At what age is it appropriate to give your child a cell phone?

[kirstenb1]

That is one of the reasons my kids have cell phones.

I remember way too vividly a time where I was at a friend's house and was not comfortable with the situation. My parents did all the right things by meeting the parents, etc, but you know the saying....behind closed doors...

I wanted to call home to have my parents come get me, but the Mom kept saying "oh, let's just go try it again.." and basically would not let me call home. As an adult now, I can reflect back that she probably took it personally that I wanted to go home and didn't want it to reflect badly on her.

One other time, I was at a party where drugs were brought out. I went upstairs to call home. Parents asked me why. I hemmed and hawed, not wanting to say "Uh, your daughter just pulled out the bong"

I vowed my kids would never be in that position where they would have to explain why they wanted to use the phone. Now they can quietly go to the bathroom and text me to come get them if they are EVER uncomfortable in a situation. Nobody has to know they texted. No conversation during a call to overhear.

I will show up with some excuse about a family thing and I am sorry but DD has to come home now.

That is a great reason. I hadn't thought about it, and told dh too.

Sometimes you just feel like they have everything known to mankind already, kwim? But you bring up a very compelling point.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That is a great reason. I hadn't thought about it, and told dh too.

Sometimes you just feel like they have everything known to mankind already, kwim? But you bring up a very compelling point.

My daughter used her cell for that very type of thing when she 8 or 9. She and another friend were visiting a third friend. The dad and his son an the son's friend were playing video games and the dad lost. He threw the controller so hard in his anger over losing that it cracked a window. It scared DD to death and she was afraid to ask the parents to let her call home lest he turn his anger on her. She went to the bathroom and called me. I was there (with the other girl's mom right behind me because i called her while I drove) in record time. I am SOOOOOOO glad my DD had a phone that day.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm not angry

for safety? I already said she will have a cell phone when she starts going out on her own. Just the phone will have limited calling abilities like only calling home, our cells, and an emergency contact (and of course 911).

It just wouldn't have all out access. If she wants full access then she'll have to be willing to pay the monthly bill for it (whatever the add on cost is)

This is waht I say now... in this world at this time. When she's that age who knows what we will be talking into

I believe it's $10 a month, and that gets a lot of minutes to call everyone! The problem with saying you don't want her to be in contact with others except you, on the phone, means that she won't have contact with others, except you, on any phone. I think I've gotten a phone call for ds and dd only a few times in the past several years, and those friends were desparate (most kids would rather get a cavity filled than call a landline).

I remember thinking that when dd14 got to middle school, I'd get her her own landline, just like my parents got for me. When she was 11, we got new cordless phones, and when I told her I got an extra for her room, her reaction was

If the kids are making plans, they send out a group text, and don't really follow up if someone doesn't respond. I have all of my kids' friends' numbers, in case my child doesn't answer (rarely happens, but sometimes batteries die). Dd14's phone broke, and wow, what a PITA for me! If I needed to come home, go to the store, if I was running late, if I needed her to grab the kids for me...

If my kids didn't have phones, they'd have a lot less freedom. Overnight school trips, night time pick-ups after late field trips, sports practice pickup, play practice pickup, come home for dinner (we don't have a set dinner hour - it depends on who has what activities, and how soon I can get a meal onto te table).

I'm guessing that when my youngest are teens, smartphones will be the norm, and they'll go back to talking, like the skype and oovoo of today (that's the only time I hear my kids talking to their friends, if not in person, except maybe ds and xbox).

 

[pyrxtc]

Funny, I have a 14 year old too, around teens every day and have never seen a teen yet that has lost the ability to communicate.

And "um" and "like" has been a problem long, long before texting was in vogue. Remember "valley girl speak" where every other word was "like."


So, what is it? First you complain that kids spend too much time on their phones and can't have a conversation. Now you are upset because a teen wasn't paying closer attention to their phone? They obviously were conversing and doing other things besides being glued to their phone for an hour. You can't have it both ways.

And if you want to be able to contact your daughter in a mall quickly, then you need her to have a phone with your rules, ie; how often she needs to check it for messages from you when in a certain situation.

I don't need to contact her on the norm, I wanted to give them a time but her friend insisted she would listen for her phone instead cuz it might give them more time.

They were busy shopping but if they say they will answer the phone then they better answer the phone. It was not a call on my request.

 

[sparks19]

I believe it's $10 a month, and that gets a lot of minutes to call everyone! The problem with saying you don't want her to be in contact with others except you, on the phone, means that she won't have contact with others, except you, on any phone. I think I've gotten a phone call for ds and dd only a few times in the past several years, and those friends were desparate (most kids would rather get a cavity filled than call a landline).

I remember thinking that when dd14 got to middle school, I'd get her her own landline, just like my parents got for me. When she was 11, we got new cordless phones, and when I told her I got an extra for her room, her reaction was

If the kids are making plans, they send out a group text, and don't really follow up if someone doesn't respond. I have all of my kids' friends' numbers, in case my child doesn't answer (rarely happens, but sometimes batteries die). Dd14's phone broke, and wow, what a PITA for me! If I needed to come home, go to the store, if I was running late, if I needed her to grab the kids for me...

If my kids didn't have phones, they'd have a lot less freedom. Overnight school trips, night time pick-ups after late field trips, sports practice pickup, play practice pickup, come home for dinner (we don't have a set dinner hour - it depends on who has what activities, and how soon I can get a meal onto te table).

I'm guessing that when my youngest are teens, smartphones will be the norm, and they'll go back to talking, like the skype and oovoo of today (that's the only time I hear my kids talking to their friends, if not in person, except maybe ds and xbox).

Uh really? Kids don't call landlines anymore? I suppose our area is different as we have lots of friends with older kids who don't have cell phones and can you believe they still have friends? shocking I know.

it's not that I want her to ONLY have contact with us. I just don't feel its nessecary for her to have her own cell phone to text and call everyone. we have a perfectly good landline and if she wants the phone for social purposes then she can pay the bill for it. She will be free to talk to her friends on MSN or something, talk on the home phone etc. she won't die without a cell phone and I think it will be a good lesson that she isn't just given one and instead has to learn how to pay the bill herself if she really wants that.

no cell phone isn't the end of the world even though I'm sure it will seem like it when she's 13.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Uh really? Kids don't call landlines anymore? I suppose our area is different as we have lots of friends with older kids who don't have cell phones and can you believe they still have friends? shocking I know.

it's not that I want her to ONLY have contact with us. I just don't feel its nessecary for her to have her own cell phone to text and call everyone. we have a perfectly good landline and if she wants the phone for social purposes then she can pay the bill for it. She will be free to talk to her friends on MSN or something, talk on the home phone etc. she won't die without a cell phone and I think it will be a good lesson that she isn't just given one and instead has to learn how to pay the bill herself if she really wants that.

no cell phone isn't the end of the world even though I'm sure it will seem like it when she's 13.

Yes, people do not call landlines here for the most part and many people do not even have a landline.

So maybe it is different where you live.

If I am calling my family it is on a cell.

My 2 brothers, sister, parents, etc. do NOT have landlines at all. And I am ashamed to say, I don't even know their phone numbers. They are on my cell list and I just press a button.

I only know my dh's cell. I really need to write this stuff down and memorize it.

 

[torinsmom]

I don't think there is a set age. Whenever a parent wants their child to have one, they get one for them If you don't like that my kid had a cell phone at 10, oh well, it wasn't your money. Whether it was because we didn't have a landline or because he just wanted one, that's really not anyone else's business, IMHO.

 

[aprilgail2]

Uh really? Kids don't call landlines anymore? I suppose our area is different as we have lots of friends with older kids who don't have cell phones and can you believe they still have friends? shocking I know.

.

Landlines are going the way of payphones-more and more people I know have gotten rid of the landlines and only have a cell phone.

 

[sparks19]

Landlines are going the way of payphones-more and more people I know have gotten rid of the landlines and only have a cell phone.

Right. I understand most people dont have landlines anymore but we do and will for the forseeable future. You dont have to have a landline to call a landline. People with cell phones can call landlines so her friends would still be able to get ahold of her quite easily

Plus you can send texts to landlines

 

[aprilgail2]

Right. I understand most people dont have landlines anymore but we do and will for the forseeable future. You dont have to have a landline to call a landline. People with cell phones can call landlines so her friends would still be able to get ahold of her quite easily

Plus you can send texts to landlines

You can call landlines with cell phones but I don't and I tell my daughter to avoid it when possible too- our cell phone doesn't use minutes when you call another cell phone no matter what the carrier but when you call a landline you get charged minutes and I like to avoid that!

 

[sparks19]

I guess im dooming my daughter to a life with no friends

Thats what i love about landlines. No worrying about minutes. She would be able to call someone 100 times a day and no worry about the bill. She could even call canada ( where i am from) as much as she wanted to without worry of overages and such

 

[tomtoot]

Probably middle school... though as others have posted, we will have rules (like no texting during dinner or talking late at night).

 

[enchantingodin]

Our older dd is in seventh grade. We haven't bought her one yet. I'm a sahm, and she doesn't have an afterschool sport or activity (much to my dismay, I wish she would choose something). Where we live, she can bike in the neighborhood, but I have to drive her to get to most of her friends' homes. WE still have our landline. DH gets his cel phone through work, and I have a pay as you go one that I use maybe twice a month.

I know once she's driving or if I return to work, it will make sense to get her one. Right now, all she wants one for is to text. She has Facebook, so that's an option for keeping in touch with friends. I understand wanting to fit in, and she has Hollister/Abercrombie etc coming out of her ears!!

You sound like me. Except my kids are 8 and 6 and boys. We have a landline. I didn't get a cell phone until I was 29, I'm 32 now. It is a pre-paid that I pay about 7 bucks a month for. Hubs has one for work. But turns it off as soon as he gets home. I work part time at night. He wanted me to get the cell just in case something happened to the car. Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.

Kids have all kinds of non necessary items which they did not pay for. Toys, fancy clothes, TVs with cable/satellite, DSs and games, dance classes, music lessons, computers with internet access, etc.

WHY is this one thing so different to so many people

Because it's unnecessary. We have a family TV, wii and computer. We don't have cable. They don't and will not get DSes. Not because I'm a big meany, but because they don't take care of the stuff they have now. Fancy cloths? HA! We spend about $500 a year on cloths for our entire family. And while they are currently not enrolled in any activities (by their own choice) - that would be totally different. I consider dance, music, and sports to be enriching. Cell phones - not so much.

I will admit that we make our annual Disney trip a priority. Because that's when we can all spend time together as a family. Hubs works during the day, I work at night. We are all together for less than an hour a day.

But let me clarify a little. When they can buy it themselves means 14. Around here that's when you can get a job. And they WILL have jobs. Granted at 14 they can only work 3 hours per day. But that should be enough to pay for a phone. I see it as a learning tool. They need to learn to manage money and be responsible with the money they do get. So if they want a cell phone, they will have to pay for it. Simple as that.

Maybe I'm over protective - but I will not be allowing my kids to go places without an adult present until they are around 12/13. And even then I will be pretty selective on the other adults involved. Meaning that adult would be ok with my kids wanting to use their cell to give me a quick call. And if they weren't - then they would most likely not be with them. Besides there's not much to do around here except go to the movies and the mall. Both have pay phones.

Basically I see a lot of entitled brats these days. Adults and kids a like. (No I am not specifically calling anyone on here or their kid a brat.) I almost never got what "everyone else had" growing up. For the same reasons. My mom didn't want me to be like all those kids. And you know what? She was right.

 

[Ceila]

I think it's interesting that most people who allow their tweens/teens to have cell phones state that they do it for safety, convenience, etc. Almost none of those folks declare that every child that age should have one.

On the other hand, there are quite a few posters who feel that just because they don't believe their child should/will have one at that age, no child should. Why do these folks feel that their opinion is right for everyone else, when those on the other side of the debate generally respect the fact that it's a personal/family decision?

FTR, DS received his phone when he crossed over to Boy Scouts (5th grade, he was 11), since we knew he would be spending more and more time away from us. He is allowed to call and text his friends, and we haven't seen any behavior that would warrant concern as far as cell phone use...he makes straight A's and is a responsible kid. DD is only in 3rd grade and doesn't have one yet. She'll get one probably when she's in 5th, like her brother was.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, people do not call landlines here for the most part and many people do not even have a landline.

So maybe it is different where you live.

If I am calling my family it is on a cell.

My 2 brothers, sister, parents, etc. do NOT have landlines at all. And I am ashamed to say, I don't even know their phone numbers. They are on my cell list and I just press a button.

I only know my dh's cell. I really need to write this stuff down and memorize it.

Thats the way it is here too. I know of one person who has a land line and no one ever calls it! Everyone else is cell phone only.

Dh is required to have a cell for his job. I got one because dd and i are so seldom home and dh felt better with us on the road having a cell. It was cheaper to add dd's phone than it was to keep a land line for her to use. My second question to those so against the cell phone for thier child--why?

 

[luvsJack]

I guess im dooming my daughter to a life with no friends

Thats what i love about landlines. No worrying about minutes. She would be able to call someone 100 times a day and no worry about the bill. She could even call canada ( where i am from) as much as she wanted to without worry of overages and such

Its the same for dd's cell. She can text 100000 texts a day and it won't cost a dime more. Everyone she calls is with the same cell company so those calls are all free-regardless of how many calls--no worry about minutes. She has 700 minutes for "other" calls and MIGHT use 50 of those. Dh and I have unlimited service so we can call all we want, whereever we want--all included. Cell plans have changed greatly--there isn't as much worry about minutes anymore.

 

[luvsJack]

Well, movies start at specific times and end after the running time is over. I remember going to the movies with my friends and my mother was there to pick us up when the movie was over. We also got dropped at the mall and were told to be at this spot at a specific time to be picked up. No cell phone or phone call required. I walked everywhere and didn't have to call when I got there, just if I wasn't going to be home on time (but I better had been home on time).

This is all true. And I remember doing all that too but I also well remember that there were at least a dozen pay phones in the mall and 4 or 5 at the theater. Now? 0--both places.

So, you will be there when its time for them to go home, what about if they need you before that time?

THAT is one of the reasons dd has a phone.

I wanted her to have a way to call me if she needed me no matter where she was or who she was with. Giving her a couple of quarters for phone calls doesn't work anymore. Even at friend's homes its better for her to have her own phone, she doesn't have to ask to use someone's cell and she can call me in private. Add all that to the fact that it was cheaper than keeping a land line for her and her friends to talk and there was no reason not to.

 

[arieltoo]

Well, middle school for us, because that is the age when it was easier for mom and dad. Sometimes school clubs, after school, are cancelled or let out early. I need to pick him up early from an event or let him know I am ready to go. Now that he old enough to be left at soccer practice, I know he can call us if practice is "called" early and the coach does not need to wait for us.

Two rules: no phones at family meals--that is for all of us and includes the landline; no cell phone in the bedroom at night. The last rule is really to help our son. He does not need to answer the phone/text and he can blame it on us! This is not an issue now, but we have found it easier to make a rule early, before an issue arrises and we saw this problem with friends' kids and in the media. (Plus our daughter will be in middle school soon and I can see this being a problem for her to control

 

[tlbwriter]

I think it's interesting that most people who allow their tweens/teens to have cell phones state that they do it for safety, convenience, etc. Almost none of those folks declare that every child that age should have one.

On the other hand, there are quite a few posters who feel that just because they don't believe their child should/will have one at that age, no child should. Why do these folks feel that their opinion is right for everyone else, when those on the other side of the debate generally respect the fact that it's a personal/family decision?

That's interesting. I hadn't noticed, but you're right. I would never tell anyone that their child NEEDS a cell phone just because we decided to get one, but they all seem compelled to tell me that my child doesn't need one.

 

[goofy!]

Another recent convenience for ME for my 8th grader to have a cell phone:

Over spring break in March, he participated in the 8th grade trip to DC. (We are in Colorado). On the way home, the plane was delayed by 3 hours during their pitstop. Since they didn't deplane, there obviously were no payphones to contact parents.

He called us to let us know that everything was ok, but that we did not need to be at the school at 8:30pm to pick him up.

He called us when he landed in Colorado, when they were on the bus and then again when they were 10 minutes out from the school. We had a leisurely evening with our friends, who also were waiting for their kid. We ended up not having to pick them up till almost midnight.

Another friend, who could see the school parking lot from his window said there were about 6-7 cars waiting since the original 8:30 pickup time. Hope they weren't worrying too badly while they were sitting in their cars for three and a half hours waiting for the bus.

Parents with kids with cell phones did call parents we knew to give them a heads up, although it wasn't that necessary since 99.9% of the kids had cellphones. But obviously, with the cars in the parking lot, not everybody was reached and their kids must not have had a way to reach their parents.

Also, the kids were 4 to a room in the hotel, but not allowed to make any charges to the room, so they were not allowed to use the room phones to call home thus incurring long distance charges. Did he HAVE to call me nightly - absolutely not as I trusted the teacher chaperones completely. However, it was nice to get a quick text or call every evening to let us know he was having a blast. Kids without cell phones had absolutely no way of contacting their parents for the 5 days they were gone.