception, along with beer and wine. My parents almost had a heart attack when they saw the menu...I distinctly remember my dad saying, "Why in the %#$ do you have to have five kinds of soda PLUS tea, PLUS coffee, PLUS milk, PLUS juice?!? And what about that ($&#^@ punch fountain I'm paying for? There ain't enough bathrooms in the building!!"

 

[FSUGrad97]

You do what YOU and your FIANCE want to do and don't worry about anyone else. If anyone has a problem with it, they can host their own reception and have everything they want.

ITA!

Our wedding was at 1 and we had appetizers and it was GREAT! Our ceremony lasted about 30 minutes, so for that time frame, it worked out wonderfully.

 

[ducklite]

Sad thing is a hostess planning on serving herself a food item better or different(unless due to dietary restrictions) than that served to her guests!

I have a confession about my wedding reception. DH and I were served, and I just poked my food around on my plate a bit. We had one server assigned to only take care of the head table. She noticed I wasn't eating, and asked if everything was ok. The food was excellent, but I was too "excited/nervous/flustered/etc.) to eat.

She asked if she could bring me something else, and I told her no. My DH told her that when I get "like this" I can only eat cereal. She proceeded to take me back in the kitchen where I sat on a bar stool at a counter and had a bowl of Frosted Flakes. I hope my guests weren't upset that I had a different, "special" meal!

Anne

 

[Aidensmom]

I am newly engaged (Christmas morning!!!) and am now terrified of planning my reception. I am not sure how much things cost for catering, but I feel like I will be ridiculed if I don't do a top notch dinner now. I didn't realize people had such strong feelings about what is to be served at the reception. I would like an afternoon wedding (about 1:00) and the reception to follow. I was planning on appetizers, but may need to rethink!!!

I agree with Lindsay, serve what is right for you. A mid-afternoon reception with appetizers is common. Most weddings I have been to run more along the line of the homemade food/cash bar (if a bar at all) type thing and I have no horror stories to share on this thread, thousands of dollars do not have to be spent to make a reception OK. My rule of thumb for mine was that if I thought someone might complain about our low-budget reception, that was someone who obviously was not worth sharing my wedding day with.

 

[EthansMom]

Re: Cash Bars

Don't do it. It's tacky to expect your guests to pay for their own drinks. If you can't afford an open bar, then serve only wine and/or champagne for alcohol (maybe a couple bottles per table). If that is too expensive, the opt for punch, coffee and tea.

I don't blame anyone who serves only punch at their reception... I'm fine with drinking punch.

 

[ducklite]

We went to a reception that was terrible. There were maybe 80 guests, and enough food for about 50 people. They brought everything out at once, the "appetizers" and "entrees" dumped it all on an 8' table with a table cloth meant for a much smaller table. The appetizers were Saltines and blocks of Velveeta. The beef was more like a pot roast than a prime rib it was so tough and overcooked. The salad was inceburg. Just iceburg, nothing else, and there were a couple of bottles of store brand type dressing--this was in what was supposed to be the nicest steakhouse in the area. They also had a really dry overcooked pan of baked siti--it was "crunchy."

The groom made the wedding cake, it was lop-sided and the frosting was this hideous yellow color.

It was a cash bar, which I don't mind, except they had no name brand alcohol at all, and the only type of beer they had was Miller Lite on tap.

Anne

 

[ilovejack02]

I have a confession about my wedding reception. DH and I were served, and I just poked my food around on my plate a bit. We had one server assigned to only take care of the head table. She noticed I wasn't eating, and asked if everything was ok. The food was excellent, but I was too "excited/nervous/flustered/etc.) to eat.

She asked if she could bring me something else, and I told her no. My DH told her that when I get "like this" I can only eat cereal. She proceeded to take me back in the kitchen where I sat on a bar stool at a counter and had a bowl of Frosted Flakes. I hope my guests weren't upset that I had a different, "special" meal!

Anne

AWWWW That was super duper sweet!!!!! Hope you let her bosses know how great she was!
not a wedding story BUT when I was prego we attended a work dinner for DH at a VERY upscale restaurant, and it had a preplanned menu. I wanted NO PART of it it was all steak and pork and I was on a shrimp kick, meat made me sick, so I just ordered a drink and had bread (which being pregnant I was in heaven being able to eat all the bread i wanted lol) The waiter was sooo sweet, he finally whispered in my ear " ill bring you ANYTHING you want, just tell me. You cant just eat bread" SO i told him i wanted shrimp and while everyone else ate their steaks, I had my yummy yummy shrimp. The waiter got an extra tip from us lol.

 

[barkley]

i have a suggestion for any type of reception with food (full blown meals or just the nuts/mints/cake/punch variety). if you are inviting young children to a reception-try to include in your offerings something that they can actualy eat. i felt so bad when my kids were little and they basicly ate nothing at the reception dinner-such a waste of food and money something as simple as offering mac n cheese or chicken nuggets as an alternative to the full blown meals can save you $$$ and make your youngest guests much more comfortable. if you're doing the nuts/mints thing-consider that little ones can choke on nuts so allot of parents don't let them eat them (and not many parents want a toddler 'hyped' up on handfulls of mints)-so think about adding a bowl of 'cheddar cheese goldfish crackers', fruit juice fruit treats or pretzles on a 'kids table' for them to munch on.

 

[C.Ann]

Re: Cash Bars

Don't do it. It's tacky to expect your guests to pay for their own drinks. If you can't afford an open bar, then serve only wine and/or champagne for alcohol (maybe a couple bottles per table). If that is too expensive, the opt for punch, coffee and tea.

I don't blame anyone who serves only punch at their reception... I'm fine with drinking punch.

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Why would it be considered "tacky"? When you invite guests to your home do you have EVERY kind of expensive liquor available to them to make 50+ assorted different drinks?

As long as there are "beverages" available - regardless of what they are - the obligation of providing your guests with something to drink has been fulfilled.. If it doesn't meet their "expectations", they're welcome to purchase whatever they want - out of their own pocket..

 

[ducklite]

BTW--As far as cash bars go, I think that the bride and groom should provide all non-alcoholic drinks for free. Soda, juice, milk, iced tea, coffee, hot tea, etc. if there is a bar that would have these things. I don't mind paying for my choice to consume alcohol, but it pisses me off if I get to a full reception with a cash bar and have to pay for anything to drink except iced tea, hot tea, coffee, and water.

We went to a reception like that when my DS was about six. Um, he didn't drink iced tea, and really didn't want to drink water all afternoon. So we ended up having to pay $2 each for shot sized glasses of juice and ginger ale for him for the next six hours.

Anne

 

[C.Ann]

BTW--As far as cash bars go, I think that the bride and groom should provide all non-alcoholic drinks for free. Soda, juice, milk, iced tea, coffee, hot tea, etc. if there is a bar that would have these things. I don't mind paying for my choice to consume alcohol, but it pisses me off if I get to a full reception with a cash bar and have to pay for anything to drink except iced tea, hot tea, coffee, and water.

We went to a reception like that when my DS was about six. Um, he didn't drink iced tea, and really didn't want to drink water all afternoon. So we ended up having to pay $2 each for shot sized glasses of juice and ginger ale for him for the next six hours.

Anne

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I agree.. An assortment of non-alcoholic beverages is definitely a must -because not everyone drinks alcholic beverages - and certainly children don't..

 

[almburr]

not sure if this goes here.. It was my wedding and i had gotten a cheese and meat tray for the wedding party to eat on while pictures were being taken. Well since i was in all the pictures i wasnt able to eat Also i wasnt able to eat anything that morning since i had to get my hair done. So i finally got to eat at the reception wich was very good i didnt get to eat it all since the cake cutting and socializing. Well DH and i had to stop on the way to Denver for some thing to eat at Arbys at 11pm.

 

[froglady]

I have a confession about my wedding reception. DH and I were served, and I just poked my food around on my plate a bit. We had one server assigned to only take care of the head table. She noticed I wasn't eating, and asked if everything was ok. The food was excellent, but I was too "excited/nervous/flustered/etc.) to eat.

She asked if she could bring me something else, and I told her no. My DH told her that when I get "like this" I can only eat cereal. She proceeded to take me back in the kitchen where I sat on a bar stool at a counter and had a bowl of Frosted Flakes. I hope my guests weren't upset that I had a different, "special" meal!

Anne

You quoted my post, but apparently didn't really read it. I said PLANNING on serving something different, UNLESS there were dietary restrictions of some sort, was rude. Especially when it could be perceived to be a "better" meal than that of your guests. Sort of like serving the head table Dom Perignon while the guests get Korbel.

Unless you PLANNED on only having cereal when you booked the meal? The post I was responding to talked about a bride who was PLANNING on having a special food item that was only supposed to be served to herself and the wedding party, only because it was her favorite but expensive, and how sad it was that her guests unknowingly ate it instead.

I also would not be upset if the hostess had dietary restrictions that required her to have a different item. For instance, if the bride or groom was diabetic, I wouldn't be offended if they had a special wedding cake, dessert, or meal. In your case, you could not tolerate what you had chosen for everyone (including yourself) but were able to find something different so you wouldn't be hungry.

 

[barkley]

can't recall how long ago someone posted it-but i recall a thread awhile back where someone went to a wedding reception where the bar was set up such that only CERTAIN guests the b/g had indicated to the bartenders were 'hosted'-the remaining guests had to pay. now that seems like the ultimate in 'reception bar tacky'.

 

[kandeebunny]

We had an afternoon tea reception.

We had sandwiches, salads, etc. Dessert was cake which I heard was good (I'm gluten free so I have no clue) Drinks were sodas, coffee, teas and sparkling cider (half my wedding party was under 21)

Then again the wedding was at 1. Hope no one was dissapointed.

 

[Lizzy2]

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Why would it be considered "tacky"? When you invite guests to your home do you have EVERY kind of expensive liquor available to them to make 50+ assorted different drinks?

As long as there are "beverages" available - regardless of what they are - the obligation of providing your guests with something to drink has been fulfilled.. If it doesn't meet their "expectations", they're welcome to purchase whatever they want - out of their own pocket..

Do you charge folks for a soda or beer in your house?
You don't have to have 50+ kinds of liquor available and most caters have different prices for premium and nonpremium types of liquor.
The rule of thumb for hosting weddings is to provide what you can afford with love. So, if you can't afford to pay for the bar then don't and you have made any hosting "faux pas". It is considered far tackier to invite folks to a party and then ask them to pay for part of the refreshments.
When I was married we had one type of beer and one type of wine and sodas at the bar and a champagne and regular punch for the toasts. This was what we could afford and we never heard any complaints and the reception was lovely. We, in fact, did not want hard liquor because we didn't want some of our relatives(known to have issues) getting completely and totally obnoxious.
Just do what you can afford and it will all be ok.

 

[sha_lyn]

I agree about offering a wider variety of non-aocoholic drinks. Last wedding we went to you had a choice of wine, tea (sweet or unsweet) or water. If you wanted a soda,juice etc you had to buy it from the bar (bar was in the same country club, but wasn't a cash bar in the reception room).

 

[ducklite]

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Why would it be considered "tacky"? When you invite guests to your home do you have EVERY kind of expensive liquor available to them to make 50+ assorted different drinks?

I do. I have a fully stocked liquor cabinet, and I think about the only thing I don't have right now is Jack Daniels and Goldschlagger because they were finished during our last party and I haven't gotten around to replacing them. I've got a selection of appertifs and cordials, as well as top shelf hard liquors with several brands of some of the types of spirits where I know people have an affinity for certain brands. (ie I have both Absolute and Stoly's vodka.)

Anne

 

[froglady]

BTW--As far as cash bars go, I think that the bride and groom should provide all non-alcoholic drinks for free. Soda, juice, milk, iced tea, coffee, hot tea, etc. if there is a bar that would have these things. I don't mind paying for my choice to consume alcohol, but it pisses me off if I get to a full reception with a cash bar and have to pay for anything to drink except iced tea, hot tea, coffee, and water.

We went to a reception like that when my DS was about six. Um, he didn't drink iced tea, and really didn't want to drink water all afternoon. So we ended up having to pay $2 each for shot sized glasses of juice and ginger ale for him for the next six hours.

Anne

I totally agree. We had a cash bar, but provided a cocktail hour with appetizers for our guests while we were having pictures taken, then provided soft drinks, tea, coffee, wine and beer. Only people who wanted a mixed drink (after the cocktail hour) had to purchase them. We also had champagne for the toast...the same brand for everyone.