At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[AnnaFloridaLover]

For the people who think that sisters and brothers are allowed to set rules in someone else's home for their nieces and nephews I ask this question. Do your siblings all raise their children the same way you do and have the exact same rules, values etc? I'm shocked that there are no boundaries between parenting your child and your si

Yes. There is an old saying that, "It takes a village...." I don't think that was inappropriate at all.

Here's another old saying: "If you don't like the way I do things then please feel free to mind your own business." or this one: "I'll raise my children and you raise yours." I could go on.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

And honestly, kids often take that kind of advice better from their aunts and uncles than from their parents. - In my experience, they're less inclined to argue, and more inclined to believe it really is what everyone expects when they hear it from somebody else.

Social acceptability is variable. What's socially acceptable to you may not be socially acceptable to another. Do you want someone overruling what you deem as socially acceptable for you or your children? Some nosey old uncle? How about you have a sibling who decides there will be no alcohol served at a home that isn't her own because in her circles drinking is unacceptable?

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm hearing a lot of replies that the initial pants comment should have been addressed to the parents rather than the kid, but I think that would have created more of a scene, not less.

If my BIL had had said to my DS "Hey, buddy, where are your pants? It's dinnertime," I would have felt like he saw I was busy helping with dinner, and was willing to prod DS along for me. If he had instead approached me and said "You really should get that kid to put on some pants," I think I might have felt a little taken aback.

 

[BrianL]

Just because there is a saying doesn't mean that everyone lives their lives by it. The dynamics vary greatly between families on things like this.

Not everyone has to live their lives by it, but a good faith act that goes by an axiom like that shouldn't be any kind of big deal. The parents are free to intervene and make their own judgement, though they apparently disagree about it as well.

Many adults other than my parents would correct my behavior (well, almost never mine because I wan an angel ), and it was generally accepted as no big deal.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I'm hearing a lot of replies that the initial pants comment should have been addressed to the parents rather than the kid, but I think that would have created more of a scene, not less.

If my BIL had had said to my DS "Hey, buddy, where are your pants? It's dinnertime," I would have felt like he saw I was busy helping with dinner, and was willing to prod DS along for me. If he had instead approached me and said "You really should get that kid to put on some pants," I think I might have felt a little taken aback.

But that is your own acceptability. You can't force your ways on other people. It's not ok or not just because you deem it that way for other people. Live and let live goes a long way in getting along with others.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Not everyone has to live their lives by it, but a good faith act that goes by an axiom like that shouldn't be any kind of big deal. The parents are free to intervene and make their own judgement, though they apparently disagree about it as well.

Many adults other than my parents would correct my behavior (well, almost never mine because I wan an angel ), and it was generally accepted as no big deal.

I can assure you that there are villages in the world that wouldn't get to decide how I raise my own spawn let alone my siblings. You don't have kids do you? Anyway, this wasn't a behavioural issue it was an issue of the OP deciding that this backyard gig was a formal occasion at a home that wasn't hers and shorts are unoffensive but underwear are the hill to die on.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Social acceptability is variable. What's socially acceptable to you may not be socially acceptable to another. Do you want someone overruling what you deem as socially acceptable for you or your children? Some nosey old uncle? How about you have a sibling who decides there will be no alcohol served at a home that isn't her own because in her circles drinking is unacceptable?

Well, the word "socially" sort of implies other people besides me - so yeah, I guess I am.

And we are talking about family, so I kind of know the values going in. But if I really felt it was something that would confuse my kid, I would have talked to him privately later.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Well, the word "socially" sort of implies other people besides me - so yeah, I guess I am.

And we are talking about family, so I kind of know the values going in. But if I really felt it was something that would confuse my kid, I would have talked to him privately later.

Does every single person in your family have the same exact parenting styles and values? Neat. If that was the case with the OP then this discussion would not be happening.

 

[smokeyblue]

No pants parties are my favorite!

 

[CarolAnn856]

She added the urination statement as someone else said something about peeing near the dinner table. She was just responding that he had actually done something like that recently.

It also looks like he might have issues at school due to rules being enforced there but mom lets him do what he wants at home.

Unfortunately kids not given dicipline while young can’t sometimes handle it when given rules at school and act out.

We may both be reading too much into her add-ons. Personally, I don't count one instance of the child's mother not wanting to push getting his pants on as evidence that he is never given discipline at home. There are a number of reasons why he may be acting out.

 

[Kellykins1218]

He was wearing a shirt and his butt was covered. It wouldn't have fazed me at all especially since it was just a family dinner. I don't consider family to be "company."

 

[DaddysPrincess]

I'll just say this: if someone came into my house & told me to wear pants I'd be a bit upset lol
Proceed

 

[starry_solo]

When they stop wearing diapers.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If my BIL had had said to my DS "Hey, buddy, where are your pants? It's dinnertime," I would have felt like he saw I was busy helping with dinner, and was willing to prod DS along for me. If he had instead approached me and said "You really should get that kid to put on some pants," I think I might have felt a little taken aback.

In regards to busy- I mean if it was helping getting your son some food I could totally see that (provided there isn't a different diet he's on). But assuming one is busy when it comes to putting pants or not is probably not what I would assume.

And yeah if your brother-in-law said "you should really get that kid to put on some pants" especially in a specific tone I'd get feeling affronted-now it comes across like your parenting is lacking in this specific arena. But if he approached you and said "hey it's getting closer to dinnertime would you like me to help so and so get some pants on" I could see that going over much better. It would give you a chance, like it or not, you simply replied "oh no he's fine without pants" or give you a chance to say "yes please I would appreciate that" or "I'll go tell him" or "I'll go help him".

 

[CarolAnn856]

I'm hearing a lot of replies that the initial pants comment should have been addressed to the parents rather than the kid, but I think that would have created more of a scene, not less.

If my BIL had had said to my DS "Hey, buddy, where are your pants? It's dinnertime," I would have felt like he saw I was busy helping with dinner, and was willing to prod DS along for me. If he had instead approached me and said "You really should get that kid to put on some pants," I think I might have felt a little taken aback.

There are ways around that. In my family, it could go something like, "Hey, Sis, Nephew is pants-less. Want me to round him up for you, or is he good to go for dinner?" Granted, we don't have the same dynamics as OP, so the initial request to the kid wouldn't have been a problem at all. But there are clearly different things at play in the situation she described.

 

[PollyannaMom]

But that is your own acceptability. You can't force your ways on other people. It's not ok or not just because you deem it that way for other people. Live and let live goes a long way in getting along with others.

I'm not sure how that relates to the particular comment you quoted? I just said I thought confronting the adults would make a bigger scene than speaking to the child.

Does every single person in your family have the same exact parenting styles and values?...

Not the exact same, but close enough that we agreed when the kids were little that adults were interchangeable at family gatherings. - And yes, we actually talked about it, before the situations came up.

 

[Hikergirl]

Oh, wow, I love how the Dis can turn anything into a really contrived soap opera

Some things are painfully obvious each time the OP decides to add to her story.

 

[PollyannaMom]

In regards to busy- I mean if it was helping getting your son some food I could totally see that (provided there isn't a different diet he's on). But assuming one is busy when it comes to putting pants or not is probably not what I would assume.

I meant like I was busy cooking or carrying food out to the table and hadn't noticed that the kid had stopped halfway though getting dressed.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I'm not sure how that relates to the particular comment you quoted? I just said I thought confronting the adults would make a bigger scene than speaking to the child.



Not the exact same, but close enough that we agreed when the kids were little that adults were interchangeable at family gathering. - And yes, we actually talked about it, before the situations came up.

That's great that that works for your extended family. In our family we agree to leave these silly issues up to the individual parents. Would you be ok with your brother in law telling your 16 year old daughter that her shorts were too short or her top was too low?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I meant like I was busy cooking or carrying food out to the table and hadn't noticed that the kid had stopped halfway though getting dressed.

I can see that making sense but in the case of the OP it's not that the kid stopped halfway through getting dressed. As far as I understood it, the issue was he was fine (or at least tolerated) being pantless until it was time for dinner at which point the OP's husband, the OP and the father of the child after being spoken to advised the child it was time to put on pants. I can totally see it if the kid was in the process of getting dressed and got distracted I just didn't read the OP's story like that.