Avoiding friends because of their kids' bad behavior

[englishteacha]

There have been times we've avoided folks with children in public places-like restaurants- because the kids don't behave well. I went to Pizza Hut with a large group, including two 3 year olds. They placed us in one of those jumbo booths. Well, the 3 year olds were climbing all over everyone and everything, even stepping IN the pizza on the table in an attempt to climb over. The parents just ignored it or commented on how cute it was. Now, I'm not a parent, but I don't think behavior like that, particularly in a restaurant, is acceptable. The next time we were invited by that group of folks to go out for pizza, we politely turned them down.

 

[Stitchfans]

This isn't uncommon. I would dread having to go to DHs sister's house or anywhere her son would be. The child now a teen ager was such a demon. He was never told no and would hit/hurt his grandmother, cousins anyone that would upset him or say no to him. DHs sister would say now thats not nice say you are sorry. Demon would say no and that would be the end of the story. Don't know if things has changed since I haven't talked to or had anything to do with his family for almost 5 years, but I would place a bet that his behavior hasn't improved.

 

[MushyMushy]

I also avoid a friend of mine. She has a 6 year old son. Or maybe he's 7. I don't know, but he's very, very sneaky and mean. When my DD was about 3, he purposely pushed her down the stairs. It was a long set of stairs that were wooden. I was standing around the corner and never knew her son was so mean or I would've been watching like a hawk. I heard DD scream and I came around that corner so fast. Dd ended up with a bloody lip and was crying pretty hard. I caught her after she rolled down about 3 steps.

My friend's other son tells her mom that he pushed my DD down the stairs on purpose, which I'm sure was true, so as discipline my friend tells him to not do that or he'd get a time out next time. He starts crying so she picks him up, cuddles him and tells him how sorry she was that she got mad at him. My kid was the one who got hurt! I avoided them after that, but they call every so often and I have to make excuses. I'd love to explain to her why I avoid them, but I know she wouldn't believe it. She's very -how should I put it- outspoken and gets right in people's faces if they say anything or do anything she perceives as negative to her kids-even if it isn't.

One time at her house, I was there for a party, but left my kids home for obvious reasons. My nephew was swinging on a swing and this little brat was hitting him with another swing. Of course when his parents were told, they were sure he'd never do something like that.

He is just mean and it makes playdates waaaaay too hard. I am too chicken to tell his parents why I avoid them so I'm sure I come across as a real witch, but at least my kids are safe. OP, you have my sympathy and I'm sending you a I hope things improve.

Something very similar happened with our boys when they were younger! My son hadn't started really displaying any signs that anything was wrong with him other than the fact that he had extremely delayed speech (he was in speech therapy at 2, and didn't start really talking until 3), and he was painfully shy. I know her son didn't know better and was just acting out of toddler aggression, but it was HER attitude that made it so difficult. Anyway, her son pushed mine down the stairs right in front of us, and she did exactly what you described! Threatens a time out, then comforts him when he gets upset.

And I'll just give you all this admission now before anyone actually accuses me of it. There's a certain amount of jealousy going on. I spent years and years of my time taking this kid to psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and centers. I followed all the advice and was as consistent as I could possibly be. I spent a year cyber homeschooling (a charter school) him during puberty because his behavior was so bad in school. After all that, I still have a troubled kid -- understandably so, because of his issues -- but at least I do try! And there she is, totally wishy washy with the kids, and her oldest is so successful in school and so involved in everything. It's not just her I feel this jealousy towards, but other parents like that. She and I have talked about it, which is a testament to our many years of friendship.

Anyway, sorry for going into my own neuroses.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Something very similar happened with our boys when they were younger! My son hadn't started really displaying any signs that anything was wrong with him other than the fact that he had extremely delayed speech (he was in speech therapy at 2, and didn't start really talking until 3), and he was painfully shy. I know her son didn't know better and was just acting out of toddler aggression, but it was HER attitude that made it so difficult. Anyway, her son pushed mine down the stairs right in front of us, and she did exactly what you described! Threatens a time out, then comforts him when he gets upset.

And I'll just give you all this admission now before anyone actually accuses me of it. There's a certain amount of jealousy going on. I spent years and years of my time taking this kid to psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and centers. I followed all the advice and was as consistent as I could possibly be. I spent a year cyber homeschooling (a charter school) him during puberty because his behavior was so bad in school. After all that, I still have a troubled kid -- understandably so, because of his issues -- but at least I do try! And there she is, totally wishy washy with the kids, and her oldest is so successful in school and so involved in everything. It's not just her I feel this jealousy towards, but other parents like that. She and I have talked about it, which is a testament to our many years of friendship.

Anyway, sorry for going into my own neuroses.

That's interesting-good for you for-your son is lucky to have you. My son is on the autistic spectrum so I can relate. Sometimes I do get jealous of other parents too. My son struggles so hard. Anyway, this boy never picked on my son b/c my son is way bigger than him and even though he wouldn't harm a fly, I think this boy is/was scared of my boy so he chose to pick on my DD who was younger and smaller than him. He is definitely a bully and the parents just close their eyes to it. And now they're going around telling everyone how super intelligent he is-it's annoying....

 

[MushyMushy]

That's interesting-good for you for-your son is lucky to have you. My son is on the autistic spectrum so I can relate. Sometimes I do get jealous of other parents too. My son struggles so hard. Anyway, this boy never picked on my son b/c my son is way bigger than him and even though he wouldn't harm a fly, I think this boy is/was scared of my boy so he chose to pick on my DD who was younger and smaller than him. He is definitely a bully and the parents just close their eyes to it. And now they're going around telling everyone how super intelligent he is-it's annoying....

That's even worse, picking on a girl like that! Not that it's right picking on a boy, but you know. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who gets that twinge of jealousy. I know it sounds really bad to some people, but unless you've been there, it's hard to understand.