Are you a stay-at-home wife?

[aprilgail]

So you meant to put EX in there the 3 times you missed it or am I confused about what you are saying?

I was responding to a poster that was talking DIVORCE- so I replied and wrote wife instead of ex- they were all talking about their EX wives- what is so hard to understand about that?!?!?!?

 

[5kidsmommy]

I have been a stay at home mom for 21 years. My plan was always to get a job after the kids all went off to college. My husband laughs at that idea. He wonders who will do everything. So who knows I may continue to be a stay at home mom with no kids at home. I have a friend who has had trouble conceiving and she is still at home, she keeps herself busy with church, the house and their animals. She has a happy and content life. Do what works for you, don't worry about what the world has to say about it.

 

[North of Mouse]

I'm not sure why you're coming off so angry and I'm not the one who posted this, but yes that kind of crap happens A LOT. It's a valid thought. Hopefully that would never happen to OP, but most ppl. don't go into marriages thinking the other person or even themselves could be so petty, but it happens every day.

You had nothing to do with the pp I quoted! And, again, SO many waiting for their wives to die - in one work place - as co workers?? Yes, I am truly amazed!

 

[tasha99]

I'm not sure why you're coming off so angry and I'm not the one who posted this, but yes that kind of crap happens A LOT. It's a valid thought. Hopefully that would never happen to OP, but most ppl. don't go into marriages thinking the other person or even themselves could be so petty, but it happens every day.

FWIW, I think that game could only be played with a pension. My partner just went through a divorce a year ago, and his IRAs and 401K were split (he gave her half of his, she gave him half of hers). Social Security would be distrubuted by law, too. Even with a pension, people often have to retire.

Btw, I used to think alimony was a thing of the past, but it still exists. The amount my partner has to pay is unconscionable, but temporary. His ex rightfully got half of their assets, too. I guess my point is that if there are assets, the stay at home spouse has rights and will have a settlement. If there aren't any assets to begin with (no equity in the house, no retirement savings etc), then the stay at home spouse has nothing to fall back on and no recent work experience.

 

[Allison]

I was responding to a poster that was talking DIVORCE- so I replied and wrote wife instead of ex- they were all talking about their EX wives- what is so hard to understand about that?!?!?!?

Because if I was referencing an ex I would use the term ex. That is why I asked.

I'm also surprised that there are so many men that you worked with that won't retire because of an ex that you can't even quantify it and that you would know that information. What kind of place do you work that has so many people like that and then that turn around and tell people? They must really bitter and angry men.

 

[aprilgail]

Because if I was referencing an ex I would use the term ex. That is why I asked.

I'm also surprised that there are so many men that you worked with that won't retire because of an ex that you can't even quantify it and that you would know that information. What kind of place do you work that has so many people like that?

Railroad-they are a whole different breed of people I think. I never knew so many cheaters until I started working there either, the cheaters certainly outnumbered the non cheaters.

 

[Allison]

Railroad-they are a whole different breed of people I think. I never knew so many cheaters until I started working there either, the cheaters certainly outnumbered the non cheaters.

I was thinking maybe crab fishermen like Deadliest Catch but maybe they are similar types.

Although I suppose a fisherman probably doesn't have a pension.

 

[erin1715]

I can understand a stay at home mom. I don't quite get the stay at home housewife with no kids thing. So, that is my honest answer. I wouldn't have considered being a stay at home wife. However, I am not into the whole taking care of the house thing! I'd rather work my job that I enjoy and feel good about than do the household stuff. That's just my preference though.

It's great that you enjoy your job outside the home and feel good about the work you do, but many people feel the same way about taking care of their home - that gives them fulfillment. Personally, my home is WAY higher on the priority list than my job. And when I use the word "home", I don't mean just the actual physical chores around the house. I mean creating a warm, calm and loving environment for my family. To each their own.

 

[quandrea]

It's great that you enjoy your job outside the home and feel good about the work you do, but many people feel the same way about taking care of their home - that gives them fulfillment. Personally, my home is WAY higher on the priority list than my job. And when I use the word "home", I don't mean just the actual physical chores around the house. I mean creating a warm, calm and loving environment for my family. To each their own.

Your point is an excellent one. I found that once I was married, creating a home in the manner you describe, became my highest priority. Nothing gave me more fulfilment than that. Work was work, but home is what I lived for. Still do--20 years later.

 

[soccerdad72]

I will admit, this topic came up in our house just the other day and my wife and I both did some major judging.

We heard through the grapevine that our SIL (my wife's brother's new wife) let it slip that she was hoping that her husband would start making a little more income so she could quit work and stay home. They have no kids, have no plans for kids (he's 49 and she's 42), she just doesn't want to work anymore. She's also been trying to convince him to sell the house that he's lived in for 20+ years and move somewhere else, because she doesn't like the neighborhood (or some BS). We suspect she's hoping that if they buy a different house, she'll get her name on the deed (despite not having a dime to contribute to a home purchase).

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I will admit, this topic came up in our house just the other day and my wife and I both did some major judging.

We heard through the grapevine that our SIL (my wife's brother's new wife) let it slip that she was hoping that her husband would start making a little more income so she could quit work and stay home. They have no kids, have no plans for kids (he's 49 and she's 42), she just doesn't want to work anymore. She's also been trying to convince him to sell the house that he's lived in for 20+ years and move somewhere else, because she doesn't like the neighborhood (or some BS). We suspect she's hoping that if they buy a different house, she'll get her name on the deed (despite not having a dime to contribute to a home purchase).

Don't like her much, huh?

It seems that your problem is more with her rather than with someone staying at home.

 

[soccerdad72]

Don't like her much, huh?

It seems that your problem is more with her rather than with someone staying at home.

Nope, not really. And yeah, there's a whole host of issues with her, this is just one to add to the list.

 

[Magpie]

I will admit, this topic came up in our house just the other day and my wife and I both did some major judging.

We heard through the grapevine that our SIL (my wife's brother's new wife) let it slip that she was hoping that her husband would start making a little more income so she could quit work and stay home. They have no kids, have no plans for kids (he's 49 and she's 42), she just doesn't want to work anymore. She's also been trying to convince him to sell the house that he's lived in for 20+ years and move somewhere else, because she doesn't like the neighborhood (or some BS). We suspect she's hoping that if they buy a different house, she'll get her name on the deed (despite not having a dime to contribute to a home purchase).

Given that he's a grown man of almost 50, I'm sure he's capable of making his own decisions, where his wife, his neighbourhood, and his home are concerned. And if he isn't, then she'll make them for him, and maybe that's what he's actually looking for anyway.

How they live their lives is their business, unless it impacts your life in some way.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I can understand a stay at home mom. I don't quite get the stay at home housewife with no kids thing. So, that is my honest answer. I wouldn't have considered being a stay at home wife. However, I am not into the whole taking care of the house thing! I'd rather work my job that I enjoy and feel good about than do the household stuff. That's just my preference though.

And that is fine--you don't have to get it so long as you don't criticize those who feel differently you (you did not here, jsut saying it happens from others).

Personally, I DO get finding a job to be more fufilling than supporting a spouse or other family memeber as an "at home" spouse (regardless of gender). I can totally understand that would be the case for many people. But it isn't what works for me and my spouse---we're BOTH happier with me not working.

What's awesome is when we can all support one another in our various choices.

 

[HarperLeigh]

I will admit, this topic came up in our house just the other day and my wife and I both did some major judging.

We heard through the grapevine that our SIL (my wife's brother's new wife) let it slip that she was hoping that her husband would start making a little more income so she could quit work and stay home. They have no kids, have no plans for kids (he's 49 and she's 42), she just doesn't want to work anymore. She's also been trying to convince him to sell the house that he's lived in for 20+ years and move somewhere else, because she doesn't like the neighborhood (or some BS). We suspect she's hoping that if they buy a different house, she'll get her name on the deed (despite not having a dime to contribute to a home purchase).

Uh, she's his wife. Her name should be on the deed.

 

[Magpie]

Uh, she's his wife. Her name should be on the deed.

Yeah, that gave me pause.

When we bought our house, our firstborn was just 10 months old. I didn't have a dime to contribute to a home purchase, either, but my name is still on the deed.

Whether I have a salary or not, we're still in a lifelong partnership together. And my husband feels that I have contributed much more of value over the years than just childcare (which is why I'm still doing my part from home, even though the kids are now grown).

 

[NHdisneylover]

I will admit, this topic came up in our house just the other day and my wife and I both did some major judging.

We heard through the grapevine that our SIL (my wife's brother's new wife) let it slip that she was hoping that her husband would start making a little more income so she could quit work and stay home. They have no kids, have no plans for kids (he's 49 and she's 42), she just doesn't want to work anymore. She's also been trying to convince him to sell the house that he's lived in for 20+ years and move somewhere else, because she doesn't like the neighborhood (or some BS). We suspect she's hoping that if they buy a different house, she'll get her name on the deed (despite not having a dime to contribute to a home purchase).

Hmm, well one would hope that any decisions they make about staying a two income couple or dropping down to one income, and moving (or not) would be made jointly and by them without input from the grapevine and noisy/judging siblings. It is pretty apparent you do not like your new sister in law, which may or may not be a legit view to have of her ( I freely admit to very much disliking two of my three brothers in law; I think it's legit, others may not) ---but it would seem to me only your brother's and her opinions about her working or where to live matter.

I assume that the only reason her name is not on the current deed is beucase she is his NEW wife and he already owned the home before she came into his life? Becuase, I cannot imaigne not being on the deed with my spouse.

I can, however, imagine that in a new marraige the couple might want to have a home which is "theirs" and not "his" One where they build memories together and all the memories there belong to the both of them.

 

[soccerdad72]

I assume that the only reason her name is not on the current deed is beucase she is his NEW wife and he already owned the home before she came into his life? Becuase, I cannot imaigne not being on the deed with my spouse.

Yes, he bought the house back in his 20's and has only a year or two left on the mortgage. They got married back in May.

 

[soccerdad72]

Given that he's a grown man of almost 50, I'm sure he's capable of making his own decisions, where his wife, his neighbourhood, and his home are concerned. And if he isn't, then she'll make them for him, and maybe that's what he's actually looking for anyway.

How they live their lives is their business, unless it impacts your life in some way.

I agree with you 100%. Unless asked, we're not giving our opinion to them. It's not our business - doesn't stop us from judging, however.

 

[Colleen27]

I agree. Not planning for divorce.

I'll admit I've done some planning in that direction too, when DH & I were having some very hard times in our marriage. And coming to the realization that I would, in fact, be just fine was a very good feeling even though we were (and are) completely committed to avoiding that as an outcome.

Really? So, You're saying you can't even tell how many you worked with that are still working well into their 60's hoping their wives die before them??? That many, huh??? You must work with some real winners then, that so many are of that mind set!! Wow! Amazing, I've never known anyone that felt that way.
The couples we knew that worked with my dh were thankful to be able to set their retirements up this way, in fact, about 3/4 of my dh's retirement would go to me as he had that option - to take slightly less now, to be able to set it up that way.

I thought, in the context of the conversation, that the "ex" was a given.

Railroad-they are a whole different breed of people I think. I never knew so many cheaters until I started working there either, the cheaters certainly outnumbered the non cheaters.

Some professions are like that. When we met, DH used to work as a driver for a moving and storage company, and his coworkers in that business were enough to make you lose all faith in the male of our species and the institution of marriage itself. The bitter, woman-hating divorced guys and the "happily married" younger guys with an attitude that all real men cheat when they're on the road (rarely more than a few days) were actually the catalyst for DH deciding to change fields. He didn't mind the long hours and lack of long-term opportunity (he can be pretty change-resistant, even when the change is for the better), but the social/workplace culture made him miserable.