Appropriate graduation gift amount for neighbor

[ArielFlounderSebastian357]

I had a party and so did my kids but I don't "get them", why do you need a huge party to congratulate someone for not dropping out of school? I mean great you just did what you are supposed to do. And then pretty much getting paid because you weren't a failure.

"congrats on not failing at life Billy, here's a 50"

People do sometimes get wrapped up in what amount you give (or receive) but the point of the event which is just showing support for the person (I disagree with your part about not dropping out, also look at college which is voluntary to go to). It really doesn't matter how much they get, it doesn't matter the dollar amount of the scholarship (that was considered impolite to mention when I was a kid as it could be considered boasting/bragging in mixed company) and more. It does make for a nice time when you have people around you who share in your excitement and support you and your next adventure in life so having a party wouldn't bother me.

I understand why the person made this thread to ask, even though it probably more depends on their area, because it's a social norm and people don't want to appear "less than".

 

[ArielFlounderSebastian357]

I see that they have decided on $50. I think I probably would have done $20 or $40 for easy cash reasons and that this is a neighbor you're an acquaintance of but not very close with.

While not really wrong I do side with the people who said they wondered why they would be invited. I can see some reasons for why but if you're not that close you wouldn't be upset at not being invited and I'm sure you are happy for the graduate it doesn't mean you'd have to be invited to an actual party for it.

 

[Disneylover99]

I had a party and so did my kids but I don't "get them", why do you need a huge party to congratulate someone for not dropping out of school? I mean great you just did what you are supposed to do. And then pretty much getting paid because you weren't a failure.

"congrats on not failing at life Billy, here's a 50"

I don't get them either. I guess it's just not a thing around here. I don't know anyone who has had a high school/College/University party. Or maybe nobody has invited me. Which is fine by me too. Lol.

 

[AndreaDM]

My daughter's grad party is on Sunday so I'll be sure to update this with the average amount! We only invited the next door neighbors on the one side (party is not at home so no one else will know), we aren't particularly close, but he has helped with my daughter's car, and is the first one we call when we need to borrow something and vice versa. I would think anywhere from $20-$40 is completely appropriate for a neighbor gift.

As for announcements, around here (Ohio) they are usually only sent out as or with a party invitation. Last year was different though with Covid, we got several "card party" invitations so we simply sent a card with a check.

DD's party is at the country club and we are paying per person, but I don't expect anyone to cover their plate especially none of the teenagers she invited. Her and her friends made a pact NOT to give each other gifts because it ends up literally being just trading money or gift cards. DD did print out some clown college applications she is putting in cards for a few friends as a laugh.

I finally remembered to come back and update! My DD's party was June 13 and her gifts ranged from $20-$200 with the average being $50-$100. Our next door neighbors gave her $25. The $200 gift was from friends who used to babysit DD when she was little so they have known her forever.

An odd thing, everyone who attended gave something, even most of her friends at least gave a card (they had agreed on no gifts). However, there was no card in the box from my sister, we looked through everything. She, her husband and son came to the party. I find it really odd that she wouldn't have given my DD anything when she did give $ to my 2 older DDs when they graduated. I haven't said anything in case there's a reason she didn't, but there's also the possibility the card got lost, etc. If she thinks she DID give something she'll be wondering why she didn't get a thank you card (yes, DD sent them to everyone). My sister and I are not BFFs but we get along for the most part, but not really comfortable bringing it up to her. Just to clarify, I don't care if she didn't give her something, but want to be aware in case she did and it got misplaced.

 

[connorlevismom]

OP here - I am updating as well. The party was 2 weeks ago and we did go for about an hour or so. We gifted the grad $50.00. Now, having said that, I will REALLY rethink this going forward.

#1. We were talking to the grad's mother when he walked up to talk to her to tell her something and did not even acknowledge that we were standing there. No thank you for coming, not even a hello. Now, my son is VERY polite and I would be mortified if he did something like this to a guest at HIS grad party!

#2. The grad cashed my check a week ago and I have yet to get a thank you.

#3. The grad left his own party an hour before it was scheduled to end to go hang out with his friends at someone else's house.

I am just so sad that parents are not teaching their children at least basic manners.

 

[AndreaDM]

OP here - I am updating as well. The party was 2 weeks ago and we did go for about an hour or so. We gifted the grad $50.00. Now, having said that, I will REALLY rethink this going forward.

#1. We were talking to the grad's mother when he walked up to talk to her to tell her something and did not even acknowledge that we were standing there. No thank you for coming, not even a hello. Now, my son is VERY polite and I would be mortified if he did something like this to a guest at HIS grad party!

#2. The grad cashed my check a week ago and I have yet to get a thank you.

#3. The grad left his own party an hour before it was scheduled to end to go hang out with his friends at someone else's house.

I am just so sad that parents are not teaching their children at least basic manners.

Yes I made sure my daughter acknowledged everyone who came and made it very clear she was NOT to leave early to hang out with friends. There were multiple parties that day and she went to another one after her own, but after every guest had left our party.

With the mail being the way it is, I would give it some time for thank you cards to show up, however DD just stuck the next door neighbor's card into their box.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP here - I am updating as well. The party was 2 weeks ago and we did go for about an hour or so. We gifted the grad $50.00. Now, having said that, I will REALLY rethink this going forward.

#1. We were talking to the grad's mother when he walked up to talk to her to tell her something and did not even acknowledge that we were standing there. No thank you for coming, not even a hello. Now, my son is VERY polite and I would be mortified if he did something like this to a guest at HIS grad party!

#2. The grad cashed my check a week ago and I have yet to get a thank you.

#3. The grad left his own party an hour before it was scheduled to end to go hang out with his friends at someone else's house.

I am just so sad that parents are not teaching their children at least basic manners.

That reminds me a lot of one of my sister-in-laws. Birthday celebrations are different for her, she'd rather go quickly, even for her own birthday. It's a bit annoying TBH but she's been that way for a long enough time that it's not a personal thing just how she is. However, I wouldn't be too hard on the grad here. TBH most of the high school grad parties I've attended it's just the adults really doing all the talking and the teens off to the side likely wishing they were elsewhere. Of course it was his grad party and interaction with party guests at least to say hi should be done if possible. I just remember at my own high school grad party I didn't really want people I didn't know at all or know well enough to be there but I was an odd child that's for sure lol.

Acknowledgement in the form of a thank you card I completely understand wanting, yes the mail service is slow, it's also possible he didn't do thank you cards at all.

It sounds like it's possible y'all were invited to be polite because you're neighbors and/or additional gift with the lack of warm welcoming you got from the mother of the grad. You already had said you really never hung out and weren't close.

Were you rethinking the amount or rethinking even going or rethinking even giving acknowledgement yourself of the grad (like a card but without cash) if you hadn't gone to the party?

 

[connorlevismom]

That reminds me a lot of one of my sister-in-laws. Birthday celebrations are different for her, she'd rather go quickly, even for her own birthday. It's a bit annoying TBH but she's been that way for a long enough time that it's not a personal thing just how she is. However, I wouldn't be too hard on the grad here. TBH most of the high school grad parties I've attended it's just the adults really doing all the talking and the teens off to the side likely wishing they were elsewhere. Of course it was his grad party and interaction with party guests at least to say hi should be done if possible. I just remember at my own high school grad party I didn't really want people I didn't know at all or know well enough to be there but I was an odd child that's for sure lol.

Acknowledgement in the form of a thank you card I completely understand wanting, yes the mail service is slow, it's also possible he didn't do thank you cards at all.

It sounds like it's possible y'all were invited to be polite because you're neighbors and/or additional gift with the lack of warm welcoming you got from the mother of the grad. You already had said you really never hung out and weren't close.

Were you rethinking the amount or rethinking even going or rethinking even giving acknowledgement yourself of the grad (like a card but without cash) if you hadn't gone to the party?

My sons graduates next year so this is something that I have a lot of thoughts about. I am also very particular about manners. I am strict with my kids about them and next year at my sons party I expect, at the very least, that he say hello and thank people for coming. Especially if he is standing right next to them (like the grad next door was doing to us) and looks them right in the eyes and then looks away without even a hello. I consider that rude and nobody can convince me otherwise.

I had a very warm welcome from the mother and we sat and chatted for quite a while, it is the grad that I am having an issue with. Had I known this is how it would have gone we would have just stayed home and there would be no way I would give the kid $50.00.

 

[MillauFr]

$25 is fine even in high cost of living areas.

 

[traviesojmt]

My DD is a 2021 high school graduate and she would be grateful that you were kind enough to give her any gift. I believe $25 is absolutely an appropriate gift for someone with whom you are not close. I have to be honest though, I don’t really like feeling forced to give gifts to people who I would not normally give a gift. For that reason, we only sent graduation announcements to those we truly believed loved our daughter and would want an announcement. Her friend, on the other hand, sent out more than 150 announcements. She sent them to her doctor, dentist and practically anyone she could think of sending them to Feels like a money grab that I am not comfortable.
I don’t think anyone should feel social pressure to spend more money than they are comfortable with to keep up with The Joneses.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wouldn’t expect a thank you note in a week. My kids just graduated today and it’s a whirlwind. They have so many graduation parties coming up, stuff to do for college, scholarship thank you notes, plus they have summer jobs. Senioritis, and never being home, doesn’t help. My Dd18 is great at thank you notes, literally writes them 5 minutes after getting a card in the mail. Ds18 definitely needs more prompting, but they will be sent. Parties like this are more for the parents, mine are having a combined party with a friend, and it will be for kids only, they won’t get many gifts, but will have fun.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I had a very warm welcome from the mother and we sat and chatted for quite a while, it is the grad that I am having an issue with.

oops that was my bad, I misread your comment

had I known this is how it would have gone we would have just stayed home and there would be no way I would give the kid $50.00.

I can understand not having wanted to go (certainly soured the whole experience it seems) but the monetary amount I wouldn't hold back like that just because of what happened if you had to do it over again. Deducting because you expect a certain reaction to me doesn't sit right. In this case like other posters said you didn't really know these people well so I would have based it on that if you were going to deduct. Your original feelings of $25 I think was more in line with the situation so I suppose you could tell you husband cheap wasn't what you were thinking when you wanted to do a lower amount. That said I can understand feeling like you gave a gift and the grad was ungrateful for it and that would be the case no matter the monetary value.

I consider that rude and nobody can convince me otherwise.

I'd agree it's rude. Even if he didn't really want to do meet and greets (which honestly I didn't, I wanted to be hanging with my friends celebrating but yeah I did say hello and stuff to people who came to the open house when I caught them) he still should do a quick hello

I'm sorry it wasn't a good experience except for the talk with the mom

 

[MrsPete]

I get invites from kids at church each year. I am glad to wish them well, but gifts add up.

This year, I gave $21 (class of '21) and some token things to a young lady. So $25 sounds about right for a non family non close relationship.

My niece got $100.

This is exactly my comfort level.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Our neighbor's son just graduated from high school. We sent him a t-shirt from the college he'll be attending. It cost about $25 but seemed a little more personal than a check.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I'd have probably done $20.21 checks or $21 checks in nice cards to neighbors' kids...

 

[DISNEY1975]

If youre concerned about the amount and dont want to look "cheap", buy a gift instead of giving cash.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Graduation gifts are not a thing here, certainly not from high school. We don’t even describe it as graduating. Students graduate from University, but even then I don’t think gifts are commonly given. My son is graduating from Uni this year, examinations finished, just waiting for results. Let’s not give him any ideas about ‘gifts’.