Any other SAHMs with only school age children?

[PrincessTiffany]

I have been a SAHM for 8 years. My baby started Kindergarten on Monday (I cried and cried). People keep asking me "What are you going to do with yourself?" The truth is, I don't know. For the next month I am just going to organize my house and work on my scrapbooks and of course, get ready for our upcoming Disney trip. My husband says, "Work or don't work, whatever makes you happy." I have been thinking about signing up to be a sub at the kid's school. I guess I will see how I feel after our trip and I get back into a normal routine. I don't think anyone should feel guilty about staying home while the children are at school. You have to do what feels right for you and your family.

 

[MinnieGi]

Substitute teacher requirments vary by district. Some just require a HS diploma, others do require a teaching certificate and still others require something in between like so many post HS credits.

 

[MinnieGi]

My youngest is still in preschool, but I do get three mornings a week to myself which I cherish! Now when he starts full day school I also think my plan of action will be to sub in my kids school. I'm a former elementary teacher and think this would be perfect to work the same hours as my kids and in their same school but not have all the "teacher homework" as with a full time teaching job.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

I don't get this. Your husband wants you to get a job, but you'll just ignore him? How is that fair?

Who said anything about being FAIR?

I don't want my kids to spend their summers alone...is that wrong?

 

[Cruz91]

Who said anything about being FAIR?

I don't want my kids to spend their summers alone...is that wrong?

OK - I struggled whether or not to post, but a nerve has been hit. My wife and I decided before we even got engaged that if we ever got to this point, she would stay home with the children till the youngest started school and then go back to working outside of the home. It is important to BOTH of us that she be home with them and be there for whatever they need. We're still a couple years away from making the final decision, but we (again, as a couple) have talked and decided that she may not go back full time. She's a teacher as well (and worked to keep her credentials current the whole time she's been off), but she shudders at the thought of subbing (she knows what kids do to subs). That's beside my point...

The real point I want to make is I hear (well, read) all of you making plans to do this and do that and get time to yourself. Don't you think we husbands would love to have that too? Do you think we like the stresses associated with being the sole provider? I completely get the fact that being a SAHM is more than a full time job - you rarely get any time off. I also am aware, however, that you get the pleasure of seeing their first steps, hearing their first words, getting all of the extra hugs and kisses. You get to hear the diaper swish and giggles as they try their hardest to stay hidden (really just holding a pillow over their face) during hide-n-seek. You get to take the kids to the pool and story times and play dates. You even get to be the one they come to long after they're 'too cool' to hug the parental units, but don't feel well and need a hug just to feel better. What I'm saying is that being a SAHM is a privelage. One that we working dads work very hard to make happen, and we realize that every one of those great things you get to see / do is a great thing that we miss.

My wife is AMAZING. She thanks me daily (and during this 'back to school' time of year, several times a day) that she gets to stay home with the kids. I remind her it was a joint decision, and I'm thankful they have such a great mom to stay home with them. What we have works for us - because we respect each others' position. Please don't take being a SAHM for granted, and please don't take those working hard to make it happen for granted either.

 

[Harvest02]

In Missouri you have to have 60 credit hours to be a substitute teacher & a background check. You do not have to have college hours to be a substitute para.

This will be my fifth school year as a sub. My youngest is starting 5th grade next week and oldest (twins) will be in 6th. It's really nice taking the kids with you in the morning and coming home with them in the afternoons.

Two years ago I went back to school for my bachelor's degree in elementary education. I graduated in May 2007. I am planning on subbing again this school year.

By the way, depending on where you live, the pay is great too (our school district is $100 day this year).

Good luck.

Wow! I thought our district paid good at $80 a day! 100????? That is awesome!!! Any extra money is nice though so we can all save for our Disney obsessions!!! By the way, here on the north side of Indianapolis, all that is required for subbing is a HS diploma. They used to require 2 years of college, but they had trouble getting subs so they lowered the requirements a few years ago. I have a college degree so I am well qualified! I love subbing!!! It is the first day of school here today, but no sub jobs!!! Hey, a person can hope for that first day of school sub job, right????

 

[kpm76]

OK - I struggled whether or not to post, but a nerve has been hit. My wife and I decided before we even got engaged that if we ever got to this point, she would stay home with the children till the youngest started school and then go back to working outside of the home. It is important to BOTH of us that she be home with them and be there for whatever they need. We're still a couple years away from making the final decision, but we (again, as a couple) have talked and decided that she may not go back full time. She's a teacher as well (and worked to keep her credentials current the whole time she's been off), but she shudders at the thought of subbing (she knows what kids do to subs). That's beside my point...

The real point I want to make is I hear (well, read) all of you making plans to do this and do that and get time to yourself. Don't you think we husbands would love to have that too? Do you think we like the stresses associated with being the sole provider? I completely get the fact that being a SAHM is more than a full time job - you rarely get any time off. I also am aware, however, that you get the pleasure of seeing their first steps, hearing their first words, getting all of the extra hugs and kisses. You get to hear the diaper swish and giggles as they try their hardest to stay hidden (really just holding a pillow over their face) during hide-n-seek. You get to take the kids to the pool and story times and play dates. You even get to be the one they come to long after they're 'too cool' to hug the parental units, but don't feel well and need a hug just to feel better. What I'm saying is that being a SAHM is a privelage. One that we working dads work very hard to make happen, and we realize that every one of those great things you get to see / do is a great thing that we miss.

My wife is AMAZING. She thanks me daily (and during this 'back to school' time of year, several times a day) that she gets to stay home with the kids. I remind her it was a joint decision, and I'm thankful they have such a great mom to stay home with them. What we have works for us - because we respect each others' position. Please don't take being a SAHM for granted, and please don't take those working hard to make it happen for granted either.

VERY well said I shook my head when I read the post from the woman who said she would not go back to work regardless of what her husband said. First, our marriage is not one of "he said she said"....we make decisions together but that's another topic entirely. I assume the poster is able to stay home because her husband provides for her and her family. With her attitude, she better hope he doesn't decide to walk. Then it will be "tough taffy" for her, not him.

 

[stacy6552]

Ok Ok lets not go getting all wierd and judgey with each other. I'm sure the moms' sentiments stem from a refusal to accept a dictatorhip position from their husbands, just as I am sure that if the wives of the posting husbands felt strongly about not going back to work, they wouldnt demand that they do. We all make sacrifices so our kids have the upbringing by moms or dads in the home. We're all on the same team.

Come on group hug everybody.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

OK - I struggled whether or not to post, but a nerve has been hit. My wife and I decided before we even got engaged that if we ever got to this point, she would stay home with the children till the youngest started school and then go back to working outside of the home. It is important to BOTH of us that she be home with them and be there for whatever they need. We're still a couple years away from making the final decision, but we (again, as a couple) have talked and decided that she may not go back full time. She's a teacher as well (and worked to keep her credentials current the whole time she's been off), but she shudders at the thought of subbing (she knows what kids do to subs). That's beside my point...

The real point I want to make is I hear (well, read) all of you making plans to do this and do that and get time to yourself. Don't you think we husbands would love to have that too? Do you think we like the stresses associated with being the sole provider? I completely get the fact that being a SAHM is more than a full time job - you rarely get any time off. I also am aware, however, that you get the pleasure of seeing their first steps, hearing their first words, getting all of the extra hugs and kisses. You get to hear the diaper swish and giggles as they try their hardest to stay hidden (really just holding a pillow over their face) during hide-n-seek. You get to take the kids to the pool and story times and play dates. You even get to be the one they come to long after they're 'too cool' to hug the parental units, but don't feel well and need a hug just to feel better. What I'm saying is that being a SAHM is a privelage. One that we working dads work very hard to make happen, and we realize that every one of those great things you get to see / do is a great thing that we miss.

My wife is AMAZING. She thanks me daily (and during this 'back to school' time of year, several times a day) that she gets to stay home with the kids. I remind her it was a joint decision, and I'm thankful they have such a great mom to stay home with them. What we have works for us - because we respect each others' position. Please don't take being a SAHM for granted, and please don't take those working hard to make it happen for granted either.

First of all, I'm wondering WHY this statement was in reply to me.

You haven't said anything that I didn't already know, didn't already appreciate about being a stay at home mom. I love being here FOR my kids, understand that it is not only a PRIVLEDGE for me, but also for them. There are so many children out there that don't even know their parents because they spend so much time at work.

While I agree with you that dads have stress about being the sole provider, I also want to say that I truly don't think dads realize what being here 24/7 involves. Once, my husband took off of work because I had my gallbladder removed about a year ago. By the end of the week, he said "I'm going on vacation. I'm going back to work!". He really had no idea how stressful it was and thought I sat and ate bon bons all day.

As for kpm76, how wonderful that you and your husband make decisions together all of the time. BUT, I have a marriage where our opinions differ probably 85% of the time. We grew up in totally different households, with his parents beating him and my parents spoiling me. It's hard to meet in the middle.

Yes, I will stay home REGARDLESS of what he says and please go ahead and just shake that head of yours. I will NOT be told what to do by my husband, especially when it comes to my children and my time with them. I am not June Cleaver. It's important to me to spend summers with my children. I don't think I am wrong in wanting this.

I always think it's funny to read the 'ol "he's gonna leave her" speech. I hear it from other moms and usually it stems from jealousy.

 

[jodi16s]

First of all, I'm wondering WHY this statement was in reply to me.

You haven't said anything that I didn't already know, didn't already appreciate about being a stay at home mom. I love being here FOR my kids, understand that it is not only a PRIVLEDGE for me, but also for them. There are so many children out there that don't even know their parents because they spend so much time at work.

While I agree with you that dads have stress about being the sole provider, I also want to say that I truly don't think dads realize what being here 24/7 involves. Once, my husband took off of work because I had my gallbladder removed about a year ago. By the end of the week, he said "I'm going on vacation. I'm going back to work!". He really had no idea how stressful it was and thought I sat and ate bon bons all day.

As for kpm76, how wonderful that you and your husband make decisions together all of the time. BUT, I have a marriage where our opinions differ probably 85% of the time. We grew up in totally different households, with his parents beating him and my parents spoiling me. It's hard to meet in the middle.

Yes, I will stay home REGARDLESS of what he says and please go ahead and just shake that head of yours. I will NOT be told what to do by my husband, especially when it comes to my children and my time with them. I am not June Cleaver. It's important to me to spend summers with my children. I don't think I am wrong in wanting this.

I always think it's funny to read the 'ol "he's gonna leave her" speech. I hear it from other moms and usually it stems from jealousy.

Ha! Since when do kids not know their parents just because they work?! You should be very grateful that you are financially able to stay home with your children and not throw ridiculous statements like that out there. Whether a woman stays home or works.. is a person decision and she is only doing what is best for her family. Sometimes that means working to help pay the bills... Sometimes that means working because she WANTS to. Those that work are also there "FOR" their kids. Here is a from me, as well. You give SAHMs a bad name with your holier than thou attitude.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

Ha! Since when do kids not know their parents just because they work?! You should be very grateful that you are financially able to stay home with your children and not throw ridiculous statements like that out there. Whether a woman stays home or works.. is a person decision and she is only doing what is best for her family. Sometimes that means working to help pay the bills... Sometimes that means working because she WANTS to. Those that work are also there "FOR" their kids. Here is a from me, as well. You give SAHMs a bad name with your holier than thou attitude.

WOW, such hostility! I didn't have a holier than thou attitude at all.

I'm not made of money and there are times when it's hard financially....BUT, it's important to me that I have this time with my children. There is no job, no amount of money in the world TO ME that would make up for the wonderful things I have experienced with them by staying home.

There are some kids who don't know their parents, where the parents work 70-80 hours a week. They know their "day care provider" more than their own parents. I didn't say all kids who having 2 working parents don't know them.

How can parents who both work be THERE for their kids all of the time? When they're sick, when they have time off from school...where are the kids? At the daycare provider?

Very true, some women just WANT to work and how wonderful for them. It's a difference of opinion then.

I am very grateful that I get to stay home with my children. BUT, I'm not making ridiculous statements. Just stating my opinion, as you were.

 

[jenlynn0808]

Now to sub do you have to have schooling for that ? Extra schooling that is ?
Just wondering

Thanks so much...........................................for putting a SMILE on my face in knowing that there are others out there like me.

Better check with our local school district. In Michigan you have to have 90 credit hours to be a "guest" teacher.

 

[Whosemom]

I think its the "tough taffy" comment that got him going.

But really, look at what you are saying. This...

Yes, I will stay home REGARDLESS of what he says

leads to this...

I always think it's funny to read the 'ol "he's gonna leave her" speech.

Not jealousy.

Just like this...

Please don't take being a SAHM for granted, and please don't take those working hard to make it happen for granted either.

and this...

What I'm saying is that being a SAHM is a privelage. One that we working dads work very hard to make happen,

display an underlying attitude that makes me question this...

we respect each others' position.

Neither of you is giving your spouse full partnership. The woman is saying, "the heck with them" and the man is not really valuing his wife's contributions. (I had a gigantic reply written to him, but deleted it, because I could live up on that soap box ).

Anyway, long live true partnership and God bless my husband! And you guys all, too!

 

[Fritochips4u]

You give SAHMs a bad name with your holier than thou attitude.

No she doesn't. She stated what alot of SAHM's think. I think she hit the nail on the head....jealousy...

Obsessed, thank you , you said exactly what I would have.

Chrissy

 

[Fritochips4u]

Neither of you is giving your spouse full partnership. The woman is saying, "the heck with them"

No, she's not. She just doesn't want to comply with a dictatorship.

 

[Whosemom]

No, she's not. She just doesn't want to comply with a dictatorship.

Ok, with full knowledge that I don't know this lady, and guessing that you don't either...on the basis of her comments here in this thread only, and we all know that any one thread on a message board does not represent a persons whole self... I respectfully submit that if she's saying

Yes, I will stay home REGARDLESS of what he says

and

Who said anything about being FAIR?

and

My husband will learn of my decision eventually. Tough taffy for him

Then SHE is the one acting like a dictator. Nothing in her posts say anything other than that he has made an assumption that involves a vision of the future that is different than her vision. And I still think it would be good for her and any number of women in the same position to start early being up front with their feelings about what is best for the family, to get those visions lined up before the time comes. In fact, with a little research I can point you to some resources to show the financial value of a parent at home. (which I think super-sacrificial dad could stand to read as well). I don't have it at hand, but I will dig it up if anyone is interested.

 

[Cruz91]

First of all, I'm wondering WHY this statement was in reply to me.

Yes, I will stay home REGARDLESS of what he says and please go ahead and just shake that head of yours. I will NOT be told what to do by my husband, especially when it comes to my children and my time with them. I am not June Cleaver. It's important to me to spend summers with my children. I don't think I am wrong in wanting this.

I always think it's funny to read the 'ol "he's gonna leave her" speech. I hear it from other moms and usually it stems from jealousy.

The bold is why it was directed to you. What if, for example, your husband came home from work and said, quite simply, "I am staying home now to spend time with MY kids. You have had the last XX years to do so, and now I think it is YOUR turn to go out and provide for XX years while I catch up on time missed." As you pointed out - you are not June Cleaver - so what gives you more of a 'right' to stay home than him?

Please note that nowhere did I say my wife should go "get a job". I recognize that being a SAHM IS a job, and probably the most difficult one out there. My wife has no reason to be jealous, though - I give her the fullest respect always for what she does. I do, however, expect the same from her. If I were to ever hear her say that she was 'staying home regardless of what I said' - it wouldn't make me mad - it would hurt me. It implies disrespect and underappreciation for what I do and what I miss. My isn't for you, it's for your husband.

 

[Cruz91]

I think its the "tough taffy" comment that got him going.

Neither of you is giving your spouse full partnership. The woman is saying, "the heck with them" and the man is not really valuing his wife's contributions. (I had a gigantic reply written to him, but deleted it, because I could live up on that soap box ).

Anyway, long live true partnership and God bless my husband! And you guys all, too!

I like being on the soap box... there's a better view. And I disagree - I very much value her contributions. Actually - after I read the thread and posted the first time, I sent my wife the following email...

There was a post on the DIS this morning about stay at home moms. Women were talking about how their husbands think they're going back to work when the youngest gets to school - but they have no plan to do so. Talking about how they want to take a cooking class or an exercise program or get free time to themselves. It got me a little mad. None of them realize (or acted like they did) that someone is working hard to let them have the privilege of staying home. I just want to thank you for having perspective and understanding that I miss out on a lot. You are very thankful, and I appreciate that. I also wanted to tell you that I'm thankful the kids have you to be home with them. You do a great job, and they are much better off for it.

Have a great day...

Love you,

j
To which she replied...

Hi babe,
O.k. I'm tired and now I'm crying. That was a very sweet letter. See you do have the coolest wife!! There are also a lot of husbands of stay at home moms that say things like 'my money' and put the guilt on for other things so I'm just as thankful. Have a great day and I can't wait to see you! Dinner ideas?

I love you,

K

I agree with partnership - which MUST include mutual respect.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

The bold is why it was directed to you. What if, for example, your husband came home from work and said, quite simply, "I am staying home now to spend time with MY kids. You have had the last XX years to do so, and now I think it is YOUR turn to go out and provide for XX years while I catch up on time missed." As you pointed out - you are not June Cleaver - so what gives you more of a 'right' to stay home than him?

Please note that nowhere did I say my wife should go "get a job". I recognize that being a SAHM IS a job, and probably the most difficult one out there. My wife has no reason to be jealous, though - I give her the fullest respect always for what she does. I do, however, expect the same from her. If I were to ever hear her say that she was 'staying home regardless of what I said' - it wouldn't make me mad - it would hurt me. It implies disrespect and underappreciation for what I do and what I miss. My isn't for you, it's for your husband.

First of all, my husband would NEVER want to stay home. Period. The kids drive him crazy and he can't handle it. So, I won't even "theorize" with you on that one.

Second, yes, I will stay home regardless of what he says. It's THAT important to me.

I've known that since I had my daughter. I've always known that I wasn't going to get a job the minute the youngest is in school, BUT my husband thinks differently. I'm not even touching the subject right now with him because I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Why cause turmoil when it's so far away?

I'm not disrespecting him or underappreciating him. I love him very much and appreciate everyday what he has given me...the opportunity he has given me...We're an awesome team and I couldn't live one day of my life without him by my side.

Working or not working is a difference of opinion. From the sounds of the replies I got, I guess no one else has ever had that in their marriage. I must be the only one that doesn't blindly go "Yes, dear...whatever you say"

 

[jodifla]

First of all, my husband would NEVER want to stay home. Period. The kids drive him crazy and he can't handle it. So, I won't even "theorize" with you on that one.

Second, yes, I will stay home regardless of what he says. It's THAT important to me.

I've known that since I had my daughter. I've always known that I wasn't going to get a job the minute the youngest is in school, BUT my husband thinks differently. I'm not even touching the subject right now with him because I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Why cause turmoil when it's so far away?

I'm not disrespecting him or underappreciating him. I love him very much and appreciate everyday what he has given me...the opportunity he has given me...We're an awesome team and I couldn't live one day of my life without him by my side.

Working or not working is a difference of opinion. From the sounds of the replies I got, I guess no one else has ever had that in their marriage. I must be the only one that doesn't blindly go "Yes, dear...whatever you say"

Marriage is a lifetime series of negotiations. You don't seem willing to negotiate at all....it's your way or no way.

Hope you're lucky, and your husband doesn't end up resenting you for it down the road.

I'm not "jealous". I'm a SAHM now. DH worked from home the first few years of DS's life. Once DS starts kindergarten in the fall, I'll be looking for work. I know my time at home has caused some financial strain on us, and I want to ease it. I also think it will be good for me to get out of the house. DH has not demanded I do so; he likes having a home-based person.

But I have enough respect for him to pitch in and help the family. Yeah, it would be nice to have every summer free to play with my kid. But it will be nice to build up our savings more.