Baby Problem

[NHdisneylover]

I it's odd how so many of you are focused on me referring to her as mama. I'm just calling her that because that's what I call her when I talk to the baby, and I'm not going to use her real name on a public message board.

It is a very weird way to talk about another adult when not speaking directly to the baby. You are "speaking" to us, not the baby, so the norm would be to refer to the mother as "my roommate" or "the baby'S mother" etc.

Well, but she's not smart enough yet, to think, "Oh, this isn't my aunt. She won't shut the door and leave me alone in the dark."

It's completely obvious that you do not mean to harm the baby and you were doing what you thought was best, but I hope you see now that there are other things you should be doing to helping her out.

I may have missed it, but did you say WHY you'd put her in her crib when she's crying? Did/do you see it as a relief for you? A form of punishment/discipline? To help calm her down?

See, I thought initially that PERHAPS the poster is truly that clueless, but now that she insists on defending her and the mother's treatment of the child, in spite of MANY posts telling her that it is not appropriate, I am not so sure.


OP--at the very least, take the advice to take the baby out for a walk instead of leaving her to cry alone. That is often a good way to sooth a little one. If the weather is not cooperating, take her to a large store or mall and walk her there.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

OP, why do you continue to dig your heels in and make excuses for what you are doing to that poor child? If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were related to another poster that does the same thing (ie: make excuses for their behavior when they ask for advice on the DIS)!

It is not OK to put a screaming baby in a crib for long periods of time - meaning anything over 5 to 10 minutes! Doesn't matter if the lights are on, lights are off, door is open, door is closed, you check on her, you don't check on her, the aunt does it, the mother does it, the Pope does it, you hang from the ceiling fan to act like a mobile, etc, etc, etc.

Good gravy! I don't have kids, but I have enough grey matter to know that what is happening with this baby is not right!

You have had lots of Parents give you wonderful and HEALTHY advice in this thread. Take it! If you can't tell your roommate that you cannot watch her baby anymore, then stop making excuses and change your behaviors when you watch this poor baby.

I swear it burns my biscuits when I hear of people doing crappy things to kids and animals!!!

And after all the advice, I know that putting her in the crib under the circumstances was not the best idea! It only happened once, and I won't try it again, because clearly it didn't work.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

OP--at the very least, take the advice to take the baby out for a walk instead of leaving her to cry alone. That is often a good way to sooth a little one. If the weather is not cooperating, take her to a large store or mall and walk her there.

Not to sound like I'm trying to make another excuse, but I think that's a bad idea. For years I worked at a grocery store and I think it's a nuisance to everyone to have to hear a crying baby. I don't want other shoppers and store employees to have to listen to it if they don't have to. That's the reason mama left me at home with baby one night, because baby was nuts all day, and we decided it was better for her to go and do the shopping than try to take her.

 

[Hannathy]

Not to sound like I'm trying to make another excuse, but I think that's a bad idea. For years I worked at a grocery store and I think it's a nuisance to everyone to have to hear a crying baby. I don't want other shoppers and store employees to have to listen to it if they don't have to. That's the reason mama left me at home with baby one night, because baby was nuts all day, and we decided it was better for her to go and do the shopping than try to take her.

I agree I hate to hear a child screaming at the store. But you also don't care that people in the apartments around you hear her. If I heard a child screaming for hours I would be calling the police and reporting child abuse to the authorities, so think about that.

Now to the bolded, Why didn't you go? that is what would have been better for all. This Mom needs to start acting like a Mom.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Not to sound like I'm trying to make another excuse, but I think that's a bad idea. For years I worked at a grocery store and I think it's a nuisance to everyone to have to hear a crying baby. I don't want other shoppers and store employees to have to listen to it if they don't have to. That's the reason mama left me at home with baby one night, because baby was nuts all day, and we decided it was better for her to go and do the shopping than try to take her.

If she continues to scream after you have walked her for a few minutes, this is true and you might as well go back home--but if it soothes her, then it will not bother anyone, right?

It seems worth a try given what you describe.


You also say the mother often wears the baby and that seems to help keep the baby calm--is there some reason you do not wear the baby when she is with you? Even just walking around the house can help then.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I agree I hate to hear a child screaming at the store. But you also don't care that people in the apartments around you hear her. If I heard a child screaming for hours I would be calling the police and reporting child abuse to the authorities, so think about that.

Now to the bolded, Why didn't you go? that is what would have been better for all. This Mom needs to start acting like a Mom.

I don't appreciate you insulting Mama when she's done nothing wrong. She's a great Mama! For your information, she went to the store because she was going to use checks only she could cash, otherwise I probably would've done the shopping that night. Most times when she goes somewhere the baby does go with her, there are just a few times I'm at home alone with baby.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

If she continues to scream after you have walked her for a few minutes, this is true and you might as well go back home--but if it soothes her, then it will not bother anyone, right?

It seems worth a try given what you describe.


You also say the mother often wears the baby and that seems to help keep the baby calm--is there some reason you do not wear the baby when she is with you? Even just walking around the house can help then.

I just had never thought of wearing the sling before this thread, but I'll be sure to try it. And I'll try the walking thing too, it's getting to the point with the weather that a walk around the block would be easy.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree I hate to hear a child screaming at the store. But you also don't care that people in the apartments around you hear her. If I heard a child screaming for hours I would be calling the police and reporting child abuse to the authorities, so think about that.

Now to the bolded, Why didn't you go? that is what would have been better for all. This Mom needs to start acting like a Mom.

I agree. The mom can give you a list and the money and you can pick up her things while you pick up your own (groceries and toiletries--she can deal with the clothes or other "non essential" things she has until the baby is able to stay calm and shop with her or stay calm for a sitter).

This would be a way to help the mother, and not harm the baby or put yourself through hours of frustration.

Hopefully the dental work is done (it must have been a lot to require to appointments, one last three hours), so there should be no other essential tasks that your roommate needs to leave her baby for.

 

[IDoDis]

I agree I hate to hear a child screaming at the store. But you also don't care that people in the apartments around you hear her. If I heard a child screaming for hours I would be calling the police and reporting child abuse to the authorities, so think about that. Now to the bolded, Why didn't you go? that is what would have been better for all. This Mom needs to start acting like a Mom.

I was thinking the same thing. Why didn't the OP go out and do the shopping while the mother stayed home with HER fussy child? This all doesn't really add up. First the OP says the baby is fine and happy when the mother leaves, but now she says the baby was already unhappy and crying BEFORE the mother left??? Then the mother left anyway??

OP, you've had lots of great advice on this thread which is why you posted -- for advice. So, what advice on here do you like? What are you going to do? Also, I'm curious if you work outside of your home, or if the living situation was set up because you are home all of the time and the mother is compensating you for your time caring for her baby.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I just had never thought of wearing the sling before this thread, but I'll be sure to try it. And I'll try the walking thing too, it's getting to the point with the weather that a walk around the block would be easy.

I am glad to hear that you will try these things. I hope it works. I also hope you do not end up having to babysit much more often--how many times can there be things the mother HAS to do and cannot do with her child at the time of day her child is not cranky?

 

[disneydee6]

Just read through this whole thread. Yikes! I think the best advice is that mom needs to do her job. The baby is having severe separation anxiety, and you don't know how to take care of the baby when this happens. Perhaps in time, this will subside, but in the meantime, she needs to have baby with her even on errands. Excuses are not a means to a solution to a problem. I think the best solution is to stop babysitting during this phase of baby's life. Mom needs to step up.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't appreciate you insulting Mama when she's done nothing wrong. She's a great Mama! For your information, she went to the store because she was going to use checks only she could cash, otherwise I probably would've done the shopping that night. Most times when she goes somewhere the baby does go with her, there are just a few times I'm at home alone with baby.

Sorry she isn't a great "mama" a great Mother does not go out if her baby is fussing or leave her to scream for hours while she goes out. And before you go back and claim you only did it once, you stated the Aunt used to do it to, so this isn't a one time thing.

And guess what? unless it was formula or there were no diapers at all in the house then you DON"T go shopping.

So unless it was -25 why didn't you go with her? she could have held the baby and you could have shopped, why did she HAVE to go without the baby?

I"m really curious to, who works? do you so she is with her all day or if she does, who watches the baby then and what do they do when she screams? or she doesn't for them?

 

[aaarcher86]

I can't get past it...

 

[Liberty Belle]

Not to sound like I'm trying to make another excuse, but I think that's a bad idea. For years I worked at a grocery store and I think it's a nuisance to everyone to have to hear a crying baby. I don't want other shoppers and store employees to have to listen to it if they don't have to. That's the reason mama left me at home with baby one night, because baby was nuts all day, and we decided it was better for her to go and do the shopping than try to take her.

Has the mother talked to the baby's doctor? Is she spitting up a lot?

 

[mrzrich]

Repeatedly referring to your roommate as "mama" instead of "my roommate" or "the baby's mother" really makes you sound like a 10 year old.

The fact that you continue to do so after PP have told you how immature it makes you sound is pretty sad.

Have you tried pudding to soothe the baby? I know you don't mind sharing

 

[Liberty Belle]

Repeatedly referring to your roommate as "mama" instead of "my roommate" or "the baby's mother" really makes you sound like a 10 year old.

The fact that you continue to do so after PP have told you how immature it makes you sound is pretty sad.

Have you tried pudding to soothe the baby? I know you don't mind sharing

Pudding? Like regular pudding that you eat?

 

[Bluestars]

When my kids had colic when they were babies, I would hold them close to my heart, rock them gently, and sing to them. That seemed to calm them down.

Babies sense when somebody is upset and it seems to make things worse. I think the suggestion to take the baby for a walk is a good one. Many babies love to go for walks and are distracted by things going on outside.

Some babies are calmed by music, so I would try that too. I think the most important thing is to try to remain calm and soothing.

So some things to try are taking the baby for a walk, holding the baby while gently rocking and singing, playing music, or turning on the TV with a children's program.

Good luck. I hope you find something that works.

 

[JoBird]

Has the mother talked to the baby's doctor? Is she spitting up a lot?

Just getting ready to ask that same question.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I was thinking the same thing. Why didn't the OP go out and do the shopping while the mother stayed home with HER fussy child? This all doesn't really add up. First the OP says the baby is fine and happy when the mother leaves, but now she says the baby was already unhappy and crying BEFORE the mother left??? Then the mother left anyway??

OP, you've had lots of great advice on this thread which is why you posted -- for advice. So, what advice on here do you like? What are you going to do? Also, I'm curious if you work outside of your home, or if the living situation was set up because you are home all of the time and the mother is compensating you for your time caring for her baby.

I think you're all combining the few times mama has gone out and blurring it into one massive traumatic experience for the baby. The time she spent an hour in the crib she was fine when mama left. The day she was fussy she was actually relatively calm for most of the time mama was gone.

I'm definitely going to try the sling and walking around, and some of the distraction ideas posted from the ones who actually gave me some suggestions instead of just berate me.

Sorry she isn't a great "mama" a great Mother does not go out if her baby is fussing or leave her to scream for hours while she goes out. And before you go back and claim you only did it once, you stated the Aunt used to do it to, so this isn't a one time thing.

And guess what? unless it was formula or there were no diapers at all in the house then you DON"T go shopping.

So unless it was -25 why didn't you go with her? she could have held the baby and you could have shopped, why did she HAVE to go without the baby?

I"m really curious to, who works? do you so she is with her all day or if she does, who watches the baby then and what do they do when she screams? or she doesn't for them?

I did only do it once.

Has the mother talked to the baby's doctor? Is she spitting up a lot?

The baby is perfectly healthy.

Repeatedly referring to your roommate as "mama" instead of "my roommate" or "the baby's mother" really makes you sound like a 10 year old.

The fact that you continue to do so after PP have told you how immature it makes you sound is pretty sad.

Have you tried pudding to soothe the baby? I know you don't mind sharing

Yeah, cause me using the word mama is what's immature.

 

[Poohforyou]

Not to sound like I'm trying to make another excuse, but I think that's a bad idea. For years I worked at a grocery store and I think it's a nuisance to everyone to have to hear a crying baby. I don't want other shoppers and store employees to have to listen to it if they don't have to. That's the reason mama left me at home with baby one night, because baby was nuts all day, and we decided it was better for her to go and do the shopping than try to take her.

There's a good chance the baby will stop crying when out in her stroller. She'll have things to look at and it'll be a distraction. There were plenty of cold winter days that I'd take my fussy baby to the mall and just walk around. The best was she'd fall asleep on the way home and then be down for a nap for awhile. It was a nice break for both of us.

Op, I have to say you're doing a lot of backpedaling. From the way you tell it now it sounds like the baby had a bad day and nothing could console her. That's a far cry from your original post.