Avoid entitled/spoiled kids going to Disney World

[Don Disney]

Our family has been fortunate enough to visit WDW for the last 6 years-Our DD'S are 6 and 8(we are REALLY going to try NOT to go this year;need to wait for "new" stuff),and don't"expect" to be going,but are happy,and grateful to be able to go-at least the 8 y/o;the 6 y/o could care less,but always seems to have a great time.That being said,We try to instill in our children that it is a PRIVILEDGE,not a right,or a given.They don't act spoiled at all,and don't feel like they are better than anyone else.That is due to parenting and guidance,as it should be.Children are "great imitators",and most times,they will follow the examples being set for them.But beleive me-I have seen many parents in the "World" setting that "better-than thou" example for their children,and it makes me sick that they are being"taught" to think that they are entitled to any,and everything.We,as parents are very thankful that we have been able to provide this"experience"for our children.People think we are crazy for going to WDW so much,but we don't care;they're only young once,and we intend to enjoy them whenever,and wherever we can before they don't want anything to do with us-like our 19 y/o DD.

 

[drinkme]

We have 4 children and we go to Disney at least once a year. Our kids love Disney, we all love Disney, but I don't know if they really "expect" it. As a family we usually take 3 vacations per year and usually a couple of weekend trips per year. We do let them know it is a privilege and not every family can do this. We always sit down as a family and talk about where we want to go and what we want to do. Disney is always on the list, and always gets picked, but if the day comes as the kids get older and the majority of us don't want to go in a particular year, then we won't. We also don't give them spending money at Disney anymore, if they want to buy souveniers or extras, then they have to save their money for that - I figure we've been enough I don't need to buy that "once in a lifetime" Disney vacation keepsake anymore. Also, we tend to rotate all of our annual trips around free dining promos, so all the food including desserts is included, and we stay at the value resorts, so it's not one of the more expensive trips we take during the year.

As for raising grateful kids, Disney or no Disney, it's about being conscious of the message you are sending everyday. For us, we attend church regularly and I coordinate our church/community food panty that helps feed the needy in our area. I often bring the kids with me when I have to shop for the food pantry and help me restock when needed. Also, they are involved with our church's children and youth activites and there's always a seasonal focus on differnt mission opportunities. During the summer we spend every other Wednesday helping to feed the needy at the Salvation Army during their lunchtime rush. We also make a point of donating to a local Faith Rescue Mission a couple of times per year and I have the kids pack up their stuff and go with me to make the donations. This summer our church is sponsoring a mission trip to Zambia, Africa and my husband and I are thinking of going and taking our oldest daughter. Anyway, there are some other mission-type things we do and I think this is a good way for us to teach our kids about being greatful and appreciating the things we have. That's just our family, I'm sure there are other things that other families also do to help promote gratfulness.

Great post!!

We love going to Disney, but my kids know that even if we have the money to splurge, we don't. We have a budget, usually go during free dining, and they have to bring their own spending money.

We also do alot of giving to charities our money and our time.

I think kids can grow up in a low-income home and become spoiled, and also grow up in a upper-middle class home and not be spoiled. It's just in what is expected of them.

Love the topic! Thanks for posting this, op!

 

[Tinkerbellie16]

I have to admit I have good kids. They have been fortunate enough to travel around the world (because of my husbands job) and live in third world countries. They understand they are fortunate to have the lives that they do, live with freedoms others do not enjoy, and not worry about having food on the table.

My question is this… How do we keep our kids grounded and help them “earn” the Disney experience so that they get even more satisfaction out of the trip, rather than give them a feeling of entitlement? Like many of you we go often to Disney World. In fact we go almost every year. Do you think this spoils kids if they just expect the family will go?

Does anyone have any reward chart ideas or anything that has worked for your family? Going on the trip is just part of being in the family, but I was thinking of “upgrades” that could be earned by good behavior, work around the house, etc. Things like desserts, ordering from the adult menu, Disney dollars etc. Do you expect anything in return for providing your kids this experience? Especially if you are taking your family more often that the "once in a lifetime" trip.

Any thoughts???

Excellent question - and frankly if there were solid answers, wouldn't we all be doing them? But seriously, I've read everyone's answers and they are all so on the mark. We go to Disney every year (since 2006) and my main reason for going on vacations in general is because I rarely got to know my own dad. He was in a coma when I was 8 for 5 years and then died when I was 13. I raised little brothers and a mentally disabled older brother while we struggled every day to eat (6 kids in the family). I do NOT wish this on my children, but sometimes I do - so they appreciate things like I do. But that just isn't possible. I would RATHER them have time with us as a family than what I had to go through. We want better for our children yet we want them to have our same values - a tough thing to balance!

As for not 'spoiling' them, we make them work for their vacations (and they pay their own way!). They save their birthday and holiday money and work for their dad (who has his own business), work at the family farm and ranch (nothing like cow poop to put things in perspective), and do things for neighbors. So no vacations unless they make their own money. We tell them we will pay for the room and their tickets but they must pay for airfare, dining, and any extras. My kids ask us NOT to go out to dinner to save money

Find what is right for your own children but I find that it comes down to a sense of ownership. If they 'own' whatever it is, they will be more appreciative. Whether that means money or volunteerism or family or whatever, it helps.

Good luck! And ENJOY your vacations!

 

[jennyjinx3]

[/QUOTE] We want better for our children yet we want them to have our same values - a tough thing to balance!

This is so true, we acquired some of our values through not so nice stuff growing up. I think those values will be passed on though through our everyday parenting, not vacation time. The vacations (WDW or elsewhere) are showing the kids what we value most...family time together.

 

[KJay]

Darn- from the title of the thread, I thought I would find tips on how one can avoid running into all the other entitled/spoiled children while at WDW

There are some very good tips here- but as a previous poster said, even just being aware of this puts you in a good position for helping your kids appreciate what they have. Unfortunately, it's all the people who don't recognize themselves as spoiled & entitled that tend to perpetuate that message to their kids.

 

[stashbin]

I like your ideas. We also try to go every year and we let our kids know that we should all be grateful for doing so.

In our case, we give up a lot of other things so that we can go to Disney. We live pretty frugal lives so that we can save up for our Disney trip. Sometimes, our kids will ask if we can go out to dinner to some really nice place that they love or go to some expensive event and I'll ask them if they would rather go out to eat tonight or go to Disney in a couple months. (Disney always wins!)

We are also at the point now that we don't give our kids a lot of spending money at Disney. We make them set aside a portion of their money throughout the year. My son got quite a bit of cash this Christmas and wanted to spend it right away. I told him that he could do that now, but I told him to imagine what he could do with that money at the Lego store in DTD if he held onto it.

Another idea that gets everyone involved is to take a large container (milk jug or something similar) and have everyone put all their change in it in between Disney trips. We have done that and ended up with close to $100 by the time our trip came. I told the kids they could have whatever was in there when the trip came. They had fun filling it up throughout the year and trying to guess how much was in it. It definitely gave them the sense of working towards it, even if it was in small ways.

We did this with one of those water jugs that fit on top of the water machines....when we rolled the change we had $500 bucks!!!!!!! That was such a help with gas and traveling expenses to get down there! Change really adds up!
This year we have been robbing from it too much! DH and I will be out of cash and the kids will remind us of ice cream or snow cone day at school....a dollar here a dollar there. We might end up with $100 this year. But hey...every little bit helps.

I kept a chart on the wall with the kids chores on them all summer. When they completed each week I would add 5 or 10 bucks to each child's spending money. We topped them off at $100 each and that worked out GREAT! They were both much more selective about the stuff they bought when they knew it was their own money.

 

[princessbride6205]

1 star for no elbows on the table, 1 star for coming home from school and not having to be "reminded" to start your homework, 1 star for being 5 minutes early for the bus, etc. Basically I'm trying to help my son change some bad habits, and make my life a little easier.

Then when he got a set amount of stars he could order a dessert. We are on the dining plan, so that might make it easier for me because he won't be asking every meal for a dessert. Thoughts??

I try not to use food as a reward - not from a spoiling point of view but because it can be a bad food attitude for the child to have throughout life. That's from the food experts and child obesity folks. But lots of people do it and do not have obese kids, so whatever works for you! I can see how good behavior while dining out at a restaurant would lead to dessert.
But your theory of a bunch of little stars to gain a prize is something we do.

I want my kid to know that I did all this-- that I spent all this money and did all this planning-- because it was important to me that he was able to be a kid. That it REALLY REALLY mattered to me to occasionally, for no reason, do something super nice for him just because I love him and being his mom makes me really happy. In a way, I'm not doing this for him at all. I'm doing this because he LOVES Lightning McQueen and thinking about how surprised and amazed he's gonna be to see the "real" Lightning makes me kind of teary.

......

So, I guess the "cool story bro" takeaway is: How do you tell the difference between "giving in" and "spoiling"? How do I know if this is okay, or too much?

And don't say, as long as he's well behaved, it's fine. No four year old is well behaved-- they're all wiggly and loud and crap.

Ha! You sound like a great mom - and fun, too! Your DS will not be spoiled just because you didn't make him earn his trip to WDW.

My kids have been going to Disney parks every year since they were babies. I was a single parent for most of their years at home, so when times were lean we'd go to Disneyland (we're on the west coast), and when money was more plentiful we'd go to WDW. I never made them "earn" vacation, other than any homework had to be done before we left. Did this make then entitled or spoiled? Absolutely not. I felt it's more important how the kids are raised the rest of the year, rather than how we vacationed. In return, I have two lovable, grounded adult kids.

+1

I agree. In my experience, the constant rewarding of good behavior creates the exact problem the OP is trying to avoid.

I think it depends on how it's implemented. I agree that saying, "Do this one thing and I'll buy you a toy" is not the best reward system. But you also have to know your own child. Mine is only 4 and she has a tendency to get down on herself (if she gets scolded once or twice in an entire day she thinks she's not a good kid - I was the same way, so I guess it's genetic!). So DH and I like to "catch her being good" and then she gets a sticker. Once she has 20 stickers on her little chart, she gets to pick a small gift like a coloring book. The next time it's full, I may see if she wants to just get money for her Mickey bank since our next trip is in a month. And the sticker chart is visual proof of all the little good things she does, so in theory, she is gaining confidence that she is a good kid. I know it sounds like I'm starting to get a little psycho-babble-y, but it works for us.

 

[pmaurer74]

I must say that I was surprised by your post I thought you were going to be complaining about spoiled kids at Disney. My DD5 seems to act spoiled sometimes and I really struggle with this as I feel like we do not cater to her every whim but she has autism so maybe she only sees her own world. Anyway, she loves Disney costumes and has a bunch of them. We got her one for her birthday and one for Christmas. She collects them like others collect Legos or Barbie Dolls. We now have her earn her dresses. Right now she wants to earn a Cinderella dress for our trip in March so we are having her earn stickers to put on a calendar every time she helps to pick up her toys which is a big struggle for us with her. I like your idea of helping to earn the trip and it is nice that you are teaching them that they are indeed lucky to be going to Disney. I have enjoyed reading about the various ideas and maybe I can implement some of them myself

 

[helpmejenny]

I like your ideas. We also try to go every year and we let our kids know that we should all be grateful for doing so.

In our case, we give up a lot of other things so that we can go to Disney. We live pretty frugal lives so that we can save up for our Disney trip. Sometimes, our kids will ask if we can go out to dinner to some really nice place that they love or go to some expensive event and I'll ask them if they would rather go out to eat tonight or go to Disney in a couple months. (Disney always wins!)

We are also at the point now that we don't give our kids a lot of spending money at Disney. We make them set aside a portion of their money throughout the year. My son got quite a bit of cash this Christmas and wanted to spend it right away. I told him that he could do that now, but I told him to imagine what he could do with that money at the Lego store in DTD if he held onto it.

Another idea that gets everyone involved is to take a large container (milk jug or something similar) and have everyone put all their change in it in between Disney trips. We have done that and ended up with close to $100 by the time our trip came. I told the kids they could have whatever was in there when the trip came. They had fun filling it up throughout the year and trying to guess how much was in it. It definitely gave them the sense of working towards it, even if it was in small ways.

We do alot of this also. We alternate trips, with kids one year and then a solo for mom and dad. We are always setting every extra penny aside for Disney. But we do encourage the kids to save their monies as well for the things they want. Any extra's they want, they pay for and they love and apprieciate that extra even more. This year our dd(12) is going to do the horesback riding at FW. And ds(14) is thinking of dining with an imagineer. It infusing pride in then to earn and save and get the things they really want.

 

[Muslickz]

We do alot of this also. We alternate trips, with kids one year and then a solo for mom and dad.

My wife and I also run with the alternating method. This way we get to see and do things we can't when the kids come along (2,4 and 9).

-M

 

[elleherself]

The "Give a Day, get a Disney Day" promotion resonated with us. Not only was it a lot of fun to be voluntEARs, I really liked the concept and the message. So we make volunteering part of our pre-trip ritual. I plan to do this with my kids when I have them, and I do it with my goddaughter (her first volunteering experience was collecting canned goods for the homeless).

 

[BELLEDOZER]

My kids understand that the reason that we don't go to DL/WDW that often is simply because we are on a very tight budget, and it takes time for me (the stay at home mom, and saver of the two of us) to save up the money for the trips. I can't afford allowances, as that money needs to go to food and basic needs. However this year, since the next trip is 3 years away this time to WDW, I'm giving them $60 a year between the 2 of my boys for the trip. At the end of each year I'll convert it to USD, and this will be their spending money on the trip. In addition to this I'm also giving them all my spare change, so between the two things they should have a good amt of money between them to spend at WDW. I do try my best for them, but they understand that if the money isn't there, that I won't buy them the things they want(ie toys). Over the years I've instilled in them the importance of giving to others who are less fortunate, and helping others who may not have as much as we do. They understand that the trips are a special time for the family, and are not to be expected, and taken for granted.

 

[Miss Marie]

Like a PP, we also have a giant container that we fill with loose change that we call our Disney fund. Everyone contributes this way, and it allows us to save up more to go on a longer trip (right now we are trying for a weeklong trip).

In order to get to Disney, we have to have passing grades. A low B is probably the lowest we could have (or perhaps a C). Hopefully we will be able to go for a week next time if our grades are good.

Another thing is that we have to save up our own money for spending at WDW. When we were younger our parents used to supply it, but now we save so that we can get the things we want when we are there, and aren't begging our parents for the money.

I would defintely try to give the kids an allowance (if they don't already have one) and have them earn a certain amount for the chores they do. Then, whenever it's payday, ask them "Do you want this money to spend on whatever, or would you rather have it on a Disney gift card?" If they tell you DIsney,you hold onto that money until the trip, then buy them a gift card with that amount on it, and voila! No more paying OOP on their souvineirs.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

My kids grew up going to Disney. It never had anything to do with behavior. It was because it was only 3 hours from our home. It was and still is a cheaper alternative vacation for us as we can go up and back on one tank of gas, we get FL resident discounts on our passes.. When they go as often as mine did, it isn't a matter of being spoiled. They didn't get treats up there, they didn't get money for souvenirs, and we didn't always go out to eat at "fancy" places. Once a year we would stay in a deluxe, the rest of the trips were low budget trips at either value or moderate Disney resorts and even offsite hotels. So spoiled no, in fact, after a while, my kids hated going.. they would rather had stayed home and played with their friends than gone to Disney.... and that is the truth.

 

[jennyjinx3]

My wife and I also run with the alternating method. This way we get to see and do things we can't when the kids come along (2,4 and 9).

-M

I LOVE this!

 

[bumbershoot]

... How do you tell the difference between "giving in" and "spoiling"? How do I know if this is okay, or too much?

You'll know when he's 30. Up until then we're just guessing.

Eldest daughter and eldest son are only a year and a half apart and have gotten the same teachings about money from the git go, but eldest daughter saves her money and always has, while eldest son is perennially broke. Now he's got a "real job" working on computers a few days a week, and he pretty much spends every cent as fast as he makes it. Mind you, eldest daughter makes her Halloween candy last from one Halloween until the next. .....

Personality has at least as much influence as parenting, IMHO.

My brother and I are very different, or...were very different, with money as well. He made Halloween candy go to Easter, and Easter candy go to Halloween. Little stinker. I snarfed mine much more quickly. I seriously think that candy is a great way to determine what's going to happen in the future with money! (though you have to remember the parental influence with that...hubby kept his, but that's b/c his mom MADE him...as soon as he was in charge of his candy, he ate it all up. Same with money. While under mom's influence he was decent with it; once he was gone for the final time from her place, he went crazy with it)

We don't even go every year to WDW, but the fact that he talks about it like we should just be able to go tomorrow is making me second guess our plans on purchasing DVC.

But why? I don't understand.

I *like* that my son feels safe and grounded enough, with trust and love for hubby and I, so he can feel safe and secure in the concept of us taking a vacation in the future.

Do you know how much I would have LOVED to be that safe and secure growing up? Now, GSU had it way worse with her mom...mine was just run of the mill broke parents, abusive-to-mom dad, early divorce, no child support, weird dad, etc etc...but kids growing up in environments where you CAN'T count on anything have it way worse, IMO.

My son thinks that we can run down to California at the drop of a hat. He understands money fairly well...but he doesn't understand how far away it is. I remind him that it's 4 hours in a plane to San Diego, and he remembers that, but he doesn't remember the *feeling* of the long-to-a-kid plane trip. He WANTS to be there, he wants to see his uncle and aunt and their cats, and have the possibility that his generous and successful aunt will insist that he and I go to Disney for a night (happened once, in summer of '09), and because that's what he wants to be true, he ignores the fact that it's far away (relatively).

Just because he asks to go often doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it; just means he likes it!

Do you think this spoils kids if they just expect the family will go?

I don't think one aspect of life will "spoil" anyone. Vacations, when a person can take them, are lovely. It's *nice* to be able to anticipate a nice vacation. Way better than not having them, or having junky ones (oh yay dad, we get to spend our week with you fixing your truck? AGAIN? oh, work called you in b/c there's no one else, so we have to spend a full day sitting on a Greyhound bus, when you know one of your kids gets carsick? gosh, it happens so often it's almost like you don't tell work that you have your kids...).

It's hard combating entitlement at this age-- he wants everything he sees. That's normal for a 4 year old, right?

It's so normal that to put the new meaning of the word "entitlement" onto it is an insult to 4 year olds, IMO.

4 year olds want everything. Some grownups want everything (even when not given everything!). I've just described my son at 4 and a bit earlier and beyond, and also my husband. Going through downtown Disney at Disneyland was MISERABLE when they were in their "I want" phase. Worse, when DS said "I want", DH wanted to give it to him! We started staying OFFsite simply so I didn't have to walk through that mall again.

But...DS outgrew it, DH became more understanding of the ways of the budget (once he threw off the after effects of a far too controlling mother, and the after effects of his rebellion from her), and we can walk through the disney mall without me wanting to go home. Whew.

The part that was especially hard for me was when we would buy DS something (feel free to substitute DH in here, too, he was just as bad, and for longer, and for more expensive "toys"!) and *with that item in his hand* would ask for something else.

IN a way, we're extra lucky that we've gone so relatively often, because I didn't just despair that DS was "spoiled"; instead, I got lots of chances to talk to him, explain how it made me feel, etc...and then a matter of months later, I could see how the behaviour changed. And it did, over time, as he grew out of that phase.

DS is a saver in many ways. He *loves* all of his toys, and we still have some of his *baby* toys because just as I'm about to donate something, he'll play with it again. The other day he told me some very specific things he wants to give away, and they have been the same items on that list for awhile, so I think we'll be safe to do it. He's not the "I want that" just after he got "this" kid anymore (unless he knows that he's getting outfitted, say, as Ron Weasley on a Universal trip...then he knows he's getting a robe and a wand and even a rat). Just happened, over time.....


But who knows, maybe at 30 he'll be robbing banks so he can go to Disney...I doubt it, but it's possible. I'll keep having talks with him, hopefully he'll see that that's not the best way to make money.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I have to admit I have good kids. They have been fortunate enough to travel around the world (because of my husbands job) and live in third world countries. They understand they are fortunate to have the lives that they do, live with freedoms others do not enjoy, and not worry about having food on the table.

My question is this… How do we keep our kids grounded and help them “earn” the Disney experience so that they get even more satisfaction out of the trip, rather than give them a feeling of entitlement? Like many of you we go often to Disney World. In fact we go almost every year. Do you think this spoils kids if they just expect the family will go?

Does anyone have any reward chart ideas or anything that has worked for your family? Going on the trip is just part of being in the family, but I was thinking of “upgrades” that could be earned by good behavior, work around the house, etc. Things like desserts, ordering from the adult menu, Disney dollars etc. Do you expect anything in return for providing your kids this experience? Especially if you are taking your family more often that the "once in a lifetime" trip.

Any thoughts???

I wouldn't make my kids "earn" going to Disney or any extras in regards to trip. That's just me. You said they are good kids and understand they are fortunate to live the lives they do. It sounds like they understand a lot.

You are doing a good job already.

 

[roadtripper]

I struggle with this, too. DD is 17, and this year's trip will be her 17th! (we joined DVC 10 years ago). We are also reserving her a DVC villa with a group of friends as a graduation present. (She just got a full tuition scholarship to a prestigious college, and she's worked hard). She still loves Disney, and she is always grateful and delighted when we go.

She also knows what we give up to be able to afford WDW (13 dollar cable, not-smart phones, driving cars into the ground, postponing home renovations) but I really don't think she has a handle on the money thing. She has two jobs, but if we didn't take half of her paychecks for college savings, she would spend every dime. I shop secondhand stores, she shops American Eagle. The money she spends on Dunkin Donuts makes me crazy. Last week, she rented two Redbox movies and didn't return them for six days!

She is kind and sweet, and is a great sister to her brother with serious disabilities, but I am at a loss about how to teach her these things that we have been trying to model her entire life. And I'm running out of time! I know she's spoiled, but she's not a brat. As a high school teacher, I know the difference. Still, I worry about how she'll manage when those unexpected expenses come up at school. Sorry if this is hijacking...just had a brawl with her over the money thing. Ugh.

 

[maiapapaya]

We also have a trip jar. Our spare change goes into it as well as the proceeds from a yard sale we usually have each summer. The kids have to donate toys that they no longer want, etc. This year they also had a lemonade stand at the sale.

While we are fortunate that my DH has a good job and we don't really need to fundraise for our trips we want the kids to feel that they are contributing.

They also have to take their own spending money (with a limit on the amount of course). Throughout the year they are given money for gifts (Christmas, birthdays) and they are expected to use that money for their trip money. We also control what they buy with their WDW spending money, within reason. This year on of our daughters asked Santa for a WDW gift card, so that was her big gift from him and that will be used for her trip spending.

We also donate often to charity, used clothes and toys. The kids help in deciding what gets donated and we reinforce the message that they are fortunate so we share with families that need help. They also participate in their respective school's annual food drives and donated cat litter to a local woman who has a cat rescue - this one made me particularly proud. It was their idea and they each used money they had earned doing extra jobs around the house.

We hope that these things help balance out the extravagance of a WDW trip each year. Neither my DH and I travelled much as kids and these trips are just as much for us as our children. This is usually the only big vacation we take each year and is much needed family time, away from other distractions since my DH is a shift worker with hours that don't allow him to spend a lot of time with the kids.

 

[shalom]

She is kind and sweet, and is a great sister to her brother with serious disabilities, but I am at a loss about how to teach her these things that we have been trying to model her entire life.

If she hasn't picked it up by now, she may not. My brother was like my eldest son, and got even worse when he was living on his own -- he knew better, but he'd look up what was in his checking account and write checks/pull cash based on that instead of his real (according to what he'd spent) balance. Bounced checks on a regular basis, of course, and otherwise blew money right and left.

He didn't go out and make big extravagant purchases but was never any good at seeing how all his many daily "extravagances" (not returning videos in time, eating out instead of brown bagging it sort of stuff) would add up. And he did not seem to learn from experience.

He's a great guy and a generous guy (spent his first real paycheck entirely on gifts for my parents "for all they'd done for me over the years"), and he's clearly intelligent enough to do the math and understand the logic behind budgeting, but when it comes to money and daily management, his brain goes blooey I guess. Now his wife manages their finances -- for all I know, that may have been a condition before she'd marry him. I wouldn't have taken him on under any other circumstances, anyhow.