Any tips on getting a kid to care about school?

[golfgal]

Our 8th grader just doesn't care about his grades. I just checked his online grade book, which I do frequently, daily or more, and he has a bunch of missing assignments, AGAIN. Most of them are done, just never got turned in. We have pretty much tried everything, right now the current is he is totally grounded on school days until his grades are acceptable and he doesn't have any missing assignments. It hasn't helped. He has plenty of time to get things done, he usually gets his homework done, he just doesn't turn it in. If he doesn't get it done it is a case where he just doesn't want to do it and then it is a battle to get it done (which to me would be better then sitting around looking at the walls but whatever). I am completly frustrated with this kid. I know it is common in middle school, but AARRRUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!

We have met with his teachers and we have told them all of this but there just isn't a lot of support there or really consequences for not getting the work in so I feel like we are fighting this alone. Everyone says it will get better when he is in high school, I certainly hope so!

Our twins are just the opposite. DD got up early this morning, no school, to do her homework so she could play the whole day. I never say a word to them about homework or getting things done, they just do. They are both straight A students.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You can always try the embarressment factor. Drive to the school with him and have him hand in all his homework hand in hand with you. They hate this. I worked with somebody whose son would not go to class. They threatened him that his mom would sit with him in every class to make sure he attended. He still cut classes and mom did sit with him and walk him to every class. Yes is was a lot for the mom, but guess what, in no time at all he stopped skipping classes!!!

 

[Karel]

You need to find the motivation button for him and use it. Obviously, being grounded isn't it. Maybe positive motivation instead? "You get to do this .... if you hand your work in."

If you know that he is actually doing the work, that's half the battle. For awhile, my son wasn't even doing his homework, because it was either too hard or too easy and boring.

Have you asked him why he doesn't turn it in? Does he forget it? Does he need to be better organized? Is it more than one subject or does he have problem with one class?

 

[WishingOnAStar]

You can always try the embarressment factor. Drive to the school with him and have him hand in all his homework hand in hand with you. They hate this. I worked with somebody whose son would not go to class. They threatened him that his mom would sit with him in every class to make sure he attended. He still cut classes and mom did sit with him and walk him to every class. Yes is was a lot for the mom, but guess what, in no time at all he stopped skipping classes!!!

I have always loved this idea. I would totally do it.

You mentioned he is currently grounded on school days, maybe other days too until you see improvement.

My dd10 is one who I always have to battle with to do her school work. Her theory is "why do it now when I can wait until the last second and make the whole entire house miserable!". I just can't even relate to that whole concept. I'm such a type A person and would have died before I turned in a messy assignment, or God forbid, DIDN'T turn anything in!!!!
Okay, I guess I rambled enough - sorry about that, but I can totally relate!!

Gotta love those online grade things!!!!!

 

[mommaU4]

No real advice here just words of empathy.

My DS11 is starting to get like that. He is so smart. And that's not a brag because I'll be the first to say he didn't get it from me! He's always recieved good grades. Straight A's since Kindergarten.

But one thing his teachers always said was he lacked motivation. He does just what is required of him and nothing more. Now he's getting A's and B's. Still good, but he's capable of doing so much better.

When ever I mention this to him, he gets mad and accuses me of never being satisfied, and that he's doing his best but it's not good enough. I tell him if I really thought that was his best then of course it would be good enough, but I don't believe it is. It gets ugly around here sometimes.

If there is a project or homework due next week and we tell him to work on it now he'll respond with "why, I have like 5 days to work on it?" He is a procrastinator. He'll wait till the last minute and then do the bare minimum of work on it. It's so frustrating. I know how you feel.

Right now we took away his video games until we see his next report card and see how he did. I don't know what else to do. Anyways, good luck to you!

 

[kapica3]

Thought I give a little look to see what help is offered as I am in the same situation.

"Leave me alone" "Later", "Chill Out" - Messy, sloppy, disorganized, works til the middle of the night on a project which she had 2 months to complete. - Hands in homework late and then does extra credit to make up for it.....Yet grades are always good not because she wants them to be but because she knows we wouldn't tolerate anything less. Would love it if she wanted to do well on her own. I'm afraid of what the future holds for a person who is just fine with "good enough"? How do you change that attitude?

P.S. - Wishingonastar - I just love the matching outfits in your signature - I always wanted to do that but I'm the only one in my family who wants to. (Sometimes I wonder how I got into this family anyhow.)

 

[missypie]

Is your son ina public school? Our district interprets "No Child Left Behind" to mean that there CAN'T be assignments that just aren't done. There are special study halls that kids are sent to before or after school where they will sit until each assignment is complete.

Also, Texas has "no pass, no play", which means that unless you are passing all your classes, you can't participate in sports, band, drill team, choir performances, whatever. We don't have D's, so you at least have to be getting a 70 to do anything.

 

[WishingOnAStar]

P.S. - Wishingonastar - I just love the matching outfits in your signature - I always wanted to do that but I'm the only one in my family who wants to. (Sometimes I wonder how I got into this family anyhow.)

Thanks!! Dh would never have agreed to it - BUT- since I'm the one that does all the packing....... I had matching outfits for us for each of the 10 days that we were there!!!!! No one had a choice, b/c there weren't any other clothes!!!!!

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

You can always try the embarressment factor. Drive to the school with him and have him hand in all his homework hand in hand with you. They hate this. I worked with somebody whose son would not go to class. They threatened him that his mom would sit with him in every class to make sure he attended. He still cut classes and mom did sit with him and walk him to every class. Yes is was a lot for the mom, but guess what, in no time at all he stopped skipping classes!!!

EGADS! This sounds like something my mother would have done!
I know if that happened to me, I would be handing in my work super fast.

I was a procrastinator all through middle school and high school. Sorry that all you parents have to deal with kids like me. I know I was a pain. I would do only what was necessary, not an inch more. But I have good news. College taught me real fast that waiting till the last minute is not an option. So your kids will learn sooner or later that they should do an assignment once they get it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Grounding is not really a punishment for some kids. (That would include mine.)

Here is what I did.....this was 7th grade for my dd.

Drove dd to school. (She rode the bus and that killed her...one of her buttons)

Picked dd up after school. Went inside, locker check, backpack check. Would pop in to say hi to teachers and friends.

Also did a couple of teacher conferences to double check what is going on???

Came home, sat down and went through everything with a FINE TOOTH COMB...everyday. She would sit in the kitchen and would do her homework. Her homework would be checked it before she was "free" for the day.

This was instituted until her next grades came in. After an entire quarter of this as we were closing in on the end, my dd turns to me and says.....
"Mom I promise I will do my work and turn it in on time and do my best to make good grades but I am asking you to back out and trust me."

We made a pact and that was that....She is now a High School Freshman and made straight A's.

Let me tell you that it was as much work for me as it was for her but I taught her how to study, how to organize, etc....

 

[mtblujeans]

Your child sounds so bored with school. And, perhaps, the response you got from the teachers would explain that. Is there no one teacher or subject class that really excites your child? Maybe that is the heart of the problem. Kids need to have "a reason" to be there.....something that makes it worth while and fun for them to go every single day! Can you help point them in the direction of a class that they would get excited about and enjoy? Maybe is it just something as simple as that!

 

[stm61]

no suggestions but you definately have my sympathy! Ds12 has been like this since kindergarten! There is absolutely nothing that can be done to force him to complete any written work until HE decides he's going to do it. He's had everything he's ever owned taken away, been grounded for life on and off for years, had privledges taken away, had treats cancelled, bribes offered, you name it, we've tried it. Physical pain doesn't even impress this kid! He's seen dr's and counselers, nobody can get this kid to complete written assignments. He's managed to get to 7th gr because he has an IQ of 140 and remembers enough of class discussions to pass his tests. As the shrink put it "he'll do it when he decides to do it, not one minute before". We know he's not bored, he's also learning disabled so his classes are all on his individual level.

 

[georgina]

I know I struggle with my 7th grade DS too, and lack of motivation for schoolwork. Has your son's behavior changed this year, or has his attitude always been this way? If there has been a dramatic change, I would wonder if there is something else going on at school that is causing a problem. I am also curious what he says if you try to talk to him about why the assignments don't get turned in. I have a friend with an 11 year old DS with a diagnosed organizational disability - he gets his stuff done too, but can't seem to get it out of his backpack and turned in.

 

[rbuzzotta]

I went thru this with my oldest DD. We had her tested for learning disabilities and found out she has ADD (DH and younger DD also have ADD). We put her on medication at the end of 8th grade but only told the principal not the teachers. The teachers did note a big improvement in her school work and getting her assignments in on time (all were done she just would leave them in her locker thus getting a zero on them).

This year she made Honorable Mention as a freshman in HS. She got 1 A, 2 B+, 1 B, 2 B-.................her grades for term 2 close this coming friday and I do know there will be a decline in her grades (she missed quite a bit of school with mono, pertussis and pneumonia this term).

She would love to cheer in college so I took it upon myself to write and ask for brochures for the colleges she dreams of cheering for. The brochures seemed to motivate her into doing well. The majority of her friends are Honor or High Honor students...............she has the ability I just needed to motivate her somehow and I think this worked. Don't get me wrong, she is still lazy at times and waits until the last minute on projects............I sstill need to be on top of her!!

I also pulled up what GPA's for some colleges in the area and told her how to figure out GPA's etc. so that she could compare and try to figure out where she would be able to go and what grades she needed.

I told her not to expect any financial assistance from us if she has bad grades in high school. I told her I refused to pay for her laziness and that I could use the money on myself..............

Who knows how this will all turn out but so far............it is working!!

Good luck!!!

 

[Marseeya]

I'm not suggesting this as something that would work for everyone, but it was suggested to us by DS's counselor when he was in middle school and was refusing to work (or hand in finished work).

Counselor said, "Let him fail."

It went against every grain in my body to go through that with him, but I would have followed through and let him fail the 8th grade. Fortunately, he pulled himself together and got through it. Same thing going on here in 9th grade now, and I'm doing it all over again. But if he fails, he fails.

I've done all I can do for him -- that kid took up 90% of my time and energy, and now it's time for him to face the natural consequences of his actions. He knows I'm here for him and he's got me to help him through anything -- all he's got to do is ask AND put forth effort on his own behalf.

I don't know if your situation is that drastic, but I just thought I'd share with you.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Maybe grounding on the weekend would hurt more than a weekday grounding?

jackie

 

[jamzots]

To the O.P.

Are we talking about the same kid here? My DS is also an 8th grader. Same EXACT story as yours. Tried grounding, didn't work, went to school to pick him up and make sure he had all the work, that didn't work. I checked all his grades on-line too, and it's the same story, didn't hand in assignments, even the ones that I know he did. I just don't get it. I am heartbroken over this issue. And the "no child left behind" rule is a bunch of crap. My son failed Spanish 3 years in a row, yet he is still going to 9th grade, which is High School, in my district. The teachers don't really care, and they don't stay on top of the kids like they should. My DS has tutoring 3 times a week that I pay a fortune for, but it's not making a difference as far as him staying on top of homework and such. I am so frustrated. We went to the 9th grade orientation the other day, and I just sat there thinking, how the heck is he going to make it in High School? Now I'm looking into private school for him, or switching to another district. I don't know what else to do at this point.

 

[MrsPete]

I recommend the book Taming the Homework Hassle by John Rosemond. It's not specifically about getting kids to care about school, but I think you'll find some help in there.

When I used to teach 9th grade, I used the chapter on the home-to-school communication sheet occasionally, and it's worked wonders.

 

[Caradana]

A thought about the mechanics of homework, here: how, exactly, is he failing to hand these things in? Is the teacher collecting them in the morning, or at each respective class period? Are they handed forward, or does the teacher go around the room?

Can the teacher literally approach him for his homework?

 

[golfgal]

This, unfortunately, is a new thing with DS. We went as far as having him tested to see if he had learning disabilities. He was in 6th grade at the time, tested out with a HUGE IQ, which could be some of the problem, was reading at an 12th grade level which shocked us because the kid never read books, ever (he has since grown to love reading which is good). He just lives in his own little world with his own little ideas of how his life should be and if something deviates from that, too bad. If he wakes up in the morning and decides he isn't going to have homework that day, it doesn't matter what is on the board at school, he isn't going to do it.

MissiePie, I WISH we had something like that in place. I am so SICK of this battle. I have pretty much adopted that attitude that I will ask him ONCE if he has homework, tell him ONCE to get it done and then after that it is up to him. I went to 8th grade already, I certainly don't need to do it again. We had a conference with his math teacher last year and she started talking about kids being over scheduled, not enough time to get things done, and so on. I just stopped her and said that he is not any where near close to over scheduled and his only problem was lack of interest in doing the work and until he decided to get it done, there isn't much either of us could do. I think she was amazed I wasn't blaming it on her .

I was at the insurance agents today switching insurance to the new car and asked him to print out a comparison of how much DS would have to pay in insurance costs if he didn't have a "B" average ($1000/year) and how much it would cost US if he had a 'B" average ($60/year) which we would pay. If he doesn't have a B average, HE pays his car insurance. His reply, well, I have a couple years to worry about that .

I sort of wish he would fail 8th grade. He is smart enough and listens well enough in class that he does well on tests, etc. He would have a straight A average right now if he had turned his work in either on time or at all. I just can't get him to understand that.

As for the grounding on the weekends, that is next. The current deal was from midterms to the end of this quarter which is on Friday. The new deal will include weekends. He will be grounded until the next midterm report card comes out and if he has all B's or higher will be off grounding, if not, he is grounded until the next marking period. We have tried everything, the positive reinforcement does nothing for him either. It just doesn't matter to him at all. The only hesitation with total grounding is that DS doesn't have a lot of friends and the couple friends he does have are tired of him being grounded already and I do worry that they won't want to wait around for him. Who knows???