At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[Happy Snowman]

Here is my situation. I have 3 girls. At our time of travel ages will be 23, 11 and 6. 23 year old is not in college and works full time as a patient care tech (with full benefits). She does not live at home. We offered to upgrade to a room that would accomodate all of us (3 adults and 2 kids in a standard hotel room with 1 bathroom seems unreasonable) if she would contribute $1000. (this $1000 would cover her airfare, food, hotel and park tickets for a 7 night/6 day WDW trip). We had to upgrade and spend quite a lot more than we were planning to spend so we could all go and be comfortable. She text me today and said she isn't going to be able to go and I know she is mad at me for not footing the entire trip. Am I unreasonable....really, please tell me if I am??

Totally reasonable I think. You can afford what you can afford and if you gave her enough time to save, oh well. Like other's have said, welcome to being an adult where you have to make hard choices because of your bank account.

 

[eliza61]

If I was paying for the younger ones I would pay for the older one too- I can't imagine not taking my daughter on a family vacation just because she is older than the others!

that's me also, JStarnella, did you invite her???

My son is 24 now he is a college student and he also works but if I ask him does he want to go on vacation with his brother and me, then I'm footing the bill.

Age IMO really does play much into it. My parents had a time share in Aruba when they asked if we (my siblings and I) wanted to vacation with them they usually footed the bill,
especially when I was a stay at home mom.

Now I don't think you're unreasonable because you are trying to find a way to make it comfortable for everyone while staying on budget.

 

[McKelly]

Totally reasonable I think. You can afford what you can afford and if you gave her enough time to save, oh well. Like other's have said, welcome to being an adult where you have to make hard choices because of your bank account.

I agree with this poster.

 

[JSTARNELLA]

that's me also, JStarnella, did you invite her???

My son is 24 now he is a college student and he also works but if I ask him does he want to go on vacation with his brother and me, then I'm footing the bill.

Age IMO really does play much into it. My parents had a time share in Aruba when they asked if we (my siblings and I) wanted to vacation with them they usually footed the bill,
especially when I was a stay at home mom.

Now I don't think you're unreasonable because you are trying to find a way to make it comfortable for everyone while staying on budget.

Thank you for your insight! We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

In an attempt to defend myself a bit---she has no personal expenses at all. She lives with her boyfriend in his mothers home. Her car is paid for and her dad pays for her insurance and phone bill. She and her boyfriend live a very luxurious lifestyle---far beyond what my husband and I live. Meanwhile, my husband and I have been saving for this trip for 2 years and we've made a lot of personal sacrifices along the way. We took her to Disney when she was 12, 15 and 17 years old. If cost weren't such a factor, I absolutely would pay her way. Also, I also told her that if she could not afford that as an option that I would give her the cash I would have otherwise spent for her to go so she could use that as a partial downpayment on a car she is saving for.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Paying for my children and their families would be entirely too cost prohibitive for my wife and I at this point in our life together.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

That strikes me as more than reasonable. When I was 23 I was a newlywed working two jobs and had siblings much younger than me. My parents took them to Disney a couple of times, and it never upset me; I was an adult living on my own! I suspect my dad probably would have made a similar offer to yours but knew it wouldn't be remotely affordable for me, which was 100% the case.

 

[Colleen27]

Thank you for your insight! We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

In an attempt to defend myself a bit---she has no personal expenses at all. She lives with her boyfriend in his mothers home. Her car is paid for and her dad pays for her insurance and phone bill. She and her boyfriend live a very luxurious lifestyle---far beyond what my husband and I live. Meanwhile, my husband and I have been saving for this trip for 2 years and we've made a lot of personal sacrifices along the way. We took her to Disney when she was 12, 15 and 17 years old. If cost weren't such a factor, I absolutely would pay her way. Also, I also told her that if she could not afford that as an option that I would give her the cash I would have otherwise spent for her to go so she could use that as a partial downpayment on a car she is saving for.

You're being much more generous than I'd be under those circumstances. If the travel budget was that tight in my home, I wouldn't have extended an invitation for a subsidized vacation to an independent adult child at all. And I certainly wouldn't be offering her cash for deciding not to go.

Generally I think when kids are grown, living on their own, and supporting themselves, including them on family vacations should be thought of as of a gift rather than a given. There's no reason to feel guilty if your finances limit what you're able to give. She isn't a child, she isn't a dependent, she's a grown woman living on her own. She can decide for herself if vacationing is worth spending her own money on.

 

[diz8297]

We have DVC. My oldest is 19 and I hope to have many more vacations with both of my kids!

 

[ronandannette]

If I was paying for the younger ones I would pay for the older one too- I can't imagine not taking my daughter on a family vacation just because she is older than the others!

DH's daughters were grown and in households of their own before we started travelling with DS who is 18 years younger. While we have hosted a "family" vacation for each of them and their children - one time only - it wouldn't even cross our minds to include them in any of our annual travel plans.

 

[Minniesgal]

I would take my kids for as long as they were willing to go. We will spend enough years without them.

However, DD 20 and DS 16 are don coming to Disney with us so only the youngest 11 still wants to come.

I'd say if he wants to go take him and enjoy it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you for your insight! We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

In an attempt to defend myself a bit---she has no personal expenses at all. She lives with her boyfriend in his mothers home. Her car is paid for and her dad pays for her insurance and phone bill. She and her boyfriend live a very luxurious lifestyle---far beyond what my husband and I live. Meanwhile, my husband and I have been saving for this trip for 2 years and we've made a lot of personal sacrifices along the way. We took her to Disney when she was 12, 15 and 17 years old. If cost weren't such a factor, I absolutely would pay her way. Also, I also told her that if she could not afford that as an option that I would give her the cash I would have otherwise spent for her to go so she could use that as a partial downpayment on a car she is saving for.

There is no "right or wrong" way here. No need to defend yourself.

My oldest is moved out with her BF. Now she could not afford to come up with any cash to vacation with us and if I did invite her, we would pay her way. That being said, she would not go anyway, lol.

My youngest is 18 and she MIGHT go with us if she is interested in our destination place, provided she is not in school or has other plans.

So....bottom line, dh and I are done with vacationing with kids for the most part. We hope to go somewhere nice for our 25th anniversary this yr, provided our finances stay on target.

 

[JoeA]

I am taking my two daughters (27 and 25) and their BF's to HI this year, along with mom and MiL.

And my wife are going to FL solo in Dec.

I don't think there is a right way or wrong way. If you can afford it and want their company take them. If you can't really afford it then that's cool, too. I see no reason why anyone should be obligated to pay for vacations for adult children.

And then there are times when you want some alone time with your spouse so you can swing naked from the chandelier! Kids need to stay away from that!

 

[MomofKatie]

Thank you for your insight! We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

In an attempt to defend myself a bit---she has no personal expenses at all. She lives with her boyfriend in his mothers home. Her car is paid for and her dad pays for her insurance and phone bill. She and her boyfriend live a very luxurious lifestyle---far beyond what my husband and I live. Meanwhile, my husband and I have been saving for this trip for 2 years and we've made a lot of personal sacrifices along the way. We took her to Disney when she was 12, 15 and 17 years old. If cost weren't such a factor, I absolutely would pay her way. Also, I also told her that if she could not afford that as an option that I would give her the cash I would have otherwise spent for her to go so she could use that as a partial downpayment on a car she is saving for.

No need to defend yourself. IMO, she is an adult, out on her own. She can pay for her own vacation costs. Frankly, I think paying for her insurance, phone and car down payment when she CLEARLY has a great amount of extra discretionary income of her own is more than I would do.

We each have our own opinions and way of doing things within our own families. Some can afford to spend the $$ on adult children, some can't (or don't feel it appropriate). Nobody is wrong- just different styles of parenting.

 

[Hrhpd]

Here is my situation. I have 3 girls. At our time of travel ages will be 23, 11 and 6. 23 year old is not in college and works full time as a patient care tech (with full benefits). She does not live at home. We offered to upgrade to a room that would accomodate all of us (3 adults and 2 kids in a standard hotel room with 1 bathroom seems unreasonable) if she would contribute $1000. (this $1000 would cover her airfare, food, hotel and park tickets for a 7 night/6 day WDW trip). We had to upgrade and spend quite a lot more than we were planning to spend so we could all go and be comfortable. She text me today and said she isn't going to be able to go and I know she is mad at me for not footing the entire trip. Am I unreasonable....really, please tell me if I am??

I would sacrifice a few of the upgrades so she could go.

 

[mom2rtk]

Take her. Don't take her. As everyone said, there's no right answer. Just be prepared to do the same for your younger ones when they get to be this age.

 

[NHdisneylover]

JSTARNELLA--I am another who thinks you have gone over and above with your offers and with agreeing to give her the money you would have spent upgrading the room for her to do something else with.

I assume she had a childhood of family vacations. Your other two also deserve a childhood of family vacations (if it is financially possible). She doesn't also have yome weird right to the first 15 years of adult of family vacations just becuase she has younger siblings (would the youngest then not get any adult vacatons paid for since there would be no little one going without her then?). It has to stop somewhere. 23 and on her own is well into a reasonable stop point, IMO

 

[Disney Doll]

For the record, I would never tell him that I couldn't afford to take him, if he really wants to go and can take the time from classes than I will spend the extra money and gladly bring him.

Well then what's the problem? Tell him when the dates are and ask him if he is going to be able to come based on his schedule.

If he says yes, then you take him. If he says no, then you've asked so he knows you want him There but its his schedule precluding but.

 

[hsmamato2]

Here is my situation. I have 3 girls. At our time of travel ages will be 23, 11 and 6. 23 year old is not in college and works full time as a patient care tech (with full benefits). She does not live at home. We offered to upgrade to a room that would accomodate all of us (3 adults and 2 kids in a standard hotel room with 1 bathroom seems unreasonable) if she would contribute $1000. (this $1000 would cover her airfare, food, hotel and park tickets for a 7 night/6 day WDW trip). We had to upgrade and spend quite a lot more than we were planning to spend so we could all go and be comfortable. She text me today and said she isn't going to be able to go and I know she is mad at me for not footing the entire trip. Am I unreasonable....really, please tell me if I am??

Not mean.... reasonable. It's how we help them grow up a bit. As long as the offer is there, she knows that you want her,even if she can't do it right now.

 

[JanaDee]

Thank you for your insight! We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

In an attempt to defend myself a bit---she has no personal expenses at all. She lives with her boyfriend in his mothers home. Her car is paid for and her dad pays for her insurance and phone bill. She and her boyfriend live a very luxurious lifestyle---far beyond what my husband and I live. Meanwhile, my husband and I have been saving for this trip for 2 years and we've made a lot of personal sacrifices along the way. We took her to Disney when she was 12, 15 and 17 years old. If cost weren't such a factor, I absolutely would pay her way. Also, I also told her that if she could not afford that as an option that I would give her the cash I would have otherwise spent for her to go so she could use that as a partial downpayment on a car she is saving for.

Is this your stepdaughter?

 

[SirDuff]

I would sacrifice a few of the upgrades so she could go.

I read it that the upgrades were only done to accommodate her - like getting a bigger room.