Anyone else have to buy kids' gifts? **update pg 5

[mjantz]

I'd suggest a nice goodie bag for each kid instead of actual gifts. We do this at my kids school & the school where I work. Each parent brings something & a parent takes home the stuff & fills the bags. Some parents do go for a bit more (like a Dollar Tree book) but other just do erasers or other small items.

Checkout Goodwill & see what they have. I've found new stuff at Goodwill.

 

[taximomfor4]

At the most, I think it's breeding selfishness and at the very least it's overkill.

Thanks for all the comments!

I totally and completely agree. So if you try to approach the school and daycare about stopping the practice and going to a make-a-card exchange or something, they get the giving but not the spending (AND it comes from the kids, NOT from the parents, as it should be). I teach mine to only give gifts within their budget. Last year, my son gave my youngest lamb-obsessed daughter a little lamb sticker he'd gotten in a grab bag. She was thrilled.

I hate when the gift message becomes how much each person spent. You are right that it is overkill.

 

[sk!mom]

IMO, You have a few choices...
1. Continue to keep up appearances and overspend.

2. Keep up appearances to some degree by giving but keep it small- A coloring book for each child or I like the donation idea- attach a card to a candy cane telling of the donation.

3. Stop the madness! Be the one to step up and say this is all too much for me and we will not be able to participate. Ask if you could do a gift exchange instead. I bet that several other moms feel as you do. Many years ago, I was the one in my large extended family to do this. Some people balked but the majority won out and a Pollyanna was started.

I would want to stop so that my DD didn't bring home a bunch of crap probably more than the need to save money.

I do understand your dilemma though. My DD14 has been performing in the Nutcracker since she was 7. It is traditional to give gifts to those who share your scenes. I always keep it to around $2 per person. Last year it was snowflake and flower cookies special ordered from a bakery in boxes ordered from Oriental Tading with a Nutcracker Rubber Ducky attached. This year, a cupcake bakery has opened in town. I can get a fancy, specialty cupcake in individual boxes tied with tulle for $2 each. I need 30 or so - still quite an expense .

 

[Pumbaa_]

wow! that is a lot of gifts

If you feel obligated, how about making some christmas ornaments? Can do it relatively inexpensively. ANd personalized

But I agree, I would prefer to opt out if at all possible

 

[maddiesmom0116]

I think it is a little crazy for every parent to buy every kid a gift. My DD's daycare everyone donated items for a big party and we did a gift swap. Now public school is a little different this year, only me and another mom (the room moms) donate anything, so I spent about $125 on the halloween party. I have already sunk in a $150 on the christmas party stuff (which sucks), but to see every parent do that much $ is just nuts, what a burden for every one not thrilled about it. I can see it if the kids are underprivilaged and may not get much at home, but these kids sound like none of them are.

Can you just take vacation that week and not take her to daycare and just say your not partipating because you will be out of town.

Good luck OP!

 

[Mkaz]

I've never heard of buying gifts for the entire class. My kids have exchanged names with kids in their class, but nothing more than that. The teachers always set a limit of $5

 

[luvsJack]

I would go to the sitter and suggest some options.

All the kids could give "happies"(something small like ONE hair bow or an ornament).

OR it could be all homemade gifts,

OR each child could bring one gift to exchange. Each girl bring a girl's gift and each boy bring a boy's gift with a $5 price limit. That way each child will get/give a gift from/to a friend and you will only have to spend a small amount.

If she agrees to one of these, one of you will have to contact the parents and say "this is how we are going to do Christmas this year".



Some will balk at it and some will be glad.

 

[Perditamarie]

wow! that is very inconsiderate and excessive....not a good position for you to be in either, but I think it is time to speak up! consider suggesting a book exchange (each child brings 1 book then do a yankee swap, trade, etc), a yankee swap, the craft idea is excellent, every family donate $$ to buy a gift FROM the class instead (like http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.183217/#).

Otherwise, the donation idea from a pp is good, or if you must gift, perhaps a take-home craft would be fun (block of graham crackers, tube of icing, gumdrops/candycanes/skittles for a make your own gingerbread house kit).

also, many bf ads are available at sites like:

http://www.black-friday.net/

NO WAY should gifts to acquaintances come before family! Maybe a cool gift like moon sand, whoopie cushions, 36 piece finger paint kit, travel perfection games etc will get the point across!!!!!!!

Perhaps suggest to the baby sitter that she can provide the Santa and then request that each parent bring 1 wrapped gift for their child for Santa to distribute...hopefully this ensures that parents are only buying 1 gift. Hopefully!

 

[MinnieForMe]

I have never heard of buying gifts for every child in a class - daycare or not! I would suggest a gift swap with a money limit to the sitter or the other moms.

Since you are all Christian, why not remind the mothers that even Baby Jesus only received three gifts from the wise men! LOL.

Your other option is to not attend daycare that day. You could take your daughter on a trip to the mall to see Santa and purchase a small gift for her! O

Another Christian idea would be to suggest to the other moms that you should pool the money you would spend on gifts and donate to a family in need. This daycare practice is over the top!

 

[DVCLiz]

Vettechick, I'd do one of two things.

Suck it up and gift every child - think of it as a daycare expense instead of Christmas shopping.

Or, do something very small for each child individually - a small bag of cookies or candy - and purchase something for each group that ALL the children could enjoy after the Christmas season is over - a new DVD or board game (or several if your budget allows) or some outside things like sidewalk chalk, jump ropes, etc. for each teacher to use when the weather gets warm.

Ignore any other mom who makes a comment or reacts - just say to the teacher, "I thought you might like to have something for the group that is new and fun after the holidays wear off so Im gifting to the group this year." End of story. No one is going to shake you down in the parking lot for some sale toy for their kid.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Well, I think that is crazy!! You have the perfect reason right now with the economy still being the way it is. I would use that as my out. I can assure you that you are not the only parent that feels this way and I am sure finances are tight in other house holds. Good luck!! You are doing the right thing for you family.

 

[vettechick99]

Thank you all so much for the ideas and suggestions. I appreciate it!

I have half-decided to do this:

School kids get a baggie full of candy (HATE to give candy, but it's leftover from Halloween). I may throw a pencil or other small item in there. Won't spend more than $10 here.

Younger kids at sitter will get a board game if I can get them on the cheap. The older kids that she sees only for a few minutes will get a small item like a Matchbox car. They are all boys and likely to be happy with anything. Maybe I can get away with $30-40 total here.

Teacher and sitter gifts will have to be less than previous years. We used to give the sitter $50 or more, but I'm not sure that's in the cards this year. I still want her to have money, but the other's gifts I will have to get creative with!

 

[msmama]

Do you have access to a Scholastic book order form though preschool?

They have books for $1 - $3.

Apparently there are a lot of families at my son's preschool that exchanged presents and the past 2 years (when the economy started tanking) they preschool admins have sent out a letter specifically asking for people NOT to do this (or donate books/toys/supplies to the classroom instead).

 

[mjkacmom]

I think Toys R Us is still doing the board game deal. If you buy like $35 in board games, you get a gift card back ($10 I think) and then they are on sale anyways and you can get a mail in rebate.

They had Candyland and a few others that ended up being like $1 a game after the rebate and then with the gift card thing, it was like they were free.

I'd check into that, because its a good deal and a board game is a decent gift. They had Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, all the cootie type games...all for cheap after the MIR and all qualified for the gift card thing too.

I stay away from board games. I don't think there is a single 4 year old out there who doesn't have candyland, chutes and ladders, and hi ho cherrio. My twins were given these games in preschool by a classmate - guess the parents didn't know they were the youngest of 5!

 

[linnylu]

I'd make each chil their own craft box. It would include a lot of paint, glitter, glue, etc.

 

[Marionnette]

I'd make each chil their own craft box. It would include a lot of paint, glitter, glue, etc.

For three year olds? Oh my! The op would definitely win the award for most talked about mother! And not in a good way! Im sure there were a few tongues wagging over the play doh! Unwritten birthday rule around here when the kids were small was that she who gives glitter gets glitter in return!

 

[hereyago]

A candy cane with a card will do nicely. Give the babysitter a "real" gift, but to the others nope.

 

[r4blessings]

If you wanted, you could make homemade playdoh in a holiday scent like peppermint or chocolate scented (just google the recipe, i just did this for halloween for my ds prek class) and put it in a cello bag with one or two holiday cookie cutters. Just bag it up and tie it up....it looks really cute when its all done. You could even go to a printable paper goods website and design a bag topper if you wanted to go fancy.

Also a tee shirt (wait for Michaels to put them on sale 2 for $5) and a holiday iron on or have dd do handprints in red and green. Kohls is selling their Grinch plush and books for $5...which is more than you wanted to spend (understandably) but just an idea.

I make chocolate lollipops for my kids classes. Once you buy the molds its really not a bad way to go each year....easy, the kids love it, and its consumable.

Also google Snowman Soup and Reindeer Food recipes and you could make those with your dd and let her give them out.

I don't envy the position you are in. I understand that you really can't be the one who doesn't participate but it does stink to blow this kind of money on things like this and not on buying you or your DH gifts. Good luck....

 

[fakereadhed]

I would call the daycare and tell them how you feel about it in this economy when money is tight for everyone and see what they say. They would probably like to keep their paying customers happy.

 

[*JoGo*]

wow.
i work in a preschool/daycare. we set up an xmas tree and send home a note that we are collecting gifts for a local non-profit that passes out gifts to families in need. participation is not mandatory, we don't keep track. some kids bring in 1 gift (wrapped & marked boy or girl), others bring in a gift for a boy and a gift for a boy, and there are prob. a few families that can't participate, but that's fine, it's all up to the families.


in november, we read the kids Stone Soup, put a box in the foyer and collect cans of soup.


for our fall festival, xmas party, valentine's day, easter, we have a small celebration in class and usually several kids bring in small treats/goodies that we send home. but it's not something the teachers organize, it's not mandatory, it's just whatever the parents want to do.

i'd talk w/ her teacher, specifically the daycare one. suggest doing a giving tree rather than gift exchange. good luck. i know how difficult it is when you feel strong-armed into doing what others consider "Normal" or "What you Do". please don't do something you're uncomfortable with. they aren't going to kick your daughter out, and it sounds like you aren't friends/close with these people anyway. good luck