Are you "that" parent?

[LaraK]

You know, the one that's being talked about on other threads. The one that the principal cringes when your number shows up on caller ID. The one the teacher "forgets" to invite to volunteer.


I am in some ways...not because I complain about things. In fact, I hope that I'm really understanding most of the time (although my patience is running out on a couple of things) but for some reason the teachers seem afraid of me. I can pick up on their body language. The only thing I can think of is that I have a strong personality and I'm very direct...not in a complaining way, but a matter of fact kind of way.

Now that I think about it, other people are afraid of me too....

Anyway, poll coming....

 

[HelenePA]

After this week I'm beginning to be that parent.. its not been a good week dealing with school people and my 9 yr old...

 

[Magic Mom]

I voted other, because I am not "that" parent, but not because I bite my tongue, or because I would never question the principal. I'm not "that parent" because I choose my battles, I follow a chain (meaning I don't dial the principal first when there are problems,) I am open to both sides of the story, I listen, I don't attack and I'm not defensive. I try to work with the school if there is a problem.

 

[happygirl]

I try to lay low. Let the teachers and staff do there job.

 

[cheermom1]

I voted other, because I am not "that" parent, but not because I bite my tongue, or because I would never question the principal. I'm not "that parent" because I choose my battles, I follow a chain (meaning I don't dial the principal first when there are problems,) I am open to both sides of the story, I listen, I don't attack and I'm not defensive. I try to work with the school if there is a problem.

I'm the same way, I want to know if my kids was in the wrong or not. I want the facts not just a he said she said. If my kid is in the wrong I will correct them. If my kid is having problems with another kid I tend to let them work it out. I usually don't get that much involved. I did when they canceled a class and then brought it back (my ds was in that class) he needed this class but he kept telling me that he couldn't get in. I suspected he didn't really try. I was right after I talked to the principal about it and put him back in it. ds has Aspegers but I still tend to let him work out his own battles. He needs to life's lessons to be able to take care of himself when he is an adult. All kids need the experience to battle their own battles. I step in when it is only I think it is appropriate which it's that often.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Normally I lay low, but 2 times I have been there so I can relate somewhat.
When DD10 was entering kindergarten I wanted to be a part of all I could (after that year we don't seem to get to be a part of anything.) DD15 had a teacher then let us be involved a good bit and I was the room mom and loved it. So at meet the teacher day I said to this teacer that I would love to be her room mom if she wanted one. She said "thanks but I find the moms who are the room mom types are too involved and pushy so I don't use them." I was a little shocked at the words to be honest but I figures I'd still get to go to things.

Well I was very sick for Open House (wound up needing surgery) so my DH went alone. I had never before and never since missed anything at school but it was a pretty bad and I just couldn't go. Well she had announced that there were Conference sign ups but that was it, DH signed up for that but didn't look at anything further. Next to it was sign ups to be a part of their parties for the year. He missed it. It wasn't till Halloween when one of the moms asked me if I was going. I told her I didn't know about it and discovered what had happened. I figured it wasn't a big deal and e-mailed her. She told me sorry but the spots for the whole year were filled and I wouldn't be able to come to a single thing all year! I went to the Halloween parade with my older DD and got to see my younger DD but I felt bad I wasn't allowed to be with her so I passed by the office and talked to the principal. She said she was sure I misunderstood to talk to the teacher.

So we had our conference and I asked her again, she again told me no and also told me I was smothering my DD. I told her that she was my middle child and didn't want her to have that middle child feeling that I didn't care. She literally made my eyes well up she was so mean. I left the conference early and DH stayed to finish it. He also took this time to tell her our DD was going to miss a few days of school to go to Disney and what days.

When I was leaving I ran into the principal and talked to her. She basically said it was the teachers classroom she could run it the way she saw fit but she would talk to her to let me come to one thing. So I get n e-mail the next day saying I was going to be allowed to one thing, the Thanksgiving party on the very day DH just told her we'd be out for vacation!

Needless to say for whatever the reason I was blacklisted that year, and it felt awful! I have no photos of parties or anything for DD10's kindergarten year and those are memories you can't get back. So I can relate and it feels lousy!

(They replaced her before DD8 went to kindergarten and she had te most amazing teacher ever. What a relief but oh what I would have done for DD0 to have had her. I was at every single event as were all parents who wanted to be and she was so nice to the kids, can't say the same about DD10's teacher. )

Also, we are at a new school for the last 2 years (our school closed). I haven't had any issue with the teachers but have with the principal. I had a concern and wanted to talk to him about it (not teacher related). I e-mailed and he said I should come to PTO to talk about it. I explained that I am a Girl Scout leader of 2 troops and our meeting nights are always the same night as PTO (have been for years) so I couldn't make it. He said if I was a concerned parent I would be there. I was very offended by that as he didn't even know me and didn't know that my kids are my life. Anyway, I sent him my concern and he replied back that my negative attitude of the school change was going to make my kids unsucessful at the new school. Now, I will admit that we are still having a hard time with the change. We went from a small, family feeling school to a large school that has more competitve feel to it. It has been a hard change, but we are getting there. But I had just said something that we did at our school that worked well and offered it as a possible solution to a problem. Anyway, I still feel like he looks at me as "that mom" though I have not said a word about antying since.

 

[JVL1018]

I put other..I am very involved, but never make waves-I'm pretty laid back.

My son has had the same teachers as my daughter and the teachers have asked me to be class mom for him-even when I said I was going to take a break this year, my son's teacher said no you can't, you HAVE to be my class mom. LOL So I can't be too bad.

Nothing ever really happens where I need to make a ruckus.
The only thing I've ever had to make my point strongly about was getting my son speech. I went through the teacher and everything first, the speech dept. wasn't getting him in to be tested, so I wrote a letter to the principal, where I just said that I was sure he took my son's education as seriously as we did as his parents and that I was confident my son would be evaluated by the end of the month..and the principal came to find me after school that very day, with the speech therapist in tow, and my son got his eval pretty quickly and then his services.
But I was very nice throughout the whole thing and everyone was very nice back to me.
I know a few people at school who can't seem to say anything nicely-they aren't mean (all the time) but they are very direct and everything comes out sounding rude and I'm not talking about anything where they are fighting for their children, just everything they say-it's crazy how some people can sound so rude even when talking about the most inane things..those people aren't liked.

 

[daisyduck123]

I'm a 1st grade teacher and definitely NOT one of "those" parents.

I absolutely lay low & let the teachers do "their" thing.

 

[Binnie]

I am one of those parents. I try not to be intrusive, but I look at it from the perspective that I am DD's advocate. No one else will do it, and she's too little to do it herself, so it's my job. And I don't really care if they school or the teachers like it.

That said, I have no intention of questioning curriculum or quality of instruction, but I would if I needed to. And I don't hop to on every little issue, but when I need to, I'm Mommy-on-the-spot, so I definately CAN be one of those parents.

It's funny. I was just talking to my therapist about this today, and he observed that I must be a challenging parent for schools and teachers. I think for me that if I'm comfortable with what's going on, I'm perfectly pleasant and unassuming, etc., but if there's any problem, my Momma Bear instinct kicks into high gear.

 

[teacherforhi]

I'm a teacher, not a parent, but I had a parent get "that" title today. Due to my back going out, I won't be back in school till next Tuesday. The ER doctor put me on bedrest the rest of this week and I have an appointment with my spinal doc on Monday.

While I am slightly better today, I can only be in a sitting position for about an hour at most. Yesterday, I e-mailed my assistant a note to put in all my students' agendas, so that parents would be aware of the situation.

One of the parents called the superintendent! Apparently, in this mother's mind, I should have scheduled a herniated disc during spring break! Why didn't I think of that? The true kicker is, this child has missed two days of school this week for doctor's appointments. One doctor's appointment on each day, but they couldn't come to school. I really wanted to call her and ask why it mattered so much if I was at school if she wasn't going to send her child, but did manage to refrain.

If she had concerns about what was going to be happening in the classroom during my absence, she could have contacted me through e-mail, or my assistant or my principal at the school. She, however, decided to make a fool of herself instead. This is a parent who always has a sob story about something and I've gone out of my way to try to be accommodating. Don't see that in my future right now to be honest.

 

[VillageMama]

I knew that I would be that parent, so I decided to do everybody a favor and homeschool.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I'm a teacher, not a parent, but I had a parent get "that" title today. Due to my back going out, I won't be back in school till next Tuesday. The ER doctor put me on bedrest the rest of this week and I have an appointment with my spinal doc on Monday.

While I am slightly better today, I can only be in a sitting position for about an hour at most. Yesterday, I e-mailed my assistant a note to put in all my students' agendas, so that parents would be aware of the situation.

One of the parents called the superintendent! Apparently, in this mother's mind, I should have scheduled a herniated disc during spring break! Why didn't I think of that? The true kicker is, this child has missed two days of school this week for doctor's appointments. One doctor's appointment on each day, but they couldn't come to school. I really wanted to call her and ask why it mattered so much if I was at school if she wasn't going to send her child, but did manage to refrain.

If she had concerns about what was going to be happening in the classroom during my absence, she could have contacted me through e-mail, or my assistant or my principal at the school. She, however, decided to make a fool of herself instead. This is a parent who always has a sob story about something and I've gone out of my way to try to be accommodating. Don't see that in my future right now to be honest.

WOW, you are very inconsiderate!

I have to agree. As a mom and now this year as a preschool teacher you have to go to the teacher and work your way up if there is a problem.

 

[Took]

I'm the same way, I want to know if my kids was in the wrong or not. I want the facts not just a he said she said. If my kid is in the wrong I will correct them. If my kid is having problems with another kid I tend to let them work it out. I usually don't get that much involved. I did when they canceled a class and then brought it back (my ds was in that class) he needed this class but he kept telling me that he couldn't get in. I suspected he didn't really try. I was right after I talked to the principal about it and put him back in it. ds has Aspegers but I still tend to let him work out his own battles. He needs to life's lessons to be able to take care of himself when he is an adult. All kids need the experience to battle their own battles. I step in when it is only I think it is appropriate which it's that often.

I'm another "other."

 

[KristaTX]

Other. I'm not a parent .

 

[minniecarousel]

No, but I'm "that daughter". My very elderly mother is in a Rehab Hosp after a lengthy hosp stay. Either my sister or I am at this place many hours every day. I live only 6 miles away, so it's easy for me to go back & forth. They're probably tired of seeing me there.

And, no, I wasn't one of "those parents" when my sons were in school. I volunteered a lot, but was never obnoxious.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

My kid's not in school yet, but I sure hope I don't become one of "those" parents. I can't stand those parents!

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Oh heck no. But I think there are more and more alpha moms, and the teachers are ready to run for the hills. I was a guest reader at my child's school for Dr. Seuss week. When I got there, I noticed there had been a seating change. When I asked my child what happened, I got "I don't want to talk about it." When the teacher came over to explain, it was almost like she was preparing for battle. I felt badly. I wasn't going to question the decision at all!

 

[susykt4]

(Shudder) My mom was that parent. It totally ruined school for me! I mean, she was ridiculous, arguing with teachers over silly, pointless things. The teachers would then take it out on me and I developed a pretty bad disrespect for authority and started getting in trouble for talking back, etc. I started out a shy, good kid! My freshman year of high school, I blew off the first quarter and got several Cs and Ds. My mom went off on those teachers and blamed THEM for my bad grades. She was especially furious at my math teacher who told her maybe I wasn't capable of an A. I realized I had to do better and worked really hard 2nd quarter. REALLY hard. Anyway, I was 3/10 of a point away from an A in math and the teacher refused to give me any extra credit or anything because of his battle with my mom. After that, I don't think I bothered working hard or giving any extra effort again until college (which I started 4 years "late" because I hated school so much.)

"I" am certainly not that parent! My kids are in 1st and 4th grades at a public school. I support the school and go to after school activities, but work an inflexible job and rarely can do parties or field trips. I can't bring myself to join the PTO. I can't imagine questioning curriculum or going to the principal before the teacher if there was an issue. I can guarantee I will never question the teacher because Little Sally got a better grade on her book report than MY special snowflake! Actually, I probably go in the opposite direction and don't push my kids enough because I was pushed so hard.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Another teacher checking in.

I was not that parent.

Normally I lay low, but 2 times I have been there so I can relate somewhat.
When DD10 was entering kindergarten I wanted to be a part of all I could (after that year we don't seem to get to be a part of anything.) DD15 had a teacher then let us be involved a good bit and I was the room mom and loved it. So at meet the teacher day I said to this teacer that I would love to be her room mom if she wanted one. She said "thanks but I find the moms who are the room mom types are too involved and pushy so I don't use them." I was a little shocked at the words to be honest but I figures I'd still get to go to things.

Well I was very sick for Open House (wound up needing surgery) so my DH went alone. I had never before and never since missed anything at school but it was a pretty bad and I just couldn't go. Well she had announced that there were Conference sign ups but that was it, DH signed up for that but didn't look at anything further. Next to it was sign ups to be a part of their parties for the year. He missed it. It wasn't till Halloween when one of the moms asked me if I was going. I told her I didn't know about it and discovered what had happened. I figured it wasn't a big deal and e-mailed her. She told me sorry but the spots for the whole year were filled and I wouldn't be able to come to a single thing all year! I went to the Halloween parade with my older DD and got to see my younger DD but I felt bad I wasn't allowed to be with her so I passed by the office and talked to the principal. She said she was sure I misunderstood to talk to the teacher.

So we had our conference and I asked her again, she again told me no and also told me I was smothering my DD. I told her that she was my middle child and didn't want her to have that middle child feeling that I didn't care. She literally made my eyes well up she was so mean. I left the conference early and DH stayed to finish it. He also took this time to tell her our DD was going to miss a few days of school to go to Disney and what days.

When I was leaving I ran into the principal and talked to her. She basically said it was the teachers classroom she could run it the way she saw fit but she would talk to her to let me come to one thing. So I get n e-mail the next day saying I was going to be allowed to one thing, the Thanksgiving party on the very day DH just told her we'd be out for vacation!

Needless to say for whatever the reason I was blacklisted that year, and it felt awful! I have no photos of parties or anything for DD10's kindergarten year and those are memories you can't get back. So I can relate and it feels lousy!

(They replaced her before DD8 went to kindergarten and she had te most amazing teacher ever. What a relief but oh what I would have done for DD0 to have had her. I was at every single event as were all parents who wanted to be and she was so nice to the kids, can't say the same about DD10's teacher. )

This is my 18th year teaching. After years of playground gossip,the same parents jocking to attend every party and trip, working moms feeling left out,
..., I finally refused to have a room mom. I wish I had done it years ago.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Youngest is in 7th grade and oldest is a freshman in college. Never was "that" parent. I did my time in elementary school and now I am free.

I only contact teachers for younger dd when necessary. My goal is always to have my dd handle her issues at school. Sometimes she needs some input from me to the teacher to help her in that process.

This yr she is working it although she has had a couple of stumbles.

So I voted "other" because sometimes you might have to be an advocate, you just never know.