Any other SAHMs with only school age children?

[Sazuburns]

Once my younger son started nursery 5 mornings a week, I started to get bored at home, so I volunteered at my elder son's school a couple of mornings a week.

Now that both children are at the school, I am a classroom assistant at their school. It is the best situation for me - I work three days a week, school hours only, so I am at home when they are at home.

I did it voluntarily last year, but will be paid from when they return to school, so I'll be able to afford a cleaner - I'd much rather be working than cleaning my house, but I'll still be home with them during holidays etc.

Sarah x

 

[Cruz91]

...What I am saying is that, as a husband, I would much rather talk about the topic and have you explain to me why it is so important for you to stay home, how much you appreciate what I'm missing, and then mutually agree either that we'll table it until we have to deal with it or agree that it's a non-issue. You may be surprised at his reaction.

Obsessed - that was my point all along. Not that you wanted to stay at home - but you shouldn't have the attitude that you didn't care what he had to say. And like I said in a much earlier post - I suspected that would be his reaction...

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

Obsessed - that was my point all along. Not that you wanted to stay at home - but you shouldn't have the attitude that you didn't care what he had to say. And like I said in a much earlier post - I suspected that would be his reaction...

From the previous conversation we had, he made it sound like I was going back to work and that was that. At that point, I didn't care. I knew what was important to me and I had already made the decision.

 

[Cruz91]

Obsessed - I also just realized we'll both be at The World at the same time for our next trips. How ironic... Maybe we can meet up and fight this out in person!

PS - and this is hopefully my last post on this thread... I want to reiterate that I have the upmost respect for all of you who do the SAHM thing. I see every day in my children the benefits of my wife's hard work, and I tell her as often as I can (and it's still not often enough) how much I appreciate what she does. Kudos to all of you for doing what you do.

 

[toyac]

Marriage is by definition a partnership. What you are arguing is that it's not 50-50 every minute. ITA.

Uhhh...no. The definition of marriage is as follows: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.

Just saying...different strokes for different folks. Not being funny or rude, but wanted to clarify my stance on the issue. To me partners share things equally...none of the people in my haven't-had-a-divorce-in-the-family-for-over-a-decade see marriage that way.

I can carry children...my husband can't. As my partner would he mind sharing the stretch marks.

 

[Cruz91]

Uhhh...no. The definition of marriage is as follows: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.

Just saying...different strokes for different folks. Not being funny or rude, but wanted to clarify my stance on the issue. To me partners share things equally...none of the people in my haven't-had-a-divorce-in-the-family-for-over-a-decade see marriage that way.

I can carry children...my husband can't. As my partner would he mind sharing the stretch marks.

OK - maybe one more post, you know, in the spirit of 'definitions' and all...

From m-w.com:
Partner:

1archaic : one that shares : partaker
2 a: one associated with another especially in an action : associate, colleague b: either of two persons who dance together c: one of two or more persons who play together in a game against an opposing side d: a person with whom one shares an intimate relationship : one member of a couple
3: a member of a partnership especially in a business; also : such membership
4: one of the heavy timbers that strengthen a ship's deck to support a mast —usually used in plural

Nothing in that says anything about being equal shares of anything. Just saying...

 

[jodifla]

Uhhh...no. The definition of marriage is as follows: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.

Just saying...different strokes for different folks. Not being funny or rude, but wanted to clarify my stance on the issue. To me partners share things equally...none of the people in my haven't-had-a-divorce-in-the-family-for-over-a-decade see marriage that way.

I can carry children...my husband can't. As my partner would he mind sharing the stretch marks.

Semantics then.

But there's no 50-50 applied in any definition of partnership I can find.

 

[rgribik]

I was reluctant to reply(I've had my hand slapped for reasons I don't understand ), but here it goes..... Obsessed: I never took your posts as anything negative, I read what you wrote and thought "you go girl". Never thought you were in for marriage disaster. We all type things that get so, so ,so misunderstood on these boards. I knew where you were coming from in post #1, never thought you didn't love the hubby....

I am a SAHM also, and wish our state allowed non-degree subbing, that would be great, but here you need a teaching certificate to sub. I got on to look for ideas, but like obsessed I don't want to get stuck with a summer job, where would my 5 kiddos go in the summer? As a family we would love the extra money, but it isn't in the cards yet.

 

[tonilea]

Semantics then.

But there's no 50-50 applied in any definition of partnership I can find.

IMO, a 50-50 partnership/marriage is not going to be successful or at least not as successful as it potentially could be. Both partners have to be willing to give more, alot more.




Like a PP said, it really irriatates me when a 2007 Escalade driving, designer clothing wearing, 4000 sq foot house, keeping up with the Joneses mama tells me I am "Lucky to be able to stay at home." Luck has nothing to do with it. It is a choice we made. I realize that the choice is not available to everyone. And some women choose to work outside the home.

I know exactly what my husband does all night as a police officer, I used to do it too. My job is harder. I can't take people who irritate me to jail.

 

[Familyof6]

I have always been a SAHM since my kids were born. At one school they attended, volunteer hours were mandatory so I took my little ones and helped with lunch. When we moved (dh was a USAF officer) the new (present) school needed lunch volunteers also. I took my youngest one with me during the day with activities to do (and homeschool work during her K yr.) Eventually that volunteer work led to the school approaching me to "help out" (paid) with the afterschool program when some employees moved on. (my kids could attend with me)
I am now one of the "leads" with the after school program. I work two afternoons a week during the school yr. My children come with me. As a matter of fact, my 16 yr old was hired to help out with the program on the days that I worked so he was being paid to be there too!
I was also approached by a mother from our school who teaches at the local Montessori school. She needed a sub for a trip she had planned and knew that I had 4 kids and work well with the Montessori kids. (She had no idea that I actually had preschool and daycare experience) I've been subbing in the Montessori school for 2 yrs now...and it's nice to be able to say "no" if it won't work well for your family.
I've opened my own bank account for "MY" money. I have told the kids, when I get enough money in "MY" account, we will go to Hawaii. (so it's the Hawaii account) It's slow going...but we might get there before ds graduates from college! I think I have enough for 6 RT plane tix and a little more for hotel.
I still consider myself a SAHM even though I'm scheduled to be volunteering one full day a week with the lunch program and then I "work" 2 afternoons a week. It's really just giving of myself and my family to better our school. We're still all together on the days when I "work".
Oh ya...and I had these delusional thoughts of when my kids went off to school, how I'd have all this extra time to get all these projects done around the house and how my house would be so neat and orderly!!! Even my dh has found on days when he (rarely) has to take over my duties and be Mr. Mom for the day, the time flies by and you have no idea what you were able to accomplish in those hours. My time is best spent helping out with my children's school.
As I keep telling people (DH in particular), I can't get a job. I'd have to give up too much of my volunteering!

Familyof6

 

[bunny]

Like a PP said, it really irriatates me when a 2007 Escalade driving, designer clothing wearing, 4000 sq foot house, keeping up with the Joneses mama tells me I am "Lucky to be able to stay at home." Luck has nothing to do with it. It is a choice we made. I realize that the choice is not available to everyone. And some women choose to work outside the home.

Not every woman who is able to afford these things could choose to stay at home. In today's society a good percentage of women are the bigger breadwinner in their family. In those situations it may be the man who chooses whether or not to stay at home. Also the man may not have a choice either if he is responsible for child support, alimony, etc. For educated women if you have to work you might as well make as much money as you can.

On a different note, for you SAHM's, don't forget that working in corporate America in today's economy is very stressful. It bothers me when I read about how hard it is to be a SAHM. The kid's keep you busy, but it isn't the same as the stress of a corporate job or a hospital etc. We don't get kisses and hugs all day. Most of the time the atomosphere is very tense.

 

[jodi16s]

I stayed home for 3 months and thought it was the best thing ever! Of course, I was always busy and by no means did I eat bon bons all day, but it isn't the same as getting up and going to work everyday. If you are feeling crummy, you can stay home and clean in your pjs if you want... move at your own pace. If you have to go to work feeling crummy.. well, you are just plain out of luck.

Not all parents that work miss their kids school events. I go in late so that I can take Ds to school and have never missed a soccer game, baseball, game, field trip or doctors appt. I can think of two games total that Dh has missed, only because of a crisis at work. If the kids are sick, I tell my boss (I work at a lawfirm) that the kids are sick! My mother watches my kids during the day. Sure, I could have her run the kids to appointments or keep them when they are sick, but I would rather it be me.

SAHM or working mom.. we all love our kids just as much as the other. Working moms need to quit knocking on SAHMs for "having it easy" and SAHMs need to quit belittled working moms who "aren't there for their kids".

 

[chobie]

SAHM or working mom.. we all love our kids just as much as the other. Working moms need to quit knocking on SAHMs for "having it easy" and SAHMs need to quit belittled working moms who "aren't there for their kids".

Well said. It's also not up to us to judge how other couples should handle decision making. Some have relationships where the husband is allowed the final say, some have 50-50 relationships, some have ones where the partners do make unilateral decisions and the other accepts it. Every relationship is different.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

Just wanted to say thanks babe for creating an attack thread about me. Not only did I have to try and explain myself on THIS thread, but now I have another thread devoted just to me, where ALL of the posters are telling me how I'm going to get divorced...

Thanks! Did that boost your self esteem now?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1551924

 

[scrappinmom]

I'm gonna try to respond to the OP's question here....

My oldest will be in 8th grade and youngest in 2nd grade this year. I left my job as a psychologist for a psych hospital when the oldest started Kindergarten. It was a decision that dh & I had talked about and made when she was born.

Last year was my first year of being "free" all day. I too thought I would need something to do and thought about returning to work. Dh's job also has him getting home at different hours every day. We again talked about it and decided it was best for our family if I continued to not work.

So last year, I was the PTO president for the Elementary school, 1st grade Brownie leader, Fundraiser chair for the middle school, and the mgr for dd's skating team, in addition to that I did a lot of additional volunteer time at the schools. The schools need and usually want parents to help as much as possible. I'm not just doing it for my own kids, I think all of the kids benefit when parents are in the classroom.

I have a lot of friends who do work either full time or part time...and they know that they can call me to pick up their kids, run them lunch money, whatever, if they can't. Likewise...I know I can count of them to bring the juice/cupcakes/brownies to the class party. Neither one of us feels "better than" or "luckier than" the other....we're simply doing the "job" we want/need to and both are needed.

If you want to find productive things to occupy your new "free" time, you surely can.

I think everyone needs to make their own choices, if driving the expensive car and wearing the expensive clothes are important - that's ok...it's not my priority, but my priority of getting the fall taffy apple sale flyers out, might not be theirs but the point is that it's all up to the individual.

 

[WDWfor5]

Just wanted to say thanks babe for creating an attack thread about me. Not only did I have to try and explain myself on THIS thread, but now I have another thread devoted just to me, where ALL of the posters are telling me how I'm going to get divorced...

Thanks! Did that boost your self esteem now?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1551924

Just wanted to say While I may not have agreed with you in your original post, I understood where you were coming from and in your later posts you clarified plenty. To have someone start a seperate post attcking you and your marriage and prediciting it's demise is just plain nasty.

Obviously, someone needed more entertainment in their day Just ignore it - after all you know your DH is supportive and that's all that counts. Any way maybe all of these women predicting divorce are projecting their own marital insecurities on to you.

 

[kinntj]

So sorry this is happening to you Obsessed.
As mother's/parents we really need to support one another in the decisions we make. So what if she's viewed as being disrespectful to her DH. I'm sure her DH is intelligent enough to handle his own battles or problems he may or may not have.

As for our situation. We planned on me going back to work after I get my degree when our kids are in school full time. This is a decision we made for us and for me. Right now I go to school part time and then in a few years will get into the program (Dental Hygiene) full time and then work part time until retirement. DH plans on retiring early or right on time, so me going back to work will help with those plans. I can have the best of both worlds working part time and being around for the kids and socking money away for college and retirement and giving DH something to look forward to and not feeling the stress as he gets older of being sole provider.
This is what we feel will work for our family. I'm not expecting every family to be like ours.

I think we can all agree that we want our families to be happy and healthy.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Just wanted to say thanks babe for creating an attack thread about me. Not only did I have to try and explain myself on THIS thread, but now I have another thread devoted just to me, where ALL of the posters are telling me how I'm going to get divorced...

Thanks! Did that boost your self esteem now?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1551924

It makes me sad. So many posters seem to think the only way to contribute to a marriage is by working outside the home. My kids are all in school full time, I stay home and I don't apologize for it. I've always been very active in our PTA and this year I'll be the president. I am involved in a marketing project for our diocese and I keep a very clean home and cook home cooked dinners almost every night. This is a choice DH and I made and we are very happy with it. I don't need to work a 9-5 job to feel fulfilled and I resent posters who feel there is only one way to contribute to a marriage.

Also DH and I figured out what it would cost for after school and summer care plus all the expenses that go with working full time and figure that financially it's not even worth it to us. DH also likes to come home to an organized house with the kids taken care of by their mom and not day care. Everyone makes their own choices that are best for them, it just seems that SAHM do get very little respect.

 

[Kaler131]

It makes me sad. So many posters seem to think the only way to contribute to a marriage is by working outside the home. My kids are all in school full time, I stay home and I don't apologize for it. I've always been very active in our PTA and this year I'll be the president. I am involved in a marketing project for our diocese and I keep a very clean home and cook home cooked dinners almost every night. This is a choice DH and I made and we are very happy with it. I don't need to work a 9-5 job to feel fulfilled and I resent posters who feel there is only one way to contribute to a marriage.

Also DH and I figured out what it would cost for after school and summer care plus all the expenses that go with working full time and figure that financially it's not even worth it to us. DH also likes to come home to an organized house with the kids taken care of by their mom and not day care. Everyone makes their own choices that are best for them, it just seems that SAHM do get very little respect.

I TOTALLY agree! Do people think that when a SAHM is home "by themselves" that we are not "working"???? Just because the kids might not be "home" for 6 hours during the weekdays does not mean that time has stopped! There is STILL so much to do around the house, etc. Being a SAHM is NOT easy, even when the kids are at school! I have 4 children and even when my 4 year old is in school full-time in a couple of years, I am NOT going to get a full-time "job" (outside the home). Being a SAHM IS a full-time JOB!

 

[DisneyFreakof5]

Ok, I am new to this board.....not a troll....which is what I heard some people call new posters! Anyways, I have had the "privlege" to stay at home with my three kids until my youngest started kindergarden (he is now in 4th grade). I have one in middle school and one in high school and work full time now. What gets forgotten is as the kids get older, they get involved with sports or another afterschool activity which requires transportation, devotion to practice schedules and game times. This is hard for 2 working parents and especially if your spouse travels alot for work. If I had to do things differently, I would not have gone back to work! I am educated, and have a great job! But I am stressed beyond the point of breaking at some nights when we don't eat dinner until 8:30 in the evening due to soccer or football schedules, or the house needs to be picked up, dishes need to be put away, the list goes on and on.

Sorry about rambling, but I feel obsessed is being attacked on an issue that is such a private matter between her family.