I dated a guy with the same controlling issues over money. I just couldn't take it anymore. OP I'm glad you're trying to change before it does come to a crazy divorce!
This sounds horrible, so glad you got out of that. I am no where near that, but I'm still wanting to work on the issues I do have.
Do you go to PF Changs at home or does that expense bother you, too? Honestly, I don't think Yak and Yeti is all that much more expensive. It might make you feel better to plan a trip to PF Changs this weekend, then cancel it and eat at home instead. Look! You just saved enough money to splurge and eat YnY while at Disney!
LOL! It does bother me to go and I would never suggest us going. We do go, maybe once or twice a year, but only at DH's insisting. It helps us that it is really no fun to go out to eat with our youngest son! We eat out maybe once a month or month and a half, and usually some place very casual and inexpensive.
You sound like me! We went through a really rough financial patch a couple of years ago and since then I have a hard time spending money on myself. DH is the one always telling me to get whatever it is that I've been drooling over - purse, shoes, Kindle Fire
I had to laugh about the Kindle... I wanted an iPad but would never buy one or ask for one... didn't even want to mention it b/c I knew he'd go buy one for me. I bought one for DH for Christmas though, only to find Christmas Day that he bought me the same thing! I did take one of them back, and I really enjoy using "his" iPad!
I can relate. I am a nerd about my spreadsheets, and can become a bit obsessive about counting every penny I think we'll need. Drinking at Disney can really add up.
This last trip I just gave DH a giftcard for $100 and told him to get whatever he wanted to drink. I didn't think about it talling up, for I already had built that into the budget. It was really relaxing, and by the time the giftcard ran out we were leaving the next day.
I may do this for all the snacks/drinks. I don't deny the kids their snacks (within reason, I do set limits) but it does pain me to spend $4 on an ice cream, and I am famous for saying things like "wouldn't you rather have these goldfish crackers?" before saying yes! If daddy were buying it and I didn't have to track it out of our checking account, it may work!
This is a better explanation of your situation. I am sort of there with you. I have no issues with DH buying his toys and don't think twice about getting the kids stuff. BUT when it comes to me, I just always find a better use for the money. There are some things that I really need and I just cannot bring myself to purchase them. First, I don't work and I tend to feel guilty at DH having to buy my stuff for me. I have worked in some way since I was 10 years old. Secondly, at this time of year I have a lot of expenses coming up. Christmas is going to be expensive and we host Thanksgiving for the single sailors that choose to come over. Thanksgiving can easily set me back $200-$500 depending on how many of them come over.
I will say that we are going to Disney in 20 days and this trip is totally for me. I really really need to get away. I have been very stressed out and just need the escape for my own mental health. The family could use the getaway too. But we already have tickets, are only going for 3 days, and it is a super budget trip. Total cost is only $750 for all four of us. I can't find another location for cheaper than that and I have been looking. I still feel guilty for asking to go and try to find some place cheaper.
You do sound exactly like me. My sister is a sahm and she has the same guilt, but I don't think I would... the work I do with kids and the house is twice as hard as my paying job. So glad you are taking this trip, hope you enjoy it!!
I don't know if there really are any tips on how to just relax and enjoy. I think the fact that you recognize your control issue is important. I'm sure you and your husband joke about it as I do with mine (he is the frugal one in this relationship). I think when you find yourself saying no too much, you just have to step back and correct yourself. My husband looks the other way sometimes when I buy something that he considers unnecessary, and sometimes I just get the ice water. Just change your thoughts, that's the only tip you need.
Thanks, I will try. I have 6 months before the trip to practice this with some other things I have issues with, like haircuts and clothes.
How much do you *plan* to spend each day for food for 5 people?
For the three of us, I budget $100/day. When DS was smaller and ate less and we bought fewer things at the parks, that was souvenir AND food budget combined. Nowadays it's just food. We are vegetarian (so we're not eating steaks with the cost associated with it) and DH and I often *want* to share entrees, but the $100 x howevermanyDays covers the lighter days and the character meal days over the course of our trip. That amount is going to be rising, though, since DS has such an appetite and is growing so fast.
With 5 people I would expect that your food budget would be about $200 anyway?
It varies (I have a tentative plan on where we'll be each day and that determines how much we'll spend), but it's not $200 a day. Maybe I should just choose a figure like that and spend the next few months getting used to it, then it'll be a nice surprise if we don't use it. Right now it's like I'm challenging myself to stay under some arbitrary figure just for the sake of it. I think it would also help if I put cash in an envelope and give myself permission to spend as long as there is cash left... but then I fret because I'm not using the credit card to get reward dollars! Again, I know that is absurd because 1% is so little, but I hate using cash because of that.
Yes, I think this all comes from growing up poor, my parents fought all the time about money, neighbor bought us food, food stamps, WIC, etc. I'm also like the OP, and I meant to write back earlier today.
I once spoke to a rep from Suze Orman about this issue when I wrote into the show, but because I didn't fight with my hubby about it, they weren't interested. But it is so hard for me to spend money.
We have nearly seven figures in the bank and I wear ripped shorts. I tell myself it's because I am waiting to lose baby weight--which is true--and I have plenty in a smaller size. But I won't buy the bigger size to look nicer. I am trying to lose though. And I wanted to get myself a frozen yogurt and won't due to the price... I have been getting a little better recently with the spending. I bought $20 Lands End jeans since my last two pairs ripped after I wore them so much. And I do enjoy trips and spending on experiences. And I had my baby--which I've wanted for years and years--even if she means more college expenses, etc.
That said, my sister is getting married in Jamaica, and the expense for 5 of us is killing me and getting between us. It really makes me mad that someone else is choosing how I spend my money. I'm trying to get over it, really really hard, but it's so much and I wish she'd just save like I do and have her wedding here...
However, I heard about the male gymnastic Olympian who got a job and handed his mom the paycheck. I want to be like him.
I am just like this, although maybe not as bad with the clothes! We spend so much on kids' education and extra-curricular, vacations (but not the food!), etc... things I truly value. I hope you can "get over" the wedding costs, I'm sure you'd regret not being there, although it would pain me if I wasn't interested in going to Jamaica any way.
Thanks again everyone, I've gotten some good tips and encouragement, now it's probably just a matter of doing. Hope I can stick with it.
) In other words, has anyone been like this and found something(s) that helped them to let go of these hang ups?
. My paycheck goes into the checking account and my tips go into my WDW wristlet. 
