Autism and Death - Books?

[lucigo]

I'm hoping to get a recommendation for a book to help explain to my son that our little Dachsund was killed by a car last night. He is 7 and has language but I'm afraid to him "Died" is what happens when you have to plug the Ipod in or you have to get another guy on Wii.

My husband doesn't want to tell him, just let him fade away. I think its because he is in pain himself and just doesn't want to confuse him, but I think it would be a good chance to explain. My brother died last month and he really had no clue why we were so upset, and since he didn't know my brother I really couldn't explain, it was too abstract for him. But he loved Jack and even though he hasn't asked where he is yet this morning I'm expecting it. What do you think?

 

[Piper]

The Tenth Best Thing About Barney is a good book about a dog who died. I used it with my class when our class guinea pig died of old age. It really helped them.

 

[lucigo]

The Tenth Best Thing About Barney is a good book about a dog who died. I used it with my class when our class guinea pig died of old age. It really helped them.

Thanks, I will look for it today, we are taking a trip to the book store. He was a very early reader so I think a book is the easiest way to try to explain.

 

[freckles and boo]

I am sorry about your pup. I don't know of any good books but I have been where you are. One of our kitties died a couple of years ago when my daughter was six and it was a struggle the help her understand. It also complicates things when people try to be helpful and say "She is in heaven" because it is even hard for typical kids this age to grasp such an abstract concept. My husband is Catholic but we steered clear of any after life conversations because we just didn't think she was ready for that yet. Add to that the fact that I am an atheist and it gets even more challenging. Be warned, once we did start to discuss death my daughter became obsessed with trying to understand it. She talked about it constantly for weeks. What we did was explain that we wouldn't see Pumbaa again but we would miss her and always love her. I gave her a cheap photo album and put some pictures in it. It took a while but she now realizes that dead is gone but not forgotten.

 

[lucigo]

I am sorry about your pup. I don't know of any good books but I have been where you are. One of our kitties died a couple of years ago when my daughter was six and it was a struggle the help her understand. It also complicates things when people try to be helpful and say "She is in heaven" because it is even hard for typical kids this age to grasp such an abstract concept. My husband is Catholic but we steered clear of any after life conversations because we just didn't think she was ready for that yet. Add to that the fact that I am an atheist and it gets even more challenging. Be warned, once we did start to discuss death my daughter became obsessed with trying to understand it. She talked about it constantly for weeks. What we did was explain that we wouldn't see Pumbaa again but we would miss her and always love her. I gave her a cheap photo album and put some pictures in it. It took a while but she now realizes that dead is gone but not forgotten.

Thank you for your insite, I am hopeful that I can explain it in a way that he will understand. He still hasnt asked about him yet. My husband is so upset I kind of want to wait until he is back at work.

I really don't know how much he will understand. His dad worked in Orlando for 6 months and then came home, and then his sister moved down there for school, and honestly they are out of site, out of mind for the most part. When we see them he is excited and "missed them" but he doesnt really ask or talk about them when they are gone.

 

[Eeyore5]

Check with the children's library at your local library. They usually are good at finding books for specific topics like this. Sorry for your loss.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I think you might be surprised how well he'll take the news. As far as my daughter, she viewed death very matter of factly when my grandmother died and didn't have the sorrow everyone else had. I don't think she was able to fully comprehend but she has a very factual view of death now and isn't "clued in" to the social mores as far as not talking about death or being respectful of those who have died. Be prepared for a very "different" reaction than you might expect.

With my daughter we put death as a natural process of life. Everything and everyone dies. We talked about how my grandmother is happy now and not sick anymore. For a while afterwards we had the usual questions like "where IS she now?" or "Can she hear me?" but I just tried to answer very calmly and openly.

Good luck. Sorry about your pet.

 

[lucigo]

Thank you for sharing your stories with me it really helped me. Yesterday afternoon he kind of panicked when he realized he hadn't seen Jack all day and was asking Where's Jack!!?? So I did sit down with him and told him that Jack went out on the busy road and was hit by a car and he died. To my surprise he did understand. He put his hands over his face and made Ooohhhhh sounds, and turned his back to me. I rubbed his back a little and let him process it. A bit later we looked at pictures of him with Jack and had my DD15 daughter asked him where Jack was, to make sure that he really understood. He told her Jack got hit by a car and was gone. Later in the evening he asked me where is Jack now...a little more tricky, so I told him that daddy buried his body in the ground but his spirit went to heaven and he would be happy there. I really don't know if that sunk in.

My little "puzzle" then wrote "Closed for a Dream. Ben" on his magnadoodle and put it outside in front of the front door. I have no idea what it meant or if it was related to Jack or not. He couldn't explain.

This morning told me that our new puppy (that we got 2 days before Jack's death in hopes that they could be friends)....that the new puppy didn't die yet. So its still on his mind, and I want to go into town and find the book mentioned below.