At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

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Is there a time limit on them fully supporting themselves? What if a child decided to become a life long student? Or who doesn't have much motivation? Or finds a job, but makes some poor life choices and it ends up not being enough to support themselves on and travel (even if they have a family themselves). I'm not trying to single you out, but these are thoughts floating around my head. I know some families where one sibling moved out, got married & has been self supporting their entire adult life, where another sibling hasn't made great life choices, has gotten themselves into some financial binds and can't afford the same things as sibling A. Even going as far as moving back in with the parent - and has had very few years where they could be considered self supporting. Does one get to go on a paid vacation with the family and the other have to pay their own way?

Like I said earlier, I don't know what we'll do as our kids get older, but this has definitely been an enlightening discussion.

Of course there will be a time limit, I'm not going to be funding vacations for my 35 year old slacker living in my basement ;)

I expect, that after graduating college an AA(S) or BA(S) that my kids will be able to support themselves. As long as they are still relying on me for tuition, room & board, and food then I have no problem including family vacations in there too. Once that ends, and it will after a BA then they are on their own so to speak. It will be their choice to continue their education or go out and get a job. If my kids decide to become lifelong students, then they are going to be the ones responsible for supporting themselves while doing so, so they will be invited but it will be on their dime.
I'm not going to feel guilty "leaving behind" and adult child if I take my youngest away on vacation. (By adult I mean one who is no longer living with or being supported by me)

If certain circumstances happen, we'll just cross that bridge when and if we come to it. I'm not opposed to gifting vacations especially under certain circumstances, but I'm not going to be a personal vacation fund to my kids for the rest of their lives.
 
My parents went away on a week long trip to FL with my younger siblings while I was a Jr or Sr in college...

I survived and didnt think anything about it from what I remember --- although that was 20 years ago.

After I got married a year after college...I've taken exactly 1 vacation with my parents....2 years ago when they took all the kids/grandkids to Disney.

My parents vacation regularly but that's the only time they've included any of us "kids" with them -- unless it was an overnight for something like camping.

My kids are HS age or younger now, but I dont think we will be planning our vacation trips around the kids and their lives when they are older.
 
Well, for me personally, family is family, & you take everyone's schedules into consideration when planning a family vacation.

I know this isn't always feasible, but I'd at least try.

And I'm saying this for when our children are still living w/ us as young adults - not after they're grown & have moved out of our house w/ families of their own. But, while they're still living w/ us, if we plan a family vacation, we'll plan it for a time everyone can come. (That said, I also look forward to the times when we can have big family vacations with our grown children, their spouses, & our grandchildren!)

And sometimes that means you go at more inconvenient times.

My sister is 3 1/2 years younger than I am, so I was in college while she was still in high school. My parents always planned family vacations that worked w/ both of our schedules. When I was in high school, I always had a week of cheerleading camp & a week of volleyball camp during the summer, & they never scheduled a family trip during those weeks. After I was in college, they never scheduled a family trip that coincided w/ one of my sister's high school breaks but didn't also fit my college schedule.

I got married when I was 21. They didn't start NOT taking my schedule into consideration until I was married & had a home of my own. Even then, if they were planning a family trip, they'd still consult us & invite us (DH & myself) to join them. And, like many other PPs, they'd often end up paying - at least for our lodging.

But different families have different dynamics. :)

While dd was in college she never had any time off the same time as her brothers except the two weeks they were off for Christmas break. The is no way I would vacation those two weeks as it is family time. We travel across the state at Christmas to see my family that we see once a year and that is more important than a vacation. Dd would not take time off from her summer job or she would not have been able to pay for school. We are those horrible parents who make their children pay for college, but that is another thread.

So were we to not take any vacations? Crazy thinking if you ask me. As much as my dd loves Disney she understood she could not come with us because of college. I am glad she did not act like a spoiled brat about it. Guess we raised her right.
 

This isn't as black and white as I originally thought, lol. When I first read the OP I thought, sure I'd still count my son still in college. But then I thought what about our 25 yr old. He is financially independent in that we don't give him $ or still claim him as a dependent but he works for a cruiseline and away for 6 months at a time and when he is off, he comes back home. We see no reason for him to pay for an apartment when he is home for 6-8 weeks at a time and then gone again for 6 months. It hasn't worked out yet that we have vacationed when he's off but if he were, we would be okay with him coming with us. We would pay for a vacation rental but not necessarily for his personal expenses. Although if we all went to dinner, we usually pay the full bill. Yeah, I don't think I have a definitely age or situation that is our bottom line - no vacation for you! Definitely a gray area for us.
 
I figure if I am nice to my kids now, they will be nice to me when they pick the nursing home they put me in.
 
But in the OP's case, the oldest expressed interest in going on the trip, and asked about it. Clearly he wants to go. In this case, if the whole family is going, why would you purposely exclude the oldest even after he expressed interest? That would be heartbreaking to me. The OP thinks its easier if he doesnt come, because they want to save some money. I understand vacations arent cheap, but i'd try to make it work.

As another poster said, i'd continue to take my kids until they have fulltime jobs and can support themselves. But while theyre in school, yep, i'll be glad to take them and pay for it. Cause i figure, how much longer will you have that opportunity to have family trips with EVERYONE there?

As an adult I want to go lots of places. Sometimes I dont get what I want be it a family vacation, new shoes, etc.

Part of growing up is realizing I don't always get what I want.

I don't see it as "heartbreaking". Its just a reality of getting older and starting your own life not tied to your parents.
 
While dd was in college she never had any time off the same time as her brothers except the two weeks they were off for Christmas break. The is no way I would vacation those two weeks as it is family time. We travel across the state at Christmas to see my family that we see once a year and that is more important than a vacation. Dd would not take time off from her summer job or she would not have been able to pay for school. We are those horrible parents who make their children pay for college, but that is another thread.

So were we to not take any vacations? Crazy thinking if you ask me. As much as my dd loves Disney she understood she could not come with us because of college. I am glad she did not act like a spoiled brat about it. Guess we raised her right.

Totally agree. I think some posters in this thread are a great example of how parents continue to cater to their children even into adulthood, when they should be well past the age of being catered to.
 
As an adult I want to go lots of places. Sometimes I dont get what I want be it a family vacation, new shoes, etc.

Part of growing up is realizing I don't always get what I want.

I don't see it as "heartbreaking". Its just a reality of getting older and starting your own life not tied to your parents.

:thumbsup2

Really guys, you're adult kids all expect "equal" treatment? LOL My mother often took my sister and I on weekend vacations, first of all my brothers wouldn't have dreamed of thinking they should also get a vacations neither did they expect equal compensation.

When we got older my parents would book a vacation and then invite us. those who could go, went, those who couldn't go didn't and they sure as heck didn't expect some one to plan another vacation just because they missed out on the first one.

next year, we plan on going to Vegas for Christmas, my oldest works for UPS so it's a good bet he won't be able to get the time off. Am I supposed ot book another vacation just because he has to work.
 
Oh no! I'm scared after reading this thread. My DH and I are only children. We have 3 kids. This is going to be a nightmare to deal with, especially since two are twins.

My gut response is that all our included as long as they live with us as dependents (so a college student would count)...for a family vacation. But I wouldn't schedule everything around the oldest one. Also, our oldest went to WDW twice and Disneyland twice before the other two came along.
 
I think it depends on the family.

My sister and I are 5 years apart. We always vacationed during February vacation. When I was a freshman in college my parents and my sister still went during February vacation. I took a day or two off from school and came down for a few days. I assume they paid because I didn't have a job during my freshman year.

Once I was out on my own I still went with them. They usually got us flights as a Christmas gift and paid for a meal or two during the trip. We split accommodations since we are both DVC members.

This trip we're all going, mom, dad, sister and brother in law, my nephew, my husband, our son and myself. We're all staying at the Treehouse Villas so my parents paid for the first 4 nights and we paid for the last 5.

They buy my sister and brother in law's park tickets because they watch their dogs for them while they are gone for two months and it's much cheaper than the kennel. They'll pay for a meal and I'm sure they'll buy the kids something too but other than that we're on our own. Since my parents and I split the resort stay my sister and brother in law pay for our rental car. They really get a great deal on this but we've told them that next year they either need to have their own points so we can get a grand villa or they need to pay cash for their own room.

We all travel separately at some point during the year, but we always do one trip together. We travel pretty well together. We even shared a hotel room with my sister, brother in law and nephew when we went on a quick trip this summer and we'll share a room at the airport the night before our flight too.

OP, I think I'd offer the trip to him. If you trust him as a student let him decide if he can miss class or not. Let him choose what dates he can come. I've had classes with easy going professors who wouldn't mind as long as I did the work. I've also had a professor who took things so seriously that she tried to dock my final class grade by 10 points when I missed the final because I was in the hospital having a miscarriage even though my husband called her before the final to tell her and I had documentation from the doctor.
 
Heck - I was an adult (not married yet) with a full time job and got to talking with my folks about places we never went together when the light went on that we could take that long national park road trip that never happened when I was younger.

It was great, although my father always insisted on driving. He claimed that someone else driving would give him motion sickness.

I planned the whole thing with some of their input. I paid for all the lodging and did all the reservations myself. The end of the trip was open ended and we ended up staying in Las Vegas without a reservation as well as found one of the last motel rooms available on a particular night.

It was great. However, I'd say that I was responsible for the majority of the cost. They covered the gas, drove their car, and paid for the meals. Not quite National Lampoon's Vacation crazy, but my mom got to see a lot of places that she always heard about (Yellowstone, Grand Canyon) but never visited. I also took her to places she'd never heard of, and after seeing them wondering why she never heard of them. She probably had no idea where Moab was and never heard of Zion but came away impressed.
 
Well I'm 37 and in my 30s my mom has taken our family of four on two all expenses paid trips, one to Disney. And my in laws bought a time share in the last 10 years with the express purpose of taking their kids on vacation, so we've gone somewhere with them most years, but in that case they only cover lodging.
 
Not only do I take them as long as they are/were living at home - two now married (both pretty recent) and I still help out when we take certain vacations together.

Having said that - dh and I started to take a vacation - us only - a few years ago (oldest was 25) in addition to a family vacation same year.
 
As an adult I want to go lots of places. Sometimes I dont get what I want be it a family vacation, new shoes, etc.

Part of growing up is realizing I don't always get what I want.

I don't see it as "heartbreaking". Its just a reality of getting older and starting your own life not tied to your parents.

I have to disagree. The adult in question is currently living at home. It has apparently never been discussed that at Age X you will be left out of family vacations, or have to fend for yourself.

I can't imagine doing what the OP wants to do, and not having a talk about it with the child before. Seems cruel to me. And pretty heartless. At least have a chat about it, and maybe they can fly down to meet you for part of the trip. But I would expect the parent to fund it, if this whole subject hasn't been discussed before hand.
 
I have to disagree. The adult in question is currently living at home. It has apparently never been discussed that at Age X you will be left out of family vacations, or have to fend for yourself.

I can't imagine doing what the OP wants to do, and not having a talk about it with the child before. Seems cruel to me. And pretty heartless. At least have a chat about it, and maybe they can fly down to meet you for part of the trip. But I would expect the parent to fund it, if this whole subject hasn't been discussed before hand.

Yes this was the point im trying to make too. I agree.
 
Thanks for all of the responses!

Again contrary to what others may think, I am not heartless, I do love vacationing with all of my children and look forward to many more years in doing so. Maybe I should have worded my title differently :rolleyes:

As I stated previously, I loved the suggestions of having DS fly down for a few days of our vacation. In fact, DH and I sat down and talked with him last night and told him about the trip that we'd like to take. He was completely understanding and really liked the idea of coming down for a long weekend, doing Universal (which was the main reason he wanted to go) and a couple of days at MK and Epcot. He knows that it would be near impossible to miss so many days of school, but a long weekend is doable. He also understands why we want to go at that time of year and doesn't begrudge us for planning a vacation at a time he's in school. Like I've said in other posts, he doesn't ever get left out and in fact DH and he have gone on many trips without the other children and I to attend football and baseball games. Thankfully I have a really great son who appreciates all we do for him and doesn't just expect it.

As for others who have parents who still continue to take them on vacations well into adulthood, it's great that you have that! My parents have both passed, as has my FIL so DH and I just have my MIL. While she could definitely could afford to take us all on vacation, she never has nor have we ever expected her to. In fact we would probably be more inclined to pay for her. We have traveled to Disney with her several times and she has always paid her own airfare and room. For the beach trip we are taking this summer, we are splitting the cost of the house we are renting with DH's brother and we are not charging my MIL to stay. She may pick up a dinner out but that's about it. And let me say that my MIL is in no way cheap, she is overly generous at Christmas and birthdays.

I don't know what we will do in the future with our children when they are all adults, as I've said we have a special needs DS who will be with us so yes I will always pay for his vacations. If we can afford it, I'd love to take everyone on vacation, but it don't see it being a yearly thing.
 
Thanks for all of the responses!

Again contrary to what others may think, I am not heartless, I do love vacationing with all of my children and look forward to many more years in doing so. Maybe I should have worded my title differently :rolleyes:

As I stated previously, I loved the suggestions of having DS fly down for a few days of our vacation. In fact, DH and I sat down and talked with him last night and told him about the trip that we'd like to take. He was completely understanding and really liked the idea of coming down for a long weekend, doing Universal (which was the main reason he wanted to go) and a couple of days at MK and Epcot. He knows that it would be near impossible to miss so many days of school, but a long weekend is doable. He also understands why we want to go at that time of year and doesn't begrudge us for planning a vacation at a time he's in school. Like I've said in other posts, he doesn't ever get left out and in fact DH and he have gone on many trips without the other children and I to attend football and baseball games. Thankfully I have a really great son who appreciates all we do for him and doesn't just expect it.

As for others who have parents who still continue to take them on vacations well into adulthood, it's great that you have that! My parents have both passed, as has my FIL so DH and I just have my MIL. While she could definitely could afford to take us all on vacation, she never has nor have we ever expected her to. In fact we would probably be more inclined to pay for her. We have traveled to Disney with her several times and she has always paid her own airfare and room. For the beach trip we are taking this summer, we are splitting the cost of the house we are renting with DH's brother and we are not charging my MIL to stay. She may pick up a dinner out but that's about it. And let me say that my MIL is in no way cheap, she is overly generous at Christmas and birthdays.

I don't know what we will do in the future with our children when they are all adults, as I've said we have a special needs DS who will be with us so yes I will always pay for his vacations. If we can afford it, I'd love to take everyone on vacation, but it don't see it being a yearly thing.

You may want to add the long weekend update to your OP, of change the title with "update on page 11" so folks don't continue to offer advise after you've come up with an alternative.
 
OP what I gathered most from this thread is that really different things work for different families and truly if you (or anyone else) isn't being deliberately and hurtfully exclusionary, then it's just different strokes for different folks.

We don't all have the same parenting styles, finances, vacation time, or family structures. I think it's virtually impossible to come up with an answer that works for everyone, and frankly that's a good thing. I am glad you came up what works for your family. We too have discussed bringing dd for a long weekend or part of a vacation if she's in school and she reacted the same way your son did.. with understanding.:)
 
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