At a loss on what to tell DD about her basketball coach - Update posts #59 & #75

[disneygals]

So, all in all, that's where our season will be ending - unless we have a miraculous win on Tuesday! For my DD it was not her best year, but through all this we did try to have her find something positive. I guess the one good thing for her was being nominated over everyone else for the Scholarship.

Thanks for taking the time to read my long-winded update!

The other good thing about it is that your daughter learned to survive a bad situation with dignity and not to quit!

I also have a senior and her life lessons of a horrible ballet teacher/studio owner (we changed to a great dance school when she was 14) led her to be able to handle an extremely tough HS theater director, which ultimately will help her deal with less than perfect situations in her adult life.

It was really tough while we were living these situations, but it has made her very strong!

 

[Goofyzgurl]

That mom did what she felt she had to do. She couldn't have it both ways and decided on one....to quit.

Now, your meeting with the AD. Are you telling him the coach is not good or praising her improvement. You can't do both and not send mixed feelings. Stay on message and that is the coach is ruining the team's chances.

Later if you have another meeting with the AD he is going to bring up the "well you said she is improving". Let him come up with that. Your mission is to get the coach out of there!!!

I agree with this poster. I think the other mom had had it and was passionate about how her dd was being treated. I think for the most part your message has been mixed, she's not a good coach but she's improving...that's a mixed message. She's not a good coach period, I want her out period. That would have been the end of my message.

 

[MELSMICE]

The other good thing about it is that your daughter learned to survive a bad situation with dignity and not to quit!

I also have a senior and her life lessons of a horrible ballet teacher/studio owner (we changed to a great dance school when she was 14) led her to be able to handle an extremely tough HS theater director, which ultimately will help her deal with less than perfect situations in her adult life.

It was really tough while we were living these situations, but it has made her very strong!

Just have to say that I'm also a dance studio owner, so kudos to your DD for sticking it out. They definitely learn life lessons from tough situations.

I agree with this poster. I think the other mom had had it and was passionate about how her dd was being treated. I think for the most part your message has been mixed, she's not a good coach but she's improving...that's a mixed message. She's not a good coach period, I want her out period. That would have been the end of my message.

It may seem like a mixed message, but we did not go in with battle guns drawn looking for her to get fired as a coach - we just want to improve the program for future players.

Now, if that includes the AD firing her, then so bet it, but we just won't be the ones to go in there running off our mouths saying how horrible she is & bashing her. We'll provide the information to the appropriate parties (the AD in this case) and then it's his decision to do with what he wishes.

I will admit that I've had mixed feelings about the coach from the beginning because she'll be a real witch & then she'll turn around & do something that makes you think she's trying to make an improvement. I'm a person that tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.

In this case it really seemed as though she was trying to make a change and make the program more positive for the girls & then she turned around & played those JV players before playing her own varsity players. I'd call that the last strike.

We've said our piece to the AD though and are done. Our DD will finish out her high school basketball career next week. Hopefully, it will be a good game for her & hopefully the program will improve for the students in the future.

 

[Disney Doll]

Coach sounds like she stinks.
Hopefully some of next seaon's parents will move on it and get her out.

 

[southtexasmom]

My DS had a similar experience with our high school soccer coach a few years ago. After talking with the AD he suggested we have a meeting with the soccer coach and him and we were welcome to invite any other parents. I didn't know anyone else had a problem with this coach but I sent out an email to every parent. 24 parents showed up, we were able to voice our frustrations, and we were able to ask the coach questions about anything we were concerned about. AD had 3 rules for the meeting - 1. no yelling, 2. give the coach time to answer questions, 3. everyone leave the meeting on the same page. Meeting went really well, coach was able to explain things and he really listened and changed his behavior towards our children. This meeting happened right at the beginning of the season, team went on to make it into the third round of playoffs. At the end of season banquet coach thanked the parents for standing behind him and giving him a chance to improve. Now my DS is a senior, this soccer season is going great, coach is doing a great job.

If we would not have contacted the AD the last three years would have been miserable for my DS and the other players, now even if they lose they walk off the field with a smile on their face.

 

[disneygals]

Melsmice,

I remembered that you are a studio owner. My mother is 73 and still teaching ballet and sewing tutus!

I'm sure that it helped you to deal with this and try to look at both sides of the issue. I know from years of hearing my mom talk about "those parents", I have really tried to keep an open mind!

It's good to stick it out, but sometimes life is too short and you just need to quit, preferably without throwing boxes at people

 

[MELSMICE]

Melsmice,

I remembered that you are a studio owner. My mother is 73 and still teaching ballet and sewing tutus!

I'm sure that it helped you to deal with this and try to look at both sides of the issue. I know from years of hearing my mom talk about "those parents", I have really tried to keep an open mind!

It's good to stick it out, but sometimes life is too short and you just need to quit, preferably without throwing boxes at people

Thanks so much for posting this - especially the bolded part. This is probably why it seems that I give a mixed message sometimes. I kept telling my DD to just hang in there & give it time because I know what it was like when I became the owner of my studio. I have always told her that the coach is still earning how to handle things. I always referred back to my first years as a studio owner.

I have learned so much over the years & I don't do many things the same way I did when I first started out being the owner. Being a student and then an instructor for someone else was completely different than being the "top dog" & in charge.

I realize(d) that she has a lot to learn and mistakes will be made. It seems like it gets better & then something happens to erase all the good that was done. She had the girls over for dinner one night a few weeks ago & they had a great time - she was a real person to them. Then she is ending the year on a sour note by playing the JV players in place of her varsity players. I just don't get it. Oh well.......hopefully, she'll learn as time goes on, but I'm not sure.

Off topic - good for your mom for still teaching. Tell her that I took classes from Jo Rowan & Mignon Furman this summer at the Rhee Gold convention. What fun - especially Jo Rowan - she is a character!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thanks so much for posting this - especially the bolded part. This is probably why it seems that I give a mixed message sometimes. I kept telling my DD to just hang in there & give it time because I know what it was like when I became the owner of my studio. I have always told her that the coach is still earning how to handle things. I always referred back to my first years as a studio owner.

I have learned so much over the years & I don't do many things the same way I did when I first started out being the owner. Being a student and then an instructor for someone else was completely different than being the "top dog" & in charge.

I realize(d) that she has a lot to learn and mistakes will be made. It seems like it gets better & then something happens to erase all the good that was done. She had the girls over for dinner one night a few weeks ago & they had a great time - she was a real person to them. Then she is ending the year on a sour note by playing the JV players in place of her varsity players. I just don't get it. Oh well.......hopefully, she'll learn as time goes on, but I'm not sure.

Off topic - good for your mom for still teaching. Tell her that I took classes from Jo Rowan & Mignon Furman this summer at the Rhee Gold convention. What fun - especially Jo Rowan - she is a character!

I'm glad to see the update. It's great your DD got nominated for the Scholar Athlete Scholarship Award.

There are so many different ways this could've played out. I'm not sure there is a right or wrong way to go about it. You did what you thought was best (spoke to the coach, reported what transpired, coached your DD in the background) and that's what parenting is all about.

The more I read about the coach, though the more I wonder if she might have some deeper issues. It sounds a little heavier than finding her way. Too many extremes, to me. But what do I know, I've just read some here and there.