Any Tips for Planning a Wedding?

[Doctor Pedantic]

My partner and I are planning to get married next year, probably in October. He is in the arts, so is big on "production." I am an anal-retentive (STOP IT!) lawyer, so am big on planning.

Does anyone have any suggested web sites, books, etc. to help us with planning? Do places like The Knot accept gay couples? Neither of us has even been to a "gay wedding" or commitment ceremony, so this is really new for us. I'm not even sure who is supposed to propose! So I will probably just do it so we have an "official" proposal story even though we talk about getting married all the time.

I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice!

Thanks.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Hi and congratulations! I don't pretend to be a wedding planner, but here are some things I've seen done in the past that I thought were quite nice.

The couple dressing in matching tuxedos. This is a little more kicky when it is women, but nice none the less!

Decide on a budget. Determine how much of the budget you want to spend on announcements, a place to hold the ceremony and the following celebration, the amount to spend on the food, on the drink, on the flowers, on the music, on any other form of entertainment or pagentry (fireworks, DJs, live band, chamber quartet...).

Is there going to be a theme? What colors are your favorites? Do you want them incorporated into the theme? In what way? Ties, vests, shirts for the couple?...

Do you want a cake? What type? What size? Flavor? Filling? Fondant? Butter Cream?

How big do you want it to be? Number of guests I mean...

Do you want an informal cocktail party (with lovely hors d'oeurves) with a jazz trio, a buffet with a dj, a full service dinner with a chamber orchestra or a combination thereof??

One of the lovliest weddings I've been to was at an old (historical) inn (marble floors, lovely walls, beautifully restored) featuring small tables for sitting and conversing, tall pub style to stand at and visit and move on, with a very nice jazz quartet over there in the corner, lovely trays of delicious morsels of food being passed by servers, open bar with wine, champagne and mixed drinks... The couple spent time with everyone, speaking to all the guests, having nibbles of the food here and there and sips of the drinks.

Much depends upon what your likes and dislikes are of course.

So. First? Decide on that budget and then how you wish to apportion it.

Oh! And keep us posted as you go!

Not sure about the website, but it can't hurt to try!

 

[lillielil]

(sorry... i forgot html doesn't work here!)


The Knot is awesome. There's even a same-sex weddings forum there - which is mostly, but not exclusively, populated by lady couples.

It's great that you have so much time to plan. Make the most of it - it can be lots of fun but very time-conuming to DIY lots of things.

As for books, none of the current gay/lesbian wedding-planning books are any good. They're all more about politics (or vendor self-promotion) than about little things like... how do you get both parties down the aisle? What can you say intead of "I now pronounce you husband and wife?"

I'm also disenchanged with the websites out there. There are a few: twogrooms.com (and its parent site gayweddings.com), gayweddingfodder.com is mostly news, outvite.com has some cute stationery.... and that's about it. I like theknot.com best, really.


So.. that's all the advice I have. Can you tell I'm in the throes of wedding planning? And by the way, we don't have a proposal story either - we just woke up one day and decided to get married. I can't even remember who said it first.

 

[MrVisible]

I proposed when my boyfriend had been away for a long weekend, visiting his folks. I realized that whenever he's away, I'm miserable. The night he came back, we were lying in bed together, and I proposed. Re-proposed, actually; we've known we were getting married since six months into our relationship.

We decided we don't want any sort of formal wedding, we just want to promise ourselves to each other before the friends and family that make our relationship possible. We're making it all about our favorite things. We're having it at our favorite restaurant, ("Do you ever close down the restaurant for private parties?" "No, never." "Nick and I were thinking of getting married here..." "We'll make a sign! We should have balloons! You want balloons?") the cake will be our favorite ice-cream cake, and the people there will be our favorite people.

And afterwards? Where else? Our favorite place: Disneyland.

Simple, inexpensive, but every part of it means something to us.

 

[disneynutt1225]

The best advice I can give is to elope! Wedding planning is making me crazy!!!! LOL. AAAAAAAAAACK. Deep breath, deep breath!

Honestly, the knot has a wealth of information there, and I'd recommend getting one of the wedding planning guides you can find in your local bookstore. Pick a budget and stick to it as much as you can. Photography, flowers, reception and music eat the most of your budget up quickly.

Most of all remember to have a great time planning your wedding, and know that everything falls into place eventually. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Enjoy your day! The most important thing is celebrating the love you and your partner have for each other, everything else is secondary

Best of luck to you!

 

[NewJersey]

I proposed when my boyfriend had been away for a long weekend, visiting his folks. I realized that whenever he's away, I'm miserable. The night he came back, we were lying in bed together, and I proposed. Re-proposed, actually; we've known we were getting married since six months into our relationship.

We decided we don't want any sort of formal wedding, we just want to promise ourselves to each other before the friends and family that make our relationship possible. We're making it all about our favorite things. We're having it at our favorite restaurant, ("Do you ever close down the restaurant for private parties?" "No, never." "Nick and I were thinking of getting married here..." "We'll make a sign! We should have balloons! You want balloons?") the cake will be our favorite ice-cream cake, and the people there will be our favorite people.

And afterwards? Where else? Our favorite place: Disneyland.

Simple, inexpensive, but every part of it means something to us.

That sounds so cute!!

 

[Caradana]

Wedding planning is a great time! We've documented our progress here:
www.johnanddana.weddingwindow.com
Hope you might find some fun ideas!

D

 

[ILuvDVC2]

It's been almost eight years since our ceremony. We were VERY fortunate to have friends help us out with some of the key items we needed for our reception.

• Our food was close to donated by our friend Kenny, who was a chef for a restaurant. We reviewed our menu with him, and he bought and prepared the food with us and only charged us the wholesale food cost. The kitchen prep was his wedding gift to us.
• Our friend Brian, the florist (go figure... a gay florist!) created a couple of big centerpieces for the ceremony, smaller arrangements for our reception tables, boutineers and boquets for our wedding party, and an extra dozen roses to use as decorations on our cake. He charged us about a quarter of what it should have cost, considering we used lavender roses, which are imported from France.
• Our friend Larry, a catering manager, provided everything we needed to serve our food, from serving dishes to the utensils. We choose to do cold pasta salads, so it was easy to replenish and leave out safely. He allowed us to use the pieces at no charge. (We did rent plates, glasses and flatware.)
• Our friend Steve was our DJ, and he provided his services for free as his gift to us.

These four things alone would have cost us THOUSANDS of dollars more than we spent had our friends not been so generous and loving. Not to say we didn't spend a good deal on other things (tent, table, chair and linen rental, tuxedos, alcohol, donation to the theater space for the ceremony, cake, rings), but at $7,000 in all, we know we spent far less than most people do. Considering most weddings average at $22,360 in the U.S. these days, we feel very fortunate that we got the quality we wanted for the price we paid.

That being said, if you have the connections that can help you with the key items you want as part of your ceremony or reception, don't be afraid to ask them for help. We offered to pay market prices for the items our friends gave us price breaks on because we didn't want to put a strain on their business, or to feel we were taking advantage of the friendship. Each decided on his own to do what he did for us, which were very generous gestures that we weren't expecting.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Hey Doctor Pendantic! Do you want to have a union ceremony (or vows of committment, etc.) in Florida?

I've just learned about a wicked nice place on Cocoa Beach. It's "family" owned so they really go out of their way to help make such ceremonies special.

I'm taking my partner there for her birthday. They were really nice to work with in just booking something that simple (a short weekend) and gave us a bit of a family discount.