At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[Magic Band Defender]

Aside from Mom-and-Dad only trips, I plan to invite the kids on every vacation for as long as they will go. Having said that, that doesn't mean schedules will always work out or finances may require they chip in if they want to go. I would like to travel with my grandkids, if I should be lucky enough to have a few someday.

On my side of the family at least, we take turns. When DH & I were young and poor, my parents invited us to go with them. Now that DH & I are older and doing well, we enjoy treating them. Last June we rented a 2 bed/bath condo in Newport Coast, CA and invited my parents along. We covered their airfare, lodging, and some of the food. They watched our DS for a bit while we were there as well and I think everyone had a grand time.

 

[Oodalally13]

I'm 30, single, no kids and my parents and I STILL plan family summer vacations together just like back when I was a kid and in school. Back then we were a 1 income family and my parents scrimped and saved and we went to museums and stuff in state. They sacrificed a lot for me. Mom went back to school and became a nurse. I received enough scholarships that I was paid $500/semester to go to college, and now I have a good job and live and work in the same town (next doo even!) Now we are in a position to travel other places. Dad can't get off work as easily as mom, so mom and I have done Vegas, skiing in Santa Fe, gambling and beach in Louisiana, Mississippi, saw Arizona even spent some Christmas break at universal. We took dad out offstage for the first time in his life 3 summers ago to Louisiana, ms, and al. Then last summer I took them both to their first Disney trip. This summer dad wants to go to Branson. Personally I'm not interested in Branson but it's what dad wants to do and I want to see him happy. I honestly don't know who pays for what. Don't really care and neither do they. What's important is we are spending time together as a family having fun. I'm so glad they never had the mentality that once I was 18 I was no longer a part of their family. If they thought like that imwouldmquestion why they gave birth to me in the first place. Since when does parenting come with a 18 year contract length?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Never said parenting stopped at 18. I said the free vacations did.

 

[elgerber]

As others have said, I would never expect my 18 or 19 year old high school senior/college freshman to be able to afford to pay for their own vacation.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

As others have said, I would never expect my 18 or 19 year old high school senior/college freshman to be able to afford to pay for their own vacation.

Mine can, which is why I have the opinion I have. That opinion is based on many other variables as well.

 

[ronandannette]

I am very excited for my children to go and explore the world on their own as well. But, they are in college right now, and we want them to treat that as their full time jobs. Getting a 4.0 is their pay.

They do have limited part time jobs that could never finance the trips that we take. So, for now, we pay. And we pay with a smile.

They will travel on their own dime soon. But, until then, if we have the money (and they are poor students), why not pay?

I already told you very clearly why we don't. Are you asking again because something I said confused you? If not, please stop quoting my posts with rhetorical questions. I understand that you disagree and do things differently. I was not trying or expecting to sway your position nor was I asking you to defend it.

 

[elgerber]

.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

If not, please stop quoting my posts with rhetorical questions.

Huh? It's a discussion board. If you don't want to be quoted, don't post. Weird.

 

[ronandannette]

Huh? It's a discussion board. If you don't want to be quoted, don't post. Weird.

You're not contributing to much of a discussion. You keep reiterating your position which I'm sure everybody clearly understands now and NOBODY is challenging.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Mine can, which is why I have the opinion I have.

Well, if your college aged kids have the money to pay for vacation, then they aren't in the same boat as most of the posters on this board. Kudos to them!

Most college aged kids are not working full time, nor able to pay for vacations to Hawaii or Europe or other places the rest of the posters have mentioned.

What most people are commenting on is your matter of fact statement that giving the gift of a vacation to young adults/college aged vacations is "coddling" and the result will be the "world kicking them in the butt". That may be how your children would react to generosity, but it is not the norm.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

You're not contributing to much of a discussion. You keep reiterating your position which I'm sure everybody clearly understands now and NOBODY is challenging.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Well, if your college aged kids have the money to pay for vacation, then they aren't in the same boat as most of the posters on this board. Kudos to them!

Most college aged kids are not working full time, nor able to pay for vacations to Hawaii or Europe or other places the rest of the posters have mentioned.

What most people are commenting on is your matter of fact statement that giving the gift of a vacation to young adults/college aged vacations is "coddling" and the result will be the "world kicking them in the butt". That may be how your children would react to generosity, but it is not the norm.

You do realize I was talking about my own kids and the circumstances in which we live and raised them right? I don't think I said any other kid by any of you would have the same issues. You don't know the reasons I feel the way I do and I don't plan to explain, but don't put words or intentions in my mouth as I didn't say any of what you claim. In MY circumstances my paying for a vacation for my adult children could easily be viewed as coddling. If that bothers you and you want to own that somehow than that's on you. Also, I only have one left in college. The other 2 are well out of college now.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm 30, single, no kids and my parents and I STILL plan family summer vacations together just like back when I was a kid and in school. Back then we were a 1 income family and my parents scrimped and saved and we went to museums and stuff in state. They sacrificed a lot for me. Mom went back to school and became a nurse. I received enough scholarships that I was paid $500/semester to go to college, and now I have a good job and live and work in the same town (next doo even!) Now we are in a position to travel other places. Dad can't get off work as easily as mom, so mom and I have done Vegas, skiing in Santa Fe, gambling and beach in Louisiana, Mississippi, saw Arizona even spent some Christmas break at universal. We took dad out offstage for the first time in his life 3 summers ago to Louisiana, ms, and al. Then last summer I took them both to their first Disney trip. This summer dad wants to go to Branson. Personally I'm not interested in Branson but it's what dad wants to do and I want to see him happy. I honestly don't know who pays for what. Don't really care and neither do they. What's important is we are spending time together as a family having fun. I'm so glad they never had the mentality that once I was 18 I was no longer a part of their family. If they thought like that imwouldmquestion why they gave birth to me in the first place. Since when does parenting come with a 18 year contract length?

Not sure what your interests are, but there's a lot to do in the Branson area that isn't what one normally associates with Branson. Besides the shows, there are 2 beautiful lakes, numerous rivers & streams, a civil war battlefield (Springfield), hiking trails, a butterfly house, golf courses galore, a waterpark, etc. Do some homework before you go & I'll bet you'll find something to your liking

 

[Chocolate Cake]

You do realize I was talking about my own kids.

Yes. Yes I do. That is what I was commenting on. You raised children that you feel the world would kick them in the butt if you paid for their vacation.

Most children can accept a gift without such harsh ramifications as the "world kicking them in the butt." Your children apparently cannot.

You offered the information and I commented on it.

 

[elgerber]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.

You do realize I was talking about my own kids and the circumstances in which we live and raised them right? I don't think I said any other kid by any of you would have the same issues. You don't know the reasons I feel the way I do and I don't plan to explain, but don't put words or intentions in my mouth as I didn't say any of what you claim. In MY circumstances my paying for a vacation for my adult children could easily be viewed as coddling. If that bothers you and you want to own that somehow than that's on you. Also, I only have one left in college. The other 2 are well out of college now.

The quote above did not sound like you were talking about your own children, it sounded like a critique of the posters here who have paid for an adult childs vacation. And using the word needy was directed at others.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Yes. Yes I do. That is what I was commenting on. You raised children that you feel the world would kick them in the butt if you paid for their vacation.

Most children can accept a gift without such harsh ramifications as the "world kicking them in the butt." Your children apparently cannot.

You offered the information and I commented on it.

Again, you don't know why I feel that way, but you sure as heck take offense to it. I wonder why?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

The quote above did not sound like you were talking about your own children, it sounded like a critique of the posters here who have paid for an adult childs vacation. And using the word needy was directed at others.

Okay, fair enough. I simply can't figure out why people my views may or may not have been directed towards are taking this so personally though.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Again, you don't know why I feel that way, but you sure as heck take offense to it. I wonder why?

I am not taking any offense whatsoever. Why would I take offense on how you raise your children and their inability to accept a gift without bad things happening to their lives? To be frank, I have never heard such a thing, so I am intrigued.

And, no. I have no idea why you feel that way. So, it makes it even more intriguing and interesting to a nosey person like myself

 

[Oodalally13]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.[/QUOTE]

I have a great relationship with all my children, all are over the age of 19 now. Our oldest went to Chicago with my wife and I last summer, but he contributed to the vacation as expected. They have their own money for instances such as this and I don't plan to coddle them and let the world kick them in the butt because they've been "taken care of" and not taught how to be responsible for themselves. I understand we look at this different, but I think it's weird to continue to pay 100% of an adult child's vacation when they should and could contribute in some way.

Never said parenting stopped at 18. I said the free vacations did.

Ok maybe I should address your issues one at s time...

I don't EXPECT my parent to provide and pay for the vacations. It is something we decide collectively as a group. As for paying for the vacation, that just depends. If I have the time to do the booking it may go on one of my bank cards. If mom or dad have the time it goes on theirs. When we are paying for something (food or souvenirs) it also depends......maybe one of us has reached the daily limit on a card, maybe the other has the cash. When we get home we don't divide up the total and say, ok mom you owe x amount more and I need x amount back.

I guess it is needy in that we as a family NEED to spend quality time together before the inevitable separation of our family by death. But I will keep your comment to decline in mind. I'm sure my parents hearts would just swell with love when I say, "sorry but I am a adult and cannot travel with you ever again because it is viewed as freeloading and needy.

My parents have never coddled me. Whether it is a bad grade in school, an argument with a friend, or getting my first speeding ticket, they let me learn real life lessons. Sorry that spending family time together as grown adults is viewed as coddling. I thought it was an exciting new part of my life when I got to spend time with my parents on a different level than child and parent.

You said your kids are older than 19. I didn't notice if you said any were married or had kids, but should you have grandkids now or in the future will you travel with them? If so will you tell your kids, "I want to take grand babies on a vacation. I'll pay for them as they are under 18, but pay your own way ." ???????

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I am not taking any offense whatsoever. Why would I take offense on how you raise your children and their inability to accept a gift without bad things happening to their lives? To be frank, I have never heard such a thing, so I am intrigued.

And, no. I have no idea why you feel that way. So, it makes it even more intriguing and interesting to a nosey person like myself

Fair enough.