Anyone had to convince family NOT to come along?

[Shanti]

I just got back from a WDW trip last week. A while ago I had promised my mom that I would take her to Disney with us if she quit smoking. She did quit finally, but it was when I was separated/going through a divorce and couldn't afford to go. I am still going through the divorce but I got a new job that paid me a bonus so I booked the trip, my bonus paid for about half. My kids and I enjoyed the trip, my mother complained about everything. It was too hot, too crowded, the lines were too long, too much walking, the food was bad, the water tasted like toilet water, if we had rented a car we could go to the grocery store, the hotel room was too small/too high up/too far from the food hall, everything was too expensive (even though she didn't pay for anything!). She didn't want to do the stuff that the kids and I wanted to do. A couple of times she told us to go ahead and ride a ride or something without her, but apparently it was a passive/aggressive test because when we got off Soarin' she was incredibly angry with us that we would dare leave her, even though she insisted that we should ride things we wanted to ride! Same thing when we got off Test Track and Tomorrowland Speedway, so we just stopped riding things that grandma didn't want to go on. She wouldn't read any of the books/articles/websites that I used to try to educate her before the trip, insisted that I should book everything and she would be fine, but then on the trip she kept getting angry with me because she didn't understand the new fastpass system. She complained that we hardly rode anything at Animal Kingdom (it's Disney's zoo, mom. You walk around and look at animals at a zoo!). At one point, she trudged about 5 feet behind us and every time we stopped she would plop down on whatever rock/wall was closest and pull out a Reader's Digest and start reading. AT DISNEY WORLD, A TRIP THAT COST ME ABOUT $180/PER PERSON/PER DAY! I make about $15.00 an hour, it will take me many years to save up for another trip! I think I may have bit a hole through my tongue to keep from arguing with her over her childish behavior. So anyway, given my recent experience I would strongly argue against extended family vacations. No more for me, I've learned my very expensive lesson.

Thanks for letting me vent! STAND YOUR GROUND, OP!!!

Sorry you had a bad time, but good for you for helping your mother quit smoking. Think of this trip as a sacrifice you made to help her to extend her life. It really was a noble gesture. Not a noble gesture that you need ever repeat, but you genuinely should pat yourself on the back.

This is nothing like your experience but just thought I'd share. This winter I decided to take my mother along (my expense) on a Disney cruise & post-cruise day at Animal Kingdom, so she could have a trip with her grandson (it had been 2 years since the last trip we all took together.)

The cruise went very well and my mother's a good sport and helps whenever she can, but it did rub me the wrong way the few times she complained. I never said anything, but inwardly I didn't care for it. And I had to deal with her not being fully prepared for the trip, having to borrow my only pair of sandals throughout the cruise, not being able to keep going at a leisurely pace through AK even though she'd told me (after I offered) not to get her a scooter this time, not wanting to be outside because she didn't bring warm enough clothing...I found myself getting testy towards the end because that extra day at WDW cost a lot. Then I had to remind myself that this was a trip partly for her, and to just let it go. Hard to do when you spent so much and worked so hard for the trip, though. I'm pretty much done taking her with us on Disney trips now- that kind of experience isn't the best for either of us. We're still close at home, so all is well.

 

[Childs1stTime2Disney]

Just went through something similar. We won't back down, it's too expensive of a trip that only comes once every few years for us. It's awful when you are put on the spot - but I would never be able to go if I was forced into bringing someone that I think would only complicate an already complicated trip.I feel bad if feeling get hurt but we can't see allowing us to bring someone/someones who will only be a disturbance to the way we need to/ like to operate on a trip to WDW.

 

[Klayfish]

I'm not a beat around the bush kind of person. Simply tell them no and be honest about it.

 

[2019TripIdeas]

Thanks for letting me vent! STAND YOUR GROUND, OP!!!

Seriously, no, thank you! Vent away. These are many of my fears. My parents aren't the type to normally do things that are in the kids interest (i.e. when we're with them and it's an option of going to the zoo, childrens museum, or going to eat at a nice restaurant and hanging at the tables for several hours, they'll pick the restaurant every time.) I can totally see my parents being a real drag and insisting we do stuff for them. Granted, we wouldn't be paying for them, but it just screams "not a good idea" to me overall.



We did do Disneyland last year with the kids. It was fun (kids had a blast! SO INTO the rides) but they were really young and it was just a few days. We actually didn't tell my parents about that one til we were there, but I knew there was no risk of them flying out just for that, either. So this will be their first WDW trip, but not first Disney experience overall for the older 2.

 

[Minnesota!]

We don't even TELL people when we are going...because of this. The last thing I want is people inviting themselves.

Just say no, and move along. Maybe for the next trip, when it is not the first trip..

 

[Minnesota!]

How would that help?

Parents are not within driving distance

 

[Runner225]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this I had a similar situation as we are going on our first Disney trip with our will be 2 year old daughter. Growing up, my family were big Disney fans, but we only went a handful of times bc even then, going to Disney with a family of 5 on one income was a lot. DH and I only get to go on vacation one week a year due to his job...so that week is the one week just for us as a family. I told my mother we were going to Disney in July (in the Disney store no less) and I was met with "Well you never told me...Can we come?". I knew this was coming, so I politely said that there are certain vacations that we want to do just us as a family, esp being that this will be our first Disney trip". I was next told "you know, we won't be around forever". Thanks, mom...anyway, in situations like this, I think its just best to be honest. They will have the time to get over it in the coming months. If you really feel badly about it, maybe have them drive up and meet with you guys 1 or 2 of the days since it seems that they won't really enjoy a full Disney vacation? If you really think it will put a damper on your vacation, then stand firm. You are spending good $ on your vacation and you should be able to look forward to it and enjoy it!

 

[Minniemouse07]

Half of my ILs (I have two sets) live locally to WDW. They aren't very mobile and having lived in the area for 20+ years are "over" Disney.

When our first child was 1.5yo, we made our first trip as a family (she made 7 more visits before she was 9yo) and stayed with them. We learned quickly that the unspoken expectation was that we would be home for dinner every night and only visit the parks while they were at work. Since then we have chosen to pay to stay on site so we can "immerse the kids in the experience."

I plan our trips very carefully to include at least half our TS meals as dinners in the resorts. This allows the ILs to come meet us for a meal, interact w/ the kids a bit, and then go back home. I found that this works best w/ them and they don't feel obligated to join us while touring in the parks (early experiences included me pushing a wheelchair all over MK and dh having to leave Epcot to drive a parent home because they were tired).

If your ILs insist on joining you, I would plan your days and meals and then share the schedule w/ them after marking resort dining opportunities that they can join you as well as one day "off" where you can hang at the pool. I would be crystal clear that this is the plan...and you aren't going to shortchange your children's experience to sit at the pool w/ them for the entire trip.

It took me a few trips to figure out the best way to include my ILs. I'm pretty sure they would still far prefer us to stay w/ them, but the compromise works for us. We will do it all again this summer!

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

How would that help?

It wouldn't be 4 hours away for them to just stop by. They would have to fly clear across the country to intrude on the vacation. Perhaps that would not deter them, either, but it might.

 

[Ravens girl]

We are about a month away from our first trip to Disney with our grandson. He’ll be having his 4th birthday on this trip. We included his parents ( our son and daughter in law). It’ll be interesting to see how this works. DH and I are the get up and go kind of people, DS and DIL like to sleep in. We decided that most days we’ll split with us having the little one part of the day and they will have him the other part of the day. Our first day we’ll spend together at MK. My DIL and I did most of the planning together. We’ve given ourselves some time as a family, some time as grandparents and some time as a couple. I think it’ll work out pretty well. When he’s older we’ll just take him by ourselves.

 

[wallskm]

What we did when we went with my husband's family was basically let them know what we planned to do ahead of time, and told them they were welcome to join us for whatever they wanted to join us for. Otherwise we'd be doing our own thing and they'd be doing theirs. Having an open and honest discussion beforehand seemed to combat any issues. We gave them a list of where we were wanting to make dining reservations and they circled the ones they wanted to join us for and then I knew how many to make each reservation for. We told them what parks we were going to each day and they could either join us or go wherever they wanted. Each night we would tell them what time we were heading out the next morning and if they wanted to meet us they could but if they didn't that was fine too. But just setting the expectations ahead of time was key. Nobody got their feelings hurt if someone didn't want to eat at a certain restaurant or wasn't up to going to Epcot one day. We did a lot of things together but not everything.

Maybe you could tell them that you'll be getting up early for rope drop, call us when you get up and we'll let you know where we are, etc. Tell them where you're eating and have them let you know which ones they want to do with you. If they want to sit at the pool all afternoon, let them! Set the tone ahead of time and maybe it will go smoother than you think!

 

[JK World]

I agree with posters who said to plan your trip the way you want it and let them know they can meet up with you whenever it suits them. That's I how plan everything, from trips to the movies to vacations. I know that I'm going to do things a certain way, and if that appeals to other people then they are welcome to join me. It made for a wonderful group cruise with 4 sets of friends, since there was no pressure to stay together the whole time.
I would share your itinerary and say "give me a call when you get to the park and we'll let you know where we're at". Perhaps plan a group meal or two for guaranteed together time. This vacation is too expensive to not enjoy it.

 

[rdaky]

It's so hard, but I have been in a very similar situation with my in-laws. We did allow them to go with us for a few days when my oldest was 2, and it was so hard- different expectations, FIL refusing to ride It's a Small World because he doesn't like the song, different expecations about meals, about plans, about everything. It was hard. (Although if you asked them, they'd say it was fantastic) Fast forward a few years and MIL asked me if they could go when my middle daughter was 2. She played the guilt card and told me she wanted to see her experience the magic, etc. I flat out said no. I told her that our family really needed a vacation with just our immediate family. I was as nice as I could be about it, but I didn't back down.

She has hinted at going this summer- my youngest is 2- and again I said no. 100% no. She has become more aggressive and I have become more firm, too. But we've also taken a few other large family vacations with my in-laws and I know from experience that all of them are really tricky and it's just too stressful. She tries to manipulate, my husband and I end up arguing because he's in the middle, and then he argues with his dad, his stepmom gets passive aggressive. And what kind of vacation is that?! Just say no.

 

[Gussie Granger 1969]

I don’t know if this will be any help but I just got into a huge fight with my DH and my SD because she invited herself to my family trip (not Disney). When I pointed out it was a trip for me to spend time with my family (who she doesn’t know), I was called selfish and mean. I don’t know if it’s worth the hurt feelings. Only you know how your parents will respond.
If they do go, I would just recommend laying it all out on how you plan to tour. I’m a planner and one year my DH & SD (them again LOL) made me go off my plans, we got so behind on our schedule, we missed our ADR for 50’s which everyone was looking forward to. I now explain to everyone “We are doing X,Y and Z and if you don’t want to, do what you want but I’m sticking to my schedule”.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I would just tell them that my husband and i want to take a trip with just us and our kids. That’s what we did when my kids were young. I don’t travel to WDW with other people. I save that for beach and all inclusive trips. WDW is a different beast.

 

[KenHutch]

I do not have grandparents or in-laws but I do have to plan thru similar circumstances. To get permission to take my daughter and god daughter out of state to Disney I have to pay for her mother, stepfather, and 2 great aunt/uncles. Its expensive but necessary. We fought like cats and dogs thru 2 trips until I took some advice from this board. The girls and I have park commando's rope drop to close every day. Her maternal relatives are vacations are for sleeping in. Thanks to this board I worked out a compromise that works well. The girls and I are at the parks an hour before rope drop. They sleep in. I schedule fast passes starting at 11:00 hours. They are informed of where and when. If you make it fine, if you don't fine. I also make dinner ADR's. If you show up I am paying if you skip your on your own. I really must thank again many of the long time posters who helped me do this. All I hear from our last trip is how great it was and how much fun they had. The fact that they did maybe 6 rides a day and went back to the hotel is not my business. But I am giving the girls mother a chance to do Disney with them.

 

[paisleys]

I wish I had read this post years ago after being guilted so many times. My family lives in Orlando, which is a whole different story I won't get into but we've been guilted by my husband's family over the years. My SIL and BIL are childfree and vacation all year all over the world while for us even though living in Florida, WDW is our big family trip. I have been asked by her and MIL when we are going so they can book flights and come with. Luckily my husband says he would rather be voted out of the family than go to WDW with them. We did take his parents once and it wasn't bad, but after that it was expected. Plus oddly, they didn't buy tickets and we just would sit in the room or meet at restaurants. It's interesting that no one has ever called us to say they'd like to take our girls to WDW (they have annual passes), it's always horning in to existing plans and expecting me to be Julie the cruise director and to accommodate them the whole trip.
The worst trip I ever had was with an old high school friend who I foolishly answered when asked when we were going next. She booked her trip same time. I agreed to meet up for dinner on our first night, which was a disaster. Her husband didn't show up till later as they were fighting. They sat at far ends of the table but mouthed cusses at each other. He sat with his arm around his plate like a bear and didn't speak to anyone, she wanted us to get drunk. At the end of the meal it was already late and we wanted to head to MK alone. They demanded we go back to their room as all of them had to change and then all to MK but I put my foot down and said we were heading out alone. All week she would text-guilt me because we weren't hanging out with them. She also had the audacity to tell me her husband said I was rude because I didn't want us all to hang out. She said she felt sorry for my kids as they could be having much more fun with her kids (who they had never met until the trip). We were constantly looking over our shoulders to see if they were there. Now we don't tell a soul when we are going. Vacation time with your kids is too precious. All families are different and I imagine some would be completely wonderful, but OP's situation sounds precarious!

 

[Nancyg56]

I plan our trips very carefully to include at least half our TS meals as dinners in the resorts. This allows the ILs to come meet us for a meal, interact w/ the kids a bit, and then go back home. I found that this works best w/ them and they don't feel obligated to join us while touring in the parks (early experiences included me pushing a wheelchair all over MK and dh having to leave Epcot to drive a parent home because they were tired).

If your ILs insist on joining you, I would plan your days and meals and then share the schedule w/ them after marking resort dining opportunities that they can join you as well as one day "off" where you can hang at the pool. I would be crystal clear that this is the plan...and you aren't going to shortchange your children's experience to sit at the pool w/ them for the entire trip.

It took me a few trips to figure out the best way to include my ILs. I'm pretty sure they would still far prefer us to stay w/ them, but the compromise works for us. We will do it all again this summer!

This is exactly what I would suggest. OP- plan your vacation in the manner that you normally vacation and give them your itinerary. Book some meals where they can easily join you if they choose. Tell them that you will happily book their FP for them so they can join the family on specific attractions if they buy their tix in advance. If they do not they will have to chance missing little Susie sailing though Neverland. Ask them what they want from the trip, they may not even want much park time.

I also agree that under the circumstances, should they decide presort and pool time trump park time with the fam, I would agree to spend one day kicking back. It would be worth it to me to avoid any park problems. Be sure they understand how you tour and make sure they understand that you are willing to compromise to a certain extent, but you are not willing to spend every day sleeping in, relaxing at the pool and takeing a walk before bedtime so you can watch TV in the room.

When we travel to WDW I make it clear how we roll. I am not giving up WDW days to travel to visit long lost cousins. We are not commandos so if someone joins us they travel at our pace, not the other way around. WE dine. WE always take suggestions on where to eat, btu if folks are traveling with us and don't like TS meals, they need to make plans of their own. We compromise, but I am not eating at COsmic Rays every day.

 

[WALTSAGOD]

........I'd set firm boundaries like "we'll meet for dinner" or "we're doing these parks these days".

The above is the ONLY way to vacation with members outside of the IMMEDIATE family.

We make this very clear that they don’t have to feel obligated and we certainly won’t feel obligated to do what doesn’t seem like fun.