avoiding inviting family members on vacation.

[HOGFAN]

DH and I want to plan an adults only trip to WDW next year. We have already made plans to meet up with BIL and SIL who live in another state. The problem is the other BIL and SIL. We do not want to vacation with them. However when they get wind of the plans(and they will) they will invite themselves along. Ever been in this situation and how did you evade/handle it? I am afraid we will have to 'suck it up'.

 

[The Mayor]

So instead of telling them you don't want them to go, you're going to be miserable on your vacation. ...I don't see the logic there and would just tell them.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

DH and I want to plan an adults only trip to WDW next year. We have already made plans to meet up with BIL and SIL who live in another state. The problem is the other BIL and SIL. We do not want to vacation with them. However when they get wind of the plans(and they will) they will invite themselves along. Ever been in this situation and how did you evade/handle it? I am afraid we will have to 'suck it up'.

Is there any way to politely tell them that you would just like to vacation with your BIL & SIL? Tell them that you guys can get together and vacation or, if they love nearby, go to dinner one night. Don't let them take over your trip. They'll have to just deal with it.

 

[zalansky]

Ahhhhh. A topic near & dear to my heart. As someone who just returned from a mini-vacation to WDW with all of my in-laws which consisted of a MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL and other assorted relatives - do yourself a favor and politely tell the others that you just want to vacation with the one set of IL's. Find any polite way to word it, and execute this plan as soon as humanly possible.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Ahhhhh. A topic near & dear to my heart. As someone who just returned from a mini-vacation to WDW with all of my in-laws which consisted of a MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL and other assorted relatives - do yourself a favor and politely tell the others that you just want to vacation with the one set of IL's. Find any polite way to word it, and execute this plan as soon as humanly possible.

Good point, and I agree, the sooner the better! It's so much more diplomatic to just come out and tell them that you just want to "bond" with your one set of siblings this time, than it is for them to "find out by accident". We made the mistake of not coming out and telling my FIL and MIL that we just wanted to take my wife's sister and her family alone (they are going through a hard time financially and we were paying for their room and tickets as a treat). My MIL found out the week before, called my wife actually crying, and they invited themselves along for the free room!! My wife was mortified, I was pissed, and we had to begrudgingly bring them along and suck it up. Tell them ASAP!!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

Oh, there is a lot of this going around. We vacationed with my Sis IL from my first marraige last year. I am the only one who was not going totally crazy, and by the last day my saint of a DH said "Never again". Well, we planned another trip, and tried to avoid the conversation, but I cannot keep a secret, so it came out. She actually complained on Mother's Day in front of the entire family that she was not invited. I explained that this time, I am trying to have my children and their families with us, and I am saving the extra bed in case my oldest son can join us. It was very uncomfortable.

I do not understand why threr are some people who feel offended if they are not included on every trip or outing. There are times when a family or family members needs a smaller gathering, and that is what I would explain to your relatives.

 

[misshilda1]

I have found from experience it is better to just try and politely tell them no I mean hey I know you want to do the right thing and not hurt their feeling but hey this is your trip and do you really want to be miserable? Think of it like this when they invite themselves on your excursions do they one time think of you? If they did they would not invite themselves on trips. I'm not being rude I'm simply saying there are just something in life you gotta stand on and be firm. My husband and I are going in October and my MIL dosen't even know where going on vacation period let alone our secret annual trip to WDW or she would be at the airport before us. My husband was in the military during Desert Storm and after months of not seeing him we planned a weekend get away (keep in my tho this was about 2 weeks after his return so that everyone else got a chance at him) and we also had no kids at this time so we're thinking hey a quite weekend alone,makeup for some lost time, a room with a fireplace and jacuzzi and then I made the mistake I asked my MIL to borrow a piece of her luggage telling her all about how this was like a second honeymoon while making all the goo goo eyes and all Well let me tell you I had my things in a plastic bag on the way to Mil's house to borrow the luggage and then head straight for our weekend retreat. There she sat on the front porch with the piece of luggage I asked to borrow and the matching piece right beside it with her things. I almost died and not wanting to upset anyone I said nothing anyway she just wanted to go for shopping and get her own room and she'd stay out of our way. Not this did not happen she ruined our weekend and I at that moment became brazen and bold and to this day take I nip it in the bud before it ever starts. Usually they find out when they see I have a new photo album...

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

I know what you mean, DH's family tends to do that. "Oh, I'll join you for a few days when you're in WDW." Uh, why would we want that? Then they get a free hotel, free food, free vacation, all at our expense. DH just tells them politely that this is our family vacation and we just want to enjoy our kids during that time. He also tells them that they would not have a good time with us because of the way we do things.

You'll probably have to be upfront, and it might be hard, but it's worth it.

 

[we3disneygo]

we just got home from vacation, my dad and step mom live 30 mins. from Orlando, last time they came with us and it was awful, it took them an 1/2 hr. to decide what kinda park ticket's to buy, they had to eat early because they didnt' have much for breakfast, etc. she told me to slow down and every one would have more fun! this time they didn't know we were there!
no regrets.

 

[zalansky]

we just got home from vacation, my dad and step mom live 30 mins. from Orlando, last time they came with us and it was awful, it took them an 1/2 hr. to decide what kinda park ticket's to buy, they had to eat early because they didnt' have much for breakfast, etc. she told me to slow down and every one would have more fun! this time they didn't know we were there!
no regrets.

Yes, but this is your blood relative you speak of here. When entering the world of in-laws, it is a whole new ballgame.

 

[crz4mm2]

My Dsis is still mad at me about my last trip to Vegas....
I went to a medical conference a couple of years ago and invited our mom to go along. My Dsis invited herself to go with us. It was an ok trip. While waiting for the takeoff, we had plane problems... we ended up with a free plane ticket to go back. So she got a free ticket to return. Next year she went back with us. THAT trip, she sponged off of me like you would not believe! She still owes me $$ from that trip. So this trip, I told Mom I wasn't going to tell her we were going. I wasn't about to let her invite herself along (and YES, I have a big of problem telling her NO...).
She was a tad bit upset that we 'didn't tell her we were traveling'.....

We're going to Hawaii in Nov.... not telling her we're going there either.

 

[golfgal]

My sister often invites her self and her family on our vacations. One time we were going to do a golf vacation with my dad and step-mom and she invited her family along and then COMPLAINED the whole time that all she got to do was sit at the hotel with her baby while we golfed, well, DUH!! She tried to invite her DD along with us on our next little mini-vacation and I simply told her no, but she is still whining about that.

It isn't fun. I usually try to tell her all the negatives like, we aren't planning on going back to the hotel for naps, her youngest still naps-our kids are 14 and 11 and are not interested in naps. That is a big thing with her, I don't think her kids have ever missed a nap so that tends to work.

In your situation, I think I would just tell them that we planned this trip with Joe and Sue and want to keep it that way this time for convenience and you will plan something with them another time.

 

[AKLRULZ]

Just politely say no. Their reaction is for them to deal with not you (easier said than done, good luck!).

 

[mickeyfan2]

We had somebody do this to us. I tried to get them not to come and did things to put up road blocks (asked for full payment for the hotel way before it was due) but they still came. It was pure hell. They are the most high maintanance people you could ever meet. We did ditch them a few times when we were at our wits end. We also put them in another hotel (thank God they could only afford a lesser hotel ). It took me a while to get over it but we did.

 

[Serena]

I wish I knew what to tell you. As it is, I'm not telling my family until I have to. See, first and last trip, they invited themselves 2 months before my trip. I had to reschedule everything and they and my x ruined it for me, almost.

Anytime I'm with my sister I end up taking care of her kids, making them mind and not argue. I don't plan on watching them this trip. I am taking both my daughters and some friends, and I plan on enjoying myself this time.
Oh, and my now x was sick and for some reason mean. I would have thrown him off a bridge if I could have found one.
It took 2 days to get there and I was seriously about to go home and leave them all there before we even checked in. It was bad.

Gratefully, the last two days my family had left and my x was making up for his behavior.

So, I ain't telling.

 

[HOGFAN]

selfish bump need more experiences. thanks