Another sad ending for a missing girl

[ckay87]

I'm still a helicopter parent and both of my girls are in their early 30's, married and out on their own. I need to know they are safely in their homes when they've been out and about without their husbands. I also plan on being a helicopter grandma. They laugh at me but it eases my mind.

Without their HUSBANDS? Oh the "strong, independent woman" in me is seething. I get your line of thinking, but everything in me revolts against it. I would not be nearly as amused as you think your daughters are. But that's me and I can't help myself either.

 

[mdsoccermom]

My mom wanted me to call when I was working late. So what. I loved that she was concerned about me.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was referring to you. I was under the impression I was referring to a woman who needed her daughters to check in even though they are married.

 

[Mkrop]

Ya know what cut Laura24 some slack, my overprotective mom is the same way. If we leave her house as a family, she doesnt want a phone call that we arrived home safely. If I leave her house by myself, she wants me to call or text, it takes two whole seconds and it makes her happy. I am in no way less independent bc of it. I have no fear except a healthy one of going anywhere or doing anything despite how I was raised.

I asked her to do the same thing...she is independent to a degree, but if she is driving at night, or recently she has been having some knee problems I like to know she got home safe after she left here. I dont track her every movement but I do get jittery about her driving by herself at night and getting back into her home safely as she lives alone. She is 66 soon to be 67 and has been a widow for 20 years.

 

[mickeyboat]

nchulka had it right! All of this calling to make sure adults got home o.k. and driving our kids to a house down the street isn't about keeping our children safe at all. It is all about assuaging our own fears and anxieties.

It is a heck of a lot easier and less stressful for me to just drive my kids to their friend's house than it is to let them walk there, when I will worry the entire time. But the truth is that they are probably statistically safer walking there than they are in my car. Isn't it a little selfish of me to insist on driving them if they really want to walk - just so I don't have to feel anxiety?

That does not mean we should allow our children to do things they are not prepared for or mature enough for. But we are really not doing the safest things for our kids by helicoptering!

 

[goofyintoronto]

I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't care about your facts. My child, my way. She does quite well thank you. When you start paying for her and raising her then you get to make decisions. I can assure you that she will be just as independent and qualified to be a productive citizen as any other kid out there. Only difference, she may be alive where as others may not be. Children are to be protected so they can grow to be adults. AS far as her being in the woods near our house, no thanks, that is where the kids go to do drugs and make out, she doesn't need that go grow up and be successful.

Thats so true. I agree. Very excellent point. Even if a parent is slightly over protective, it doesnt mean the kid wont grow up into an independent adult. Im not raising my kid to be paranoid and afraid of everyone, im raising him to be cautious and aware. My son doesnt have an issue with my rules etc, we never argue about it. So as far as im concerned, everything is fine!

 

[cornflake]

Thats so true. I agree. Very excellent point. Even if a parent is slightly over protective, it doesnt mean the kid wont grow up into an independent adult. Im not raising my kid to be paranoid and afraid of everyone, im raising him to be cautious and aware. My son doesnt have an issue with my rules etc, we never argue about it. So as far as im concerned, everything is fine!

Based on what though? The part about kids raised by overprotective parents will not have issues with independence.

Because I've seen that - kids who weren't allowed out, kids whose parents did everything for them (there was often overlap there - I'm not talking about posters here but in people I've seen there seemed to be crossover between the not letting out alone, and treating in a very babylike manner overall, like doing the laundry and cooking for [and not allowing them to cook], shopping for, the person never bought groceries by themselves, ever, never went to the drugstore, etc.) and then the kids get to college and are hamstrung. They don't know how to do the most basic things, they're scared of everything, they're way judgemental (about people going out, talking to a "stranger", etc.), they prefer to stay in their rooms because it's safer, don't want to go out at night, in town, to a strange place, etc.

 

[nchulka]

I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't care about your facts. My child, my way. She does quite well thank you. When you start paying for her and raising her then you get to make decisions. I can assure you that she will be just as independent and qualified to be a productive citizen as any other kid out there. Only difference, she may be alive where as others may not be. Children are to be protected so they can grow to be adults. AS far as her being in the woods near our house, no thanks, that is where the kids go to do drugs and make out, she doesn't need that go grow up and be successful.

So you get to state your opinion on a message board, but no one who disagrees with you can

Sure you can raise your kid any way you want, but I'm just telling you that what you are doing isn't really based on reality, just based on your FEELINGS!

So by being overprotective that is a guarantee that she will live a long full life?? Wow, you must really have some amazing powers! Usually helicopter parents tend to have somewhat of a god complex

That's pretty sad that the woods near your house are filled with bored teens doing illegal activities, our woods are filled with kids catching tadpoles in the creek, and building treehouse forts!

 

[FireDancer]

Now I see where those loons that bring their 10 year old sons into the ladies room come from. This thread is like watching the prequel to that disaster.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Now I see where those loons that bring their 10 year old sons into the ladies room come from. This thread is like watching the prequel to that disaster.

Lol! Thats funny.

Based on what though? The part about kids raised by overprotective parents will not have issues with independence.

Because I've seen that - kids who weren't allowed out, kids whose parents did everything for them (there was often overlap there - I'm not talking about posters here but in people I've seen there seemed to be crossover between the not letting out alone, and treating in a very babylike manner overall, like doing the laundry and cooking for [and not allowing them to cook], shopping for, the person never bought groceries by themselves, ever, never went to the drugstore, etc.) and then the kids get to college and are hamstrung. They don't know how to do the most basic things, they're scared of everything, they're way judgemental (about people going out, talking to a "stranger", etc.), they prefer to stay in their rooms because it's safer, don't want to go out at night, in town, to a strange place, etc.

I do know ppl who were protective yet their kids turned out to be normal independent adults. It is possible. I dont think im that bad!! Just looking at my son's personality, i cant see him turning into a paranoid little hermit as an adult. Just because a parent doesnt let their kid wander the streets where ever they please and as long as they please, it doesnt mean theyre moulding their kid into a paranoid hermit. Lol. I think im giving my son a good balance of both. To each their own right.

 

[Mkrop]

Based on what though? The part about kids raised by overprotective parents will not have issues with independence.

Because I've seen that - kids who weren't allowed out, kids whose parents did everything for them (there was often overlap there - I'm not talking about posters here but in people I've seen there seemed to be crossover between the not letting out alone, and treating in a very babylike manner overall, like doing the laundry and cooking for [and not allowing them to cook], shopping for, the person never bought groceries by themselves, ever, never went to the drugstore, etc.) and then the kids get to college and are hamstrung. They don't know how to do the most basic things, they're scared of everything, they're way judgemental (about people going out, talking to a "stranger", etc.), they prefer to stay in their rooms because it's safer, don't want to go out at night, in town, to a strange place, etc.

I was raised by the most overprotective mother on the planet. My dad forced me to do some things but she was superoverprotective. She got worse when my dad died, my brothers were 12 and 8. I am happy to announce that all 3 of us are happy, productive, well traveled people. None of us did anything for ourselves until we were out of college or moved out of the house, we now own our homes except my one brother who rents an apt. We all do our own laundry, cook and clean!

According to you this is a miracle...maybe we should call the Pope

 

[pigletgirl]

I'm still a helicopter parent and both of my girls are in their early 30's, married and out on their own. I need to know they are safely in their homes when they've been out and about without their husbands. I also plan on being a helicopter grandma. They laugh at me but it eases my mind.

For real?

It's very sad to see these kids being victims to these really perverted acts, but you cannot protect your kid from everything. You can do your best but at the end of the day things do happen.

Thank your lucky stars each night!!

 

[holycow]

A Little girl has lost her life.

2 families lives are destroyed and all you nut jobs can argue about is being over protective or not.


My heart goes out to both of these families. Just so heartbreaking.

 

[FireDancer]

2 mothers lives are destroyed

Are the fathers dancing a happy jig and giving people high-5's?

 

[holycow]

I'll go back and change.

 

[Rylee]

Argue much? Take it somewhere else... start a different thread.

I came here to check for quick updates and see if any statements have been released.

WOW.


Prayers and Peaceful Memories to Autumn's Family.

 

[Rylee]

A Little girl has lost her life.

2 families lives are destroyed and all you nut jobs can argue about is being over protective or not.


My heart goes out to both of these families. Just so heartbreaking.

 

[mhsjax]

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was referring to you. I was under the impression I was referring to a woman who needed her daughters to check in even though they are married.

Well you were, but since this applied to me, I thought I would give my opinion, from the other side. Excuse me.

 

[mhsjax]

So you get to state your opinion on a message board, but no one who disagrees with you can

Sure you can raise your kid any way you want, but I'm just telling you that what you are doing isn't really based on reality, just based on your FEELINGS!

So by being overprotective that is a guarantee that she will live a long full life?? Wow, you must really have some amazing powers! Usually helicopter parents tend to have somewhat of a god complex

That's pretty sad that the woods near your house are filled with bored teens doing illegal activities, our woods are filled with kids catching tadpoles in the creek, and building treehouse forts!

I stated my opinion about being a helicopter parent, I didn't state it disagreeing with anyone, but yet someone ( oh yeah, it was you) took my post and disagreed with me. If you all don't want my opinion back after quoting my post, then don't quote. Simple. Have a good day.

Oh and don't feel bad about our teens here, we have great kids. I wouldn't live anywhere else, but we do have just a few that do this, just as you do, if not now then soon, because as you well know, and you all love to tell us helicopter parents, that it isn't any different now then it was when we were growing up, and trust me the woods had kids smoking pot and making out, it will never change. OH yeah, hard to catch tadpoles when these isn't any water or creek. Those tree house forts will be make out stand before too long.

 

[nchulka]

I stated my opinion about being a helicopter parent, I didn't state it disagreeing with anyone, but yet someone ( oh yeah, it was you) took my post and disagreed with me. If you all don't want my opinion back after quoting my post, then don't quote. Simple. Have a good day.

I'm always glad to see someone respond back after I have quoted them. I would be very interested in a discussion of the issue. What was so odd was that your response was to say that you weren't interested in hearing anyone's opinion on your post!

If you think you are doing the best you can do for your child by providing a sedentary lifestyle of being chauffeured everywhere (real dangers-like car accidents, greater air pollution, and all variety of health issues due to inactivity) over imagined dangers like strangers lurking around every corner, then go for it. I do understand where you are coming from, you are consumed by FEAR, you need to fight it and do the right thing for your child, don't let your anxiety cripple our future generations!

 

[Laura24]

The term helicopter parent REALLY makes me laugh for some reason. LMAO!




Anywho, im just curious about something...do your daughters inform you every time they have plans to go out? I suppose they do, cause how else would you know theyre going out right? Lol. And when they return, do they call you or text you to tell you that theyre home safe? you must have a close relationship with them. Im just curious, thats all.

A simple text...one word...home. We do have a close relationship, love to chat and be in touch. To clarify my worry, it's usually my oldest daughter that I helicopter over more. Her DH works late hours a couple of nights a week and I just worry about her alone. Peace of mind. No matter what age, how independent they are, you never stop worrying.