At a loss on what to tell DD about her basketball coach - Update posts #59 & #75

MELSMICE

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I know I have vented about this before..........you can flame me if you want, but I've had enough of this coach. She became the varsity girls basketball coach last year. I was actually thrilled because she had been a great freshman coach for the kids. I couldn't have been more wrong with my enthusiasm.

I have given her the benefit of the doubt for over a year. She did some nasty things to the girls on the team, embarrassed my DD & others. The same rules don't apply to everyone. I literally always, somehow, defended her to my DD, saying that while I didn't agree with her tactics, this was a learning process for her as it was her first year coaching varsity. I always reminded her that everyone makes mistakes & I'm sure she was learning from them. I was wrong.

Fast forward to this year..........the season has pretty much just started. They have only played 3 games. She has already gotten the name of ***** in the basketball community. We lost our first game by quite a bit - we were definitely out played.

2nd game we were up by 30 early in the game. Our coach continued to press the entire game. It was an embarrassment for our team - you don't do that. Next day she told the girls........"Don't worry that we continued to press. That's on me. You don't back down because the other team is losing. They have to deal with it & become better." I won't tell you what a father of a girl on the losing team said to us that will be reffing one of our games in a few weeks who we are friends with.

Next game we are again losing & the game is rough. Both teams are playing aggressive & really getting in each other's heads. End of the 1st half we foul someone who is about to shoot a 3 point shot - it's at the buzzer, so 1st half is over. She has our team walk off the court, behind the girl that is shooting the foul shots. DD looked at DH & I mouthed, "Aren't we supposed to stay on the court?" DD says something out loud & the coach says, "I said get to the locker room." Should we tell DD to remain on the court if it should happen again or listen to the coach. I know the right thing to do, but I can only imagine that the ramifications for DD wouldn't be worth it.

During the last game the girls are getting frustrated. Captain of our team is getting kind of nasty to her team mates - understandably, they are losing. They take a time out, coach asks if anyone has anything to say. My DD says, "Come on guys, let's be positive out there & keep our heads in the game." Coach says, "What's that supposed to mean?" DD says, "I just think we need to be positive out there?" - she's doesn't want to implicate anyone or cause more of a negative attitude by pointing fingers at anyone. Coach again says, "What is that supposed to mean." DD says, "Forget it, never mind." She sits the remainder of the game. This is the same coach that 2 days before told her she was being too quiet & needed to speak up during practice & the games. :confused3

One father from our team left the game the other night because he was so disgusted with what was going on & the way she was handling the game. This woman needs some serious help - she's a nut job with no class & she's not making a good name for our school team.

OK - I'm done venting - although I could go on & on for pages!!! Like I said, flame if you want, I've had enough of her. It used to be enjoyable to go watch my DD play basketball. Now it's dreadful!
 
Does your school have an AD? My dds high school does, he attends the games to be aware of various issues like this.
 
Its only a game ...I wouldn't stress it!
 
Does your school have an AD? My dds high school does, he attends the games to be aware of various issues like this.
I'm with you. I'd make sure the Athletic Director is at the game. If your school doesn't have one then I would personally invite the principal to the next few games. Tell him/her that you would enjoy his/her company at the game. Anything to get someone in authority there would be a good idea.

Sorry your DD has to go through this. Sports are supposed to be enjoyable.
 

Does your school have an AD? My dds high school does, he attends the games to be aware of various issues like this.
Yes, we do. He occasionally stops in at a home game, but not on a regular basis.

Its only a game ...I wouldn't stress it!
If it were only issues that happened during the game that would be one thing. Thing are said & done after the games to the kids, on the bus, at practice, etc. Like I said, I could go on for pages on the things she has done. The kids morale is as low as it can be for the team.

Two seniors that have played since middle school, one that played AAU, quit this year because of her. My DD who has always lived to play basketball considered quitting because of the coach but decided to stick it out for her senior year. A junior quit because of the way she was being treated at practice, although she did decide to return. The coach talked to her father & was all upbeat, yet belittled the girl when she returned to practice.

If this was only my DD relaying information to me I would believe about half of it, but she has said things to parents also. Plus, actions speak louder than words. She has no contact whatsoever with the parents. She will sit in the stands during the JV games & not even look at the parents - gets up & walks away. Is very uncomfortable with any parental contact. Very immature.
 
The kids morale is as low as it can be for the team.

Two seniors that have played since middle school, one that played AAU, quit this year because of her.
I would advise my daughter to follow those seniors' example and quit the team. It's obvious that nothing's going to change and, as someone else said here, it's only a game. One that no one seems to be getting any fun out of anymore.
 
If your daughter wants to quit, let her. If she wants to continue being on the team, let her.

Otherwise, take a deep breath and try not to let things get to you.
 
If your daughter wants to quit, let her. If she wants to continue being on the team, let her.

Otherwise, take a deep breath and try not to let things get to you.
I have to agree.

That being said, if other parents and players feel the same way, maybe you can get everyone together to go complain about her.

Good luck!
 
Is she playing because she wants to play in college? If she's not planning on playing in college then I'd say dump the school team and play rec league for enjoyment. If she's going to try to play in college then stay on the team but play on a outside compition team, like AAU or whatever the girl equivelent is, and make sure her college applications list BOTH teams with the outside league being listed as her main team.
 
Yes, we do. He occasionally stops in at a home game, but not on a regular basis.

Maybe I missed it, but does the AD know about the coach and what it's done to the team? I think he should know. There should be a formal complaint about it all, IMO. Otherwise it's just status quo.
 
If your daughter wants to quit, let her. If she wants to continue being on the team, let her.

Otherwise, take a deep breath and try not to let things get to you.
I know you are right & she has thought about quitting, but decided against it. It's just so frustrating.

Is she playing because she wants to play in college? If she's not planning on playing in college then I'd say dump the school team and play rec league for enjoyment. If she's going to try to play in college then stay on the team but play on a outside compition team, like AAU or whatever the girl equivelent is, and make sure her college applications list BOTH teams with the outside league being listed as her main team.
She may play for a D3 team, but that's even a long shot. She has played AAU since she was 11, so she loves the sport. She is not the best player, but a strong player. Sometimes starts, sometimes does not.

She has mentioned wanting to play in college & has sent in the required forms to a few of her choices, but that's not her main priority.

Maybe I missed it, but does the AD know about the coach and what it's done to the team? I think he should know. There should be a formal complaint about it all, IMO. Otherwise it's just status quo.
You are also right & it's always mentioned by the parents - I should say "the dads" & then it gets brushed under the carpet. I don't feel that I should be the only one to say something, as I'm not sure how one mom's complaint would be taken - or taken serious enough.
 
You are also right & it's always mentioned by the parents - I should say "the dads" & then it gets brushed under the carpet. I don't feel that I should be the only one to say something, as I'm not sure how one mom's complaint would be taken - or taken serious enough.

Sweeping it under the rug, is acceptance though. If it gets mentioned so much, next time say, "Yeah, but what are we going to do about it?". Throw out the option to get the ball rolling.
 
I don't know the entire story but as a coach, this type of behaviour really bothers me, especially at the high school level. People who coach in this manner are most likely coaching for the wrong reasons and turn more kids off of a game than help them go on to the next level.

This is not something that should be ignored and the AD should be asked to deal with this coach whether your daughter continues to play or not.
 
2nd game we were up by 30 early in the game. Our coach continued to press the entire game. It was an embarrassment for our team - you don't do that. Next day she told the girls........"Don't worry that we continued to press. That's on me. You don't back down because the other team is losing. They have to deal with it & become better." I won't tell you what a father of a girl on the losing team said to us that will be reffing one of our games in a few weeks who we are friends with.

Next game we are again losing & the game is rough. Both teams are playing aggressive & really getting in each other's heads. End of the 1st half we foul someone who is about to shoot a 3 point shot - it's at the buzzer, so 1st half is over. She has our team walk off the court, behind the girl that is shooting the foul shots. DD looked at DH & I mouthed, "Aren't we supposed to stay on the court?" DD says something out loud & the coach says, "I said get to the locker room." Should we tell DD to remain on the court if it should happen again or listen to the coach. I know the right thing to do, but I can only imagine that the ramifications for DD wouldn't be worth it.

I agree with the coach on these 2, early in the game is they key to me. Why stay on the court?, go to the locker room & go over the changes needed in 2nd half. YES she should listen to the coach.

The other stuff you posted does sound questionable. You have a few choices 1). Ask the Coach why (I really suggest doing this first even if you "know" what the answer will be). 2). Go to the AD/School board 3). Remove your DD from the program.

Good luck
 
Your child quitting may solve the problem for your child and if she wants to quit I would let her. But, the problem is just going to continue for all future ball players on that team.

I may allow my dd to quit, but I would still go to the AD or to the school principal or to the school board or whoever up the ladder and continue to complain. If players are wanting to quit, then the problem needs to be addressed by the administration.
 
I wouldn't worry about the whole team let there parents take care of them. If you feel like this coach is bad have you daughter quit the team
 
Your child quitting may solve the problem for your child and if she wants to quit I would let her. But, the problem is just going to continue for all future ball players on that team.

I may allow my dd to quit, but I would still go to the AD or to the school principal or to the school board or whoever up the ladder and continue to complain. If players are wanting to quit, then the problem needs to be addressed by the administration.


Excellent suggestions.
 
I agree with the coach on these 2, early in the game is they key to me. Why stay on the court?, go to the locker room & go over the changes needed in 2nd half. YES she should listen to the coach.

I agree with this.

To be honest, high school and college basketball coaches can be extremely intense in their zeal to win and it sounds like perhaps your new coach is intense on a level never seen at your school.

I think it wouldn't be all that helpful to approach the coach or the AD. She's not going to change her coaching style and I'm assuming the AD is familiar with it as well.

It's really going to be up to your DD to decide if she is willing to tough it out and grow a (very very ) thick skin to deal with her coach or move on.
 
I wouldn't worry about the whole team let there parents take care of them. If you feel like this coach is bad have you daughter quit the team


That will not solve the problem. This is only a punishment for her daughter as she will not get to play the sport she wants to.
 
That will not solve the problem. This is only a punishment for her daughter as she will not get to play the sport she wants to.
Thank you, declansdad. I agree. She loves the sport, but has said that it is not fun for her this year, as it has been in the past.

I wouldn't worry about the whole team let there parents take care of them. If you feel like this coach is bad have you daughter quit the team
As declansdad said, that will not solve the problem with the coach for other girls. I am glad that she has decided not to quit, only because we have always taught our children that if you start something you should finish it & tough it out even if the going gets tough. It is certainly another tough year so far & we are dealing, but it's extremely frustrating.

I mentioned the 2 seniors not returning that have played since middle school. There were 3 other girls that would have been juniors this year that decided not to come back because of this coach. They had been called up to varsity for the playoffs last year & just dealing with the coach for those few weeks was enough.

The 2 JV coaches from last year & also the assistant varsity coach decided not to return this year. Rumor was the coach, but I don't put much stock in rumors, so it could be a number of reasons, but it's speculative. The JV coaches had been coaching for over 10 years without any issues in the past.

The thing that makes this a little emotionally tough also is, if you can believe this, this coach wrote my DD a letter of recommendation for college at my DD's request. Out of all the letters she got, the coach gave her the most glowing recommendation ever. She nailed my daughter's personality to a tee, she talked about her strengths & weaknesses, about how she was proud of the individual she has become & would be a top asset to any school. I couldn't have written a better letter. Both DH & I looked at each other & asked where it came from - this is not the coach we know. :confused3
 





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