At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[Chocolate Cake]

No, not even college. Their college is paid for by money given to them for that reason many years ago, so no, they are not paying their way through college. Yes, I agree that every family is different and I won't spend my money giving adults a vacation whether they're my adult children or not. That's just how I feel about it honestly.

Are you actually saying that you would go on a family vacation and not take your freshman in college if they could not afford to pay their own way? Even with us paying tuition and them having small part time jobs for incidentals, my children were downright penniless in college. And, they sure could use a little break in the form of a vacation.

Vacation has always been a time to relax and reconnect with my husband and children. I get choked up thinking about the amazing times we have had. So special to be surrounded by the people I love the most in a relaxing environment. I always think "This is what life is about" during any vacation.

I am not being factious, I am honestly asking: How could you even enjoy yourself? Do you just not have a close relationship with your children?

 

[elgerber]

Are you actually saying that you would go on a family vacation and not take your freshman in college if they could not afford to pay their own way? Even with us paying tuition and them having small part time jobs for incidentals, my children were downright penniless in college. And, they sure could use a little break in the form of a vacation.

Vacation has always been a time to relax and reconnect with my husband and children. I get choked up thinking about the amazing times we have had. So special to be surrounded by the people I love the most in a relaxing environment. I always think "This is what life is about" during any vacation.

I am not being factious, I am honestly asking: How could you even enjoy yourself? Do you just not have a close relationship with your children?

That was my thoughts as well. My kids are 19 and 22 and we still vacation together. They don't ask, they aren't needy, it's just what we do right now. I want to spend time with them still. I know there will come a day when it doesn't work out that way anymore, and there are some vacations that would be too expensive to take them later on, but right now I take them because I want to. I can't imagine ever saying you are 18, no more vacations with you.

 

[suzimar57]

Probably depends on finances (both parents and adult child)

My DS is 30, excellent salary (more than double my DH's!)

DH and I have been hit hard with medical, insurance, dental, house-related expenses (so no vacay for us for years now...)

A future trip to DL (DS lives in Calif now) to meet up, we'd split the cost with DS

(Haven't been any vacays since DS turned 18...)

 

[mom2rtk]

With my parents it is sort of a command performance. They book the lodging with their timeshare points and expect us all to go. The trips have been wonderful, I am not complaining. But it has not always been easy for us to join them because we have to fly our family of 4 to the location they chose. It costs a small fortune to fly from Virginia to Hawaii and then there's the cost of food and activities. This summer we can't do the big family Hawaii trip. DS18 will be starting college and DD16 will be in a mandatory summer program for her High School Specialty Center. My parents are so disappointed even though I told them about these commitments two years ago. My parents want their family (children and grandchildren) to vacation with them every so often and I want to give them that experience when I can afford the travel expenses and the time. Nothing needy about it.

That just sounds so presumptuous on the part of your parents. I hope you don't allow them to make you feel guilty for not going, whether you have warned them of conflicts, or whether you just don't want to put your disposable income into the destination they have in mind in a given year.

 

[mommasita]

For me (us) it is as long as we can afford to, and they are willing.. My daughter loves it, and told me she always will.. LOL.. Time will tell..

Last year was the first time my son (18 at the time) didn't want to come cruising with us.. It was so odd a vacation, and I kept thinking of him, and got the text package to communicate with him... I realize that it won't always be the case, but it just felt like he was really missing..

On another note, growing up vacation wasn't something my parents did. My father was too busy with his sports.. When I married I realized it was with my in-laws, and they were so generous with us.. Now we take my father in-law with us on each and every holiday, and love it... My mother in-law is now passed away, and he wouldn't go alone, the memories we have made with him and the kids over the years, you can't put a price sticker on that.. We now pay for him.... Not sure how much longer his health will allow, and that saddens us... To me it is full circle, or can be.. You take your kids, and maybe one day you will need them, and want them to take you..

 

[AC7179]

I've enjoyed reading all the perspectives on this thread.

For our family, we deal with some of the same issues, compounded by the fact that I have a 21 year old step daughter (that has always lived with us and been a part of our nuclear family full time), a 10 year old daughter, and a 3 year old daughter.

My 21 year old has graduated college and works full time in a professional position. She probably makes more money than I do, and has limited expenses. We're very proud of her.

But, now that I've had my youngest daughter, that bumps our party up to either 5 or 6, depending on if my Mom goes along. My mom accompanies us sometimes and chips in financially, which is nice. This March we went on a trip to WDW and we stayed at Bonnet Creek in a time share, so accommodations worked out. We rented a van, which cost more than a car, of course, but that was a fine expense. I did ask the 21 year old to buy her park admission. I don't know if that was the appropriate thing to do, as she was VERY offended and brought it up several times during the trip. But, I work an additional part time job to pay for our trips. She helps me out at the part time job and gets paid for it. It seemed fair to ask her to use that extra money to pay for her ticket, versus me having to work extra hours to buy hers while she spent her money on make up. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do.

I was pricing Disney Cruises earlier in the year. She's been on two of them with us and her middle sister before the little one was born. I was honestly not planning on including her on that one because the cabin sleeps four. Somebody mentioned something to her about it and she went crazy, just couldn't believe we'd consider going without her, but the difference in including her was over 2k, which she didn't want to pay either. I told her I was just pricing them and just let that ship sail (haha) but it seems a little unfair that the baby won't get the same experiences the oldest got because I can't afford to have another adult in the room.

My family was more traditional so my grandmother and mom always took me until I started dating my husband and had a full time job, at which time my grandmother passed away and my mom and I started going halfsies. I didn't have younger siblings, though, so I don't know how that would have played out. I'm pretty sure my grandmother brought my sister until she was 24 or so.

The fact that she's not my biological child plays a part as well, as I'm pretty sensitive to her feeling not included and don't want these kinds of decisions to add to that.

For now, my solution is to just try to find time share places that will accommodate us all. It will keep us from our favorite vacation accommodations, but it's worth it to keep everyone happy.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Are you actually saying that you would go on a family vacation and not take your freshman in college if they could not afford to pay their own way? Even with us paying tuition and them having small part time jobs for incidentals, my children were downright penniless in college. And, they sure could use a little break in the form of a vacation.

Vacation has always been a time to relax and reconnect with my husband and children. I get choked up thinking about the amazing times we have had. So special to be surrounded by the people I love the most in a relaxing environment. I always think "This is what life is about" during any vacation.

I am not being factious, I am honestly asking: How could you even enjoy yourself? Do you just not have a close relationship with your children?

I have a great relationship with all my children, all are over the age of 19 now. Our oldest went to Chicago with my wife and I last summer, but he contributed to the vacation as expected. They have their own money for instances such as this and I don't plan to coddle them and let the world kick them in the butt because they've been "taken care of" and not taught how to be responsible for themselves. I understand we look at this different, but I think it's weird to continue to pay 100% of an adult child's vacation when they should and could contribute in some way.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

That just sounds so presumptuous on the part of your parents. I hope you don't allow them to make you feel guilty for not going, whether you have warned them of conflicts, or whether you just don't want to put your disposable income into the destination they have in mind in a given year.

You are right. We children had to talk to my parents about it. We didn't want to sound ungrateful and we certainly aren't ungrateful, but sometimes finances and time get in the way. My sister had to bail in 2013 due to finances. DH and I are out this time due to college expenses and time commitments. It was hard the first time one of us told my parents we couldn't go, but they get it now. We kids also explained that the trip with them takes ALL our vacation budget and there are couple of other trips we'd like to take with our children before they fly the coop. My sister wants to take her family to Disney World. They live 15 minutes from Disneyland but have not had the $ to travel East. Once my parents understood, they offered her their Wyndham timeshare points so she can stay at Wyndham Bonnet Creek. They did the same for us for my DD's 8th grade graduation gift. They are extremely generous with their timeshare points.

 

[eliza61]

I have a great relationship with all my children, all are over the age of 19 now. Our oldest went to Chicago with my wife and I last summer, but he contributed to the vacation as expected. They have their own money for instances such as this and I don't plan to coddle them and let the world kick them in the butt because they've been "taken care of" and not taught how to be responsible for themselves. I understand we look at this different, but I think it's weird to continue to pay 100% of an adult child's vacation when they should and could contribute in some way.

simply because some of us don't think it's "coddling". I always love how if you do something for your adult children some how they won't be able to "handle" life. LOL seriously. If I take my 24 year old son to disney he's going to have a meltdown at work??? How exactly is the world going to kick their backside. My son handled the death of his father pretty well seems to be able to get out of the house by himself, pay his car note and work.

My kids are going with me on a cruise in May are you saying because I can easily afford the bill somehow my sons will turn into irresponsible people? or should they have offered to pay part of the cruise?

Is that the measure of responsibility? lol

There is no "should" about it. Last night my sister and I went to dinner at Sullivan's steakhouse. great meal. she picked up the tab. I didn't ask her, when the check came she simply said "I got this". guess that makes me an irresponsible adult because I'm way passed adulthood and can certainly afford the dinner.

So I'll totally admit I find all these rules on what makes an "adult" really weird.
Does this rule also extend to gifts? If I give an adult child a birthday gift even if they can buy the item themselves, is that "coodling" them??

I guess I'm not that deep and philosophical, it's pretty simple for my house. IF we can afford it, we will invite our children to vacation with us and pick up the tab. If we cannot afford it we don't. If they can get the time away from school or work they go. they don't expect us to do it and they don't seem to have suffered in the responsible adult department.

My inlaw's live in Lisbon, (well one still does) she invited us to Portugal for Christmas. I think she primarily she is getting old and her son (my dh) lost his battle with cancer so the realization that her family is more important than money is really apparent. they are paying for our airfare (we didn't ask them, I'm assuming it's simply a gift). I will most definitely be on that plane. I am waaaaay over 21.

I apologize for being a little "tongue in cheek" but I really never thought that there were so many ramifications for taking your entire family on vacation including your adult kids.

I know grandparents that take their entire family on holiday and pick up the big items, room and board and airfare. I don't think they view it as coddling, I think the simply love to get their entire family for a very short period of time once a year.

Absolutely nothing weird about that, I hope to be able to do that as long as i'm alive.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I don't plan to coddle them and let the world kick them in the butt because they've been "taken care of" and not taught how to be responsible for themselves.

I don't equate paying for my college aged children to go on vacation with me "coddling". I promise (promise!) you, the world will not kick them in the butt because I treated them to a trip to Hawaii

 

[ronandannette]

Are you actually saying that you would go on a family vacation and not take your freshman in college if they could not afford to pay their own way?...

...I am not being factious, I am honestly asking: How could you even enjoy yourself? Do you just not have a close relationship with your children?

Not the PP you quoted, but yes, that's pretty much what I'd say. Right now we are "in the thick" of trying to get our DS launched into productive, independent adulthood, which has been our ultimate goal as parents since the day he was born. For us that includes gradually withdrawing the provision of things we believe adults should provide for themselves in conjunction with allowing the freedom that comes with those responsibilities. Frankly I'm much more excited about the idea of our son beginning to travel on his own (and on his own dime) to places he's dreamed of and discovering the world on his own terms than I would be about taking him on another family vacation to Disney.

And it might completely flabbergast you to hear that over the years DH and I have vacationed several times without DS because a) our budget was set for 2 not 3; and b) given his age, stage and the destination, the trip was going to be more enjoyable without him. It doesn't make us bad or neglectful parents - we never "owed" him any of that. And although we love him fiercely and consider him our greatest blessing, he is NOT the centre of either our family or our universe for that matter...

 

[eliza61]

Not the PP you quoted, but yes, that's pretty much what I'd say. Right now we are "in the thick" of trying to get our DS launched into productive, independent adulthood, which has been our ultimate goal as parents since the day he was born. For us that includes gradually withdrawing the provision of things we believe adults should provide for themselves in conjunction with allowing the freedom that comes with those responsibilities. Frankly I'm much more excited about the idea of our son beginning to travel on his own (and on his own dime) to places he's dreamed of and discovering the world on his own terms than I would be about taking him on another family vacation to Disney.
..

See here's the really cool thing, human beings, we can do a lot of stuff at the same time.
My son's can travel on their own and own dime AND take up the offer of a family vacation with their parents.

I managed to travel with my mom and travel with my husband. I managed to travel with my sister (on my own dime) and travel with my immediate family and enjoy a free trip from the In-laws.

My son's can treat their mom to a mother's day dinner and still be independent? My oldest is going to Egypt (on his own dime) and on a cruise (on his mother's dime) and still turn out to be a responsible, full productive, giving back member of society.

Who knew? still trying to figure out this correlation between going on a paid vacation with your family and not being able to become an adult???

 

[ronandannette]

See here's the really cool thing, human beings, we can do a lot of stuff at the same time.
My son's can travel on their own and own dime AND take up the offer of a family vacation with their parents.

I managed to travel with my mom and travel with my husband. I managed to travel with my sister (on my own dime) and travel with my immediate family and enjoy a free trip from the In-laws.

My son's can treat their mom to a mother's day dinner and still be independent? My oldest is going to Egypt (on his own dime) and on a cruise (on his mother's dime) and still turn out to be a responsible, full productive, giving back member of society.

Who knew? still trying to figure out this correlation between going on a paid vacation with your family and not being able to become an adult???

Sure, and that's nice for all of you. I'm not the one that's criticizing families that do things differently than we do. In our situation we are consciously making these decisions based on our own best judgement. It doesn't mean we'll never spring for another family vacation; I mentioned way up-thread that we have done that with each of DH's DD's and their families - those were wonderful times and memories I wouldn't trade for the world. But the PP I quoted basically implied that nobody that loves their children and values their family would consider doing what we do. I felt that deserved a response (which, by the way, did NOT judge or scorn anybody that pays for their adult kid's vacations).

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

simply because some of us don't think it's "coddling". I always love how if you do something for your adult children some how they won't be able to "handle" life. LOL seriously. If I take my 24 year old son to disney he's going to have a meltdown at work??? How exactly is the world going to kick their backside. My son handled the death of his father pretty well seems to be able to get out of the house by himself, pay his car note and work.

My kids are going with me on a cruise in May are you saying because I can easily afford the bill somehow my sons will turn into irresponsible people? or should they have offered to pay part of the cruise?

Is that the measure of responsibility? lol

There is no "should" about it. Last night my sister and I went to dinner at Sullivan's steakhouse. great meal. she picked up the tab. I didn't ask her, when the check came she simply said "I got this". guess that makes me an irresponsible adult because I'm way passed adulthood and can certainly afford the dinner.

So I'll totally admit I find all these rules on what makes an "adult" really weird.
Does this rule also extend to gifts? If I give an adult child a birthday gift even if they can buy the item themselves, is that "coodling" them??

I guess I'm not that deep and philosophical, it's pretty simple for my house. IF we can afford it, we will invite our children to vacation with us and pick up the tab. If we cannot afford it we don't. If they can get the time away from school or work they go. they don't expect us to do it and they don't seem to have suffered in the responsible adult department.

My inlaw's live in Lisbon, (well one still does) she invited us to Portugal for Christmas. I think she primarily she is getting old and her son (my dh) lost his battle with cancer so the realization that her family is more important than money is really apparent. they are paying for our airfare (we didn't ask them, I'm assuming it's simply a gift). I will most definitely be on that plane. I am waaaaay over 21.

I apologize for being a little "tongue in cheek" but I really never thought that there were so many ramifications for taking your entire family on vacation including your adult kids.

I know grandparents that take their entire family on holiday and pick up the big items, room and board and airfare. I don't think they view it as coddling, I think the simply love to get their entire family for a very short period of time once a year.

Absolutely nothing weird about that, I hope to be able to do that as long as i'm alive.

I'm saying what I feel. Thought that was pretty clear.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I don't equate paying for my college aged children to go on vacation with me "coddling". I promise (promise!) you, the world will not kick them in the butt because I treated them to a trip to Hawaii

Those are your thoughts and feelings. We simply don't share them.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Those are your thoughts and feelings. We simply don't share them.

We don't share them for sure. I raised my children in a manner that a paid vacation for a college aged student will not result in the "world kicking their butt". I can't fathom raising a child to be that weak and vulnerable to the point where they would be ruined by a paid vacation.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Frankly I'm much more excited about the idea of our son beginning to travel on his own (and on his own dime) to places he's dreamed of and discovering the world on his own terms than I would be about taking him on another family vacation to Disney.

I am very excited for my children to go and explore the world on their own as well. But, they are in college right now, and we want them to treat that as their full time jobs. Getting a 4.0 is their pay.

They do have limited part time jobs that could never finance the trips that we take. So, for now, we pay. And we pay with a smile.

They will travel on their own dime soon. But, until then, if we have the money (and they are poor students), why not pay?

 

[eliza61]

I'm saying what I feel. Thought that was pretty clear.

apologies.

It just brought up some interesting questions.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

We don't share them for sure. I raised my children in a manner that a paid vacation for a college aged student will not result in the "world kicking their butt". I can't fathom raising a child to be that weak and vulnerable to the point where they would be ruined by a paid vacation.

You are either intentionally missing my point, most likely, or you fail to grasp that other parents can and will do things differently when it comes to raising their children. Either way, have fun with it.

Also, my children are far from poor so there is no need for me to pay for their vacation. If they choose to come they have the funds to do so.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

apologies.

It just brought up some interesting questions.

No problem. I can clearly see and respect that you have a different opinion. I'm not going to try to explain myself on these issues because I know what happens to people who try to do so around here.