Are you or have you ever been the "other woman"?

[Disney Doll]

To the best of my knowledge, I have never been the other woman. I am sure I have been cheated on by ex-boyfriends. I am sure my DH has been faithful, because he is a man of integrity. I feel that I am person of integrity, and therefore would not be unfaithful. If I was unhappy in my marriage, I would make every effort to fix it or I'd divorce. I htink cheating does more than break up families, it diminshes you as a person.

I am not sure I would be all that willing to get involved with a man who would cheat, because IMHO all I would be doing would be involving myself with someone who has proven he will be unfaithful. And I don't believe people change. I believe they do what they need to do to survive, and when the next "right" opportunity to cheat comes along, they will cheat again.

I believe that we can control our emotions if we choose to. We can remove ourselves from compromising situations if we choose to. If I was becoming overy attracted to someone at work, I'd find a new job if necessary to remove myself from the situation.

In answer to you chad, the things that differentiate us from animals are choice and free will. We do not operate solely on the instinct to procreate...that is just some excuse some guy or woman made up to justify their behavior.

 

[Microcell]

Humans aren't made to be monogamous. Everyone is a cheater if put into the right situation. Its in our DNA

Oh Chad, I don't even know what to say to you. You are young, and we have all said and done things under the cloak of youth that we regret when we grow up.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

no

 

[chadfromdallas]

Oh Chad, I don't even know what to say to you. You are young, and we have all said and done things under the cloak of youth that we regret when we grow up.

Huh? I'm 20 and basing that statement on facts. What are you talking about?

 

[bizybea]

Well, in my last relationship, my BF and I were doing well, so I thought. Then he decided that he didn't want to be with me, he wanted to be with someone else. So, when he came home, we spent one last weekend together, even though he was promised to someone else. Technically, we weren't broken up. So, does that make me the "other woman"?

 

[orangeblossom]

When my boyfriend and I got together, he was seeing someone else and had been for seven years but she always knew it wasn't serious and they never lived together. I moved in with him nine days after I met him. I also had a "boyfriend" when I met my current S.O. or that's how he felt anyway. He was talking about our one week "anniversary" a week after I met him.

 

[cynsaun]

Huh? I'm 20 and basing that statement on facts. What are you talking about?

You wore Pumas instead of Nikes.

 

[chadfromdallas]

You wore Pumas instead of Nikes.

 

[grlpwrd]

No, I never have nor will I ever cheat - I have too much respect for myself and my family. As a child my father cheated on my mom and the pain was too unbearable. I also found out when my grandmother died that when she was 19yo she had an affair with a married man (age 36 - my grandfather) and he was married and had a 4yo dd. It was a family secret... pain is a legacy of adultery.

Let me start by saying that I registered with a new name. I've been on the boards for about 5 years. I guess we'll say I'm a coward - on many fronts. Yes, I've been the other woman. As a matter of fact, I currently am and have been for almost 2 1/2 years. I'm married and so is he and we both have children. Long before my affair started my husband and I decided that our relationship was not working. I begged to go to counseling, and he refused saying that our marriage was too far gone. We are still married, but trying to work out a friendly divorce, (if there is such a thing). I never planned on having an affair, let alone with one of my friends husbands. Yes you read correctly - I'm having an affair with one of my friends husbands. It should have never happened but it did. A good friendship slowly turned into so much more. I am in love with this man and he with me. What we have is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life, the feelings are beyond intense. We both know that what we are doing is not fair to our spouses or our kids and so very wrong. Why don't we end it then?? I don't want to - there I said it - I don't want to. I am a horrible person that will some day rot in hell for the things I have done, but when I am with him, it is all worth it.
There - I have said all the things that I have been carrying around for so very long and now I've shared so let the flaming begin.

Jezebel

Every time you are with this guy it's time you could be with your family, especially your kids, and so could he. You're both cheating on your spouses AND your kids... Please remember that fact. You're even posting anonymously. That says a lot of your relationships. You're actually cheating yourself from a longterm, committed relationship so scratch that - you're cheating on your spouse, yourself, and your kids.

I don't see how a woman can have an affair with another man. Actually, a man would find closure to his decaying marriage first. All these cheaters are just boys..and the women are acting like little girls. Who would want a boy? or a girl?

 

[Charade]

one time at band camp.....

Were you still able to play the flute?

 

[mudnuri]

Every time you are with this guy it's time you could be with your family, especially your kids, and so could he.

So let say- her and her DH were seperated- and she wasnt the "other woman"...her 'affair' wasnt married either...HOWEVER they were spending time together alone...wud be "time she could be with her kids'...shesh- give her a break...


When Dh and i seperated, I saw other men...but my kids didnt. Did that mean, that I shouldnt have alife, because well I could be spending that time with them? Heck- for all you know, her kids could be at school, and this could be happening during the day...not all "affairs" happen in dark alleys in the back seats of cars.

Brandy

 

[luv2nascar]

I forgot I until I read some mention college. Everyone had a girl or guy at school and one at home right?? I didn't have one at home. But I went out with a guy and found out he had a girl at home later. We kept seeing each other casually at school even after I knew. Wow I had forgot all about that till now. I was 18 - no excuse. I don't know if she ever found out.

 

[JS41654]

It isn't in my job description to judge or be judged. Until you are in the situation you question will be answered

 

[ktink]

So let say- her and her DH were seperated- and she wasnt the "other woman"...her 'affair' wasnt married either...HOWEVER they were spending time together alone...wud be "time she could be with her kids'...shesh- give her a break...




Brandy

But that is a completly different scenario, is it not? You can't compare apples to oranges.

 

[grlpwrd]

So let say- her and her DH were seperated- and she wasnt the "other woman"...her 'affair' wasnt married either...HOWEVER they were spending time together alone...wud be "time she could be with her kids'...shesh- give her a break...


When Dh and i seperated, I saw other men...but my kids didnt. Did that mean, that I shouldnt have alife, because well I could be spending that time with them? Heck- for all you know, her kids could be at school, and this could be happening during the day...not all "affairs" happen in dark alleys in the back seats of cars.

Brandy

I am talking about "Jezebel" who admits she is married who is having an affair with a married man. I am not taking about separation - they are married or so she claims. No other hypothesis is necessary based on her situation.

 

[auntpolly]

You know believe it or not, when I asked the question, even though I knew it was a possibility that people would get judgemental and arguments might ensue, I was really hoping that wouldn't happen.

I'm really curious about this and I would like to hear the stories. Yeah, I know, it's sad, and children are affected, and I don't like affairs, but they are a reality and I'd just let the women who are in the middle of it talk without fear of reprisal. I mean, maybe there's something to be learned here.

 

[mudnuri]

I am talking about "Jezebel" who admits she is married who is having an affair with a married man. I am not taking about separation - they are married or so she claims. No other hypothesis is necessary based on her situation.

I know exactly who your talking about

If her marriage is dead, and so is his...she did not give details as to if they are going the divorce route or not....

My point was- you cant be wtih your kids 24/7 and be saine..if her marraige is unhappy.....well.......

I just hate the holier than thou bologna...if you havent been in these shoes- you cant say 'what I'd do is"

Brandy

 

[MidgeD79]

Here goes- I had an affair while I was separated from my ex. He was also married but said his wife was o.k. with his affairs as long as he didn't flaunt them at her. Long story short I got pregnant and when the "baby" turned 6 years old (affair over) they went to court and got physical custody of my son because they were married in a home and I was a single parent living in a trailer park with more children (one that was handicapped). "Best interest of the child" my son was taken away but I still get visitation every other week-end holidays and half of the summer. I have paid my price.

 

[orangeblossom]

Oh, Midge....I'm so sorry (hugs)

 

[auntpolly]

Here goes- I had an affair while I was separated from my ex. He was also married but said his wife was o.k. with his affairs as long as he didn't flaunt them at her. Long story short I got pregnant and when the "baby" turned 6 years old (affair over) they went to court and got physical custody of my son because they were married in a home and I was a single parent living in a trailer park with more children (one that was handicapped). "Best interest of the child" my son was taken away but I still get visitation every other week-end holidays and half of the summer. I have paid my price.

Man that just sucks - did your son adjust alright? It must have been really hard for you.