At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[Madame]

I have a 23 year old step daughter. She has lived with us since she was 5 and her biological mom is out of the picture. She is as much mine as any of the others. She got her BSN and has been working as an RN for two years, lives in her own apartment, totally independent, etc.

My husband and I also have an 11 year old and a four year old. Last year, we went to wdw. We got a big condo at Bonnet Creek And she paid for her own park admission and all was good---except I did hear a lot of, "I paid for my own ticket so we should do what I want now..." I guess she is immature in that way (we try to do what everyone wants, but with an age range that drastic they all have to be pretty good about being patient.)

Later in the summer we did a two night weekend trip to a beach town about four hours away because my three year old wanted to see the beach and we wanted to do a last little hurrah before school started again. We did not take the twenty three year old because she was working, she hates the sun and the water, and because we only got one hotel room. She was VERY offended, and as a matter of fact, six months later at my four year old's bday party this weekend, she told my close friend that we left her at home and vacationed without her. My friend gave me an earful about that, you can be sure.

I don't know what the answer is. I hate that she was offended but she had to work and honestly doesn't like the beach. Also, the hotel room was over $300 a night, and it really wasn't in our budget to add another room. Realistically, we would have just stayed home instead of adding that expense or trying to find a time to reschedule when she didn't work. This was planned spur of the moment.

That doesn't seem fair either, since my 23 year old has had many trips with us alone and with her 11 year old sister under her belt, and we decided to go really because the three year old was obsessed with the beach.


We have tried to add my oldest to the big trips but it's almost impossible to add her to every small little weekend jaunt we take, both on an expense level and a scheduling level.

What I am going to try next is a cruise. My husband and I will have a room with the two younger girls. I have told my oldest when we are going and told her she is welcome but will need to pay for her own stateroom and suggested she bring a friend. We would pay for excursions, expenses, Etc. I am hopeful this will work out bc although she will pay for her own room, she will be with a friend and be able to do what they want to on their own during the day---so she shouldn't be stuck with the little kids a day. She is single with a full time, professional job and was looking at booking a cruise on her own anyway, so it seemed fair to me, although I still don't feel 100% good about it. It is a struggle to decide what is fair/right and preserve everyone's feelings!

JMHO, but at 23 you are an adult. For crying out loud my parents were on their own in their late teens when I was born and had 2 kids by the time they were both 22.

Expecting you to re-arrange, pay for etc her vacations to accomodate her is entitlement. I would imagine that the step relationship adds a whole other layer, but sheesh.

Just this morning my 8 yo was outraged that I wouldn't put her clothes in her closet even though I put away her brothers' (they can't reach the hangers yet). I told her 'It's not our job to do things for you when you can do them for yourself. It's our job to make sure you *can* do it yourself.'

 

[PollyannaMom]

'It's not our job to do things for you when you can do them for yourself. It's our job to make sure you *can* do it yourself.'

Love that quote!! I need to apply it to chores around here more often.

 

[Nancyg56]

JMHO, but at 23 you are an adult. For crying out loud my parents were on their own in their late teens when I was born and had 2 kids by the time they were both 22.

Expecting you to re-arrange, pay for etc her vacations to accomodate her is entitlement. I would imagine that the step relationship adds a whole other layer, but sheesh.

Just this morning my 8 yo was outraged that I wouldn't put her clothes in her closet even though I put away her brothers' (they can't reach the hangers yet). I told her 'It's not our job to do things for you when you can do them for yourself. It's our job to make sure you *can* do it yourself.'

My DD says something like that to my DGD. She says that it is not her job to make the road change for her daughter, but to make sure that her daughter knows how to navigate the changes in the road. DGD is 14 and I have not heard her say that something is not fair in years! LOL!

 

[Madame]

My DD says something like that to my DGD. She says that it is not her job to make the road change for her daughter, but to make sure that her daughter knows how to navigate the changes in the road. DGD is 14 and I have not heard her say that something is not fair in years! LOL!

I love that & am going to use it

 

[Nancyg56]

I love that & am going to use it

I never quite her exactly, but this is the gist of it. She's right, life can be a challenge for young adults whose parents smoothed their pathways during their youth.

 

[ronandannette]

Funny this post came back. I just returned on Thursday from a WCW trip with my DH, 32 YO DS, DDIL, and 2 DGS's. Definitely different going with your 'kid' when they have kids of their own, but lots of bonding time with my littlest 6yo DGS.

We're long past the point of agonizing over whether or not our DS (19) comes or does not come on our annual vacations. We sometimes plan them for just DH and I but other times (over the past 4 or 5 years) he's declined as often as not. He did not want to go to Hawaii or on several cruises because he "wasn't into that". OK - fair enough, see you in a week!

But we're also at the stage of life now where we'd love to plan and host (yes, we'd pay for it all) one big hurrah for our entire family; the kind of a once-in-a-lifetime trip where we'd all cherish the memories. I'm always thinking about it but can't quite get it into the planning stages yet. DH has two grown DD's with families of their own and they live in different parts of the country (3,000 miles apart) - there are 2 SO's and 8 children between them. The DGkids range in age from newborn to 12, and the logistics and finances of getting all 15 of us together somewhere have stymied me so far. But we continue to dream . We've never, ever, had all of them together in one place and it seems like a worthy goal to aspire to!

 

[Buzzsgramma]

Oh boy!....In 2009 and 2011 we took 13/14 adult kids(2) and the others grandkids to WDW for 6 days.....we stayed DVC on site and paid for airfare,travel expenses by car from northern Ill.hotels,food...all meals at Disney ,park tickets/hoppers,and a one day 2park visit to Universal..for the WWoHP fans....i will say one of the adult kids could have paid it all themselves(good job) and other not at all.....but we try to be fair to all the family....
Now they can all pay their own way and the only thing we provide is a place to stay on site...with DVC....adult kids are 50 and 47......we are bummed when DH and I go to Disney and any of the family aren't able to come with.....cause of jobs,college, etc....

 

[Castillo Mom]

All of our trips have mainly been fully funded by mom with the exception of the last two trips. All three of my adult sons live at home. Two are employed and have chipped in a portion of the cost. My third and youngest son was out of work last trip so I picked up the tab. There was absolutely no way I was leaving him behind for a family trip.

Now that my eldest is getting married, he'll pay for everything with the exception of hotel since I own DVC. However, if for some reason he couldn't afford it, I would probably postpone a trip until I could come up with the funds to cover their share. When I bought DVC several years ago, it was with the intention of family trips on into my sons' adulthood, marriage and grandchildren. Life is short and there's no better way to spend it than creating memories with my children. 'Ohana - no one gets left behind.

 

[WIFamily]

Our oldest is 22, living at home, working full time, and going to school at night to finish his degree. We are taking him on our cruise in a couple months, but we have also told him that this would likely be his last "free" vacation. We also expect that if he wants to spend some time at the bars or shopping at the ports that he will be spending his own money for that. If he were out of the house, or not in school, or not working, we likely wouldn't have included him in this trip.

For me and my siblings, I don't recall taking a family vacation after I turned 18. Of course with that just said, my parents just paid for a cruise for me and my DB and DS and our families in 2014. It was an incredible and generous gift for us, and something that I fully intend to repeat when my kids have their own families started.

 

[DisneyOma]

Husband and I go on vacations together, sometimes we go separately, sometimes I go to WDW with just my younger daughter (college age). Older daughter got her own place when she was in college, so hasn't been really living here for about 5 years. She was always invited on family vacations though! She couldn't always make it, as she worked/taught at school over the summer, etc. If we were to go on a 'family' vacation now, she and her wife would definitely be invited, even though they live far away. I miss them.

 

[Baklava]

My son had 12 years of vacations without his baby sister. She will inevitably get some without him. While he lives at home he is welcome on vacations with us and we will put some effort into scheduling with him in mind, but at no point will we deny his sister the opportunities he had because he is too busy with college, work, or other grown up life.

What we *will* try to schedule around him are trips that are unique or new. He's never been to Hawaii. We will book Aulani around his schedule. He has had a dozen trips to DL. It's less important that he be available for that. We made sure that our first trip to WDW was timed to include him before his life gets too full.

 

[mapleleafmom]

In my family you continued with family vacations until you graduated college. You could opt out, but we never did. When I was 19, my family went on a cruise and I went even though I made guest number 5.

However, my family is very close and we actually did a family vacation with my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews.

I kind of agree with this one. Feeling left out really sucks...and as a parent it is really hard. I'd maybe include him and say...let's enjoy our LAST trip together...etc...Ultimately it is up to you.

 

[mapleleafmom]

My brother and I stopped taking vacations with our parents during college. They always asked if we wanted to/could go, and we decided. Mom and Dad didn't go out of their way to schedule vacations during our breaks, though, so they were probably weaning us off family trips...

If your child still lives at home (at least part time) and you are supporting them, it would be nice to at least ask if they would like to accompany you. If you are planning a trip in the middle of the college semester, their choice would seem easy to make- no vacation for them. But if I was your son, I would get my feelings hurt if I wasn't at least given the choice.

We started vacationing together again every once in a while when we had our own kids and their grandparents wanted to spend time with them. Now, more than likely, we are left out of the trips- my DD and her cousins are asked on really great vacations in the summer with just their Grammy and Grampy.

great poing about living at home...that is a big one...(year at school but summers at home count)

 

[hereyago]

I have a 23 year old step daughter. She has lived with us since she was 5 and her biological mom is out of the picture. She is as much mine as any of the others. She got her BSN and has been working as an RN for two years, lives in her own apartment, totally independent, etc.

My husband and I also have an 11 year old and a four year old. Last year, we went to wdw. We got a big condo at Bonnet Creek And she paid for her own park admission and all was good---except I did hear a lot of, "I paid for my own ticket so we should do what I want now..." I guess she is immature in that way (we try to do what everyone wants, but with an age range that drastic they all have to be pretty good about being patient.)

Later in the summer we did a two night weekend trip to a beach town about four hours away because my three year old wanted to see the beach and we wanted to do a last little hurrah before school started again. We did not take the twenty three year old because she was working, she hates the sun and the water, and because we only got one hotel room. She was VERY offended, and as a matter of fact, six months later at my four year old's bday party this weekend, she told my close friend that we left her at home and vacationed without her. My friend gave me an earful about that, you can be sure.

I don't know what the answer is. I hate that she was offended but she had to work and honestly doesn't like the beach. Also, the hotel room was over $300 a night, and it really wasn't in our budget to add another room. Realistically, we would have just stayed home instead of adding that expense or trying to find a time to reschedule when she didn't work. This was planned spur of the moment.

That doesn't seem fair either, since my 23 year old has had many trips with us alone and with her 11 year old sister under her belt, and we decided to go really because the three year old was obsessed with the beach.


We have tried to add my oldest to the big trips but it's almost impossible to add her to every small little weekend jaunt we take, both on an expense level and a scheduling level.

What I am going to try next is a cruise. My husband and I will have a room with the two younger girls. I have told my oldest when we are going and told her she is welcome but will need to pay for her own stateroom and suggested she bring a friend. We would pay for excursions, expenses, Etc. I am hopeful this will work out bc although she will pay for her own room, she will be with a friend and be able to do what they want to on their own during the day---so she shouldn't be stuck with the little kids a day. She is single with a full time, professional job and was looking at booking a cruise on her own anyway, so it seemed fair to me, although I still don't feel 100% good about it. It is a struggle to decide what is fair/right and preserve everyone's feelings!

You are nicer than I would be, after telling your friend her twisted version of the truth, I wouldn't be taking her anywhere and I would let her know.

 

[Magpie]

We discuss our vacation plans well ahead of time with our kids, and have done so since they were in middle school. Sometimes we travel with them, sometimes without. In last couple years of high school, they decided not to miss any more school, and their dad and I started taking trips on our own. They're now both in university, still living at home with us.

Upcoming trips:

Spring trip to Disney for just me and my husband. It's a couple's trip! The kids don't want any part of it.

Later spring trip to Niagara Falls with me, my husband, his brother, his brother's wife, and my mother-in-law (who also lives with us). It's a "grandma's got terminal cancer, and isn't allowed to leave the province, so let's try to give her something fun to look forward to" trip. Again, the kids are happiest having us go without them.

Fall trip to Universal with me, my husband, and our two kids (18 and 19 years old). That one's scheduled for Fall reading week, so it won't impact their studies. They're very excited about this one!

I think anyone over about age 8 can have an opinion on a family trip, and we try to respect that. From about age 14, when they can stay home with grandma, it's their call whether they want to come or not. One thing I'm noticing in some of the posts (not singling out any in particular), is that there doesn't seem to be an awful lot of clear parent/child communication going on.

I don't think there'll ever be an age when we'd stop going on family trips, though they might get fewer and farther between. After all, my husband and his brother still enjoy travelling with their mum!

Oh... and my daughter REALLY wants to treat her dad and me to a week at a deluxe resort for one of our big anniversaries, when she finally has a good income and can pay for it. She's talking 25th, but as that's only four years away and she's still in school, I'm thinking maybe our 30th.

 

[Lynne G]

yep, I think at 18 going on 19 DS, this holiday vacation I am planning, I will pay for him, and he is willing to share a room with us and his younger sister. When we go, he'll be in his first year of college, and I figure after that, he can pay for himself and choose to come with us or not. I will do the same with my DD, but when she's 18, as that's when she'll be in her first year of college. Looking forward to us time in 5 more years.

 

[kugelette]

Speaking as someone whose parents regularly did this with a younger sibling, I can tell you my feelings were incredibly hurt. If it's a family vacation, family goes.

TLDR 20+ page thread, but this. My parents will still ask us to join on trips, but now we supplement the cost and pay our own incidentals. For example, we have an upcoming trip and they paid for the flights and hotel, but activities, meals, transportation, etc are paid by us. It's a good compromise for both budgets and we still get a 'family' vacation.

 

[Stitchfans]

My oldest daughter was in her late 20's. My youngest was around 15 when we last went to Disney World. If we were ever in any position to be able to afford to go back no doubt they'd join in again.

 

[wdw4rfam]

For us, when you move out, your are on your own. DD is 19 and moving out and in with her BF in June. We are going in September. Im sad she won't be there, but she doesn't even want to go without him. Two years ago she spent every night on the phone with him while we were there. We paid for him to go with us in November ( it was her graduation gift). She told me that it was the best trip ever, and she'd never go without him again. So they are " grown ups now", they can pay for vacation.

 

[FINFAN]

Taking out 22 and 25 year old "kids" with us in May. To be fair, DD is paying her own airfare as she is coming from CA and we are driving from IL to AZ~ but we will cover everything else. Besides, in WDW eyes, we have been taking "adults" on vaca since they were 17. As long as we can afford to ask them to join us, there is no age limit in our family.