Are we being selfish?

[FINFAN]

Last Christmas we drove to Fl to see my folks for the holidays. They moved there 6 years ago and it was the first time we have spent a holiday with them since they moved. Before my folks moved we always split Xmas Eve into a 2 parter...early evening w/DH family, later eve. w/mine, and back to DH side Xmas day. We have done this for 18 years, dragging the kids, stressing out, you know the story. Anyway, we drove last Dec and stopped for a few nights at the Dolphin, did not do any parks, but had a fab time all the same, and truly enjoyed being away for the holiday. We are hoping to do this again, and actually be in WDW on Dec 25th, but are getting major flack.already. What would you do? Keep in mind that our kids are at an age where pulling them out of school is not gonna happen. Any input or helpers out there?


Pam

 

[chell]

Nope, I don't think you are being selfish at all. You and your family deserve the time together.

 

[mommytotwo]

You could invite everyone to join you in a Christmas celebration.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

No you are not being selfish at all. Do what is best for your family.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

I think you should do what you want to. You shouldn't have to feel "guilted" into doing something you don't really want to do. I'm sure they'll miss you, but they have lots of time to get used to the idea. JMHO.

 

[BostonTigger]

Now, I don't have any in-laws yet so I haven't gone through this situation. But how I'm reading this is that the grandparents have been use to having you around for the holidays, and since you are thinking of not being there you are upsetting their rhythem. So, try asking them to come along on the trip. They just might.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are allowed ...I am so there! I could skip every holiday and take a vacation.

 

[Kallison]

Been there -- done that with the tug of war over Christmas. It's YOUR family, do what YOU want! They'll get over it, you can see each other after the holidays. Sounds to me like you spent plenty of Christmas' at their place -- when do you get to create your own family memories??

 

[FINFAN]

My FIL can't travel due to health and MIL would never travel w/out him(understandable) and my Mom who is dying to go with can't travel due to mutiple ailments...and she is only a 4 hour drive away. My Dad can't handle crowds and basically does not care to visit WDW. Go figure, the family I have in Fl. can't go to WDW. We have tried numerous times to get the family to go, but I have 4 SIL, and believe me....it is just not gonna happen. I feel guilty(since both sets of parents are ailing) that we are even thinking of not seeing them....and being 4 hours away from my folks and not visiting is also gonna sting. We are trying to see if we can return home on Christmas day and squeeze a visit in at the in-laws...but they have a strict dinner time...3 p.m. and if you are not there for that....don't bother coming. I tried to have Xmas w/in-laws a few days earlier than the actual day last year as we were going to be out of town, and was politely told that it is not the same. I mostly feel bad for DH, as he is stuck in the middle. Sigh...if only $$ were no object, we'd fly home for that day and back out again for another week! Oh yeah....this all came about because we were thinking of Xmas '05....but once the nastiness came about, we thought, oh well, maybe try for this year since we are already on the sh** list for even thinking about it. BTW, one SIL has missed every Easter to travel 'cause of spring break. Apparently that holiday is acceptable to miss.

Pam

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I feel your pain.

I am in my mid thirties and we have been going to my aunt's house (in the same city as my grandmother) since I was a child. My parents also go and we drag all the goodies for Christmas up there, too.

I have been wanting to remain at home and begin creating our own traditions for some time now.

Tomorrow my grandmother finds out the result of a catscan on her lung. There is a "fullness" there. She had a catscan last week and the next day the doctor called her to get her to come in and discuss the results. That's never good, you know? If it's good, they will tell you on the phone.

We may have just had our last Christmas all together.

I don't have an easy answer for you.

It's so hard to know what to do.

I do know that I am happy that I hauled my family up there every year.

I pray that there will be one more.

Best of luck to you.

 

[sk!mom]

I assume that you live near the inlaws so offer an early celebration and if they refuse- Oh Well, their loss. If you live close, I'm sure you seem them plenty anyway.

See the Florida family sometime during your holiday, when it's convenient for you. They should be glad that you traveled all the distance to see them.

I think that you should be making memories for your own family rather than being guilted into doing things their way. I would do it just because they all sound so controlling which would have driven me away long ago.

 

[FINFAN]

BTP, I am sorry to hear of your families sad news, and hope that the news is not as bad as you fear. Some doctors prefer to discuss ALL results in person...or there may be an issue, just not what you may be thinking. My mom was asked if cancer ran in her family during MRI result conference, she said no, and nothing more was ever brought up about it.
I guess we are at a point where both families want us on the same day...one in Chicago and one in Fl. Technically, we owe a few more to my folks... and only get to see them at best, once a year. We see DH's all the time...but I am not going to go down that road. I have been told my folks chose to move away from family, it's their problem... how understanding of others. I know if we stay and see DH family this year and heaven forbid anything were to deteriorate w/mine, I will forever regret it. However the same feeling goes on my DH side with him and his folks. Hence, we thought we'd skip BOTH sides on the actual holiday and see them as best we could around the holidays. This however, is just not sitting well with in-laws, which really makes me wonder if they care about us, or the power to control us. Y'know, how would the Norman Rockwell holiday photo look if 4 people were missing? No one ever calls to see how day to day life is...just scheduling holidays. Maybe we should think of the Easter break like SIL does...but liked the Holiday time so much, and that's when DH gets a few extra days off. Man, I feel so rotten just in the basic thought process of this...maybe we should just go into debt and go next week to avoid the hassle!

 

[onecoolmama]

Nope you are not being selfish at all. It is your holiday and you should spend it how you please!

 

[disykat]

I think it sounds like your inlaws are the selfish ones. I'd go, stop to see your folks on the way, and then HOST a gathering with dh's family when you get back. If they refuse to come it's their problem.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Originally posted by FINFAN
Y'know, how would the Norman Rockwell holiday photo look if 4 people were missing? No one ever calls to see how day to day life is...just scheduling holidays.

I hear ya! MIL is the same way. If she's calling it's for one of two things - either it's holiday time or her computer is broken and she needs DH to fix it.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

We just had this same conversation a week or so ago. I was trying to decide if I sould get an annual pass for a few days at the park before the cruise, with the intent to use it again over Christmas. We also have the Christmas push and pull with the 2 sides of the family. I just hate the whole time from DS birthday in Nov through Christmas day. ) I hope you have more courage than I have had as I still run from house to house (one is a 2 hour drive) and just look forward to it all being over. Some "holiday" huh?

One question I have been trying to answer for myself is what would I tell my DS and DD in the future to do? I know I will want them with me, but I HOPE I tell them to do what makes them happy, and I HOPE I really mean it!!!!

 

[FINFAN]

Well, been chatting it over with DH, and we are leaning towards making the trip. We do always have such a special time there that we are craving it again. Even when we did not do the parks last Dec, it was still great. I am sure this will be a battle full of hurt feelings and headaches....plus it will mean no little side trips this summer, but that's O.K. Chicago has a lot of day trip stuff we have never done, and will TRY and get DH's folks to join us here for those things. My folks will have a REALLY hard time accepting that we are 4 hours away, so I still have not figured that out yet...maybe a little pixie will come to me in my dreams and help me out! Anyway, thank you all for the support and helpful posts....now am I crazy to try and find airfare this late? Not to mention getting a room! But this is the fun part !


Pam

 

[Planogirl]

I think that you should do what feels right for YOUR family.

I couldn't do it because Christmas means too much to DH's mother particularly since his father died plus DH is determined to spend Christmas with his family and won't budge on this. And his Mom is a super nice, generous lady who adores her family and expects very little throughout the year. So my case is a bit difficult.

However, your situation sounds a lot different and I would go with what works for you and your DH.

 

[gshoemate]

Do what is best for you and your family. When DH and I were planning out wedding, we decided we were going to go to Hawaii and get married on the beach. I had a dress picked out and had gone to a travel agent already. Then DH's mom was told and she turned on the tears (she's kind of a drama queen). Well, we did it her way and had a regular wedding and every day I regret it. It wasn't what I wanted at all. So do what you feel you need to to for "your" family. They are the only ones that you need to worry about making happy.

 

[mom2grace]

I also have controlling in-laws.....do what makes you and DH happy! We are also in the same dilemma, my parents are close, DH's are 1000 miles away. We have alternated every year, but last Christmas my sister got married, and this year in January we are taking a cruise with my extended family, so no Christmas with the in-laws (They don't know it yet) again!

Could you make your flight into near where your parents are and then rent a car to Orlando and see them on one end of your trip?

Good luck!!!!