Are people who live in the urban Northeast USA rude and unfriendly?

[Chubroach]

After a few years of living in Washington DC, I am taking stock of my life. After living in a mid sized town in Minnesota for most of my life, I moved to Washington DC for a great job at an exclusive company. I find that IN GENERAL the people in Washington DC and the other big cities in the northeast (Where I travel to for business) are basically rude and unfriendly in comparison to folks in the midwest. Do you agree?

I have asked quite a few people here in Washington DC who have moved to the big cities in the mid Atlantic/Northeast about this and most agree. A few say that everyone is nice and that if I smile at them they will be friendly back. I have tried that and it only rarely is the case!

Sure there are some nice friendly people here in Washington DC but if you are taking about averages, most people who grew up here seem to be selfish, cold, aloof, arogant and distant. Office Politics seem worse than I remember back in the midwest. Destroying peoples careers is a form of sport here. Again, does anyone agree or have an observation after moving to a big city in the east after living in the south, midwest, or mountain west. Looking for feedback!

 

[Dan Murphy]

I think people in general, in any part of the country, are good hearted. I do think there are jerks also, in any part of the country. Most of us have experienced both, but generally, many more of the goods ones. JMO.

 

[Kimberle]

Originally posted by Chubroach
After a few years of living in Washington DC, I am taking stock of my life. After living in a mid sized town in Minnesota for most of my life, I moved to Washington DC for a great job at an exclusive company. I find that IN GENERAL the people in Washington DC and the other big cities in the northeast (Where I travel to for business) are basically rude and unfriendly in comparison to folks in the midwest. Do you agree?

I have asked quite a few people here in Washington DC who have moved to the big cities in the mid Atlantic/Northeast about this and most agree. A few say that everyone is nice and that if I smile at them they will be friendly back. I have tried that and it only rarely is the case!

Sure there are some nice friendly people here in Washington DC but if you are taking about averages, most people who grew up here seem to be selfish, cold, aloof, arogant and distant. Office Politics seem worse than I remember back in the midwest. Destroying peoples careers is a form of sport here. Again, does anyone agree or have an observation after moving to a big city in the east after living in the south, midwest, or mountain west. Looking for feedback!

Hi!
Where in MN are you from? I grew up south of Mankato. After college I moved to the 'burbs of NYC (mid-80's).

Now after living here nearly 20 years, I wouldn't say "rude", rather reserved. I think everyone has their own circle of friends & family, they find it hard to include others. I don't know why, fear, maybe......

I now have my own little circle of friends/family, but it was not easy to come by. I tried so many ways, even church. People were polite, but didn't really have that "warmness" I was used to from my childhood.

Smile, be friendly, but give 'em lots of time. You're sure to find some "gems" out there!!

 

[luvmydogs]

I know that when I moved from Allentown, PA to GA over 10 years ago, it took me a while to get used to how friendly people were down here. Strangers always said hello or would strike up a conversation. I tended to take it as people being in my face and often wanted to tell them to leave me alone and quit talking to me. Came to realize that they just saw it as being open and friendly. It took me awhile to get comfortable with it, but I think I'm much more open and welcoming to people as a direct result of living here. That said, I have encountered my fair share of rude people everywhere, including the South, and believe it or not, I found the friendliest people I have ever met to be in NY where I went to college! Just my personal experience--hope I'm not offending.

 

[CEDmom]

I've lived in the NE my entire life but have traveled extensively throughout the US. I think what you mistake as rudeness is actually cautiousness. Many people who grew up in or near a NE city have a lot of street smarts. This means they generally don't engage in conversation with a stranger and may not even make eye contact with them. It can be difficult to get to know someone but just be yourself and they will probably come around. Sometimes trying too hard can make people suspicious and send them scurrying. As Dan said though most people are good hearted no matter where they came from. I think you just have to look back to the outpouring of support from people in NYC and Wash DC on 9-11 to realize that.

 

[gina2000]

DC is largely a political town with a high transient population due to change in administrations. I believe that's why you feel the lack of warmth there. I went to school in DC and I loved it. But it's not for everyone.

I'm from the NE. People from this area are a bit more cautious than other areas. They are also wonderful human beings with hearts of gold. I've always been accepted and liked everywhere I've gone and accept people unconditionally. I don't know that I would be comfortable living anywhere else.

 

[mickeyfan1]

I have lived all over the country. I agree with lvmydogs about the southerners in GA, when we moved to Conyers, I noticed people waved on the road, and neighbors would say hello when I walked the dogs. Where I had live previously, people tended to keep to themselves, so I did too.

I currently live in New Hampshire, I just moved a month ago from Arizona. I think that who ever told you to smile and be friendly had the right idea. For some reason people seem to think the New Englanders are standoffish and not friendly. I find that to be untrue 99.999999% of the time. I always try to be friendly and open first, and everyone seems to respond (guess working retail helped).

But you are correct, I lived in the DC area for 30 plus years, and it is hard to break into an existing group, most people have their little safety net of friends and don't see any reason to open up to others. Office politics are horrible there, and from what I can remember a lot of people are more interested in what they have (house, SUV, over achieving kids) than being friendly to those who don't measure up to the same standards. I always saw that as their loss, not mine. I left work at the door when I went home, and never thought too much about it. I had my career stifled while I was there, but I did not let it bother me.

Now I am living in a place where I know no one. When I go shopping, I always say hello, how are you today, first. I loined the library, I went to town hall and hired on to work the polls during the election last Tuesday. I have met a lot of really warm, friendly people, by being that way myself. Have I made "invite over to dinner and hang out with" friends? Not yet, and I know that will take time. Plus I will be moving to another town in June. But I will make it a point to be friendly there, too.

Another thought I just had, when I lived in AZ, there were very few people that were natives, and I lived in retirement heaven. When you went in the grocery or the bank you would hear "Well, it isn't like this at home" or "I never have to wait in line at my bank at home", etc. DH worked in a small retail establishment, and dealt with retirees daily. The majority of them were crabby and unhappy because "I can get this cheaper at home" etc. If you are unhappy, and let everyone know that you are, it tends to make for a bad time all around. And if you really think that everything is better at "home", then go back. Life is way to short to be miserable and make all those around you the same way.

And in advance, sorry Jason, long post.

 

[tlgoblue]

I find people in the NE to be very effecient, and fast paced and bright. When you cluster that many people together, the rules become rather inflexible, as people need to know what to expect from others. I don't see it as being rude. I think that is just the nature of city life. Where I am living now, the constant "friendliness" here feels more like everyone wanting to know your business, and it feels more oppressive than friendly. It also seems much less genuine than friendships with my more Urban friends. As a Midwesterner (born and raised), I feel like I can say that we tend to be very judgmental and want only to surround ourselves with "mini-me's". That feels rude to me.

Try to give people a break, even though you may feel like you are the one who is being treated rudely. The longer you live and work there, the more you will find that their ways suit the conditions under which they live.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[onecoolmama]

I grew up in DC and still live there. I have lived in Ohio for 2 years and Philly for three. We are looking to move to NC or GA and have been down there to visit and really talk to people. Here is what I noticed:


Yes, people are much more friendly in the midwest, south, even parts of the west coast. However, I tend to agree that is it not out of rudness or arrogance..but more out of fear or cautiousness. As another poster said..we have our gaurd up around people and much like her..I will have a hard time adjusting to people being so nice. I will tell you, when I worked in Philly, the sexual conduct that went on in that office would never fly in DC! Everyone has to watch more closely what they say and do because they dont want it taken wrong or be misunderstood. I think everyone in the NE but especially in DC (I have a lot of family in Boston and I don't notice it as much there) is walking on eggshells as to not offend. While as innocent as a smile might be in an office..someone could take it as a come on...someone could take it as you laughing at them...ect.

My husband and I grew up in DC..or just outside. We live in great areas! But between out two families we have had our house broken into, car stolen, money taken out of our pockets, radios taken out of our cars, and my husband was car-jacked at gun point.

Like I said, there is no crime free area, but I think in the NE..from DC up (becuase technially I think we are considered mid atlantic) we walk on eggshells with our heads up and our eyes wide open!

But if you want to meet a really nice person here we could meet for coffee somewhere!

 

[Evil Princess]

Rude? Nah. Talk fast, walk fast, look straight ahead while walking down the street? Yep lol.

The general pace of life is much faster up here. I went to New Orleans this summer and I did notice how friendly everyone is, however, I also noticed how s-l-o-w everyone moved down there! (Though after experiencing that heat, I do undersand). I was brought up a short train ride from NYC and was always taught never to make eye contact with people in the city. It was for safety, and as I result I usually look straight ahead walking down the street.

Funny, here in college I have been told that I "walk like I have a purpose", whatever that means, lol. I have to constantly apologize to friends after not seeing them on the street because I was too busy looking straight ahead and "speed walking".

Different parts of the country are just different. I'm not going to strike up a conversation with a stranger on the subway, but if I'm in a store and the salesperson is ringing me up I tend to strike up conversation. I'm extremely friendly to strangers, but when I'm walking somewhere, it's all about getting to the destination, lol.

 

[Evil Princess]

Rude? Nah. Talk fast, walk fast, look straight ahead while walking down the street? Yep lol.

The general pace of life is much faster up here. I went to New Orleans this summer and I did notice how friendly everyone is, however, I also noticed how s-l-o-w everyone moved down there! (Though after experiencing that heat, I do undersand). I was brought up a short train ride from NYC and was always taught never to make eye contact with people in the city. It was for safety, and as I result I usually look straight ahead walking down the street.

Funny, here in college I have been told that I "walk like I have a purpose", whatever that means, lol. I have to constantly apologize to friends after not seeing them on the street because I was too busy looking straight ahead and "speed walking".

Different parts of the country are just different. I'm not going to strike up a conversation with a stranger on the subway, but if I'm in a store and the salesperson is ringing me up I tend to strike up conversation. I'm extremely friendly to strangers, but when I'm walking somewhere, it's all about getting to the destination, lol.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am a Southerner, who has family and friends from the North/Midwest... ( I just posted on a previous thread about how very different the standard of living can be!!! )

I have had several others tell me that there IS a difference, and that folks from 'up north' are not as open and friendly... I have also lived in Retirement areas with a lot of people who have retired from 'up north'... So, I do think that can offer a viewpoint here.

First, I would tend to agree with the OP that maybe the people are NOT as open and friendly! Two quotes from other posts here voiced things that really strongly struck a chord with me.

Quote:
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As a Midwesterner (born and raised), I feel like I can say that we tend to be very judgmental and want only to surround ourselves with "mini-me's". That feels rude to me.
_____________________________________________

Quote:
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and from what I can remember a lot of people are more interested in what they have (house, SUV, over achieving kids) than being friendly to those who don't measure up to the same standards.
_____________________________________________


I have seen HUGE examples of these thoughts in my own friends and family from the NOrth/Midwest!!!!

But, that being said.... It is not good to make strong generalizations.... At one recent event that we attended, by far the most open and friendly couple we met were from New Jersey! And, I recently called to a business in the Mid-West, and recieved the friendliest most open and professional service that I have experienced in a long time!

Interesting Thread!!!

 

[Christine]

Well, I was born in DC, lived in DC for two years, and then have spent the remainder of my 40 years living in the suburbs of DC. I don't think we are *rude* but unfriendly and cautious probably. It has gotten much worse in the last 10-15 years as the DC area has gotten more diverse. I think some of the other cities like New York and LA have been diverse from the beginning but DC never was and that makes it different.

I have found that since leaving high school and college, I have been unable to get into new circles of friendships. I have many people that I talk with at work and in the neighborhood but they never want to go any further than a hello or short chat. I believe that a lot of it has to do with different racial and cultural or religious differences. People tend to not want to bridge those gaps and go further with someone very different from them. And that goes in ALL directions. I find it very disturbing that, for example, the black women in my office will talk to me and be friendly but NEVER invite me into their lunch group (and yes, I've invited them into mine). We also have a much larger Muslim and Hispanic population now than we've ever had and they don't seem to want to intermingle. To me, I'm blind to all that stuff until it becomes apparent that it is interfering with socializing. I find it weird and maybe I'm WAY off base and this is just a problem in the field I work in. Who knows, just my observation. I'm thinking that some smaller towns in the south and midwest may not have as much diversity in them but I have no comparisons to make--never lived anywhere else but a few years in a military community overseas.

I'm used to the crime here and I don't think that is a reason for ME being standoffish. I mean I really don't walk around thinking I'm going to get mugged all the time. But I know what the OP is talking about. Something is *off* here, I just can't describe it well!

 

[TiggerPiglet]

I was born and raised in the Bronx, NY and yes, I admit I'm not as friendly as I could be, but I don't think I am rude. Like people have said, you become very cautious and guarded when you grow up in a city, it's an unfortunate side effect. I think a lot of being friendly is a trust issue. I have a hard time trusting people I don't know. I'm assuming people who are very friendly, grew up in a place where people didn't try to take advantage of them. I have to say, I have gotten a little friendlier since I've had kids, obviously with playdates and stuff, you're forced to talk to people you don't know , but I do worry about my kids, because they are so friendly. They've had the luxury of living in a safe place, which in turn has made them friendly. I worry about this, because of kidnapping. Even though I've warned them about talking to strangers, they still do, because they have no fear. Sometimes fear is good. I never talked to strangers when I was a kid, because I knew from experience there were a lot of bad people in the world.
So, the next time you go to a big city and people are walking right past you, don't take it as being rude, but just people who are trying to be cautious

 

[Wishing on a star]

Remembered this in the news recently, thought it would great to post it here! The list includes cities from most all areas...

_______________________________________

CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) — To gloat would be, perish the thought, impolite. But again Charleston tops the unofficial list of the best-mannered cities in the United States.
It's the 10th time, and the ninth year in a row, that this city of antebellum pastel houses and ocean breezes has taken or shared top honors since etiquette expert Marjabelle Young Stewart started compiling her annual list 27 years ago.
"I think it's because they got on top, my dear, and decided they were going to stay there," said Miss Stewart, a Kewanee, Ill., author of 17 etiquette books. "It isn't just Charleston. It's the people who make it so human and kind and loving."
Other cities come and go from the list, but the constant is Charleston, she said. New York City made the list this year.
A number of Midwestern cities tied for second place this year: Springfield, Ill., Peoria, Ill., and the Quad Cities, which include Bettendorf and Davenport in Iowa and Moline and Rock Island in Illinois.
"They are all about the same size and have the same attitudes and their approaches are the same — they are very wholesome, friendly people," Miss Stewart said.
Pensacola, Fla., was third, San Francisco was fourth, and the Omaha, Neb., and Council Bluffs, Iowa, area was fifth. Rounding out the list were Nashville, Tenn., New York City, Seattle, Chicago and Los Angeles.
One of the keys to Charleston's friendliness may be its livability court, which handles quality-of-life complaints such as barking dogs, loud parties and trash in yards. The city has operated the court for the past two years.
However, Judge Michael Molony said Charlestonians tend to be so polite they are sometimes reticent to complain about their neighbors.
"I hear this a lot. Somebody will say to me, 'I didn't want to confront my neighbor about this. I was embarrassed' or 'We get along fine but, boy, this has been a problem for me,' " he said. "I always try to make sure that when people leave they know they are always going to be neighbors."
The city's sidewalks and small shops also may help make the city more polite because residents roam the streets and interact, Judge Molony said.
"It's not like Atlanta or Charlotte, where people are isolated in their cars and listening to their radios or talking on their cell phones," he said. "When people have human interaction ... it brightens your spirit a little bit, and if I see a tourist standing on the corner of Church and Broad streets looking at a map, I might say 'May I help you?' "
The unscientific survey is based on letters and faxes Miss Stewart receives from people who have taken her etiquette courses, and the general public.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

number of Midwestern cities tied for second place this year: Springfield, Ill., Peoria, Ill., and the Quad Cities, which include Bettendorf and Davenport in Iowa and Moline and Rock Island in Illinois.

I grew up in the QCA, Bettendorf, IA. It is a great place to raise a family. The Iowa side is growing by leaps and bounds. Most people there are very friendly.

 

[caitycaity]

i've lived many places in the US. i grew up for the most part near Syracuse, NY. i've lived in DC for 8 years.

when i first came down to DC, i actually thought the people here were friendlier than in Syracuse! if you ask people for directions (in most parts of NW anyways) they are generally helpfully and friendly. i never knew many people from the south growing up and here there are a lot of southerners. i get called "sweetie" or some other nickname on a regular basis. no one would say those kind of things where i grew up. it seems more friendly to me.

i agree with others that it is just people being busy and/or cautious. most jobs here require long unpaid extra hours. people have to multitask, and with traffic being what it is, people are pressed for time. also, after living here for awhile, it definately pays to be cautious. i will help someone who asks, but i'm not going to start conversations with random people on the street. i've had my wallet stolen twice, my car broken into multiple times, and i've been followed many times by someone who obviously had problems. it can be scary, and you have to be on your guard.

the flip side of this is i've had plenty of nice conversations with strangers on the metro. yesterday i was using my cell phone in the metro and the people standing next to me asked what kind of phone i had since theirs didn't work underground. one time i had a conversation with a woman wanting to know what game i was playing on my palm pilot.

i really don't think it's fair to paint this area with the rude brush. in my travels, and compred to other places i've lived, it seems like people are about the same rudeness level most everywhere. actually, on my last trip to indiana we didn't encounter one friendly person (except the people we were visting)! i didn't leave saying, "man the people in indiana sure are rude!" people have bad days everywhere.

as for office politics -- i haven't found them to be worse here than other places. my cousin works in a horribly competitive office in michigan. my office in downtown dc is filled with friendly people who go out of their way to help new hires.

dc is filled with people from other places. i have only met a handful of dc natives and everyone else i know is a transplant from the west coast, south, midwest, or new england. so if people are rude, i'd say it's not necessarily a reflection on dc.

 

[caitycaity]

another point i menat to make:

if you assume that the number of "rude" people is about the same everywhere in the US, it stands to reason that since you will interact with more people in an urban area than in a suburban or rural area, the urban area will feel ruder to you, just because you are coming in contact with more people and therefore more rude people, when in fact the proportions are still the same.

 

[onecoolmama]

I would offer another veiw point. In DC and up and down the NE I have found a stronger tolerance for differences then other places.

When I met and dated my husband, we were in high school in DC suburbs. No one blinked at the fact that we are mixed races. I am white and he is Asian. Anyway, we moved to Ohio and for the first time people would stare at us..point whisper. One lady where i was waitressing even pulled me aside and told me how beautiful I was and I was wasting my life being with that "****"..My DH looks spanish.

When I moved to Philly, no one blinked again. And then I moved to DC and everything was accepted. I have kids that when we have visited Oh and even in WDW people have asked me where I adopted them from. It is not given a second thought here.

I think in Atlanta and even Raligh we will be ok..and my kids should be fine. But I find comfort in the fact that we are more tolerant and more accepting of others backrounds. My DH will not live in the Midwest becuase of the expierences we had there...oh and they drive way too slow!LOL!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Jenn Lynn,

Just wanted to say that I have heard a few times that a lot of IL (especially Southern IL...) is more like the South!!!!