At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I invite my kids all the time. Last year, we went to Spain, and I paid for their airfare. But, that is because I could afford it, and they can't, and it's important to me that they go because we have family there.

My daughter has been to almost all of the Disapalooza events with me, but my son has been too busy with work. This year we're all going camping together, and they'll share in the groceries expense. My son will ask me what his portion of lodging, etc., is. My daughter usually doesn't ask, but if I tell her that she'll pay a share, she has no problem with it. I always present the vacations with their expected costs up front, so they know what they're getting in to. We have a Disapalooza 2015 this December, and my daughter already told me she'll go. I told her airfare is her responsibility, while I'll get the hotel and taxi (or car rental), since I would have got that anyway. Same thing for my son & his girlfriend, if they go with us.

Also, Podcast Cruise 6.0 is coming up in Dec 2016, and I told them that they're invited if they want to come, but are responsible for their own airfare, and their portion of the cruise fare, after the $500 deposit I paid. Since passengers 2,3,4 are 1/2 off, they are getting a great rate. My daughter gave a resounding YES, and my son is thinking about it. He HATES to commit to vacations very far in advance. I'm including him & his girlfriend, but they may drop out. That's okay. I want to give them the options, because I enjoy spending time with them, but am okay if they drop out.

 

[Darcy03231]

You're supposed to stop? LOL

I would say this is a personal decision based on your family and finances. We sometimes take our adult children and other times we don't. Sometimes we cover the cost of everything, sometimes we cover part of the costs (like when renting a house at the beach - - we'll cover the cost of the house but the kids are responsible for their own travel costs, etc.), and sometimes they cover their own costs (this is when they find out we're going somewhere and want to join us, we haven't "invited" them). I will say that all of our children are out of the house at this point, three have significant others and one is married.

When we had younger children living at home and older ones out of the house we sometimes would travel with just the minor ones. There's a 10 year age difference between the oldest and the youngest. We would invite the older kids and if they could make it they would, depending on their schedules.

 

[5kidsmommy]

Well our Disney trips are always scheduled while school is in session because we homeschool so we have no need to go during busy season. Our oldest son is now off at college on the other side of the country. Next trip he won't be going. We are going to see him this summer, he lives in his college town full time. And during the summer he is taking a week off work and we are taking him to the Grand Canyon. No it's not Disney but we include him when we can.

If we planned a vacation to Disney during a time when he didn't have school I'd gladly take him.

 

[lustergirl]

I am trying to get my older son to go on our September disney trip this year. I will pay for it even. I just like his company.

 

[Pugsly]

We are taking DS with us to England this summer. He's been out of college for a year and money is still pretty tight for him. He will pay for any of his souvenirs and plans to pay for at least one tour for the 3 of us. He will likely also pay for a meal or two for the 3 of us. He was invited since we are going to surprise one of our friends for her 90th b-day and she and DS have a special relationship.

We've vacationed with my step son and his fiancée and they offered to pay their own way. We would gladly do a trip with my step daughter/her husband/granddaughter and know we would pay for it.

 

[ChristmasElf]

We travel constantly and sometimes all the kids go and sometimes work or school get in the way. Our oldest (28) adult son moved back into the house recently to save money to attend law school. He doesn't go on all the trips as he works full time while attending classes and doesn't always even want to go unless its somewhere "good" as he puts it!
Although it does cost extra money for him to go, I would never want him to not feel included.
Its tough when the kids are in college and or working to get everyone together as a family as sometimes the dates don't work for them. Enjoy the family vacations while you can

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

When I was in college in Virginia, my family lived in California. Part of our family tradition was to take a trip every Easter Break. I couldn't go on these trips while I was in college. My breaks did not coincide with Easter week and I lived too far away. I did join my family for most summer vacations though.

DH and I are in our late 40s. Both my husband's parents and my parents have continued the whole family vacation tradition with all their children and grandchildren. My parents cover the lodging with their millions of timeshare points and usually take the family out for a nice meal or two and one activity like a luau or tour. We kids cover our own transportation, food and rest of activity expenses. DH's parents paid for a beach condo each summer until they retired a couple of years ago. Then we all chipped in to cover the rental. Everyone paid for their own travel and activity expenses. We split food costs and took turns cooking. His parents treated to a nice dinner one night.

Our parents don't invite us on every trip they take. With DH's family it's usually once a year - always the beach. We vacation with my parents & siblings every other year - we've done Lake Tahoe, Mexico, Hawaii 3x, Grand Canyon & Sedona - awesome trips!

 

[usd2bmd]

We only have one daughter but as long as she wants to go with us she will be welcome to. She is 19 and we have only taken one vacation without her and although we both enjoyed it, we also knew that something just wasn't right. My husband and I considered going on the Podcast Cruise in December 2016, but that would be right in the middle of finals and when my daughter said she wanted to go with us, we all decided that it wouldn't work with all of our schedules so we wouldn't go. I feel bad for you, but honestly I feel worse for your son. I can't imagine feeling like your family is planning a trip and didn't intend for you to go.

 

[usd2bmd]

My DH and I are discussing a November trip to WDW, we have 4 children, ages at the time of trip will be 20, 13, 11 and 9. We have decided to go in November because we really want to see all of the Christmas decorations and this is the first time my DH will be able to get away from work at that time of year. DS 19 will be in school, DH and I kinda assumed that he would not be going with us this year. My DS asked me the other day if we were taking a trip this year and I told him that we were thinking November, I think he assumes that he will be going. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we weren't planning on him going because we figured he'd have school. Also by him not going we will be saving a lot, in airfare, tickets and food. I hate to sound cheap and say we aren't bringing him because of the cost but realistically, it does come into play. We are all going to the Outer Banks this summer so it's not like he will never vacation with us again. DH and I both were talking about it and said that our parents went on vacations all of the time when we were in college but we didn't have younger siblings going with them so it's a little different. So my question is, do we suck it up, allow him to miss school and go with us or do we figure a way to nicely tell him that we weren't planning on him going? I hate to make him left out of the loop so my mom guilt is kicking in overdrive

I think what sticks out to me is that you and your husband "kinda assumed" and you think he "assumes" he's going. Why didn't you just talk about it? I come from a large family and I would have been hurt to find out my parents planned a trip when they assumed I couldn't go, but never actually talked to me about it.

 

[jrmasm]

I think what sticks out to me is that you and your husband "kinda assumed" and you think he "assumes" he's going. Why didn't you just talk about it? I come from a large family and I would have been hurt to find out my parents planned a trip when they assumed I couldn't go, but never actually talked to me about it.

If I planned a trip when my college aged kid has class, there would be no assuming of anything. That kid wouldn't be invited because he/she belongs in class.

 

[figment80]

My parents always included me in their trips even after I graduated from college. There was never a question of taking me or not I was always included unless it conflicted with school or I did not have vacation time available. Even after my father passed 6 1/2 years ago mom and I still plan vacations every year. She pays for the trip and airplane tickets. And then will alternate who pays for any meals that we have to pay for (we do a lot of tour groups, so meals are included at lot times) and then I pay for my own souviners. We joke that it is my payment for everything help with around the house.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.

With my parents it is sort of a command performance. They book the lodging with their timeshare points and expect us all to go. The trips have been wonderful, I am not complaining. But it has not always been easy for us to join them because we have to fly our family of 4 to the location they chose. It costs a small fortune to fly from Virginia to Hawaii and then there's the cost of food and activities. This summer we can't do the big family Hawaii trip. DS18 will be starting college and DD16 will be in a mandatory summer program for her High School Specialty Center. My parents are so disappointed even though I told them about these commitments two years ago. My parents want their family (children and grandchildren) to vacation with them every so often and I want to give them that experience when I can afford the travel expenses and the time. Nothing needy about it.

 

[aprilchem]

I stopped going on vacation with my family when I went away to college. We have taken my mother on vacation with us a couple of times (and paid her way), but I would never expect her to take me on vacation. When I left for college I sort of felt like any obligation they had to do those sort of things for me was done.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

With my parents it is sort of a command performance. They book the lodging with their timeshare points and expect us all to go. The trips have been wonderful, I am not complaining. But it has not always been easy for us to join them because we have to fly our family of 4 to the location they chose. It costs a small fortune to fly from Virginia to Hawaii and then there's the cost of food and activities. This summer we can't do the big family Hawaii trip. DS18 will be starting college and DD16 will be in a mandatory summer program for her High School Specialty Center. My parents are so disappointed even though I told them about these commitments two years ago. My parents want their family (children and grandchildren) to vacation with them every so often and I want to give them that experience when I can afford the travel expenses and the time. Nothing needy about it.

Your situation and description sounds much, much different than many of the other replies to this thread. You are contributing a great deal financially for these trips based on what you've written. I think what you've described is not exactly what I was writing about and certainly doesn't sound needy in the way that some of the others do.

 

[lustergirl]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.

Not sure if I am included in your thoughts but here are mine: my son is in the marine reserves and any chance I get to spend with him the better. I wouldn't call that needy.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.

Haha! I am needy. As in, I NEED to spend time with my children I have a young college grad. He would never expect me to pay for his vacation. But, he does not have the money to finance where we go as a family.

Last year, we went to Hawaii. He was not in a position to even pay for the airfare, let alone food and lodging. And I would be heartbroken if we were all together, yet one child was missing. So, of course I paid for him. It was a wonderful time and the memories were worth every penny.

I love being together with ALL of my children, no matter what their age. I will gladly pay if that means they can come.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

 

[Mickeyluver37]

This is all so interesting to me. I don't understand why an adult would expect their parents to continue to pay for vacations no matter what the circumstances, such as college. Unless it's a very special occasion, I'd expect an adult to decline such an offer. This all sounds very needy on many different levels in my opinion.

Not even college? Are you also going under the assumption that this adult is paying their own way through college? I know families are different- heck- DH and I got married at 18. But my daughter just turned 18 last week, and nothing magically changed. She's still in HS, she still abides by our rules, AND we're still paying for everything. As far as I can see with other families we know in the same situation, this is the norm. They aren't really adults in the independent sense yet.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Not even college? Are you also going under the assumption that this adult is paying their own way through college? I know families are different- heck- DH and I got married at 18. But my daughter just turned 18 last week, and nothing magically changed. She's still in HS, she still abides by our rules, AND we're still paying for everything. As far as I can see with other families we know in the same situation, this is the norm. They aren't really adults in the independent sense yet.

No, not even college. Their college is paid for by money given to them for that reason many years ago, so no, they are not paying their way through college. Yes, I agree that every family is different and I won't spend my money giving adults a vacation whether they're my adult children or not. That's just how I feel about it honestly.